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Fiancee only ever wants to sleep
Romantic Undead
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Hey guys,
I've been putting off talking about this for a while now, but it's gotten to the point where it's seriously starting to worry me, so I thought I'd come to you unwashed masses to see if there's anyone else who is having similar experiences to mine/my fiancee's.
My fiancee and I have been together for 5 years now, and things are great, but I'm really starting to worry about her sleeping habits. Specifically, that all she ever wants to do is sleep. That is, any time she has any free time at all, it's naptime.
Potentially relevant background info:
- She works full time in a retail environment, where she is on her feet all the time, but the sleeping problem predates this fact.
- She has developped a bit of a mary-jane dependancy (which she has acknowledged and we're working on getting that under control)
- She is currently on anti-depressants (Welbutrin, I believe, but I'm not 100% sure)
- She's not particularly fit, but not overweight. (i.e. a bit of flab, but not obese)
I did a bit of research and found no specific link between Welbutrin and somnolence, unless she's overdosing, and while I'm well aware of the drowsy effects of weed, I feel that her behaviour is far more severe than what can be ascribed to daily toking.
Am I overreacting here? I've been pressuring her to go see a doctor, but she's reticent to do so. Any advice?
I've been putting off talking about this for a while now, but it's gotten to the point where it's seriously starting to worry me, so I thought I'd come to you unwashed masses to see if there's anyone else who is having similar experiences to mine/my fiancee's.
My fiancee and I have been together for 5 years now, and things are great, but I'm really starting to worry about her sleeping habits. Specifically, that all she ever wants to do is sleep. That is, any time she has any free time at all, it's naptime.
Potentially relevant background info:
- She works full time in a retail environment, where she is on her feet all the time, but the sleeping problem predates this fact.
- She has developped a bit of a mary-jane dependancy (which she has acknowledged and we're working on getting that under control)
- She is currently on anti-depressants (Welbutrin, I believe, but I'm not 100% sure)
- She's not particularly fit, but not overweight. (i.e. a bit of flab, but not obese)
I did a bit of research and found no specific link between Welbutrin and somnolence, unless she's overdosing, and while I'm well aware of the drowsy effects of weed, I feel that her behaviour is far more severe than what can be ascribed to daily toking.
Am I overreacting here? I've been pressuring her to go see a doctor, but she's reticent to do so. Any advice?
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Yep, every single day. She comes home from work, says "hi hun, going to bed". I make supper, she comes down to eat, we watch tv and she may or may not nap during that time. If I want to play games, she's napping on the couch. On weekends / days off, she sleeps until 12 or 1.
Yeah, especially the come down from it.
Has she seen a doctor about it? She might not be getting good sleep at night (REM stage sleep), so that could be a cause as well.
You might want to look into it, but I think you are overreacting a little bit, unless it is effecting her job or other serious aspects of her life. But if she is doing well at her job and still social with friends and family, I don't think there is anything wrong with having naptime during freetime.
However, don't pressure her to go to the doctor. Absolutely suggest it and frame it that you're concerned about her, but if you're really harping/nagging about it it's may make less enthusiastic or even resistant to seeking medical help.
I know I'm supposed to take iron pills for extra energy
also, does she need glasses maybe? Not having glasses when you need em will zonk you out in a hurry.
She's very nervous about seeing her doctor about it, as we both suspect it is related to her weed usage. I try explaining patient-doctor priviledge to her and that she's not at risk of getting into trouble by telling her doc about her weed habit, but she still is nervous about talking to her about it.
As for it affecting her job, it most definately did when she was working at an office job before, she would continuously take days off when she couldn't get up in the morning. It was a huge breakthrough for us to realise she wasn't fit for an office position and got her job in retail. Obviously, she's taken a huge paycut to work retail, but she's happier for it so to me, that's worth the sacrifice.
And yes, she often does cancel social outings due to rather wanting to stay in and sleep. More than once have I had to goad her to go out and often, when we do, she'll look for reasons to go home as soon as possible. It's not completely disruptive, but it's definately noticeable. It's actually become a bit of a running joke with our friends when they call. "Hey Romund, is your wife awake?"
Also, could be narcolepsy or any number of other medical conditions that have nothing to do with her toking.
Or it could be that she works hard, doesn't exercise, smokes weed and drinks.
If I were you I would try two weeks of things like, working out (even if it's walking or light jogging or something) along with a regulated sleep schedule. What I mean is that you sleep for 'x' amount of hours every day, wake up at the same time. This will help tighten your daily hormonal secretion and would make her feel better.
If that doesn't help then I'd get her in for some laboratory testing.
Yeah, the weed issue is definitely a big one. She self-identifies as a stoner and consumes pothead culture. We've talked about it multiple times and she acknowledges it as an issue but getting her to actually commit to reducing her intake has been less than productive. She thanked me the other day for not "nagging" her about it, which tells me she is concious of my concerns, but her usage has not abated much if at all.
Exercise is a different beast alltogether. I'm overweight and loathe exercise, so I would feel like a hypocrite for trying to get her to work out when I don't. Obviously this is another obstacle that we both need to work on and I plan to. We have a dog though, so I do try and make a point of getting some exercise in when I take her (the dog) out, but it's not nearly enough.
e: You also can't make her go to the doctor, but eventually the script for Wellbutrin is going to run out and she'll have to go back to get it filled.
This guy. It seems, and I'm not a doctor, that it's a combination of everything going on her daily life. Being on her feet all day may not be active enough, either. She should definitely see her PCP or whoever handles her welbutrin and talk to them about the sleeping issues to see if it's depression and she needs to up the dosage or change medicines. Eating habits too might be playing in. Does she snack? Is it apples, or chips?
Personally I'd say drop the weed, start a moderate exercise routine (even if it's only 30-60 minutes of walking a day), and get in touch with the doctor to see what else can be doing.
This.
Obviously this is something you've talked to her about before, and it seems it's been to the point of her getting defensive by saying you're "nagging" her; that's going to be an obstacle you will have to overcome. But she needs to see a doctor.
It could be something that isn't even weed related, and a doctor will be the only one who can determine if that's the case (and that's step 1 IMO).
Not that I think fitness level is the issue here but weight does really say little about being fir or not. You can be slim but have the fitness level of a sofa or big massive while still being very fit (think football players). To be fit one needs to excersise regualy or perform a job that has you moving all the time.
Ok then, to be more specific, she has a job that keeps her on her feet all day, but she does little to no exercise outside of that and occasionally walking the dog.
She occasionally tends to forget entire conversations we've had or movies/shows we've watched.
For example, we'd be watching Breaking Bad and something will come up and she'll say "when did this happen?" and I'll answer "last episode" to which she'll say "I don't remember that at all!".
That's weed. Nothing abnormal about that. It messes with your memory
Textbook marijuana changing memory. Common with pretty much all illicit drug use, prescription based or not.
If she's on a prescription, can I assume she's in some sort of therapy? You mentioned encouraging her to see a doctor, but an actual therapist (if that's not what you meant) might be an option worth exploring for her to address all of these issues more holistically.
Wellbutrin is an atypical antidepressant. This leaves either it's not working and she's still depressed with self medication, the medication is working too well and is producing somnolence, or there is a third pathology in play.
From her inappropriate social interactions (constantly canceling plans due to fatigue) and poor job performance in the office position due to frequently taking days off due to fatigue puts me on the path of other pathology.
I'm not going to say that is for sure, certainly the unhealthy lifestyle and drug use is a factor, but it's worth stopping weed for a while to find out, yeah?
I don't think it's the Wellbutrin, either, unless she's taking several times the prescribed dose. Out of curiosity, how long has she been on it?
I had symptoms like that before my tonsillectomy and it was sleep apnea related.
I host a podcast about movies.
Not that I have noticed, however, I do. Now I've purchased nose strips to try and help control it, and I make a concerted effort to sleep on my side, but it's not 100%, so I definiately see how this can be a contributing factor.
I'm not an MD, my doctorate is in smoochin' babes.
Nope, which is part of the problem, she has a doctor aversion. Whether due to embarrassement or laziness though, I'm not sure.
that much sleep is really not a healthy thing, whether it's her depression meds or something wrong with her body, she really needs to get checked out.
1) She is doing much more pot than she lets you know about. She knows you don't like her doing it as much as she does so she hides some of her use.
2) Sleep Apnea as others have mentioned. My father had it and would fall asleep while in a conversation, forget things all the time and was tired all the time. If you truly think it is not weed related you might have her consult a doctor to see if she is a candidate for a sleep clinic.
Thyroid issues, anemia, diabetes, etc.
Well, in fact, this was considered. She hated her office job (data entry). I encouraged her to think about other things she would like to do. Her office work was seasonal, so, during one of her breaks, I pretty much forced her to get a part-time job, both to supplement my income and also because I didn't like seeing her in pajamas all day lazing around. She finally got a part-time retail job which she discovered she loved. When time came for her full-time job to resume, she still couldn't stand it, so I encouraged her to have her part-time upgraded to full time and for her to quit her office job. An opportunity came up at her part-time job and she took it, subsequently quitting her office job.
Now, she's much, much happier at work, which is awesome, but it doesn't yet seem to have had a positive effect on her sleeping habits.
So basically, I've been working on a list of what the potential issues could be:
- her depression medication isn't working properly / too well
- solution: get thee to thy doctor (challenging)
- her life satisfaction isn't where it should be
- solution: work in progress. Getting a job she actually enjoys seems to have helped a lot with this. Alternative: seek out professionaly advice (challenging)
- She's not getting restful sleep
- solution: possibly my fault for snoring. Purchased nose strips and making concerted effort to sleep on side.
- She's (we're) out of shape
- solution: work on an exercise / healthy living regimen that is palatable (challenging)
However, there are a number of concerns that there are more serious underlying issues, all of which require her to make a (more than half-hearted) visit to her doctor's.
I guess the core of the issue here is that I'm more worried about this than she is, so, ultimately, I think what I'm asking for here is perhaps you guys can give me advice on how to convince someone to take their health more seriously.
You should really consider the marriage thing carefully because this could be a life-long pattern for her.
But again, you cannot force someone to change. If she is fine with how she is living and your not being fine with it is not enough to force her to do something about it.... you know the outcome.
I wouldn't want you to get too alarmed, but Kaliyama makes a reasonable point. A partner's inability to care for his or her self will absolutely hurt you in the long run. Depression can spread. Living with a depressed person - especially a spouse - can be a terrible burden on your own ability to be happy and productive.
I have to imagine from your posts that you've had numerous conversations about the ramifications of her choices for her; however, I wonder if you've clearly articulated the consequences of her choices for you - her partner - personally. Right now she's doing what she needs to do in order to make her own life bearable, but it is not at all unreasonable for her to be considering what those choices mean for her future husband. You say that this concerns you more that it does her. Does she know this? Is she aware of the extent of your concern and what it's caused you to feel? You need to know that she can manage behaviors that might have a seriously detrimental long-term effect on her partner. If that can't motivate her then I'm not really sure what to say.
One partner is not the guarantor of the other's happiness, but a functional unit requires an awareness of the other's needs. If you haven't yet, have a non-confrontational conversation wherein you explain precisely how this is all making you feel. Don't ask that she snap out of it, don't get pissed, don't make accusations (not that you would). State the record and what the effects have been on you and how that's making you feel about the dynamic of your relationship such that, for the sake of her health and her partner's, she might take whatever corrective action is best for her. In this case, professional attention seems to be the course. Be supportive and think long-term. Express your patience and mean it because this won't get solved overnight. What's much more important is that she express (and eventually enact) her willingness to help herself for her own sake as well as yours.
Edit: yeah what Figgy said.
The interaction between marijuana and anti-depresents worry me abit though, as marijuana is a depresent.
e: Also, she needs to tell her doctor she is a regular marijuana user. It's very important. A doctor isn't going to "Turn you in", and a good doctor will accept your life style choice, but give you good advice...the fact is, he/she NEEDS to know you smoke regularly to prescribe things like anti-depresents. It's very important.
Out of my (anecdotal, obviously) experience, I'd have to say people who smoke weed a lot are a lot more resistant to the secondary effects of it, and don't tend to fall asleep because they got high. It's mostly people who rarely smoke it that get that 'get high, taper off, pass out' thing. But it's sure easy to test, if you can get her to quit for a week or so to see what the results are.
And while it messes with your memory, someone who sleeps constantly and forgets conversations on top of episodes they watch? Well, to me that sounds like alcoholism, frankly, not pot smoking. Now, she's your fiance, so you obviously know if she's drinking a lot because you can't hide the smell of alcohol. But anyhow, if she smells of it regularly, I'd be a whole lot more concerned about that than some pot.
Get her to exercise. It makes a huge difference in your energy level. Get her to do three sets of 15 squats, sit-ups, and push-ups (angle push-ups to start since few people who don't work out can do 15 push-ups, let alone 45) every day. Do it together with her. Just make it a thing you do. Explain to her that even this minor amount of exercise will extend her life considerably and improve said life. It's a really simple trick and it's amazing the difference it makes in both the energy level and fitness of someone who doesn't otherwise work out. And it takes very little time to do. Seriously, anyone here who doesn't exercise? Try doing this in the mornings. You won't believe the difference it makes in a month.
On top of that, as has already been stated and you have made clear you are aware, she needs to see a doctor. I'd do that before anything else. Get her in, make sure she's not outright diabetic or something. I don't like doctors either, but it's downright irresponsible not to at least be aware of your current state of health.
Plus I think it may be illegal for a doctor to say anything unless subpoenaed and even then, they may not have to.
Yeah, the benefits of your doctor knowing you smoke far outweigh any risk of your doctor getting raided in a weed smoking patient sting and him being forced to tell on you.
I see people make this comment a lot, and it always bugs me. Maybe I'm an idiot and the incorrect one (which could be very likely, if so, please educate me).
Weed is a depressant as in, it depresses your brain cells or nervous system....not makes you depressed. That's why your reactions are slower. People make the same comment about alcohol all the time too
The fact is that anti-depresents are meant to help counter both the mental depression, and the physical depression. Marijuana absolutely effects the physical depression, and is scientifically known to interact very strangely with many anti-depressive medications. There are certain SSRI's that are rendered almost useless with heavy marijuana use (I am not sure if Welbutron is on that list, I've never taken an SSRI, so never done deep research like that).
The fact your remains, the OP's girlfriend needs to be up front with her doctor about the pot usage. It's very important. Shouldn't be treated any different than any other drug you take regularly that your doctor needs to know about, like Priolosec or Zyrtec.
That said, a lot of problems can be fixed by altering (for the better) one's diet, sleeping habits, and exercise. Stopping smoking wouldn't hurt either.