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I am literally at the end of my rope here [Workplace Harassment]
silence1186
Character shields down!As a wingmanRegistered User regular
Character shields down!As a wingmanRegistered User regular
Ugh, I feel like I'm caught in a terrible place at work.
A little back story. When I hold the door open for my boss (this is required of me) as he goes in and out of the building I work at, he jabs me in the stomach because he thinks it's funny to see me tense up and react violently (I guess he was a bully when he was in school?). I have asked him, increasingly more seriously, to stop doing this as it's something I'm extremely uncomfortable with, since I don't like being touched, especially in my stomach area since it elicits an extreme nervous response. He has since escalated to throwing feints and fake outs at me, punching me and pulling just short of touching me, which still more or less elicits the same response from me, while he counters "Oh I didn't ACTUALLY touch you." The final straw was when he was yelling at me for some petty thing and he tells me "get in line or I'll hit you for real." My boss just threatened my physical person and thinks it's OK. I am a nervous wreck now, and I feel like I'm going to get ill over this.
Am I overreacting? Should I go to HIS boss? To my union? Get a lawyer/talk to police? I'm sure if I make an issue over this, and he does not end up being fired, I will find myself looking for a job in short order due to a reprisal firing.
tl;dr: Boss at work won't stop jabbing me in the stomach no matter what I say, has threatened my physical person.
Thanks in advance for any insights.
A little back story. When I hold the door open for my boss (this is required of me) as he goes in and out of the building I work at, he jabs me in the stomach because he thinks it's funny to see me tense up and react violently (I guess he was a bully when he was in school?). I have asked him, increasingly more seriously, to stop doing this as it's something I'm extremely uncomfortable with, since I don't like being touched, especially in my stomach area since it elicits an extreme nervous response. He has since escalated to throwing feints and fake outs at me, punching me and pulling just short of touching me, which still more or less elicits the same response from me, while he counters "Oh I didn't ACTUALLY touch you." The final straw was when he was yelling at me for some petty thing and he tells me "get in line or I'll hit you for real." My boss just threatened my physical person and thinks it's OK. I am a nervous wreck now, and I feel like I'm going to get ill over this.
Am I overreacting? Should I go to HIS boss? To my union? Get a lawyer/talk to police? I'm sure if I make an issue over this, and he does not end up being fired, I will find myself looking for a job in short order due to a reprisal firing.
tl;dr: Boss at work won't stop jabbing me in the stomach no matter what I say, has threatened my physical person.
Thanks in advance for any insights.
silence1186 on
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You aren't overreacting, what your boss is doing is bullshit, and you're half right - it's not that he was a bully, it's that he still is.
And IANAL, but him saying "Oh I didn't ACTUALLY touch you" means jack shit. That's still assault.
There is no HR department. Management is sort of lateral.
Board (more than 1) ~= Union ~= Management company boss technically works for
Boss (1)
Employees
How document? Surely you don't mean just a journal?
The last thing you want your complaint to be is just generalities, because those are easy to weasel out of or hand-wave away. I didn't have a union to go through, but I did have an HR department, so that might change how you'll approach it. Someone might have more specific advice for dealing with a union in a case like this.
Union!
This is what your union is for. It is there to protect you when you feel standing up for yourself will put your job at risk.
Write down all incidents that you remember from memory first and then keep a journal of all future events.
Include when you have/have had discussions with him about his behavior and any other threats.
Any competent business will do the same about anything important related to their work to cover their ass.
Take this with IANAL but any further threats of physical violence should be filed with the police (though you have a union and such and can probably get specific legal advise through them). The police are unlikely to do anything with just your word but having an official complaint of this can be useful if it goes somewhere.
Bosses can threaten to fire you, cut your hours, demote you, transfer you and other shit related to work if they do not like your performance. They can yell at you about how terrible your performance is (even if this is not a terribly effective way to motivate people). They can even say they are disappointed in your performance and expected better out of you (I heard this once from a boss I respected and it hurt the most).
They are not allowed to threaten or perform physical violence.
I feel you have handled this correctly so far, except not recording the specific events, by trying to reason with and explain your position to him. You are in the right and just need to figure out how to resolve this the correct way. Good luck, start working on this as soon as possible, and if you just need a place to vent we are here (or more importantly tell your friends and family as much as you are comfortable with and look for emotional support there).
I hear what you're saying here, but this guy has a union. His boss can't technically even do half of this stuff. He needs to talk to his union rep like whoa.
This. Super this.
Also, start writing everything down: times, dates, his actions, your actions, lighting, how it made you feel, if anyone was with him, if there were any witnesses, their names, everything.
Even when you 'win', you don't always win.
I also agree Union. They should know how to deal with it. Maybe as a courtesy also his boss, but I would talk to your rep first.
Like others have said, the journal / record is just written notes. It keeps a clear record of what happened going forward. Some questions you could be asked would be things like "How many times in the last week/month?" "Who else was there?" "Does this happen to other people?", etc. Personally, I can't tell you what I had for dinner last week, let alone important things like these.
The biggest thing, is do NOT embellish. You can get in trouble for inappropriate touching (uninvited to the shoulder or knee), let alone a jab. That's not ok.
I hope you've got some good stewards/reps. A good Union Rep can mean the world and a half. I can't tell you how much I owe my Union Reps from back at Verizon.
Document everything, and pretty much what everybody else is saying.
This is what your Union is for. Use them.
Democrats Abroad! || Vote From Abroad
When you are done talking to the security vegtable, see the Union as well.
Also, you may want to go see a lawyer for a free consultation.
But why are you "required" to hold the door for him? Is he missing limbs or something?
and if you have any coworkers you trust not to blow the lid on this, have them sign off on it if/when they witness this behavior-- that would completely kill any chance of the he-said/she-said bullshit coming down against you.
http://www.fcc.gov/encyclopedia/understanding-workplace-harassment-fcc-staff
But this guy really isn't, yes? I mean his behaviour is just begging for a lawsuit it seems.
Oh I totally acted like a prick and did things I shouldn't have, unions are the worst thing to ever happen to America.
While it is mildly inappropriate for him to be rough housing with you without your consent, it does (on paper) sound like an overreaction to a common form of male bonding.
Now, you can get legal and sue and everything. Your career is probably over at that point in that company however. You'll have spooked any male managers from wanting to work with you (they'll hear your boss' story first and be more likely to sympathize with him). You'll be THAT guy.
So let's take a step back. You mentioned an extreme aversion to being touched. My advice, first of all, is to get some counseling for that. Do you have many male friends? It seems to me that you're processing your boss trying to be friendly as an attack. Now, I don't know either of you and I haven't witnessed to events so I can't say that it is that way for certain. What I can say is that it looks on paper like an overreaction.
You'd probably go a lot further if you could reciprocate in some manner. He goes for the low stomach feint and you slap him in the back of the head with a smile. I guess what I'm getting at is, "You catch more flies with honey than vinegar."
What kind of work is it, any way?
If you've said it makes you uncomfortable, and he keeps at it, he's definitely in line for a reprimand if not a lawsuit. and the threat? that's hostile work environment. talk to your union rep, see what they say.
if you have no desire to keep your job, and want to stick it to the company, talk to a lawyer. I'm sure there are lots of them out there that would salivate over a case like this.
That said, I think Derrick's advice is sound in so far as this: Regardless of whether you decide to stick it to your boss/the company, I would recommend looking for another job with a better future, one where it isn't part of your duties to hold the door open for pricks.
OP, there's no overreaction here. If something makes you uncomfortable, its inappropriate behavior end of story
Go to your Union, like, yesterday. They need to know, and agreed that you should try to jot down everything you remember. When it started, specific incidents, how long ago you began asking him to stop, how he responded to you asking for it to stop.
As this is something highly personal, it won't be easy, but I would try to aim to write out the specifics as exactly as you recall them. Try not to embelish, just state it as best you can. Clinically, as it were, or as though you were writing about it happening to someone else. How it makes you feel is clearly the cornerstone of the issue, and I'm not saying you shouldn't note that or express yourself, but a good starting point is probably from the closest thing to neutral ground as you can find.
I am no longer part of the union, but I do work with a union environment present. This is absolutely a part of what they're intended to be for; to help and protect you when you're being mistreated at work. Being physically assaulted on a regular basis by your boss is not part of your job description, and he doesn't get to do that because it makes him feel like a big man or whatever.
Be that guy. No reason not to. This isn't a time to pat guys on the ass, we're not playing baseball and we're not friends. Fuck you, learn respect for me.
Alternatively, once this is reported to the HR and union, I'd probably stop holding the door for him even if it was required and then probably go nuclear at that point if there was no resolution.
First, as others have said, go to your Union rep ASAP. It's a bit difficult to document after the fact, but it would pay to do it now, be as specific as you can be. You'll need this when you go to your Union - specificity helps.
Second, where do you work? In the US? If so, what state? States have different labor laws (see: Right to work), although reprisal firings from reporting abuse are usually viewed very unfavorably (depending on what you can prove in court, should it go there).
And as others have asked: Why must you hold the door for him? Are you a doorman/valet?
This is workplace bullying, plain and simple. Take it up the chain to your Union as quickly as you can.
I work in a blue collar environment, and I'm here to tell you, if you went to my boss and said, "A guy is making little punchy motions at me when he walks by, and it makes me jump, because I don't like being touched," he's gonna laugh it off. Or tell you to get off his rig. Or tell everybody at the next safety meeting, "There's been a lot of fucking around this week. Stop fucking around" and that would be the end of it.
You don't have to like everyone you work with and not everything that makes you uncomfortable or annoyed is or should be considered harassment.
Obviously it depends a bit on the context and scope of your job, as well. Why are you required to hold the door for him if his hands aren't full?
I host a podcast about movies.
While this is holds true ~90% of the time, in this case it is most likely not some form of male bonding. As the OP has stated, he has explained to his boss that he is uncomfortable with it and the boss still does it (probably his way of showing "dominance"). Any good boss would understand and respect an employees wishes not to be threatened or harassed like that. Go to the union, as has been said before. Also look for another job in case they are unable to help.
PSN: rlinkmanl
I agree the workplace matters but I think the key thing is that while he's doing it, he's not stopping after being told to. One, maybe twice, fine it's different bonding/rough housing. But any manager/supervisor needs to listen to his employees.
In reality, the guy won't get in any trouble over this because it's totally subjective and basically stupid to any third party who isn't him or his boss.
The OP is going to come off to HR or his steward as a twitchy little wuss who is probably the actual problem, and get himself flagged as a troublemaker. The attitude is going to be "you're wasting clock time and money on something that two grownass men should be able to figure out, you're the problem"
It's not nice, it's not right, and I neither think that way myself nor fully endorse the worldview, so please understand that my pessimistic assessment is not a cosigning.
I host a podcast about movies.
Don't condone this behavior. OP solved this like a grown ass man, the other grown ass man ignored it and kept doing it because he's a fuckstick.
Even then, while I hope it works out for sil, there is a decent chance that people sitting in judgement over a suit like that feel that it was just fun little games, and that sil is too uptight.
It's not right, but like Johnny has illustrated, there is a decent chance that it turns out that way; I endorse the "find a new job" line of thought.
TylerJ on League of Legends (it's free and fun!)
OP should be getting his union rep and HR involved because this kind of shit turns to nightmares when it hits the lawyer level.
Also you put far too much stock in this current economic climate "Get a new job" whilst probably a good idea probably is not at all possible, or practical, and let's face it, is terrible advice.
So is "just deal with it, like a man."
I don't think anyone has said "man up" exactly. I believe the closest was someone suggesting he figure out why he didn't like being touched, but that's probably not a practical or immediate solution. I hope you're right though bowen. Good luck sil!
TylerJ on League of Legends (it's free and fun!)