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Moving out at 18?
tinatiny2
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
Hi, next year I am going to college and my friend will be 18. She wants to move down to college with me even though she will still be in high school. Is that possible to do? Is it possible for her to get money from the government for being technically "homeless"? Does anyone have any tips/suggestions? I am trying to find out information for her so she understands what she needs to do and so that she understands that this will be hard to do. Please help me!! Anything will help!!
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I moved out just before my 19th birthday, but I was working full time, earning a very good salary and bought my own house to live in.
What you actually need to do is ask yourself several questions.
1) Do you have accomodation provided by the college?
2) if you don't have accomodation provided by the college, where are you going to live?
3) how will you support yourself?
4) Can that money support two people?
5) Does she plan to work or just sit at home whenever you are not at a lecture?
6) What does she plan to do after this?
If you are being provided college accomodation, bear in mind that it is unlikely she will be allowed to live there. If its a single room, they expect one person living there. If its a double room, you will likely have a roommate provided to you.
If you are living in accomodation outside the college, is that being paid for by yourself, or by parents? Will there be room there for her? How will she pay for the food she consumes? Are you going to support her?
A lot more of this depends on you than on her.
Its a really admirable idea to want to be with someone so badly that you'll drop everything and move just to be with them - my wife did it for me all the way from Belgium to Australia. But she didn't sit at home when she got here - she immediately started building a life for herself with a job of her own as well. If she wants to move down with you and get a job working in retail or something, that's certainly not a terrible plan - a lot of people skip college/university and just go to work straightaway. And there are career prospects in retail too. But if this is just some passing fancy with you, its not a good idea.
Oh wait, 18 isn't the end of highschool? Oh ok - here in Australia we turn 17 during our last year of high school.
Okay, yeah, she should really finish. The days when you could drop out of highschool with several years to go and still make a really good life are gone. You really need to finish highschool at least.
1)I am going to a college where they don't have dorms. I already told her she has to pay half the rent.
2) look at 1
3) I am going to college part time and have a job that will work around my schooling.
4)she also has a job
5) she is going to transfer school and finish high school there and then go to college.
6)uhh... go to college.
Sorry to break it to you, but shes just a friend. It's not a " passing fancy" or whatever that is? Haa...
She plans on finishing high school.
Honestly, unless there is a really compelling reason for her to do this, it will be so much better if she stays out the year with her parents and saves her money for college and her living arrangements then.
In general, it will be difficult to get government assistance without a HS diploma or GED, especially if you don't jump through the legal hoops of getting her legally emancipated (even though she is/will be 18). Most states do this by restricting the issuance of driver's licences for people of majority age without a diploma or GED if their legal guardian is not present.
Unless her home situation is untenable due to abuse or poverty, it is far easier for everyone involved (including you, OP) to just suck it up and have her live with her parents until she's done with HS.
There are a lot of strong reasons not to do this, the foremost of which is that there are a million and one things you can't take into account when moving out on your own (from cost of toiletries like air filters/toilet paper, to hardware costs like vacuums, to surprise costs in upkeep like electricity, water, etc). For your first year, this is a hard thing to do on your own, even with the advantage of the freedom of schedule with college courses. With a High School schedule, it is incredibly, preposterously hard to do.
She will not qualify for most, if not all, of government assistance and to think that this is a first go-to answer is a terrible, terrible idea.
Unless there is a direct, quantitative reason she needs to get away from her parents that will cause real, immediate danger to her person in some fashion she should stay home to finish High School at her current location and then move in after graduation.
If you have a job and she has a job and both are capable of living independently, why do you want Government assistance that would otherwise go to the hands of truly needy people?
I've never heard of financial aids for homeless people, but I have heard of housing programs, food shelters and detox programs. Perhaps, you could score some free food and crash for a night, that way you can see first hand the people whose subsistence you wanted to usurper.
She can't stay the year out with her parents.
She already has her license and her own car. I have two friends who both came to my school this year as seniors and they were getting government assistance because they were not living at home (for whatever reasons) and they were finishing high school. They got SS checks until they graduated.
Look at previous one...
It's great that she has a job and a car, but as others have said, balancing school, a job, and a home of your own is incredibly difficult. Especially when you're in high school and your schedule is inflexible.
I'm very curious as to how your friends got government assistance.
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Also, she's going to have to work a hell of a schedule (assuming minimum wage service/retail job here) to finish high school + pay for car insurance + gas + rent + utilities + food + misc. Like I said before, unless there is abuse or just incredibly poor living conditions involved, this is a really bad idea and I don't think either of you has completely thought this through.
If there is abuse, the best course of action is to call the police, not run away.
It would not be running away, she will be 18. A legal adult.
I am TRYING to get advice, but everyone is just trying to change my mind and treat me like I'm stupid. I know it will be hard, and I know that it might not work. But I can't just say no to my friend who needs my help. Like I said, it wouldn't be running away, she will be 18.
Oh, no no, don't dilude yourself. You are getting advice, and that advice, from the people here, is universially "this is not a good idea". It's just not the advice you want. What we're not hearing is a good justification for an 18 year old highschool student to move out of their parents' house and transfer schools to live on their own. Unless you want to give that justification, and it's really good, the only advice you're likely to get here is "this is not a good idea".
As a single person with no kids, having any job at all will probably raise her income above the threshold to receive welfare, Medicaid, or housing assistance (which is typically reduced rent in...not good neighborhoods, not a stipend) anyway, if it is even possible for people still enrolled in high school to receive benefits under these programs.
If you know people who have done it, you should ask them since they may be able to help her far more than we can.
Nobody is treating you like you're stupid, they are trying to dissuade you from, what seems as an outsider, to be an immensely poor decision. Is there a reason why she can't stay at home one more year? If she needs to move out, is there a way she can move in with someone else that is near to her high school so she can finish?
It's likely it will be difficult to impossible for her to transfer herself to another high school without her parents' help, which I assume she does not have, since if her parents were on board this would likely be a non-issue. That is true even if she is 18. In fact, the older she gets, the harder it will be for her to enroll or transfer into any high school. They restrict people there based on age, so if she's already 18 she might just have to not finish, which is not what either of you want.
Just because people here are saying this is a very poor choice does not mean we are treating you like you're stupid. But you are correct that we are trying to change your mind.
If you are set in this course of action then good luck to you and your friend, you will certainly have a time of it. Realize that if you move forward with it, it's possible you might very unfairly be denied what you deserve, and you could be making life a lot more difficult for both of you in the process. I recommend you move out and live either in a dorm (or, since you say the college does not have one) in some sort of college housing nearby with people who are not first-years, so they know the ropes of living outside their parents' homes. Having someone who's spent a year paying rent and bills makes a huge, absolutely immense difference. Learning that stuff is NOT what you want to be doing when you're treading on ice that thin already, and with likely no fallback.
Okay fine. So then how do I tell her no? How do just be like Hey I know your parents are psychos, but you have to stay with them for another year. Even though she already talked to her case worker, who said it was a good idea to get out and that she would help her. How do I tell her that? Because if she doesn't move with me (someone she trusts) she is just going to leave and move out with some guy that I KNOW she can't trust.
While it technically wouldn't be "running away" as she would be a legal adult, it is exactly running away in the truest sense of things. The main thing I want you to think about is this: is rushing headlong into moving out worth the cost of stress in working immediately during high school and also losing the safety net and benefits of working while living at home to build a small warchest for when she moves out at a later date?
Were I a friend, I would 100% suggest they deal with it, work while going to high school this year under her parent's roof saving up as much money as she can, then go out to find a place after graduation with a couple thousand in savings to help ease that transition along. Bonus points would be if she can ensure she doesn't have a car payment at that time and has a year's worth of car and health insurance covered day one. This would be the actual responsible thing to do.
The only reason this wouldn't be the case is if she was in very real, immediate danger at her parents house. In which case I would have her call the police on the non-emergency line from a neutral location to find a solution to her problem.
But moving out at 18 while still in High School is a great way to:
1) not finish High School
2) get set back in life by 10 years
3) end up as a permanent member of the working poor.
See this is the sort of background information you should be more forthcoming with.
It would be absolutely irresponsible for anyone in this thread to actually advise or enable you to do what you're asking without knowing there is an extremely good reason.
^ this so much. It's also a good way to start off life with massive debt and ruined credit.
What happens if she can't get a job, and you guys can't afford rent?
What's your contingency plan?
the "no true scotch man" fallacy.
If she has a case worker who suggests she "get out" and has offered her help to do so, I would be encouraging her to contact her case worker and explore options in that direction. Those people will have the resources, training, and experience with these situations to provide her with better help than you can with part time college class-load and a job and expenses to worry about. You can be supportive of your friend without making this a potential financial and possibly legal problem or liability for yourself.
This is why you put all the information in the OP. If the state is already involved in her life, the case worker should know how to help her much better than random people on the internet. She will probably need some kind of legal document saying her parents aren't her guardians any longer to enroll at a new school, but again, the case worker should be able to help with that.
She already has a job. I know I can afford the rent for both of us if I need to but she will still be paying her half of everything. I have everything paid for. My dad died last year so I am getting a lot of financial aid for college, plus I have a 12,000 ish college fund, not including whats in my bank account.
This is something you should learn as a valuable life lesson. While being there for your friends is absolutely a good thing, being responsible for them is a terrible idea and is the root of 99% of the stress, drama, and financial hardship you will face until you have kids.
If she has a case worker, she should be relying upon the case worker for a solution here, not you. Help her move out if she chooses to do that, be supportive, but don't be a crutch especially when you are in college. Don't move her in to your apartment unless it is one of those every room is rented individually to the management company deals. Don't cosign a lease, etc etc.
That is her responsibility and making it yours is irresponsible to her and detrimental to yourself.
Does she have a job in the place you are moving to? If not, how far away is your college from where you live currently?
These questions are extremely important.
I recommend not moving without at least a couple of month's total expenses saved up. And if you end up flat out not being able to get a job and, thus, cannot afford to stay past your savings, you guys need someplace to fall back on. It is absolutely positively NOT worth either of you being put out onto the street or dropping out of school because you could not find a flexible hours job quickly enough.
Like I said, The case worker is helping her with that. She still will need a place to live.....
Like I said, The case worker is helping her with that. She still will need a place to live.....
I already said she has a job where we will be, like 10 times. We both have jobs where we will be.
I already said we both have jobs. They are both flexible and willing to work around schooling.
Just because she has a job now doesn't mean she'll keep her job forever.
Your contingency plan is, basically, "I'll support her."
That isn't a good idea. If you have money to spare, you should be using that for investment accounts or savings.
Life is way more expensive than anybody ever expects when they're first starting out. You think, "Oh, I can keep to a budget of $X per month" and then your car breaks down, or you have a medical bill, or just something really simple like your utilities cost twice as much as you expect.
Then you end up in your early 20s completely broke going, "Man, what happened to the money I had at 18?"
You can't take care of somebody else while you're getting your own foothold on life. You can't rescue a drowning person when you're still learning how to swim.
If you really, really want to do this, then at least get your own situation stabilized first. If that means making your friend wait 6 months or a year, then so be it.
the "no true scotch man" fallacy.
Yeah, this is sounding less and less like something you should be considering. Yes, you have money. But with this setup there is absolutely no reason for her to actually pay or feel like her feet are at the fire to pay. She is still a kid (as are you I would assume). 17-20 is not a time you should be responsible for anything but yourself while you figure things out. The money you have from your inheritance and your college fund should be kept, in entirety, for your college, investments, and personal expenses. Give 0% of it to other people, you will need every dime before you get settled in the workforce I guarantee it (especially in this economy).
Look, all of our advice is going to sound selfish and cruel, especially from the worldview of an 18 year old with a big cash pile and a friend in need. I get that. It does sound cruel and selfish.
It's also correct. I've been here several times in life and have made the decisions both ways. When I didn't help folk, they found a way to live on their own. When I helped the person, they ended up dependent and eventually in the same position as when I didn't when I was forced to make them pay up or get out. Others here will tell you the same (hell, we have a weekly thread on it almost).
Your friend wants to move out and be on their own? That's great. Help them move, but keep finances separate and don't cosign anything. If she really needs/wants to move she will be able to do so one way or another.
It wasn't very clear. It just sounded like she has a job where she lives now.
At this point, you've done everything you can.
You're obviously well past the point of no return if she's already gotten a job in the new city, so all we can really say is "good luck" and "save money whenever you can".
Seriously. Paying someone else's rent with this money is precisely as productive and economically savvy as lighting it on fire.
I have never know a high school student capable of successfully handling their own household finances as well as motivating themselves to attend and excell in school. My prediction if you do this thing is either your friend drops out of highschool and sets themselves up for a life of poverty, or uses you as a temporary life preserver and pisses away every spare dime you have. Either way you are doing them and you no real favors.
Okay Thanks for the help, like I asked but no one answered, how do I tell her no? What do I say to her?
We both have a job in the new city because we both have been working there since we got into high school. The college where I am going is literally 30 minutes away.
Like I have asked everyone, what do I tell her when I say no? No one has seemed to answer that question...
This is great advice here. Also you should know that while $12,000 ish and financial aid may seem like a lot, College is VERY expensive. And as has been stated before, unforeseen expenses pop up all the time. It is very admirable that you want to help your friend so much, but you are doing so at the risk of completely ruining your own college experience and ruining your friend's life.
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I've been there. Seriously, this isn't a hypothetical for me. I wish I could have that time and money back. It was, as you say, basically like lighting it on fire.
the "no true scotch man" fallacy.
I personally like the lifeguard analogy. Can somebody who is struggling to stay afloat save somebody else? No.
You're embarking on an entirely new challenge for yourself. It's going to be hard enough to get your own situation stabilized. You aren't equipped to help somebody else, yet.
She can work with her social worker. If, with the help of her social worker, she can find her own place to stay and her own independence in the new town, then you'll be there to be her friend, maybe even help her move and unpack.
If you can both do this, then in a few years, you'll both complete independent self-reliant people, and you'll be better friends for it.
She'll probably be mad no matter what you say, but it'll be okay in the long run.
the "no true scotch man" fallacy.