Hey guys, so we're playing a round of Dark Heresy over Ventrilo. I'm a Tech Priest, Footwerk is a Guardsman Conscprit, Gerbil is a novice cleric, Lazerbeard is an arbitrator trooper, Poundage is a scum dreg, Sniperguy is an adept archivest, and KoolEagle is our GM.
If you are unfamiliar with Dark Heresy, it's a tabletop RPG based on Warhammer 40k, featuring a GrimDark future.
Here's a screenshot of our setup:
Here's my notes of our session:
We landed on some shithole of a planet. They were having some problem with a mine. We kept getting sent to different people, some Imperial Guard soldiers sent us to a guy with a wooden eye, who sent us to the Commisar. We went to the Quartermaster, and Sniperguy talked his way into a handful of grenades. As we walked to the seal of the mine, we found some civilians in poor condition. Every time we tried talking to them, they defecated in fear. Footwerk rolled an awareness check on all this pooping, and succeeded far too well.
Lots of Imperial Guardmens and some woolly mammoths are chilling out near the portal to the mine. The Commisar thinks we're just a squad of fucking losers sent because the Inquisitor could give a shit about his problem.
Footwerk keeps passing awareness checks to really smelly things, he's some sort of poo smell fetishist.
We hit some sort of drop walking to the mine. There's some sort of large drop down a few kilometers, but a passageway a few meters down.
After some excessive preperations for this small drop, Sniperguy makes it down first. He's at the start of the map we were given.
The Gerbil goes next, and slips down and falls fifteen meters past the ledge. He thrashes and struggles, hanging from the rope. He climbs up a bit, but falls back down. Poundage, Footwerk, and me start pulling the rope to pull him up, and manage to get him onto the ledge.
Poundage is up next, and he slips and falls to the end of the rope, as well.
Lazerbeard just backflips down to the overhang, while Poundage hangs off the edge.
Poundage flails a bit, but manages to get his bearings and pull himself up.
I was next, I climbed down, fell off the wall, and the stalagmite we tied the rope to broke. Everyone holding the rope kept me from falling. I flailed a bit, and no one was able to keep hold of the rope. After burning a fate point, I was able to climb back up.
Footwerk is next, and belly flops off the ledge. SniperGuy is able to catch the rope and keep him from falling. Footwerk is able to claw his way up to the passageway.
Now that we are all down, we press forward to the mine. Now there is a gap we have to leap over to get into the mine. The gap is only 6 meters down, it's not deadly, but painful. The walls around the gap are shear, making it difficult to get out.
Sniperguy is up first, making a running jump, holding on to the rope so we can pull him up if we need to.
Sniperguy misses the jumps. The rest of us hold tight to the rope, and Footwerk holds tight, so we pull Sniperguy back up.
Sniperguy takes another jump, and makes it.
Poundage is next, runs and jumps, and falls. Luckily we are able to hold tight on the rope, and pull him back up.
Poundage takes another jump, and makes it.
Next, The Gerbil takes a jump and misses, and Footwerk is able to hold tight.
The Gerbil tries again, and misses, and I was able to hold tight.
Up next, I make it on my first try, even with my tiny 19 strength with a roll of 18.
Lazerbeard is up next, rolls a 1, and backflips over the pit.
Finally, Footwerk has to cross. He throws the rope across to us, and takes a leap... and misses.
Luckily, Lazerbeard holds tight, and we pull him up.
We continue foward, and find some tracks. There doesn't seem to be anything special about these.
We find subsection five, complete with glass window and a bloody handprint. If this wasn't the GrimDark Future, this would be ominous, but we already walked past piles of shitting, bloody peasants earlier, blood is just part of our lives.
The door is a problem for us, we aren't able to get it open. Sniperguy decides to knock on the door, but there is no response.
The Gerbil decides our only option is to blast the door with a laspistol... and the blast diffuses on the door.
I search closer on the door, and it's heavily armored. We need to use explosives to get it open.
Sniperguy decides we need to go through the window, and butts his rifle against the window to no success.
Footwerk pushes Sniperguy aside, and smashes the window open. Unleashing a shitsmell upon us. It's like the smell of shit follows Footwerk.
Footwerk looks into the room, and sees a dozen corpses on the floor. Each has a strange mutation, extra eyes, extra arms.
At this point, we begin arguing if we should blow the door open, or climb into this side room. This side room is sealed, with corpses.
Sniperguy climbs into the window while we argue, and opens the door for us.
Poundage steps forward to search the corpses, but vomits all over.
Sniperguy shits himself from the smell of these corpses.
Now we're arguing if we should destroy the corpses. We don't have good resources, so we're hoping they won't return as zombies later.
We move onwards now. The passage moves downwards, and the next room is flooded with water, covered with some glistening oil.
Sniperguy takes a look at the water with a very strong roll, and sees nothing, just some water and oil. He notices the water is about mid-torso height.
We walk through the water. As The Gerbil walks through, he feels something brush up against his leg, and drops an electro torch into the water. He sees nothing, and picks up his torch. He keeps walking, and we all follow him through. We all follow him, and I deficate in the water as we walk through. Poundage takes off his pants be walking through, and throws them across, and walks across while nude.
Finally, we reach an area that says "The Shatters" above it in spraypaint. We decide to rest before we enter. The Gerbil gives Poundage a chain coat to boost his armor. We rest for half an hour before we enter.
We wander for hours, and find no creature, but we do find signs of something. Eventually we find a door labeled "12", and realize this is "The Shatters".
Apparently these miners were shitty, and didn't do a great job. Also, more awful smells. Apparently the GrimDark future smells horrible everywhere. Every door here is a massive, spinny wheel door that we need to use strength to open.
TheGerbil, Footwerk, and I try and open the door, but aren't able. Lazerbeard pushes us aside and opens the door with no effort.
The floor is covered in blood, organs, and pieces of imperial guardsman uniform. We see some different paths we can take, and begin discussing which way we should go.
I suggest we go left, on the map it's a small alcove. Everyone argues against me, we should not open new doors. Most people want to go east instead of west, into some caverns.
We take a break to all draw our guns out. Sniperguy walks back and holds his ear against the door we walked past. Sniperguy wants to opent his door, as well.
After some discussion, we begin walking to the smaller side to the east. We see six severed heads in a small pit.
We press forward, east. Sniperguy hears a wet slobbery noise, as if something is eating. He tells us to back up. The Gerbil just wants to start throwing frag grenades, but Sniperguy says we need to conserve ammo.
Something horrible, with 8 eyes, begins walking towards us. It wears the tatters of a Guardsman's uniform. Sniperguy (100), Lazerbeard (95), TheGerbil (93), Poundage (53), and Footwerk (77) all panick, but I (20) hold my ground.
Alright, shit is going down now. I take a burst shot with my carbine at the mutant, and hit dealing eight damage, dealing four wounds. I shout "KNOW THE MUTANT, KILL THE MUTANT" as I shoot. The mutant guardsman roars in anger at being shot.
The mutant charges at me, taking a melee attack, but misses.
With the Mutant up in my grill, taking a shot at it takes a risk of hitting me. Footwerk takes a fairly chanced aimed shot (37), but whiffs.
The Mutant attacks me again, and barely hits me. I take 9 wounds of damage, -6 toughness, and -2 armor, for four wounds. I am at 6/10, fairly beat up.
Lazerbeard is up next, pumping his shotgun, and nails the Mutant for 8, which works out to 4 damage.
Poundage preps his gun, takes a close range aimed shot, which cancels out to just his ballistics skill. Poundage wildy misses.
The Gerbil takes a shot with his pistol. The Gerbil hits for 12, which works out to 8 damage.
I pull out my pistol to shoot the Mutant, and miss.
Sniperguy readies his gun to take a shot if the Mutant moves.
Footwerk readies his lasgun, and takes a shot. He hits, but it does no damage.
The Mutant turns towards Lazerbeard, who had blasted him point blank with a shotgun. He tries to hit Lazerbeard with a melee attack, but Lazerbeard continues to backflip and avoids the attack.
Lazerbeard aims his shotgun at the mutant again for a hit of 10, which works out to 6 damage. He blows off the Mutant's arm, and the Mutant falls on the floor, and dies.
We head back to the west, and Sniperguy tries to open the door. He fails, but Poundage opens it. We find a concrete room, with an overturned table in the middle of the room, and lots of cobwebs. Footwerk hears some whimpering in the room. He finds a miner hiding behind the table. Footwerk shouts "THUNDER" before finding him, and he deficates himself.
Considering there are cobwebs in here, Lazerbeard rolls a scrutiny check for defects, and finds the miner clean.
I shout "HEYO MINER, WHAT'S UP?" in my auto-tuned voice. He replies "Don't hurt me, please!"
Gerbil says "We're not going to hurt you! What are you doing here?" He replies "I'm hiding, get away from guns!" Gerbil replies "Guns?" and he replies "Other men had them!"
Lazerbeard says a lot of boring words, and Sniperguy interrupts him "Dude where are guns, point us at him!" The miner points outside the hallway, responding "I hide in here!" Sniperguy replies "How many?" and the miner gibbers in fear. Sniperguy asks "Why did they attack?" and he replies "Horrible things out there! They eat me!" Sniperguy asks "How many guns?" and he replies "I don't know". After too many questions, the miner passes out and soils himself.
We leave the room, The Gerbil shuts the door and seals it. After a few tries, The Gerbil manages to shut the door.
We head north, and hit another path that breaks north/east/west. We have to take an awareness check to see what's up. We see a faint, flickering glow in a pinkish hue north at the end of the hallway.
I say "Hey, looking at the map, I say we go east, it's the shortest to the end, so we want to clear everything so nothing sneaks up on us. We see nothing out of the ordinary.
I say "Let's go west now, we don't want anything sneaking up on us." We progress west, and four mutants jump out from behind a stone pillar. The heard us from our gunfire earlier, and surprise us.
Mutant 1 takes a shot at Sniperguy, he was leading the party this way, but Mutant 1 misses.
Mutant 2 does something while I'm taking a piss.
Mutant 3 takes a shot, and misses.
Mutant 4 takes a melee attack at Lazerbeard, but misses.
Lazerbeard backs up to get range for his shotgun, and takes a shot and hits for 8, which works out for a 5 damage headshot.
These mutants are smaller than the big one we fought earlier.
I take some cover, take a shot, and hit mutant 4 in the chest for 3 damage.
Footwerk aims and takes a shot and misses.
The Gerbil is up next, and he takes cover and takes a pistol shot at mutant 4, hitting him, killing mutant 4.
Sniperguy takes a shot, and it goes wild, hitting nothing.
Poundage takes a semi-automatic shot at mutant 2, three shots. He hits with all 3 for 18 total, and he keels over dead.
The two mutants cower a bit, but regain composer and pull back, trying to seperate us, with mutant 1 taking a potshot at Lazerbeard, missing terribly. Mutant 3 takes a potshot as well, but hits, dealing five damage to Lazerbeard.
Lazerbeard runs to cover and takes a shot at mutant 3, but misses.
I take a full auto shot at one of the mutants and hit, but it doesn't hit hard enough to hurt.
Footwerk takes a full ahot shot at mutant 3, and hits for 19 damage, exploding the mutant.
The last mutant deficates furiously in fear of us, and The Gerbil is up next, and hits, dealing six wounds in the leg. The mutant shouts in Low Gothic at The Gerbil "You cockmongler!" The Gerbil shouts back a curse in High Gothic.
Sniperguy takes a shot and it goes wild, completely missing.
Poundage takes a shot and hits, exploding the last mutant into a pile of feces.
And it's getting late, we're in zone seven, and we're taking a break now. Dark Heresy has gone fantastic so far.