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[PA Comic] Friday, October 5, 2012 - The One-Oh-Furst, Part One
Geth
LegionPerseus VeilRegistered User, Moderator, Penny Arcade Staff, Vanilla Staff vanilla
LegionPerseus VeilRegistered User, Moderator, Penny Arcade Staff, Vanilla Staff vanilla
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http://www.zeldawiki.org/Groose
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of continuity
Wii: 4521 1146 5179 1333 Pearl: 3394 4642 8367 HG: 1849 3913 3132
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Or maybe Frank is Captain American?
Well.. whatever it actually is will probably be more actually funny than "lolwut."
your = belonging to you
their = belonging to them
there = not here
they're = they are
Or, to put my post in Jerry's own cadence:
"As most of you (indeed a great many, if not all) I have an abiding love--can I say obsession? I'm going to say obsession--for the posts which purport to cover "news" on the Penny Arcade frontpage, at least insofar as a webcomic which peddles the veritable jay-peg as its selfsame commodity, can purport to cover ~The News~. Still, though, at times I find Jerry's language to be impenetrable. I mean, this shit is THICK, yo. This is like trying to wade through butterscotch cream, and then reaching the bottom and finding out it's not butterscotch cream, but is in fact your mortal soul. At times, when I find myself at the deepest depths (or deepths, as I like to call them) of these existential butterscotch trenches, these candy-coated pits of incarnate human pathos, I realize I have very little, if indeed any at all, fucking idea what Mister-Holkins-If-You-Please is actually trying to say. Worse still, I have run out of fucks to give. My store of fucks has been depleted. If fucks were a market product, my storehouse in Beijing was just raided by roving bands of ex-Yakuza wielding nunchaku.
Nunchaku."
Then you go back and pepper that with links to 90's rap videos on Youtube and Wikipedia articles about South American meteorological phenomena, or something equally bewildering and esoteric.
I read today's newspost, and I don't quite get it. A 4th panel video of this might be required to make the newspost understandable. Somehow we go from discussing potential sexual orientation to his son being an actual llama, and not as a metaphor. With what we were given, I don't understand this train of thought. I also don't understand how llama-sons translate into WW2 raccoon people.
I have bad news for you. You're not nearly good enough at writing to craft a decent parody of Jerry's style, never mind mounting that little horsie and attempting to mock him from it.
Also if you genuinely couldn't understand today's blog, you might want to seek medical attention as you possibly have some hemorrhaging of the brain going on.
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Damn dude. Chill.
All I'm saying is, sometimes he seems to get so wrapped up in his own train of thought that he loses the thread of a specific idea.
Please put down your pitchfork and step away slowly.
He's saying the sudden explosion of sexual and gender alignment definitions is silly, what with it all being gradients anyway. The guy in the strip is a raccoon, born in a man's body.
Ed; I may be colouring that with my own opinion though! :P
Any hemorrhaging in his brain is nothing compared to the giant hemmorrhoid you apparently have up your ass.
Oh so now you want to take my weapons from me too, commie!?
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It's cool lol
And with that, the fat virgin pressed "Post Reply", smirking smugly in his greasy neckbeard.
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I'm pretty sure this is what he is saying, though it is a little unclear to be honest.
Does it smell of cinamon and cardamom?
Every night Kris gently runs his fingers through my downy soft neck hair, leaving his scent behind.
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Its probably doubly bad that I laughed at this given how many such people I know/am/was friends with but hey.
Here is a translation of the news post from Tycho's wonderful overwrought style into plain English for those of you who have led lives in which you have not read enough wonderful literature to be able to parse this sort of stuff with any degree of aplomb and who have consequently decided that @teknoanarchist has managed to provide a convincing simulacrum, which is decidedly not the case, despite the blowback at the crude but correct statement that @Falx made. Oh and I guess I have to cut out the fancy shit in this post. So here we go!
Some opinions are right. Some are wrong. "Kill the Jews" is wrong. "Halo is pretty great" is right. I agree with most of the right opinions.
Some of the right opinions I believe because they are the right opinions. Some I believe because everyone has decided they are right, and I don't want to argue with them. Some are obviously right, but fucking idiots keep pretending like they're up for debate, even though they are obviously wrong and outdated.
One of the "right opinions" I believe is that being gay is A-OK. I'm not one of those people who has an issue with being gay. Some people, of course, do have an issue with it.
[He doesn't say this following bit, but I'm inferring it]
Those people who have issues with gay people are those same people I was talking about above: they're the fucking idiots who are living in the past and who think it's up for debate whether it's OK to love someone of the same gender as you.
I'm down with the gays. It's one of the many "right" opinions that I hold. Here's a "right" opinion that I'm not sure about: "being an otherkin, aka identifying as something other than a human being, like a llama, is OK." I don't even know what the fuck is up with otherkin. Gay people I understand. They like people of the same gender. That makes sense. No issue there. But otherkin? What the fuck does it mean if someone says they are a llama? I mean, obviously they're not a llama. Llamas have woolen pelts and long necks and we can milk them. Does this mean I can sheer and milk my son if he says I'm a llama? That sort of sounds like child abuse? Maybe? But I don't fucking know. Maybe if he likes it, then that's not child abuse at all, and in fact refusing to shear him would be child abuse. This doesn't make any fucking sense! I know that one of the "right" opinions is that I should be tolerant of otherkin just like I'm tolerant of gay people, but it's just... super weird!
I guess Jerry's wife identifies with hobbits or something? I don't know much about this. Maybe it's some sort of joke. I have no idea. Back into translation mode: My daughter is two parts "not a stereotypical girl at all" and two parts "princess" and my wife is straight out of a Tolkien novel. I put up with a lot of stuff. If suddenly my sun was an otherkin, that would be a lot for me to deal with. It's not trivial to accept this sort of thing. You can't just say "fine, son, I accept that you're a llama." This would be fucking hard! I know I should probably do it, but it would be weird as hell to think about.
Mike/Gabe agrees with me, and since what we do is make comics, we decided that since it's super weird to think about it, we would think about it in the form of a comic. Specifically we started trying to imagine what would happen to an otherkin if instead of being on tumblr posting about the eye color of their fursona, they were in World War II shooting Nazis.
So that's today's strip and Monday's strip. Maybe it seems like we're making fun of otherkin, but we're not. This raccoon dude is our bro. This isn't exactly going to be the next Lookouts, though. We're done after this. Heck, we might've been done before this. This might turn into dickwolves all over again, except instead of feminists getting mad at us, it's going to be the weird otherkin subculture or something. Who knows. Let's find out.
Because whatever happens, this is how we do it here.