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Moral Dilemma
Varega
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
Hey guys,
In the wake of Hurricane Sandy, most of us Long Islanders had no power. During this time, I opened up my home to a number of people I knew personally because I got power back very swiftly. During that time, I gave a spare bed to my ex-girlfriend. It was a very messy breakup, but, as a good guy, I knew she needed a place to stay. She came over about 10:30 PM, I gave her a full set of bedsheets and a pillow, and she went to her room. I got her phone on my local Wifi, and went to another room to help another friend set up his laptop locally. At that time, I asked around the house (there were about 12 people there) if anyone wanted to head to a diner with me and my friend, and everyone except my Ex and 2 other people took us up on that. When we came back, it was about 12:30, and we all went to bed.
The next day, as people are leaving the house, I notice that my ex's car is gone. I go into the room she was staying in, and all the bedsheets were ripped. To the point of unusable. Pillow was pierced, but elsewise the rest of the room was fine. She left a change of clothes there, like she wore , and, because I am a neat freak, I threw them into my laundry hamper. She never came back. I thought about calling her and asking her about it, but I decided against it, as she obviously is not appreciable of my help.
So yesterday, as I was doing laundry, I find her clothes. Searching her pockets because there was something in there, I find a lighter, an empty pack of cigarettes, and 50 bucks. I am now wondering if I should use that 50 bucks, buy a set of bedsheets and a new pillow, and return her change and the receipt of the items. Morally, am I in the clear?
In the wake of Hurricane Sandy, most of us Long Islanders had no power. During this time, I opened up my home to a number of people I knew personally because I got power back very swiftly. During that time, I gave a spare bed to my ex-girlfriend. It was a very messy breakup, but, as a good guy, I knew she needed a place to stay. She came over about 10:30 PM, I gave her a full set of bedsheets and a pillow, and she went to her room. I got her phone on my local Wifi, and went to another room to help another friend set up his laptop locally. At that time, I asked around the house (there were about 12 people there) if anyone wanted to head to a diner with me and my friend, and everyone except my Ex and 2 other people took us up on that. When we came back, it was about 12:30, and we all went to bed.
The next day, as people are leaving the house, I notice that my ex's car is gone. I go into the room she was staying in, and all the bedsheets were ripped. To the point of unusable. Pillow was pierced, but elsewise the rest of the room was fine. She left a change of clothes there, like she wore , and, because I am a neat freak, I threw them into my laundry hamper. She never came back. I thought about calling her and asking her about it, but I decided against it, as she obviously is not appreciable of my help.
So yesterday, as I was doing laundry, I find her clothes. Searching her pockets because there was something in there, I find a lighter, an empty pack of cigarettes, and 50 bucks. I am now wondering if I should use that 50 bucks, buy a set of bedsheets and a new pillow, and return her change and the receipt of the items. Morally, am I in the clear?
League of Legends:Varega
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I'd say yes, morally you're in the clear.
Don't even mention that you still have them. Personally I'd hold off on replacing them for a few more weeks. As far as I'm concerned it's yours. I'm also a dick.
I mean, do whatever you want but you're stealing and then justifying it because you think she did a shitty thing to you.
So you think he should warehouse her discarded goods in perpetuity? That he somehow agreed to this by offering her shelter in dire circumstances?
I might feel differently if she tried to reclaim her clothing. Then she might merit a "Hey, what'd you do to the bed sheets?" followed by a "Well, I think I'm using this fifty to replace them." She hasn't tried to get it back though. If she's a decent human being she's probably mortified of her actions and unwilling to face the embarrassment of talking about it again and willing to abandon her property to avoid that.
Side note: Why were the sheets/pillows ripped? That just seems odd.
The question wasn't "what should I do?" It was, "I am going to do this, is it moral?"
The answers to those are different.
I think the right thing to do is try to contact her. If you really try and can't get hold of her, forget about it, she doesn't want to talk to you or be found. Keep whatever. If you get her and she wants it back, just give it back to her.
In my opinion that is the "moral" thing to do, and it's dodgy to keep her money without trying to get it back to her. She may have been in a hurry to leave, forgot about the money, and left it. I don't know about legalities or anything, but I have a conscience, and that is what it tells me.
Unless the sheets were really nice or expensive, they aren't worth keeping a whole bunch of someone else's money.
Nah, I'm with you on this, but also with the above sentiment as to how the hell do you rip apart sheets even in the throes of what was apparently literally room destroying passion. I suppose if they were really old/worn it might not be that hard.
As to the topic, no, I don't feel you'd be out of line replacing the sheets. If it was on generally good terms I'd probably text a "btw, everything okay? Looked like one hell of a nightmare in there" or something to check in, but if she just accepted shelter, wrecked your sheets and bolted, I don't see anything wrong with replacing them. If you really wanted to err on the side of caution I might put the change aside for a few weeks, but unless you know she's hurting for cash, I'd otherwise just put it out of mind.
If she destroyed your stuff, replace your stuff with the money. I don't know about anyone else, but $50 definitely doesn't cover any bed sets I'm aware of.
I wonder wtf happened?!
Everyone has different morals, and op was looking for justification for behavior he considered borderline gray morality wise. What he learned was that it was both okay and skeezy to take the money to replace his damaged sheets because it's not his, and clearly he should file a small claims court appeal so a judge can make a decision, but not before returning the $50 to the ex.
Good point. I should have included this caveat in my original answer:
My moral code says that stealing is wrong.
So stay away from her or she is going to make life miserable.
For that matter there's a good chance she will get her courage up and come back for her money and things. And this can go a lot of ways, too.
Contact a friend of hers and drop her shit off with them. Or a friend of your own. He'll, take it to her mom's place. The point is to get her away from you and your stuff, make her do some footwork instead of letting her come over to your place where most likely she will make a scene and be almost impossible to get rid of.
And here's the important part: tell her to never contact you again.
Keep the $50. Get new sheets. Throw out her stuff. If she inquires, advise that you'll keep an eye out but haven't seen any of it, and well, there were a lot of people there that night and the next few nights so who knows what happened. Two wrongs don't make a right, but well, who needs the hassle of dealing with someone like that?
Don't even mention the sheets etc. Let it go, and never make the mistake of contacting her again.
I'd clear with her what actually went on before you spend the money.
Just my .02 though, opinions here may vary or be more correct based on your final decision.