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Tales from the tabletop: I so wanna be Drizzt

I so wanna be Drizzt
or Reality Always Hit the Clueless


Disclaimer: This isn't an attack piece in any way. After debating with the group, we considered it the best thing to do. We teach new players ethics around the table. We want to show other players the warning sign of a potential troublemaker. Lastly, there's a chance that this person will see the errors of his way. There's also a chance that Scientologist are right and that we are plugged into the Matrix... But why not try anyways? Keep in mind that I, Akalistos, am telling the tale but the other players do chime in with their two cents.

It started when me and Randy contacted each other over a game of Dungeon & Dragons. He was new to the game, and I had experience as a DM. I kept on messaging for the game and it was from one of those posts that I encountered CWal728. Randy and I added him. Soon, Abbath & Nikolai joined and finally Abbath invited Anthony . The group was supposed to be run by Abbath who had little experience with Dungeon Mastering. We didn't mind and I offered to coach him a bit.

When I return online during one of my day off, I learn that CWal728 had taken upon himself to coach the new players. He kept on saying that he was a seasoned pro. Anthony and Randy told me about how he revised their character and told them what to pick. (Anthony: “More like remade to his liking. Keep that in mind as you read on.”) If you ever played an RPG, you know it's a bad idea. You can get a better feel of your character and plan strategies with powers that play well with each other's. It's significantly harder to do that with one you had nothing to do with or a class you haven't played. We also made some backstory and tales of Cwal's epic one, reached me through the others. (Abbath: “It sounded like Drizzt own backstory. He kept referring to it but said his was more HARDCORE.” )

We started the campaign as intended. We introduced ourselves. Cwal played Vicryn the Drow Ranger. As soon as we went on our quest, he declared himself the boss. Our first combat wasn't much better. Our objective rested in a two story high tower and while he climbed up for no real reason, my rogue snuck to the entrance. (Randy: I'm a n00b and I know it. Even to me, that didn't make any sense.) Finally, we started the fight and Cwal started barking order to the others. (Randy: “more like yelling.”) Their inexperience really aggravated him. He finally lost a gasket when the battle lasted, according to him, way too long. The DM had a hidden creature trying to wait for a opening and taking shot at us from cover. He yelled at Abbath that combat shouldn't last more then thirty minutes maximum, which is ridiculous. His action actually removed all the fun from the game. (Randy, Anthony, Nikolai, and Abbath: Seconded!)

Days later, we decided on an intervention. We talked to another person, named Quazcake who ran a game with Cwal and added him to the intervention as a character witness. He apologized but he was really dismissive, saying he couldn't really speak. He was revolted to learn that Quazcake was on the call, and it ended quickly. We were ready to pat ourselves on the back, thinking this saga was over. Ha! Hindsight is a bitch, isn't it?

The second session wasn't as bad. He still led the group but this time, I couldn't suggest something without him either trying to drown my voice or him repeating what I just said. The first fight went poorly. Monsters were coming toward us from far away and instead of making an ambush, he sniped them with glee. The rest of the group had to advance on them, taking their potshots as we got closer. He was enjoying it. It's at this moment that he used a power from the hunter class. I asked him why didn't he specialize himself for damage like he said he was. He shot me down with a: “Don't be that guy! DON'T BE THAT GUY! I know what I'm DOING!” I later told him that Hunter powers are from the Essential version of the Seeker, making him a Hybrid Controller. He didn't believe me at first, but I was right. From then on, he referred himself as the controller of the group. (Anthony: “Yeah, that's why some of us decided to remake our characters.”)

We talked for a while after the session. We decided on inviting one of my own players, Sam, and I told them tale of my friend and player Oblivion. He's a guy that loves teasing people who act poorly, by just poking them with a bit of reality. The group begged me to invite him and so I did. Tales of Cwal's sportsmanship was all it took for him to join. He giggled when we told him that Cwal wanted to be the Lone Hero and we were just cannon fodder.

The third session, we organized a trap for some NPC. We placed ourselves at the ready inside the tavern where everything would go down. Cwal climbed a nearby building to shoot at anything he would see, despite that Abbath told him he couldn't see inside. (Abbath: “Add repeatedly to that.”)(Oblivion: “And not just Abbath, but mister high and mighty wouldn't listen.”) We fought the battle inside, blocking the door and trying to keep our target inside. The fight took a few rounds and during that time Cwal couldn't do anything. He grew angrier and more spiteful with each passing round. In the end, he berated the DM so that he could join. (Oblivion: “It was so funny) He made angry demands and before Abbath could say anything, he acted as if he did. Outside of the table, in our secret chat, we laughed at his expense and more.

The last session we had was even worse. We found ourself in tight corner. Cwal decided to enter into Melee combat this time. He entered the room and attacked some bandit, who quickly flanked him. “I'll save you!” I said to Cwal while my rogue killed the bandit. This didn't sit well with Cwal who claimed to be ok. Oblivion chimed in saying that effectively, to my character, he was in deep shit and to keep quiet. The second thing that twisted his panties was my last hit which the DM declared had pierced an Alchemist fire potion located inside the enemy's vest. We all got whiplash from the flames. We continued on and while we did, Oblivion decided to stream the session. It's was requested by other players who wished to see Cwal in action. The idea came from Cwal originally, so we figured it was no big deal.

The second fight was with a couple Packs of Drakes. Cwal jumped again in melee with his glaive (Nikolai: "You Fool!!"). For those not in the know, Glaives are some of the rare weapons that have Reach 2. It mean you can be 2 squares away and still hit, while most of the other melee weapons are Reach 1. Still, he was right there, up close. This is when one of our viewers, Craptastic-13, messaged him, saying “NOOOOOOB!” The place was blocked by the fighter and the ranger and the other four couldn't do anything. I asked them to back aways to a more open area so we could all take shots. Only our fighter listened. In the end, Vicryn fell unconscious. Infuriated, he put all the blame on the fighter, who was as badly injured as he was. (Nikolai: “He threatened to stab my fighter with a non-existant short sword, to which Crap replied: "Glaive Him, Skippy!! Glaive Him! Cwal was a real ass about this.”) Craptastic chimed in again with another comment: ”That was a Dumb Move” Says the Ranged Striker who went into melee. News Flash: "You're Doing It Wrong.”

I know Craptastic-13. While most of us have a Jiminy Cricket on our shoulder telling us not to do something, his just decided to go retire on a sunny beach with a bottle of Tequila. We never used anything he say against him. But this came out of left field for us and we could barely keep a straight face. We gave props to Crap whole-heartedly in the chat and telling him he won the “Interwebz”. Cwal turned against us at this point. He angrily questioned everyone. I told him I didn't know Crap, and Oblivion said to block him. We both knew that Crap could do far worse, and we weren't sure he could take his full-on comments. In the end, Oblivion told him, he was streaming. He claimed, talking for us all, telling us that we should have at least been warned. The group, in a single voice, said we didn't have any problem with it. At this moment, Oblivion dropped the final bomb: “Would you have acted differently if you knew?” He left the group and disconnected from the server. We laughed and congratulated Crap and Oblivion. It was the funniest thing that has happened in this group.

Cwal's ego didn't ended there. He contacted the DM, demanding apologies from the group who went on and sent him U Mad videos. He sent Abbath this verbose message: “give them an untimatuim in my name ok otherwise your group will fail”. We answered by telling him that his spot was now taken by Craptastic-13. He still send message to Abbath asking how the campaign is going.

We tried to explain to him the rules, the game, and the world. We really tried. Really, there's no victim here. Cwal did this to himself. Can you really blame us after all the chances we've given the guy? Would any of you acted differently in the same circumstance?

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