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Cat grief.
azith28
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
Well, i need to vent a little and would also like some opinions. You can skip the first bits to get to the questions if you dont want to read my likely depressing story.
Last night i had to have my 9 year old calico Sandy put to sleep. She developed a skin rash and later fever, and within two weeks of it first showing up, she degraded from my satisfied baby to a shell that hurt me to look at. Dispite medication she was getting worse and i had to make the hard decision. I've been a nervous wreck for the last two weeks and the last few days have been even worse because i felt like i knew what i was going to have to do when i brought her to the vet. At first we thought the problem was a treatable one, that she had an infection from an unseen cut, but the antibiotics did not stop it, and the vet said that the problem had to be a liver disease or otherwise internal issue that had done too much permanent internal damage and that she would never be her normal self again. Watching her these last two weeks and knowing how much misery she had to be in to stop purring when i pet her or barely eating her favorite foods, i dont feel like i did her a disservice in my final decision, but its still hard.
Okay so to the questions. I live by myself across country from my family. (moved to take a job instead of being unemployed) I have made some friends of course but they are hardly around a lot. I care very much for my pets, and I am not the kind of person that would believe for a moment that they are easily replaced. Before last night i could be watching tv or reading a book, or playing a game, and Sandy would come wanting food or attention and when i went to bed, and all was silent and dark, i could hear her walking on the carpet, jumping on her sleeping perch. Last night, my apartment felt so empty. i caught myself several times upon hearing a noise turning and expecting to see Sandy walking tward me. I realize that this is all part of grief and acceptance but I also know that my cat has helped greatly in making me feel like my apartment is a home and less just a place im staying because having a job away from home is better than being unemployed. I feel like I owe her so much for helping me keep from feeling really alone or getting depressed at being by myself.
This boils down to the fact that dispite im still grieving, and will be for some time, that I am also uncontrollably thinking about and wanting my next pet already. That there will be a new kitten or two in my apartment over the next month or two is very likely a given fact no matter how i feel right now or how long it lasts. Should i be feeling bad about this fact? Is this an unexpected reaction? Should i expect my married/couple friends to understand that this is not me just swapping out one animal for another? I've never really felt crushingly lonely in my current position, and ive always had hope that it wouldnt be a permanent thing anyway, but right now i think me going for a period of time without a pet is likely to make me feel worse about the situation then usual. Should i let my own mental health surpass my grief and just go ahead and start looking or am i just still in the stage where its worse before it gets better.
Stercus, Stercus, Stercus, Morituri Sum
azith28 on
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I saw him everywhere, heard him everywhere, and most of all, I missed him everywhere for at least 3 months. There's a bond you build with these pets that you simply can't underestimate, especially if they're your only housemate, simply because they are always there. I understand exactly how you feel, and you have to realize this is completely normal and okay. For me, it took a lot longer than I anticipated, and in fact, the process is not completely over yet even after 6 months.
The important part is that you need to realize is that adopting a new kitten/cat is not going to just fill that hole. A new cat will be just that, a new cat. You'll grow to love them, perhaps as much or even more than Sandy, but they won't be Sandy. My husband and I pretty much felt the same dilemma you're feeling currently, and though the first couple of days, we kinda flipflopped around the idea of replacing him at all (we felt guilty), about a week after he died, I'd already gone to pick up a new Maine Coon kitten.
She is amazing, one of the best cats I've ever had, I love her to pieces and I couldn't stand losing her, just like my other two, but... She didn't replace Charles, and it didn't make losing him hurt any less. I guess that came a bit unexpected to me.
The bottom line here is this. Don't feel guilty at all about adopting a new cat, but try to separate the two emotionally. Don't expect your new kitty to be just like Sandy, as much as you'd like to have her back, but give it a chance to win your heart on its own terms.
Why should you care what others think? If they know you loved Sandy, gave her a good life and mourn her passing, they will understand if you decide to obtain another companion. Any animal owner will know that a new pet won't fill the hole that's there but a new pet will help you move on
I mean, we're complete strangers but I can tell you loved that cat and do not feel put off by the fact that you want another one. Do what feels right to you, not what your friends think. You're the one that's going to take care of him/her, after all
Getting another cat soon after your first is in no way shameful- it's not like you're replacing a worn pair of gloves, and it's also not like you're adopting a new child or sibling.
My advice is, if you feel like you need another companion to love and cherish, go and do it. The next cat you adopt will be fortunate to have as caring an owner as you.
Invisible lime.
As long as you aren't going to do some sort of bizarre mommy dearest thing on th new cat because it is in some way different, by all means, adopt a new one. Hell, even if you did go so far as to call it Sandy II, the cat's not going to care in the least. It's just going to be happy about the food, shelter and pettin's. People might look at you a little weird, but who cares?
If you want to get another cat, get another cat. You'll both benefit.
I'm sorry about your loss.
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fuck up once and you break your thumb / if you're happy at all then you're god damn dumb
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bad things happen, no one knows why / the sun burns out and everyone dies
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The new kitties are not sisters, i tried to get from the same litter but ended up with these from two different adoption agencies and i figured there ages were young enough to encourage them to get along quickly (ones 3 months the other is 4 months). Both seem to be getting along for the most part, they play alot and it certainly seems like its just play, tho the little one sometimes whines or makes a little growl when she loses a grappling match (not that it stops her from going for more 2 seconds later), and they can eat out of the same bowl without a problem. I've seen them walk up to each other, touch noses and then walk away but i havent seen any kind of sleeping on top of each other yet that would make me feel like they completely acclimated to each other.
I want to make sure and do everything i can to encourage them to get along, should i keep them sharing food bowls and litter boxes, or seperate them? I'm pretty sure even if i seperated they would be eating out each others bowls anyway but im kinda new to having two new kittens learning to get long so any suggestions are appriciated.
It takes time. A lot of time. Cats can take up to six months to fully acclimate to a new environment, even when they're 90% comfortable off the bat. The behavior seems head-and-shoulders above the usual problems. They're interacting, playing (which is also a dominance thing, most likely), getting into close physical proximity without hissing or defensive behavior and sharing food/water/litter. That's most of it right now. I see no reason to separate them unless there is a stress issue (licking oneself until they strip away hair; growing/hissing at any contact with the other).
I'd keep a close eye on them and separate for a few days if there are any issues. They sounds like they're both acclimating to the space and to each other, and they seem to be doing so well. I'm not sure if I missed anything, but I wouldn't change anything with them unless there are problems. The sleeping in a big pile of kitty is usually found once they've had lots of time to feel safe and comfortable with each other.
http://dl.dropbox.com/u/26441410/hi.jpg
From About.com...
"Plastic Bowls
Although plastic bowls are generally sturdy, they have a couple of downsides. First, many cats have an allergy to plastic, and develop a skin condition on their chins, resembling acne. Second, plastic tends to nick and scratch, and those tiny fissures become a breeding ground for germs. My recommendation is to avoid plastic if at all possible."
You want stainless steel bowls. And why are you using paper?
Also, what are you feeding them?
I've swapped out the bowl before, ive got a metal one as well.
You might want to consider talking to your vet or going into an actual dedicated pet food store and talk to them about what you should be feeding your cats. Iams has been getting a pretty bad rep nowadays, and I'm pretty sure Fancy Feast is garbage.
Seriously, chuck the plastic and paper bowls and get them dedicated metal ones.
While I'm not getting into the plastic versus metal debate with Esh again, I too would suggest acquiring metal bowls when you have the time and cleaning both the food and water bowls as often as you clean your own dishes (daily I hope). Bacteria, especially from wet food, can give your cats serious complications later on.
I would also recommend picking up gallon jugs of purified water (not spring water, purified water) for your cats to drink. Many locations have tap water that has several compounds in the purification process that starts the development of crystals in cats bladders (and sones as they get older). If you have a plastic bowl, unless your cat is one of those few who are allergic it won't be a problem short term. Long term you will want to go metal because they are more resistant to bacteria and easier to clean.