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Ex Girlfriend still saying she loves me
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Sleeps in the wrong bed.TejasRegistered User regular
Sleeps in the wrong bed.TejasRegistered User regular
While she has a new boyfriend. I have neglected these texts but she's still telling me she loves me and wants to be with me, to the point of basically offering sex while with him. Do I drop it or tell him? I do have texts I could send him, I'm just concerned that if the majority is to tell him, are there any criminal and legal repercussions in telling him?
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Without more info, the best bet is to tell her no, and leave it at that. Telling him is just going to cause unnecessary drama between them, and you. He might blame you for trying to split them. She might go ape-shit on you. Let her know that you aint havin' it, and leave it at that. Hopefully she gets the message.
And no, it isn't a crime to tell someone your ex is terrible and unfaithful.
Ignore her. It's that simple.
Simply ignoring her is the best. If she's gonna cheat on this new guy with anyone, he will figure it out on his own.
"look man, I don't want to be the bearer of bad news, but Katie [making up a name here] is getting pretty inappropriate in text messages to me. As far as I'm concerned we're moved on and I dont' want anything to do with it, but I thought you deserved to know"
if you don't know him at all though, I'd stay out of it - you don't owe it to him.
If you really want to do something just send her one reply saying 'look son, it's over. I feel complicity in these texts so please stop or I will feel obliged to tell your boyfriend'.
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I guess I could offer more complicated advice than this but it isn't really necessary. Just cut off contact with her and be thankful it's not you in the other dude's position.
that's why we call it the struggle, you're supposed to sweat
Don't tell him. If you do and she finds out... she might come and stab you.
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Or the complete oposite scenario, what if the guy is actually a REALLY good person, maybe they need time to work their relationship and letting the man know now could ruin it for him, after all, your ex has said things to you, but as far as we know, nothing actually happened.
What I am saying is, if you HONESTLY dont have feelings for her, just let it go, you dont need to block her, or hate her, or rat on her. You just need to find your own path, your own love story, your own problems, learning, etc. and stop worrying about your ex´s new boyfriend? It doesnt add up, common sense dictates that if you even contemplate getting involved in any way, then you are not being honest about wanting to move on. (wich is the part of information that you didnt give us.)
Edit/PS: basically I am playing devils advocate and calling you a hypocrite, based on the premise that it takes two to tango.
I like this route the best.
It will only pull you back into her life, which is not what you want. If you really feel the need to do something, reply once with "Thanks, but no interested." and block/delete anything else from her.
No good will come from telling him:
Outcome A: Why should he believe you? You're some vengeful ex who's out to screw up their wonderful bliss.
Outcome B: He believes you, and now wants to harass/beat you up for screwing his gf.
Outcome C: He believes you, and dumps her. Now she can be free to try to get you back for some more games.
Agreed on all points. Your ex sounds confused about what she wants; she is probably unhappy with current bf and in a vulnerable state - acting impulsively, even. Whatever it is, it's not healthy for her, or for you (but you knew that already). She will probably not feel good later about what she is doing now, so best not let things get worse.
It sounds like she needs to pull herself together, which takes time, and it's tough. I think the best thing you can do for her is to ignore her and not rat her out to her current bf. If anything, you can send her one simple message: "No. I'm sorry." If she continues to text you, you need to ignore her. I think it is for the best and she'll appreciate it later, particularly your directness. It sounds like you are over her but you still care about her well-being. Right now it sounds as though she is looking for some response from you - though, it's less about attention than it is about comfort with someone she trusts - but if you send her that message, that you're sorry you have to say this but you will not take it, it could be a courtesy to her sanity (vs. your ignorance of the message) while it will also cause her enough pain and means for self-reflection to the point where you telling her current bf about these texts is absolutely unnecessary.
EDIT: Basically, you should not feed her. Best thing to do is to ignore it, but what I'm saying is if you feel the need to say something back to her I think you can say, "No," though nothing more.
No reason to tell him. That's just sticking your neck into a situation that your neck doesn't need to be in.
I see several folks saying to text her back with a "no" or "its over" and honestly, I am assuming since you "cut ties" then that message already got delivered. Any response from you may very likely just encourage her, regardless of the content of that message.
Just stay away man, and be grateful that sort of person is not in your life anymore.
Just have to say this is going up on my wall lol
This is definitely a case of bad news is better than no news.
The chances that this guy will just accept what you say as true and be grateful are so close to zero that you'd be better off buying a lottery ticket. The chances that he will fly into a rage and kill both you and his girlfriend are also very low but still greater than "Thanks man." The most likely outcome of contacting this guy is a flood of drama that will force a new angry person into your life and increase contact with your ex without helping matters between them.
As a couple these two clearly have issues, but they have to work them out _as a couple._ There is no way you can improve the situation by becoming involved.
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If you take the time you would be spending hooking up with your ex and instead try to find someone who you don't want to be exes with, your chances at actual happiness improve, and the (likely high) chance that this will blow up in your face will be replaced by (worst case) some rejection by random people while trying to move forward.
Basically, this isn't a sex vs no sex scenario, despite what your other brain might be telling you :P
I reeeeally don't think he's trying to hook up with this girl. I get the impression he's being smart about that (for once someone in H/A is!).
I completely agree with everyone who said to just leave this issue alone, by the way. You can certainly text her back saying "not interested" if you want, but that's as far as you should take it. If you contact the guy, you'll almost certainly have TWO people you don't want bothering you in your life instead of one (or none in the future, if she finally backs off at this point). Just don't.
In that case, I amend my statement to say "Just walk away, dude. Even if you were guaranteed no repercussions from telling the guy, it just isn't your call. Your role in this relationship is to be an ex- ie not involved."
I love V1m's advice because it conveys the emotional opportunity cost of worrying about this bullshit when you could be doing something pleasant.
My gut says that this situation actually has nothing to do with you -- if she really were still in love with you, the logical action on her part would be trying to convince you to date her again, not trying to convince you to fuck her while she dates someone else. I'd hypothesize that she's more interested in sabotaging her relationship with her current boyfriend so that she can use infidelity to explain what's wrong rather than addressing what actually is wrong. If you were to tell the current boyfriend about the text messages you've been receiving, then you are still helping her sabotage the relationship, which is essentially rewarding this behavior.
There are times when it's appropriate to tell the boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife of cheating, but I don't think this is one of them. I would suggest telling her to face up to what is wrong with her current relationship rather than trying to find a convenient way to implode it. I might also consider talking to one of her close friends so that she can try to be emotionally supportive about getting your ex to behave like an adult. After you have done either of these things (or none of these things if you don't want to), please see V1m's advice and pick out a park bench and ice cream flavor.
This is the best thing you can do. Add my name to the list of folk doubling down on this advice.
What I WOULD do however is cut off all contact with her. Not just ignore her but block her so she can't call or text.
i'm just picking out good things already pointed out, but i felt these can't be stressed enough.
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