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Drug use...
JackyGor
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Registered User regular
Let me introduce some friends of mine so it is easier for me to illiterate the problem
Dano: He is 19, male, full of testosterone, big ego and irrational, finds an easy way out of things being legal or not.
Lin: She is 19, female, good friends with Dano and I, willing to try new thing, has a Bf that smokes marijuana
Jen: She is 19, female, good friends with us, more conservative.
After a birthday party, we decided to go sing Karaoke, but before that Dano, lin and Jen said that they have a surprise for me. So I thought "Ok", expecting a purple nurple from Dano. We went to a back alley, to my surprise Dano, Lin and Jen brought out 3 joints of marijuana and immediately I felt very uncomfortable. They start smoking it, they did not offer me any because they know i would not touch it. I know it is their first time as they have been talking about trying it for a while, but I always thought they were just joking. Dano walks up to me and said "Ya, I am going through some shit right now, I decide to try some of this." I replied "Ok...I go through shit all the time, you dont see me doing..." then he did not say anything back. After they are done they asked me "Are you pissed Jacky?", I said "No, I just feel very uncomfortable that you guys are doing this..." and the conversation ends there. We went to the Karaoke place and we start singing. Dano decides to go get some water from his car, then Lin said "Ya, Dano got beat up by his Dad, he is very depressed right now...". I was speechless, to think that my friend who is 19 got beaten up by his Dad, mind you, this probably isn't the first time. After karaoke I went home right away, while Lin and Jen smoke up some more with Dano.
I don't know what to do, I feel that I cannot really help Dano with his abusive problem as he has a big ego and he is always competitive with me. I feel that Jen is only doing it because Dano, since she is rather conservative. Lin, well, she is probably a pot head anyways, not too concerned about her.
I feel that for the past 3-4 months, we have become more and more distant, they don't tell me anything about themselves anymore, and the fact that they are starting to smoke up really makes me feel i should keep my distant with them.
I know if Dano goes through some "shit" again in the future, he will smoke marijuana again, because he always want the easy way out. I know smoking marijuana is not THAT harmful, but it could still cause permanent damage to his brain. And I am afraid that Jen will smoke up with Dano again because she feels obliged to as a friend.
I came from an abusive family so I feel that Dano smoking up to relieve stress is out of the question, because I did not resort to any kind of drug use.
I feel confused, I mean all my other friends are doing it, but I seem to be pretty closed mind about drug use. They are my BEST buddies and I really like hanging out with them, but if they continue to smoke up, I don't think I want to hang out with them anymore...
Too long to read?
My friends are smoking up and I kind of feel left out, and at the same time, I am very closed minded about the use of marijuana. I feel that if they keep smoking up, I don't think we can be "best buddies" anymore.
Dano: He is 19, male, full of testosterone, big ego and irrational, finds an easy way out of things being legal or not.
Lin: She is 19, female, good friends with Dano and I, willing to try new thing, has a Bf that smokes marijuana
Jen: She is 19, female, good friends with us, more conservative.
After a birthday party, we decided to go sing Karaoke, but before that Dano, lin and Jen said that they have a surprise for me. So I thought "Ok", expecting a purple nurple from Dano. We went to a back alley, to my surprise Dano, Lin and Jen brought out 3 joints of marijuana and immediately I felt very uncomfortable. They start smoking it, they did not offer me any because they know i would not touch it. I know it is their first time as they have been talking about trying it for a while, but I always thought they were just joking. Dano walks up to me and said "Ya, I am going through some shit right now, I decide to try some of this." I replied "Ok...I go through shit all the time, you dont see me doing..." then he did not say anything back. After they are done they asked me "Are you pissed Jacky?", I said "No, I just feel very uncomfortable that you guys are doing this..." and the conversation ends there. We went to the Karaoke place and we start singing. Dano decides to go get some water from his car, then Lin said "Ya, Dano got beat up by his Dad, he is very depressed right now...". I was speechless, to think that my friend who is 19 got beaten up by his Dad, mind you, this probably isn't the first time. After karaoke I went home right away, while Lin and Jen smoke up some more with Dano.
I don't know what to do, I feel that I cannot really help Dano with his abusive problem as he has a big ego and he is always competitive with me. I feel that Jen is only doing it because Dano, since she is rather conservative. Lin, well, she is probably a pot head anyways, not too concerned about her.
I feel that for the past 3-4 months, we have become more and more distant, they don't tell me anything about themselves anymore, and the fact that they are starting to smoke up really makes me feel i should keep my distant with them.
I know if Dano goes through some "shit" again in the future, he will smoke marijuana again, because he always want the easy way out. I know smoking marijuana is not THAT harmful, but it could still cause permanent damage to his brain. And I am afraid that Jen will smoke up with Dano again because she feels obliged to as a friend.
I came from an abusive family so I feel that Dano smoking up to relieve stress is out of the question, because I did not resort to any kind of drug use.
I feel confused, I mean all my other friends are doing it, but I seem to be pretty closed mind about drug use. They are my BEST buddies and I really like hanging out with them, but if they continue to smoke up, I don't think I want to hang out with them anymore...
Too long to read?
My friends are smoking up and I kind of feel left out, and at the same time, I am very closed minded about the use of marijuana. I feel that if they keep smoking up, I don't think we can be "best buddies" anymore.
JackyGor on
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That said, I think you should try to help him with his problem - you may be right that you can't help him directly, but try talking to someone in authority or just parent, priest, whoever that you think might be able to either help or give you some advice on what you should do. Marijuana isn't chemically addictive like cigarettes, but it can be psychologically addictive, and if your friend is regularly depressed and keeps going to marijuana to escape it, then there's a good chance that he could become psychologically addicted.
I have friends that smoke. They know that I refuse to hang out with them when they are high. Tell them that you need them to know you are not interested and it will hinder your relationship with them. You friends haven't used it much, so they wont be as hooked as others.
Give him support.
I don't see how using it to relieve stress is necessarily a bad thing. People drink to relieve stress all the time, sometimes you just need to relax with your friends and just enjoy. Smoking helps. However, age is an important factor. While there are problems with causality/correlation in the studies, it has been tagged with causing apathy in younger age groups, especially when you're not using it responsibly.
Honestly, though, it's just weed. You really are being way too uptight about it. There are minimal health effects in comparison to everything else and it really does help some people. I can speak from experience here. Just be aware that it can act as a depressant (so says my psychologist, although studies are contradicting) so if he feels at all moody or anything he really needs to get real help. Actually, that should be the advice either way (getting help). But the pot? Chill out.
And damn, TehSpectre, there is no physical addiction. It does not exist. Any people you think are "hooked" either just really enjoy it or have a mental addiction.
And what's wrong with legalization again? Because I'm pretty sure it would drastically reduce prison sizes, allow government revenue from it, and, you know, allow people to choose a much less dangerous and much more fun (in my opinion) alternative to other drugs such as alcohol.
Also this is no discussion thread about legalization, but a very specific case.
To the OP I was in your situation when I was younger (when I was around 16 almost all my friends started smoking pot and I was very much against it, mainly because I did not know that much about it and was worried about them and afraid that it might lead them to harder drugs, which did not happen btw.) and I know what it feels like to be the only sober person in a stoner hang out.
You probably should not worry about it too much, at my school almost every student tried it at least once, you would very probably be surprised how many people smoke pot at least once in their live and it is not really that big a deal unless you allow it to become a habit.
If you don't feel comfortable around them when they are stoned that's ok, especially a lot of first time smokers generally act like idiots when they are high and I would not enjoy their company either, so just tell them about it, but dont judge them because of it or expect them to end up in a gutter one day because they smoke pot occasionally.
I understand that they are your friends, but they have made their minds up... they could be just trying it out, or it might become something worse. Either way, your influence is not going to make them stop, at least not now. The reason is simple- they know you are not cool with this, but they are doing it anyway- even going so far as to wave the damn things in your face!
Point is, you are their friend, not their father. Just be clear and say to them "Look, do what you want on your own time, but you know me and how I feel about this sort of thing, so if you could lay off it while we are hanging out, I would appreciate it". They should respect you enough to do that.
I have a few friends who indulge occasionally... they know not to go do this sort of thing in front of me.
True, this IS strange, unless they thought you might wanna try it for yourself.
This is probably the case.
irt JackyGor;
Your friends smoke pot. It is illegal (so don't smoke, of course, rules of H/A and all) and otherwise pretty much harmless. Your choices here are simple. 1)Obsess about the fact that sometimes your friends do things that aren't legal and let it destroy your friendship, like you're doing, 2)just don't hang out with them when they do it/ask them not to do it when you're hanging out with them, or 3)just stop obsessing about it altogether. For some perspective, it's decriminalized in the state of Ohio, possession of up to three and a half ounces (that's a good few hundred bucks worth assuming it's the cheapest shit around) of marijuana is punishable by a $100 fine and is a "minor misdemeanor", the equivalent of a traffic-ticket. It will void their eligibility for government financial aid for college if (big if, unless they go out of their way to be blatantly stupid about it) they are charged with anything, but it's not like your friends are smoking meth or crack. It's nowhere near as big a deal as you seem to think it is that your friends smoke pot occassionally. It's not going to destroy your friends nor your friendships, that's entirely your call to make.
So if you are unable to accept that your friends do something illegal that for the most part no one cares about as long as they don't have to see it, you're within your rights to ditch them, if you want to. But it seems like a waste to me, when you could just as easily simply make a point not to get any on ya, as it were. My best friend has smoked off and on since jr. high. He's still my best friend, even though I never smoked until I was 21. In that interim time-space, I simply asked him not to do it in my immediate presence and to make damned sure I couldn't get in trouble for his choice.
tl,dr; It is not illegal to have friends who occassionally smoke weed, and smoking weed doesn't cause brain damage, but if you really want to ditch them over this you are within your rights to do so.
Christ, it's just a bit of weed. Nobody's going to die.
In this case, however, I'm not sure what you should do. If he's 19 and being abused, can't he move out? Are you guys going to college or anything?
Also, considering that your friends did something that you have explicitly made clear makes you uncomfortable right in front of you, are these really the kind of friends you want, anyway? It makes me think that they don't really care about you. Regardless of how harmless weed is, as many people have already said and will say, there is a problem here.
So just tell them you're not interested and you understand if they want to do it, but you don't want any part of it and you'd appreciate it if they'd not do it around you. If you can't handle that arrangement, then you need to calm down, or get new friends. Not because it's so addictive that now they'll never stop (because it's not and they likely will once they're towards the end of college and need to piss clean to get a decent job), but because this is a very minor sin, and if you can't handle the thought of your buddies committing it occasionally when you're not around and not involved, then you need very different friends.
Also any debate on the ethics of legalization will result in infractions. Make the thread in D&D or SE if you feel the need.
CUZ THERE'S SOMETHING IN THE MIDDLE AND IT'S GIVING ME A RASH
I started smoking right after high school. One of my best friends, who I known since 4th grade, was going away to boot camp that summer. Well, he found out through my other friend (were like a three way-best friend love triangle haha) that I had smoked and I guess he was pissed about it. He didn't talk me very much at all before he left. I found out when he was gone that he didn't like the idea of me smoking pot. So, basically, I lost a best friend of like 8 years, all because he didn't feel the need to approach me about it. (After he came back from basic training, but before he left for Iraq, we talked and now were best friends again and he is ok with me smoking.)
The point is to make sure to tell your friends your position on the subject. Don't assume that they know you dissapprove of it. Talk to them about it. And like the people above me said, either tell them you don't want to be around them when they're smoking/high or tell them you don't want to be friends with them unless they stop smoking. Just make sure not be silent on the issue and assume they know how you feel.
I should clarify some things going on in the thread, though. Smoking marijuana does have long-term health effects. I'm not going to cite an internet study, as the internet on this issue is a dark hole of self-vindicating denial and hopeful inaccuracy. I'm going to cite: Basic and Clinical Pharmacology, Katzung, 9th Edition - 2004, Lange Medical Books/McGraw Hill, ISBN 0-07-144097-6, which is a foundational textbook we use to teach medical students.
Physical dependency is not a big issue. Psychological dependency still occurs - we know this, but not why. The big theory is that the dependence is linked to the long-term psychological effects, when the short-term effects of marijuana are a palliative for the depression, but that isn't established yet.
Studies on lung cancer in marijuana smokers are inconclusive (some bad ones say there's a link, some slightly better but still bad ones say there's not).
Studies on bronchitis, bronchiectasis, and emphysema show that there is a strong correlation between these problems and marijuana smoke, and those studies are okay with regard to control and size, although of course we'd prefer an RCCT. One unfiltered joint is about the equivalent of 7 cigarettes in this regard. This is my primary concern with this drug and should be yours, too. The problem is that "smoker's lung" takes a very long time to develop and longitudinal studies rarely last the 30-50 years necessary to garner results. [Edit: Archives of Internal Medicine just published a review summary that I'm going to get my hands on. Apparently, we get bronchiectasis with strong symptomology, but not full-blown emphysema by the numbers? Article here: http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/news/fullstory_45620.html]
The latest good evidence points to long-term impairment of memory and learning skills, which are in a chicken-and-egg relationship with clinical depression. We don't know if the depression causes the impairment, or the impairment causes the depression. Regardless, it is not a good thing. I suspect these studies are believable but, as in all things, I will not say it is true until someone maps out the physiology of how it happens, and that work isn't done yet.
The reason I say these things is that you should not feel that your aversion to marijuana is without merit. There are justifiable reasons to not smoke it beyond feeling uncomfortable, even though it's one of the least offensive street drugs. Your friends should respect that.
EDIT: Yeah, and you know, I gotta say, despite people saying it's not harmful, I still worry, and that's why I've only smoked twice so far in my life, and intend never to smoke more than once a month, if that even. Just to be safe. Worrying is ok. I know I did.
Now, if his first reaction every time any little thing goes wrong starts becoming problematic, (I.E. Had a bad day so smoked a few joints or had a lot of drinks), then you should talk to him. That's the reason I actively avoid stuff like that when I am having a really shitty time. I don't want to start thinking of them as a solution.
But if it makes you uncomfortable, let them know not to do it around you. They'll understand.
The harder the rain, honey, the sweeter the sun.
Helping your friend with his father is your biggest problem. Sadly there isn't much you can do. If he's full of pride and ego he won't want to talk about things like this and say it's none of your business. The only thing you can really do is make it known you're there for him and in his best interests.
If your friends start smoking up just ask them if they can wait until later or just say "I'll meet you inside the ____". It's harder when they're in a group to ask them to wait but if you feel you need to distance yourself from the activity just leave them and catch up with them later.
Also the effects of marijuana are not at all as strong as almost everyone who hasn't tried it thinks.
Steam | Live
Anyways, I told Dano how I felt towards him smoking up, and he said he'll probably not do it again. Which I guess it is a good thing.
Just for some other perspective, here in Alabama, possession for personal use is a misdemeanor that you can get you up to one year in jail (and you automatically lose your driver's license). That's for a first offense only. If you get convicted for possession for personal use a second time, it's a felony that can get you from 1-10 years.
That's not to mention all the nasty other ramifications (property seizure, ineligibility for state employment, etc) that come from conviction. So the echoes of "it's just pot" will vary depending on where you live and what you want out of life.
My recommendation is don't try it. Statistically speaking, it's probably illegal where you live, so there's one reason. Doing it makes you lethargic when you're under the influence, it can make you depressed (making you only want more), it's a gateway drug - it's all just a temporary relief from life that demands more and more from you.
I know a lot of people don't agree with what I just said, but watching people get high - ESPECIALLY friends - is just depressing for me. It's like intentionally making yourself disabled for a short time, only to recover with reality acting like an even stronger hammer than before.
As for your friends, I get the vibe they aren't very close to you. If that's the case, I would just stop hanging out with them. It's easy to understand why they would do it, but when they'll be high at the same time you'll be hanging out with them, they'll of course be a lot different than the friends that you remember them as.
I will definitely not try it. I guess it is sad seeing them smoking up, you took the words right out of my mouth. I guess that is why I am so confused after seeing them smoke up, because I am concerned about them.
I have a feeling the OP is kind of the same way. To the OP, don't let the people on this board convince you that smoking is great and you should lighten up. You need to stay true to yourself. If you don't believe smoking pot is for you, don't do it! You can still have friends that do that kind of thing if you want to, but make sure they know your position on the issue. Help your friend with his personal problems in any way you can, because that's what a good friend does. However, first and foremost, stay true to your own beliefs.
Oculus: TheBigDookie | XBL: Dook | NNID: BigDookie
There's a difference between saying, "Smoking pot is not for me and I don't really want to be around potsmoke," and saying, "Man, I'm worried about my friends because they smoke pot." The former is perfectly reasonable - pot smoking is not for everybody and you don't have like something just because your friends like it. But being worried about your friends smoking pot is akin to saying, "Man, I'm worried about my friends because they eat fast food." As long as they're not doing it all the livelong day to the exclusion of having a normal life, being worried about it is silly.
Basically, ViolentChemistry and Ain't No Sunshine got it right.
the "no true scotch man" fallacy.
Oculus: TheBigDookie | XBL: Dook | NNID: BigDookie
Edit: That's in response to Swimming Bird, by the way.
There's also a difference between that and "Man, I'm worried about my friends because they smoke pot because their dad beat them up."
It's an unhealthy way to deal with a serious problem (unhealthy as in turning to substances to try to forget a problem rather than taking steps to fix it).
The chances of getting caught smoking pot are pretty slim, too. Most times people get caught for pot is when they drive erratically and get pulled over and the cop notices either the smell or sees that the person is clearly high.
I never really heard of any elaborate sting opperations cops have to catch pot smokers, if that's what you mean
To be totally safe, though, it's always better to not smoke to begin with
I wish people would quit saying this. It may be true in some places, but it's not in others. The potential punishment is going to vary greatly depending on what state you're in, and even then the actual punishment will vary greatly between cities and judges.
What's the maximum punishment for pot possestion anywhere in the USA?
I'd actually really like to know.
As for your position, I would definitely say something if you feel strongly about it. I'm sure he has given you his opinion on how smoking pot is no big deal, so you have every right to tell him what you think about it. Just remember that once you do, it's up to him to do what he wants with it. Keep in mind that it's his choice to make, not yours. You're only responsible for yourself.
Oculus: TheBigDookie | XBL: Dook | NNID: BigDookie
True, but it's unclear whether the friend in question is smoking pot to escape his problems, or simply using pot to take the edge off dealing with them.
I don't know about the rest of the US, but like I said previously, here in Alabama a second conviction for personal use amounts of marijuana becomes a class C felony, which can max out at 10 years and $15,000 in fines plus court costs. A first conviction is a class A misdemeanor, which is up to $6000 in fines, as well as up to a year in jail. I'm certain that's on the high end of punishments, but I'd also wager it's not the highest around.
Not to mention 99% of the time if they get a possession of marijuana charge, they're also going to get a possession of drug paraphernalia charge for the baggies, rolling papers, etc, which is a second class A misdemeanor.
Those are extreme punishments, but I know for a fact that they aren't uncommon at all in some of the more rural cities in Alabama. Someplace like Birmingham they'll usually just give you a fine for a first offense, but in some towns they'll hammer you, as will some judges in the larger towns.
I really don't want to spout that "gateway drug" bullshit, but using drugs to take the edge of your problems is a slippery slope. What happens when you're faced with a really big situation where pot just isn't enough anymore to take the edge off, what do you move onto?
The use of recreational drugs to relax doesn't increase exponentially relative to the amount of stress in your life. The fact that I sometimes have a drink to relax after a stressful day (or week) at work doesn't imply that I'm going to drink myself into a stupor when a family member dies. A responsible user should know when it's appropriate to indulge in their drug of choice.