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SkyTurnsRed
Saint LouisRegistered User regular
Saint LouisRegistered User regular
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Yeah, I also thought this as well, that this might be mixing in with it a little bit.
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To answer your first question:
No, you are not doing the right thing, you should had let her go from the very first moment, the relationship is over, and you should not be waiting.
I don't know if I 100% agree but if this was me, i'd be feeling like it was over.
I think the OP needs to have a straight up talk with her and ask her if she wants this to continue.
As I'm sure most people will tell you, OP, this is exactly what is going on. The best advice you can get at this point is to pay attention to how she is acting, not what she is saying. It's sad, yes, but most of what she's going to say to you right now is probably going to be designed to make you feel better and let you down easy.
She isn't really in love with you anymore, and doesn't want to be with you, and as hard as that is to hear, the sooner you accept that and start moving on, the better for you.
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I don't know you guys, but I can see you going either way. If you think you want to wait, then wait. If not... it's still up to you. It's been less than a week.
If you decide you want to stick it out, set yourself a time limit. Tell yourself "I am going to give this X weeks (or whatever) to improve and after that if it hasn't I'm going to end it." Let X equal the number of weeks after which you know you'll just feel like a heel sticking round. If you'll feel like a heel regardless and are too shaken by all this, there's no shame in ending it now.
1) Am I doing the right thing?
I think it shows a decent depth of character to be able to give her the space that she needs to sort this out, however if you haven't even communicated in 2 - 3 days then I think you need to seriously consider where you are as a couple. To me that is not a couple who are in love.
2) Is it wrong for me to assume that there is a possibility that she actually isn't out of love, that these other issues could be clouding her mind? Again, preparing for the worst, but I'd like to know that I'm not too entirely hopeless, especially with the fact that it has only been four weeks. Awfully quick time to just fall out of love.
I don't think that you should assume anything at all here. You are setting yourself up for a huge hurt if it comes off the other way, I appreciate that it is difficult to remain neutral and I am not saying give up on her but I think you should at least prepare yourself for the worst.
I agree with Ceres about setting a time limit, it's not fair on you to hang around waiting.
In most cases, "I don't know what I want" usually means "I don't think this what I want but I'm scared to take the leap and be single". I say most cases because I'm sure there are exceptions.
But Ceres nails it.
The OP and his girlfriend have been going out a long time (well 13 months is long to me) BUT you two are not married. There are no kids involved. There is no one else to stay together for. IF you're happy to give it some time, set yourself a time limit. Things are not resolved by then, you walk away.
I don't know what your girlfriend is like but if I heard ""I don't know if I'm still in love or where my feelings are or what I want", I'd have ended it there and then. But again, a 13 month relationship is a big thing to end.