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Is it too late? (more girls)
Reigner
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
Sigh, I hate adding to the pool of girl advice threads here but I need fresh views.
So, about a month ago I got a call out of the blue from a particular girl that I've had a huge (6 years) crush on. We've both had our fair share of dates/SOs in those 6 years (her being a divorcee and me being a single father) so being the overanalytical fool that I am, I start wondering if there was a hidden meaning in this call out of the blue.
So I persue, talk to her, go to lunch with her, visit her at work once or twice, you know, the normal stuff and things seem alright. But I reach a period where I dont hear from her for about a week straight, even though I tried to call once or twice in there just to say "hello". So I leave it go, and leave her alone, thinking I done fucked up somewhere and scared her off. At the end of that week my friend, who works with her, brought to my attention that some guy that she was hanging out with was going around their store saying they were dating.
"OK, that explains where she's been the past week. Good for her" I think and let it drop, no big deal. The next day I get a text message from her basically making it a point to tell me that the two of them are in no way exclusive, or even dating for that matter. And she suggests we hang out again sometime. I agree and we set up a day after she gets off work to watch a movie at her place.
While we're hanging out she tells me of all these random nobodies she works with basically professing their undying love for her. This, IMHO, makes it quite difficult for me to even attempt or tell her anything as I don't want to add my name into the hat with all the random nobodies. So we cuddle up and watch the movie, talk a bit more, I get a kiss or two, and I head home.
So I'm thinking pretty highly of myself, and go into where her and my friend work to talk to my friend about a few things. He, like an idiot, 'lets slip' to her that I like her (yay now I feel like I'm in Highschool again), but apparently she was happy to hear this news, so again, I think nothing of it. Later that night (this part Thursday by the way) her and I talk and agree to hang out sometime this past weekend, her me and my daughter (she loves my kid
). I tell her I'll call the next day to figure out what and where as it was getting late.
I haven't heard from her since.
Did I fumble the ball at some point? To me at least, this seemed like the perfect bud to what would/could be a lasting relationship. Since she apparently already knows how I feel, I want to try to at least get together with her one more time to find out where she sees this going. I'm just about to give up, but don't want to run the rest of my life wondering "what if". Am I already too late though? Should I just give up and turn my thoughts elsewhere? Where do I proceed from here? Thoughts?
Thanks in advance, and sorry for the long windedness.
So, about a month ago I got a call out of the blue from a particular girl that I've had a huge (6 years) crush on. We've both had our fair share of dates/SOs in those 6 years (her being a divorcee and me being a single father) so being the overanalytical fool that I am, I start wondering if there was a hidden meaning in this call out of the blue.
So I persue, talk to her, go to lunch with her, visit her at work once or twice, you know, the normal stuff and things seem alright. But I reach a period where I dont hear from her for about a week straight, even though I tried to call once or twice in there just to say "hello". So I leave it go, and leave her alone, thinking I done fucked up somewhere and scared her off. At the end of that week my friend, who works with her, brought to my attention that some guy that she was hanging out with was going around their store saying they were dating.
"OK, that explains where she's been the past week. Good for her" I think and let it drop, no big deal. The next day I get a text message from her basically making it a point to tell me that the two of them are in no way exclusive, or even dating for that matter. And she suggests we hang out again sometime. I agree and we set up a day after she gets off work to watch a movie at her place.
While we're hanging out she tells me of all these random nobodies she works with basically professing their undying love for her. This, IMHO, makes it quite difficult for me to even attempt or tell her anything as I don't want to add my name into the hat with all the random nobodies. So we cuddle up and watch the movie, talk a bit more, I get a kiss or two, and I head home.
So I'm thinking pretty highly of myself, and go into where her and my friend work to talk to my friend about a few things. He, like an idiot, 'lets slip' to her that I like her (yay now I feel like I'm in Highschool again), but apparently she was happy to hear this news, so again, I think nothing of it. Later that night (this part Thursday by the way) her and I talk and agree to hang out sometime this past weekend, her me and my daughter (she loves my kid
). I tell her I'll call the next day to figure out what and where as it was getting late.I haven't heard from her since.
Did I fumble the ball at some point? To me at least, this seemed like the perfect bud to what would/could be a lasting relationship. Since she apparently already knows how I feel, I want to try to at least get together with her one more time to find out where she sees this going. I'm just about to give up, but don't want to run the rest of my life wondering "what if". Am I already too late though? Should I just give up and turn my thoughts elsewhere? Where do I proceed from here? Thoughts?
Thanks in advance, and sorry for the long windedness.
Exodus Server: Venstra Rei
FFBE: 838,975,107
Dokkan: 1668363315
FFBE: 838,975,107
Dokkan: 1668363315
Reigner on
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Just warning you - this is a manipulation technique imo. I've run into plenty of girls that use it and while it IS just a sack of words that could mean nothing - in the cases I've run into it, it's been, well, for a less than pleasant purpose.
It's tough to give advice on this sort of stuff primarily because I don't know her character - My advice would be to take things slow and not rush into anything.
In other words, she could have easily meant it to get you to say "No, I love you more than all of these guys!" or "Oh, well good luck with them then" meaning you're not really interested.
Regardless of what she was saying or her coworkers were saying, she likes your kid, she's snuggling with you, and you get a kiss or two. How is that not affection? Friends don't snuggle, and friends definitely don't kiss.
Also, I've never met anyone who tried to kiss someone they didn't like.
Yup, Message left Friday afternoon when I told her I'd call, nothing back. Tried again Saturday night, left a message, nothing back. I didn't call/text/etc at all yesterday.
Eh, I've seen friends who snuggle, and I've seen friends who kiss (it was only on the cheeck, something I forgot to mention) So I pretty much left it as "oo possibility, but maybe not" As I usually always get a hug from her when I see her, and the kiss was out of the ordinary.
I think part of what happened (if anything) is that I may have been acting too cautiously. If she's saying all this to elicit a reaction, and I give an apathetic response that doesn't show interest or even non-interest. But again, I didn't want to say anything to her yet as to not scare her off, so I dunno.
bah, there I go overthinking again. :P
FFBE: 838,975,107
Dokkan: 1668363315
Somewhere in between.
On Friday:
"Hey, this is me, just calling so we can figure out what we want to do this weekend, give me a call back when your free."
Then when I texted Saturday it was a bit more precise. I think she's more of a texting girl than a phone convo girl so I try to mix it up a bit.
"How about Lunch tomorrow, the three of us, somewhere like [place]?"
FFBE: 838,975,107
Dokkan: 1668363315
She may just be embarrassed that she never got back to you. Call her, act like nothing happened. See if she wants to get together.
Granted txting is not the same as actually calling, he still got the point across. The ball is on her field now.
She might be really busy... with work, or with other guys. In either case, the best option for OP right now is to wait, and more importantly, not think about it while waiting.
Shogun Streams Vidya
Just boggles my mind that it would seem like she was showing interest until she found out that I was interested.... :sigh:
FFBE: 838,975,107
Dokkan: 1668363315
If you really wanna go for her then wait a week, if you have no contact than either go for the final meeting, like profess your feelings face to face, meet her unexpectedly at work or something. Worse case scenario, she doesnt see you again, which was going to be the outcome anyways if you are throwing her these mixed signals or if she is to you.
I say wait a bit, then go for it. Nothing to lose.
Got a message today at work from her apoligizing for the no contact. Apparently she got hit with the season end cold bug that's been running rampant around here.
While this would have been good to know 3 days ago, at least I know I haven't been forgotten.
Back in the game! /dance
FFBE: 838,975,107
Dokkan: 1668363315
- first, realize that she will never tell you how into you she is
- second, even if she did tell you, behavior means everything, words are cheap
- stay in control of yourself or at least look like you are (to her); that means no hey what's up sort of phone calls, call her with specific plans to do something on a specific night
- for making plans, try to call at least 3 days in advance
- never call more than once without a call back; if you don't rate high enough that she is excited about calling you back then you can deduce from her behavior that she is not that into you
- if you really have to know, you can call her back a second time but immediately LOSE HER NUMBER after the call; seriously this is helpful because then you are never tempted to call her begging for a date 3 months later - no number = no phone call
I agree with the previous post about her telling you about the other guys. It seems like a manipulation tactic. Or she's trying to suss out how into her you are. Or she's trying to make you jealous. I'd be wary; all these things point to someone with very low self esteem and not someone that I would want around my kid.
She's moving you into the Friend column if you ask me. If you get put into the Friend column, you never get back into the Lover column. You need to bump up the romance. If it turns her off then you know how she feels about you. I'd say hanging out and watching movies is not something you should do at this stage; it's too "friendly". If you're gonna have sex then watch a movie after that's great (and she gets in that cuddle time that she's craving).
A little rambly, sorry.
Another sign of poor self esteem: "oh, you're into me? There must be something wrong with you, because I'm not good enough for normal people". I'd be wary if I were you. If you have poor self esteem too you're headed for a co-dependent relationship; very bad for your kid if your kid gets involved with her. God help you if you make good money and are in a co-dep relationship. Ugh.
No no no. You're asking her if she is free at all on the weekend and you have no idea what you'd like to do. You need to take control a bit and come up with something specific to do. "I'd like to try X new restaurant; are you free Saturday night?" or "There's music in Y Park on Sunday afternoon, want to go?". These sorts of things excite her imagination and force her to commit to a time.
If she can't make specific plans then she's waffling on you for a reason. You don't know what it is and you shouldn't care. Remember: ACTIONS speak louder than WORDS.
The goal here is to either a) get her to go b) get her to offer something else that she'd like to do or a different time to do it c) let her do nothing and then you really know how she feels.
DEDUCTION is key with women. Assume they won't tell you how they feel. This is men's fault really because some guys are just assholes and won't take no for an answer. So women have to avoid the situation altogether.
Also, if possible, move your plans to weeknights or sunday afternoons for the time being. Too much sex-pressure on Saturdays for women I think, esp. in the early stages of a relationship. Also leaves her wondering why you don't want to do something on Saturday? Do you have another woman that you see on Saturday?
I dislike texting just because I always wonder if the message got lost. It happens. Or she can say, oh i never got the message, and then you're wondering... Voicemail is about as solid as you can hope for because she'll get the "missed call" on her phone and the voicemail msg too.