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Ethical Question
LondonBridge
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Of course most of you know of my cheating wife and so far she is still living with me till the end of the month as she didn't have the resources to move out last month. Sucks, I know.
Anyways, I've been using the Actual Keylogger program to track her interweb movement while on the PC. It's what helped me discover her cheating and I still kept it running while she lives with me.
This morning I check the keylogger and I found all the logs gone! I'm think I either left it open like a dumbass and she deleted them or it automatically deleted the logs which I hope is the latter. Anyways, am I in the wrong for running the keylogger? I feel guilty that I may have been caught so I'm wondering how I should act if she confronts me with it?
Anyways, I've been using the Actual Keylogger program to track her interweb movement while on the PC. It's what helped me discover her cheating and I still kept it running while she lives with me.
This morning I check the keylogger and I found all the logs gone! I'm think I either left it open like a dumbass and she deleted them or it automatically deleted the logs which I hope is the latter. Anyways, am I in the wrong for running the keylogger? I feel guilty that I may have been caught so I'm wondering how I should act if she confronts me with it?
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If you don't want her using your computer, don't let her use your computer, but don't pull that controlling, manipulative, passive-aggressive spying bullshit.
You're getting divorced either way. Mind your own god damn business.
Seriously. If you had kids I would have to kick you in the jaw for the totally needless drama you're creating by doing this. As it stands I only feel compelled to tell you you're totally in the wrong.
...so tell her she can't use your pc.
She's her own person. If she decided to cheat on you, that's her decision. Sorry it didn't work out for you. In the future you might want to engage in relationships which feature more trust and honesty between both partners so that one isn't spying while the other is trying to get away with shit.
Either way -- the spying is despicable and needs to stop, especially now that the divorce is in the works and she'll be leaving your home soon.
PS -- SHE IS NOT YOUR PROPERTY.
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its been already said but password on the boot up, i hasd to do this last year thanks to a rather obnoxious ex housemate. god she was a pain in the arse.
unless you have a prenup, that possessive attitude is going cause you untold amounts of stress in the future.
Yes, you were wrong. You know that already, that is why you feel guilty.
If you worry about her using it. Put a password on it or tell her to get her own computer.
And I agree, thats pretty low dude.
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If you co-own it it's not ok.
However, unlike everyone else, I'll tell you I understand why you did what you did, but if you don't solely own the machine then you're still in the wrong.
Why is it assholish to do stuff with YOUR stuff.
Do you lock your doors at night? What if I want to stay there and rub one out?
It's not really the same thing, but if it's fully HIS, then it's a case of user beware.
Do you surf porn on someone else's computer? No because it's theirs. Can you? Sure, but they will probably find out about it. Can they put a key logger on their computer? Yeah they sure can.
So their should be no level of trust between a husband and wife? Im pretty sure my wife would get pissed if I started tracking her every move.
Is it wrong to look through your cached files if someone else was using your computer?
Is it wrong to use the URL history feature on your browser if someone else was using your computer?
I'll agree with the others in that if this was installed on _her_ computer, then that's probably questionable ethically and legally, but if it was on your own computer, I say you have the right to do what the fuck you want on your own box. srsly. If she was stupid enough to plan her escapades on your box, that's too damn bad for her.
I mean.
It's your shower.
I like where this is going.
But you're right in this case. That is a wrong thing to do. Like if you had a chick over to your home to fuck and filmed it. I mean, she's accepting the invite right?
I just don't think it's wrong to put a key logger on your machine if you are the sole owener. This hasn't been established yet though.
She cheated on him. There shouldn't be a level of trust now. That's what cheating does.
And realistically she shouldn't even be living with him still.
Before he found out she was cheating on him, not before she was cheating on him. There's a difference.
I don't see too much of a problem with that, as long as he understands that as soon as he feels the need to start spying on his wife, the relationship is pretty much dead already regardless of what she is actually doing.
At this point, though, I'd just set a password on it. If she wants to use a computer, she can go to the goddamn library.
THEY AREN'T IN A COMMITTED RELATIONSHIP
He used the keylogger before he even knew she was cheating. He just never quit doing it after the fact.
Them still living together has nothing to do with it.
If you put the keylogger on the computer after you knew of your wife's affair, then you are still totally and one hundred percent in the wrong. But. I can understand that after finding out about an affair, you might not be thinking entirely rationally, and so might have stepped over a line that you wouldn't have otherwise. Please note the distinction between 'understand' and 'condone'.
If the computer is yours (as in not partially owned by your wife -- and she's not going to be able to claim otherwise), then you should lock her out of it. If it's something that she might have a reasonable claim to owning (she paid for half of it, it's the household computer, whatever) then you shouldn't even lock her out -- it might come back to bite you if the divorce ends up in court.
In neither case should you continue to monitor her online behaviour.
Of course, all of this is just one man's opinion.
If this is the same OP that I think it is, his wife cheated on him, he found out and they reconciled, and then she cheated again like a month or two ago.
So he might not have used the key logger to detect the inital cheating, but insted used to and detected the second.
I guess we can say there aren't enough facts to have a truely fair judgement. Like we'd need to know the exact history and when the key logging started.
/applaud
Just try to pretend she isn't there. Seriously.
Like I said before, "wrong" is different from "a symptom that the relationship is over."
Not really, because either way it is an invasion of her privacy. The fact that he found out she was cheating on him by using it does not justify it.
I'd say that coming home from work early is on a slightly different order of magnitude than setting up an in-home surveillance system...
Even so, I'd say that being so suspicious of your wife's behaviour (and loyalty) that you start trying to catch her in the act indicates some pretty deep faults in a) the relationship or b) your ability to trust people or c) both.
So I'd say that while it might not be entirely wrong, it definitely ain't quite right.
So fucking true. I installed the keylogger to confirm a nagging suspicion. And then had to buy a digital voice recorder to get 'live' proof.
If she does confront me then she can go to a library or use her work PC. The PC Is mine as I paid for it and built it for my gaming needs. What's funny is I offered to buy her laptop last Xmas but said she didn't need it.
My next ethical question is how do I write a book about this? lol
I think I understand why you did it, but as others have said before: once it gets the the point where you need to spy on your spouse you might as well just break it off. you didn't make a smart move here.
No, not eventually, if she "confronts you." How about now?