Homophobes

rafael

I've been gay since I can remember but I've been in the closet about it, I need to know if I should tell my family and friends, and if I should how do I go about it.

rafael

My dad and brother are homophobes by the way.

ceres

Unfortunately, there is no manual for dealing with this. Lots of people have lots of things to say about whether and when you should come out, but in the end I think the deciding factor needs to be how important it is for them to know and be happy for your life. I mean, they probably won't be happy for your life, not for a long time at least, if they are truly homophobic. How badly do you need their approval? Are you scared for your safety if you tell them? Does your whole family feel the same way they do? Are you dependent on them financially or for living space or anything? Does your life feel lacking because you haven't shared this with them? Does it hurt you to feel like you can't be yourself, or are you doing okay? You haven't provided much information, and of course you aren't required to, but you should really think about some of these things when you make your decision.

You don't have to make that decision right away though.. it's not like you're going to call a town meeting. Start by telling a friend you trust to keep a secret (who you can be pretty sure won't mind), and work your way up. Maybe build your confidence a bit before you tackle telling them.

Skeith

Kinda like ceres said, unless you're super comfortable with your identity first, do not try to tell a pair of homophobes, even if they're that close to you. Hell, especially if they're that close to you. How's your relationship with them currently?

WildEEP

I am going to go on a limb here and ask for some basic details:

Are you over the age of 18?
Do you live at home with either your dad or brother?
Do you have any support coming from your family members by way of money, insurance, etc?

naporeon

@WildEEP asks some excellent questions. To them I would add: what degree of homophobia are we talking about here?

Don't get me wrong; all homophobia sucks, and I absolutely do not intend to marginalize it, but there is a difference in the approach you should take if we're talking the "makes insensitive jokes and uses ugly words" type of homophobia, vs the "I would disown/beat/ignore anyone I know that turned out to be gay" type.

Spawnbroker

As much as you'd probably like to come out of the closet, you have to consider your life situation right now. Are you living with or receiving financial assistance from the people you're worried will react negatively? If so, you might have to lay low for a while with this information. It sucks that you might have to do that, but being homeless sucks more.

rafael

Spawnbroker wrote: »

Spawnbroker wrote: »

As much as you'd probably like to come out of the closet, you have to consider your life situation right now. Are you living with or receiving financial assistance from the people you're worried will react negatively? If so, you might have to lay low for a while with this information. It sucks that you might have to do that, but being homeless sucks more.

I am disabled so, me moving out of my dads house would be quite difficult, I can't afford to pay rent.

Iruka

If you need an upper, and you haven't watched them, "Its get better" videos are all around. If you have your own personal computer, The internet is your safe place, not just for porn but also for community.

There are lots of places on tumblr for this kind of thing: http://gsanetwork.tumblr.com/ (I dont know how old you are, GSAs are usually Highschool-college) and forums and such. Being secretive sucks, but you have to look out for your well being in a real, practical kind of way.

I know it probably sucks to hear "You need to consider your safety" instead of "free yourself from the closet and tell everyone!!" but it'd be irresponsible of us to tell you that considering you'd have a hell of a hard time becoming independent. Looking into programs that can help you work, and help you gain independence, would be more productive than coming out, in this case.

MichaelLC

Yeah, their are certainly programs (at least in major cities and college towns) to help you if you did get kicked out, but probably best to lay low for now. Is your disability something that will permanently prevent you from working, or just right now?

The It Get's Better Project is an excellent idea - just be sure to clear your cache if you're worried about stuff like that. On that note, would your family be more upset if they found out through someone else? Just something to consider.

Finally watch some of those videos - many are from kids who were surprised at how supportive or at least neutral their families were after finding out.

MetroidZoid

If you are in college, there's a good chance that it might have a Queer Resource Center or something like it. Same for some public high schools, if you're that age. Both are good resources just to talk to people, and sometimes that's the best thing. It's hard enough to come out to people close to you, it's even harder when you can't speak your words as carefully or pointedly as you'd like because your mind is running with other thoughts.

WildEEP

While I hope for the best for you, you have to understand that you should prepare for the absolute worst response.
That means being able to survive without their support, having someone call you or be with you during the "revelation" just so there isnt a physical (read: Asskicking) responce - or if there is, someone to call the police.

It doesnt mean that any of this will happen, and there are a number of people who have come out and said, "I'm gay" to their families and gotten a, "Yeah, no shit. What do you want for dinner?".

I hope your experience goes that well - but like I said, prepare for the alternative.

rafael

I have epileptic fits 2 maybe 3 times a week.

Siska

I feel for you! I imagine living with epilepsy is hard, feeling very trapped and dependent on others. Must make finding a (well paying) job even more difficult. Are you a part of any support groups for that? They might be able to help you with finding work, transportation, somewhere to live. Maybe even help you apply for some kind of government assistance or private charity you qualify for that you didn't know about. Just in case of a worst case scenario where you can no longer stay with your family.

http://www.epilepsyfoundation.org/aboutus/Find-an-Affiliate.cfm?CFID=3639597&CFTOKEN=40518308