I'm not sure about any more advice but I must say this forum is horribly negative. Anytime anyone has a relationship problem 90% of the people here answer with a END IT JUST END IT.
Seriously
Well you have to consider that people don't usually come to a forum for advice on a problem like "I didn't put my dirty laundry in the hamper and she got a bit testy. What should I do?" Usually it's for something bigger and may be something that's been left to fester for a while.
The relationship between the OP and her friend is based on sex. They're together so they can bone each other. That's not happening. Logic dictates that the friend, in the fuckbuddy relationship, is useless. So what the hell else is she supposed to do? She wants sex, he doesn't provide it, she should look for someone who can. No one is telling her to stop being friends with him, just to drop the fuckbuddy act because quite frankly, there's no fucking going on so he's really just a buddy.
And she's gone above and beyond being understanding and helpful and patient so there's nothing to feel bad about.
I dunno if I'd recommend doggy style for someone having erectile issues, for one the position itself doesn't lend itself for the best penetration options (especially if the guy is not very well endowed) not to mention there is a disconnect from the person you are fucking since you only really see their ass, though if that's his problem maybe this would help. You could also try anal sex if he's up for it.
Are you a moaner?
Above all else I still recommend speaking openly about your problem with him and then dumping him. You are actively trying to find a solution to your problem, your lover from what you have told us, is not. That says something.
At first I didn't think he was well endowed, given the initial problem, but it's not THAT bad. I'm aware he is sensitive regarding it because one time on the show after we had started "dating" he asked me whether or not size mattered, and he still looked a bit flustered after my response that "a guys size matters to girls as much as a girls boob size matters to the guy, it really all depends." I had to add in that it personally didn't matter to me.
Yes, I am, though I try to be quiet in order to be respectful of the fact that he has roommates, plus he never really seemed to be all that vocal--except at one point when he seemed really ready to do it.
I'm aware that everyone is saying to dump him, honestly, if he's so closed with me, he could be on the verge of it anyways. I feel that given the situation it would be incredibly insensitive of me to do so, and besides, I still like him a lot--I wouldn't be able to go on the radio show knowing that I dumped him because he had a penis problem, it's like having a damn elephant in the room that noone else can see.
On top can reduce blood flow and can cause a lost erection. I think evaluting how you're acting during sex can hep too.
Depsite attractiveness the worst sex I've ever had were with girls who were too shy to do anything or too quiet to verbalize. If you're comfortable with your body he'll be much more comfortable with you.
We've tried a myriad of positions, including me being on top and plain ol' missionary as suggested by others. I don't know, he always seems intent on pleasing me, when that's not really the issue here.
I think Nexus, you might have hit it on the spot, I'm an incredibly shy person especially in regards to my body (much of this due to a history of relationship abuse anyways, so I'm not going to deny that I'm insecure). I'm not comfortable with my body, being with him in this regard has really helped me a lot, but this ED issue has really taken a toll on me...
Next time you get intimate, try to have fun without the pressure of insertion.
Don't even bring the idea up.
Touching and oral the whole time, to completion. I think it might help him get over the anxiety if he realizes you want to please him to the full extent.
I might give that a try, last time after the fellatio I felt bad because I stopped right before he finished, but it was because he pulled me up. What do I do if he does that? Finish him off anyways?
The next time I see him is Thursday night for the show, if we do anything that night, I'm going to try the advice given to me, but if it doesn't work with this advice, then it's really beyond my control, and I'll quit.
I really appreciate all of the input I'm getting from you guys, it's really helping me get through this. When I got back on Sunday I was a total wreck because I didn't really know why it was happening.
I just want to reiterate that the problem is definetly not with you. Don't feel bad. You are fine. You are normal. He is not. Don't let this bring you down. If anything, you are so hot that he gets nervous when its go time. You have no problem getting him hard when he isn't faced with having sex
AKA - LOSING HIS VIRGINITY IM GOD DAMN SERIOUS
. The only thing you can do to make this bad situation ANY worse is to take it personally. Don't feel bad... seriously. If his roommates saw you go into his room w/ him he's not ashamed to be with you. He is attracted to you. If he only told you to come over when his roommates weren't there, then there might be something to worry about. There seems to be something wrong with his head.
I think you need to talk to him and get a few things straight... such as:
a) is he a virgin
b) is he acting the way hes acting to you because he is ashamed and feeling guilty (I'm talking about the apathetic convo you posted earlier)
c) Does he want to solve this or just call it quits? (This SHOULD be your call, but I've been in his position before and the last thing I wanted was my g/f to drop me.... if I could figure it out with her... which I eventually did... I would be a million times more confident. Surprise: I was a virgin.)
It sounds like you are being very considerate of his feelings. He is not being considerate of yours. It seems like he is removing himself from the situation w/o realizing or caring about the toll it is taking on your self esteem.
Do you understand that this is in no way your fault at all and it is 100% something wrong with him either physically or mentally? Please understand this, because I know it was tearing my ex-g/f apart.
... of course after I was "fixed" she complained about how much I wanted it.
Have you tried talking dirty to him? I've been in this situation once or twice before, and some dirty talk will always get my over my anxieties. Nothing makes me forget about my worries more then when a woman starts to talk dirty to me.
I just want to reiterate that the problem is definetly not with you. Don't feel bad. You are fine. You are normal. He is not. Don't let this bring you down. If anything, you are so hot that he gets nervous when its go time. You have no problem getting him hard when he isn't faced with having sex
AKA - LOSING HIS VIRGINITY IM GOD DAMN SERIOUS
.
The only thing you can do to make this bad situation ANY worse is to take it personally. Don't feel bad... seriously. If his roommates saw you go into his room w/ him he's not ashamed to be with you. He is attracted to you. If he only told you to come over when his roommates weren't there, then there might be something to worry about. There seems to be something wrong with his head.
I think you need to talk to him and get a few things straight... such as:
a) is he a virgin
b) is he acting the way hes acting to you because he is ashamed and feeling guilty (I'm talking about the apathetic convo you posted earlier)
The first time I actually met his roommates, I don't think it was intended, they each have single rooms--and they leave the doors closed for the most part. I think the hard this is that his ex-girlfriend is also the sister to his roommate's girlfriend. I don't think he wanted word of me getting back to her, especially since our...whatever started about a month and a half after they broke up. He looked really embarressed when I introduced myself to said roommates and he said "she's got a firm grip, she's a keeper"
He also won't kiss me goodbye in front of them...
How the heck am I supposed to ask him if he's a virgin, like that won't be awkward...what if he takes offense.
Here's another sample of a conversation between us, merely minutes ago:
Him (10:45:47 AM): hello back, im sorry you lost your scarf
me (11:03:39 AM): d'you know if the show is still on for thursday
him (11:04:26 AM): i would imagine so
me(11:04:46 AM): okay.
me(11:04:54 AM): do you want to do something after the show?
me(11:04:58 AM): should it occur...
Him(11:05:31 AM): cant this thursday
me(11:05:32 AM): ah alright.
Him(11:06:40 AM): ok ill talk to you later lots of work to do
He seems to be avoiding talking to me, thursday is usually the day that we meet anyways, so I don't know what to do.
I also think that I messed up, I had an away message up the day that it happened that said "today=sucks"
because I was having a shitty day in general, and he messaged me back saying "sorry today sucks"
I told him I lost my scarf and almost died on some ice.
I just want to reiterate that the problem is definetly not with you. Don't feel bad. You are fine. You are normal. He is not. Don't let this bring you down. If anything, you are so hot that he gets nervous when its go time. You have no problem getting him hard when he isn't faced with having sex
AKA - LOSING HIS VIRGINITY IM GOD DAMN SERIOUS
.
The only thing you can do to make this bad situation ANY worse is to take it personally. Don't feel bad... seriously. If his roommates saw you go into his room w/ him he's not ashamed to be with you. He is attracted to you. If he only told you to come over when his roommates weren't there, then there might be something to worry about. There seems to be something wrong with his head.
I think you need to talk to him and get a few things straight... such as:
a) is he a virgin
b) is he acting the way hes acting to you because he is ashamed and feeling guilty (I'm talking about the apathetic convo you posted earlier)
The first time I actually met his roommates, I don't think it was intended, they each have single rooms--and they leave the doors closed for the most part. I think the hard this is that his ex-girlfriend is also the sister to his roommate's girlfriend. I don't think he wanted word of me getting back to her, especially since our...whatever started about a month and a half after they broke up. He looked really embarressed when I introduced myself to said roommates and he said "she's got a firm grip, she's a keeper"
He also won't kiss me goodbye in front of them...
How the heck am I supposed to ask him if he's a virgin, like that won't be awkward...what if he takes offense.
Here's another sample of a conversation between us, merely minutes ago:
Him (10:45:47 AM): hello back, im sorry you lost your scarf
me (11:03:39 AM): d'you know if the show is still on for thursday
him (11:04:26 AM): i would imagine so
me(11:04:46 AM): okay.
me(11:04:54 AM): do you want to do something after the show?
me(11:04:58 AM): should it occur...
Him(11:05:31 AM): cant this thursday
me(11:05:32 AM): ah alright.
Him(11:06:40 AM): ok ill talk to you later lots of work to do
He seems to be avoiding talking to me, thursday is usually the day that we meet anyways, so I don't know what to do.
I also think that I messed up, I had an away message up the day that it happened that said "today=sucks"
because I was having a shitty day in general, and he messaged me back saying "sorry today sucks"
I told him I lost my scarf and almost died on some ice.
Woha, I'd leave him. It sounds like he either wants pity or he doesn't give a shit about you. It seems to me like you're doing all the work trying to fix this situation for him, while it should be the other way round or at least mutual!
I have little experience of my own but will toss in my own outsider observations:
He has some issues with girls and sex - either bad things happened or a complete lack of things have happened in his past: either way he's either lying to you or ignoring his problems - this isn't healthy.
It sounds like you like him a lot more than you lead on - you stated that it was a "fuckbuddy" type of relationship but from your posts, it sounds like you want more than that...
On his end, he might only see it as a "fuckbuddy" deal and he just simply can't perform. He might have already given up on it.
All this, coupled with you leaving in several months leads to absolutely nothing. I'd say keep being his friend, end the sex (or lack thereof) and move on. I know it's hard but there is no good outcome here...
If he wants to please you maybe you should ask him to go down on you to completion. Then after you orgasm, if he is still hard you could try penetration.
Kind of using the oral as a self esteem booster. Be vocal, you don't have to scream but make little pleasure sounds or throw in a little dirty talk while he is down there.
Just dump him already. You are not responsible for his a) happiness, b) intimacy issues, nor are you under any obligation to stick with him. You're not having fun, he's not having fun...
Pity is not the foundation of a healthy relationship.
Regarding the condom issue, we've never involved condoms. After the first failure I figured it'd be better to not ask in the beginning, and maybe wait a little later, I have however, informed him that I am not on birth control.
I don't know if this was mentioned, but my eyes lit up when I saw this quote.
If you're not on birth control, and he knows this, AND he's not using a condom, he may have a latent fear of pregnancy.
This happened to me briefly (not to this extent, I could do it, but I was nervous and softer than usual), and it was solved when I discussed the issue, and the girl agreed to go on birth control and I started using a condom.
misbehavin on
0
RamiusJoined: July 19, 2000Administrator, ClubPAadmin
Regarding the condom issue, we've never involved condoms. After the first failure I figured it'd be better to not ask in the beginning, and maybe wait a little later, I have however, informed him that I am not on birth control.
I don't know if this was mentioned, but my eyes lit up when I saw this quote.
If you're not on birth control, and he knows this, AND he's not using a condom, he may have a latent fear of pregnancy.
This happened to me briefly (not to this extent, I could do it, but I was nervous and softer than usual), and it was solved when I discussed the issue, and the girl agreed to go on birth control and I started using a condom.
She mentioned later in the thread that she "cannot get pregnant" something about scarring on the uterus, but the same thought had occurred to me. I mean, just because you tell somebody you cannot get pregnant doesn't mean they will be 100% confident in that assertion. A fear of causing pregnancy can be a very strong de-motivator, even if it is an irrational fear.
To those still on the whole "don't leave him fix him!" bandwagon: She's obviously made an effort. Multiple efforts. These have not been repaid with any interest in his solving his own problem. He has no interest in making this thing work and it sounds like he has little interest in even being involved in the situation. Women do not owe men anything. They do not owe him, or you, or anyone else the solution to their problems. This is a two way street, but I'm speaking in the context of this thread.
She has made a far greater effort than I would dare anyone to claim in seriousness that he "deserves". She's not his significant other. They have not been together for years and they are not in love. If he is not taking steps along with her towards the solution of this problem, then she should leave him, and do so with a perfectly clean conscience.
Pheezer on
IT'S GOT ME REACHING IN MY POCKET IT'S GOT ME FORKING OVER CASH
CUZ THERE'S SOMETHING IN THE MIDDLE AND IT'S GIVING ME A RASH
A question. When he tries to penetrate, is he holding himself, or are you guiding him in? My first few times, I was better able to relax when the girl I was with guided me in. And even now I prefer it that way when starting out in the missionary position, because I like the intimate contact of being face to face, either making eye contact or kissing during penetration.
I wouldn't recommend trying out doggie at this stage. It'll kind of put him on the spot. The less he thinks about his own performance, or the act itself, the easier a time he'll have maintaining to completion.
If he wants to please you maybe you should ask him to go down on you to completion. Then after you orgasm, if he is still hard you could try penetration.
Kind of using the oral as a self esteem booster. Be vocal, you don't have to scream but make little pleasure sounds or throw in a little dirty talk while he is down there.
We did that, and I personally HATE oral down there, creeps the shit outta me/bad memories. Anyways, I played along, and he got me to completion, but then when I was going for more he was like " I just wanted to do that because I'm not really up to it tonight, and I didn't want you to leave again unsatisfied"
at that point I just told him he never needed to worry about that blah blah blah.
A question. When he tries to penetrate, is he holding himself, or are you guiding him in? My first few times, I was better able to relax when the girl I was with guided me in. And even now I prefer it that way when starting out in the missionary position, because I like the intimate contact of being face to face, either making eye contact or kissing during penetration.
I wouldn't recommend trying out doggie at this stage. It'll kind of put him on the spot. The less he thinks about his own performance, or the act itself, the easier a time he'll have maintaining to completion.
It goes both ways, usually I guide him, it gets confusing because usually he thinks he's hard enough but he's really not...and I never want to outright say "you're not hard enough". Yeah, we started out in missionary too. Eye contact with us...doesn't really happen.
Thanks for the advice.
MotherFirefly on
0
HalfmexI mock your value systemYou also appear foolish in the eyes of othersRegistered Userregular
This really just sounds like the guy isn't into you. That's not a knock against you at all, so please don't interpret it as such, but let's look at what you've stated so far:
1. The guy can't maintain himself during intimacy.
2. Every conversation you've posted between the two of you in this thread paints him as being completely uninterested in being intimate with you.
3. When he's with you, he wants to finish you off and be done with it. That smacks of just being courteous more than anything else.
4. You make zero eye contact, ever, during intimacy.
This is just my opinion, so take it for what it's worth, but it seems to me that if he were really interested in you physically, this would not be an issue, or at the very least, he'd be more open with you about it and be willing to take steps to correct the situation. Embarassing or not, that doesn't seem to be the case here.
I'm sure you'll find someone in the future that can reciprocate the interest and effort you've been vainly throwing at this guy, but honestly at this point, you're trying to get blood from a turnip. In a typical relationship, purely physical or otherwise, ideally both parties share a fairly equal level of interest in one another. Here, it just looks like he's going through the motions. Maybe he's confused about himself, maybe he's just not into being physical, but whatever the case, the two of you don't sound like a good match at all. I wish you the best. Take care.
I wouldn't read too much into the non eye-contact. Hell, I can't remember if I make eye contact most of the time, and any time I had a one-night stand there was never any eye contact.
I wouldn't read too much into the non eye-contact. Hell, I can't remember if I make eye contact most of the time, and any time I had a one-night stand there was never any eye contact.
If she didn't notice the lack of eye contact, I'd agree, but if the lack of eye contact is so glaringly obvious and deliberate, then there is definitely something else there.
It is strange to see so much worry going into something that seems so unnatural. It looks as though she and him have different personalities, different ways of dealing with stress and different ways of accepting help. Sex brings intimacy, even if it is done 'casually' - I don't see how these two could become intimate without that same intimacy driving them apart.
Quillblade on
Owl cocked his head and asked,"What should I inquire about?"
Raven said, "Good start".
I would like to see an update to this, when MotherFireFly has time and interest to do so.
That's ducky, but H/A isn't here for your amusement, so please refrain from making posts like this. If you're curious, you can always try to contact the thread creator by private message.
Pheezer on
IT'S GOT ME REACHING IN MY POCKET IT'S GOT ME FORKING OVER CASH
CUZ THERE'S SOMETHING IN THE MIDDLE AND IT'S GIVING ME A RASH
I would like to see an update to this, when MotherFireFly has time and interest to do so.
I apologize, there's not much to go on in regards to updates. I don't actively call him and we had the radio show tonight, it was pretty good. I was actually really embarressed because one of my friends IM'd in and was asking about what to do if a guy couldn't "get it up"
I've yet to see that conversation between them, so I'm sure it'll be interesting.
Eye contact isn't too much of an issue, he has veiled eyes, to a point where it's hard to look him in the eye anyways, besides that eye-contact isn't exactly MY forte either. I think that people are reading too much into it.
I've already established that I'm not going to dump him, I'm allowed to find another guy, and yes, although draining, I'm prepared to accept the situation. He's out there now at the bars I'm sure looking for other girls to test his wiles on.
I think some people may have hit a point on that he's probably not that attracted to me. For our school there's this thing going on called "Sex Week" and there's this magazine which we were discussing on air and there's a for the most part naked girl on the cover, my partner openly expressed his opinion that she was "hot" (please note that he's only ever referred to me as "cute") whereas another guy I'm on the show with explicitly said she looked anorexic, and his reply to that was "any girl can just not eat for the next year, and I'd love them". Now--I am NOT very skinny by any means, yeah I exercise, but I'm 5'9 built pretty large. I'm what we'd like to call ourselves as "curvaceous", so I'm not that girl with no stomach fat and lower end b cup boobs, I'm sorry. So I'm just thinking, maybe it's my body that's being such a turn off to him...
We usually hang out after the show but he had "plans", the show went fine, I was a lot more active, and he commented on some changes in my appearance (I wore lipstick, but that was to cover up the fact that I've been really sick this week), they didn't really make fun of me for it. It was just noted. If we hang out again I'll be sure to let you guys know, I'm not trying to be lax with this at all, believe me it's important. Y'alls opinions/advice has really helped out a lot.
I would like to see an update to this, when MotherFireFly has time and interest to do so.
I apologize, there's not much to go on in regards to updates. I don't actively call him and we had the radio show tonight, it was pretty good. I was actually really embarressed because one of my friends IM'd in and was asking about what to do if a guy couldn't "get it up"
I've yet to see that conversation between them, so I'm sure it'll be interesting.
Eye contact isn't too much of an issue, he has veiled eyes, to a point where it's hard to look him in the eye anyways, besides that eye-contact isn't exactly MY forte either. I think that people are reading too much into it.
1)I've already established that I'm not going to dump him, I'm allowed to find another guy, and yes, although draining, I'm prepared to accept the situation. He's out there now at the bars I'm sure looking for other girls to test his wiles on.
I think some people may have hit a point on that he's probably not that attracted to me. For our school there's this thing going on called "Sex Week" and there's this magazine which we were discussing on air and there's a for the most part naked girl on the cover, my partner openly expressed his opinion that she was "hot" (please note that he's only ever referred to me as "cute") 2)whereas another guy I'm on the show with explicitly said she looked anorexic, and his reply to that was "any girl can just not eat for the next year, and I'd love them". Now--I am NOT very skinny by any means, yeah I exercise, but I'm 5'9 built pretty large. I'm what we'd like to call ourselves as "curvaceous", so I'm not that girl with no stomach fat and lower end b cup boobs, I'm sorry. So I'm just thinking, maybe it's my body that's being such a turn off to him...
3)We usually hang out after the show but he had "plans", the show went fine, I was a lot more active, and he commented on some changes in my appearance (I wore lipstick, but that was to cover up the fact that I've been really sick this week), they didn't really make fun of me for it. It was just noted. If we hang out again I'll be sure to let you guys know, I'm not trying to be lax with this at all, believe me it's important. Y'alls opinions/advice has really helped out a lot.
So I numbered this for easy understanding:
1)Wow, do you find this to be part of a healthy relationship? You two don't have a relationship at this point from what I have read. The friends aspect is seeming kind of shaky to me. I don't want to sound like a jerk, but you are in for some heartache if you think this could ever go anywhere.
2)I just want you to know that as a guy, I find this disgusting. If I see ribs, I am turned off physically.
3)This also leads me to believe the friendship is waning. He would talk to you more if it was a friendship, especially if it is a relationship.
Good luck with everything, you seem really nice.
TehSpectre on
0
HalfmexI mock your value systemYou also appear foolish in the eyes of othersRegistered Userregular
"any girl can just not eat for the next year, and I'd love them".
Regardless of the other information in your post, let me just say that this man's comments are definitely not representative of men on the whole. Whatever you decide to do with this person, do not, for any reason, take this comment to heart and think that your body isn't attractive. Lots of men (I'd wager most adult men) aren't into gaunt, skeletal women.
"any girl can just not eat for the next year, and I'd love them".
Regardless of the other information in your post, let me just say that this man's comments are definitely not representative of men on the whole. Whatever you decide to do with this person, do not, for any reason, take this comment to heart and think that your body isn't attractive. Lots of men (I'd wager most adult men) aren't into gaunt, skeletal women.
If I want ribs I'll go to a barbecue joint.
His statement makes me so angry I can't even think of a way to comment on it. I probably would have just kicked his ass then and there.
"any girl can just not eat for the next year, and I'd love them".
Regardless of the other information in your post, let me just say that this man's comments are definitely not representative of men on the whole. Whatever you decide to do with this person, do not, for any reason, take this comment to heart and think that your body isn't attractive. Lots of men (I'd wager most adult men) aren't into gaunt, skeletal women.
If I want ribs I'll go to a barbecue joint.
His statement makes me so angry I can't even think of a way to comment on it. I probably would have just kicked his ass then and there.
Agreed, we don't need people perpetuating the 'anorexic look' that's running rampant right now. I prefer women with more meat on their bones, they're less likely to be shallow and are generally more fun-loving than the stick-thin ones.
It's all well and good that you guys like women who aren't starving to death, and his particular choice of words was inarguably rather disgusting, but this isn't on-topic discussion so stop it now.
It's all well and good that you guys like women who aren't starving to death, and his particular choice of words was inarguably rather disgusting, but this isn't on-topic discussion so stop it now.
Well, it could be.
She CLEARLY shouldn't be with someone like that, and part of her problem may very well be his attitude in general.
That would be fine if they weren't running off on a feminist tangent with a bunch of posts making no reference to MotherFirefly or advice for her. Feminism debates are awesome and I love them but they are totally not for H/A.
reccomendations, watch a porn together. Something he might really get into. you two have your radio show so you know what personal kinks he has. even if you do not share the passion for the subject matter, pretend you enjoy it. whilst watching, idly masturbate youself and him.
while yoou are at the adult video store, you might want to take a look at any toys they might have. specificly I am think about these metal rings that go around the pahllis and assist in maintaining an erect state, properly sized ones can work with condoms.
other items I can reccomend are things Kike KY warming or tingling gel, and some good old fashioned oral (which you seem quite profficent in)
finally make sure he is hard, and I mean REALLY HARD when you go to it. the other thing to keep in mind is that you need to be moist, and open. men can lose thier erection really quick if they are facing a vagina that is not well lubricated or too tight.
I've found that shared kinks are always a good way to get things going. I've been in sexual lows where I haven't wanted to have anything to do with sex, and then someone plays on my Nazi kink (or a different one) and away I go.
Also, I've found all my misfires to have occured when doing it doggy style, and the best way to deal with it is not to make a big deal with it. All the girls I've been with when its occured have been understanding about it, and usually it just takes a few minutes of talking followed by some playful wrestling before I'm back and better than ever. I've found, if anything, trying too hard just makes things even worst.
I got a text message. Asked me how my night was going, I've been sick and therefore out of commission. I sent him back that it was relatively uneventful/boring.
two more texts pretty much saying I hope you have a good night.
So, he's being nice...change of pace? how is this to be interpreted now?
Eh, could mean a lot of things. He didn't strike up a chat with you, he may be worried that you've been thinking about dumping him (since he is being a dick to you), he may be feeling nice.
has anyone said boner pills? Try that. Just grind it up in some of his food so that way he doesn't feel self conscious about it. he would probably be offended otherwise.
has anyone said boner pills? Try that. Just grind it up in some of his food so that way he doesn't feel self conscious about it. he would probably be offended otherwise.
You do realize that if he were taking certain medications, has a heart condition, etc...etc. it can cause death...you knew that right?
He pulled a red card for it. Anyone who suggests secretly drugging their partner as a solution to pretty much any problem is going to catch an infraction for it, or worse.
Pheezer on
IT'S GOT ME REACHING IN MY POCKET IT'S GOT ME FORKING OVER CASH
CUZ THERE'S SOMETHING IN THE MIDDLE AND IT'S GIVING ME A RASH
0
RamiusJoined: July 19, 2000Administrator, ClubPAadmin
edited March 2007
And, in fact, there was someone else who nabbed a red card for the same stupid comment back on page one (though he's edited his message now).
heaven almighty both of these cats sound like the least sexy people I have ever heard of. you are both in your low 20s relax and put down the manual. if it doesnt work then move on for christmas sakes.
if i were a fly on the wall i'd pray i'd get swatted. for reals.
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Well you have to consider that people don't usually come to a forum for advice on a problem like "I didn't put my dirty laundry in the hamper and she got a bit testy. What should I do?" Usually it's for something bigger and may be something that's been left to fester for a while.
The relationship between the OP and her friend is based on sex. They're together so they can bone each other. That's not happening. Logic dictates that the friend, in the fuckbuddy relationship, is useless. So what the hell else is she supposed to do? She wants sex, he doesn't provide it, she should look for someone who can. No one is telling her to stop being friends with him, just to drop the fuckbuddy act because quite frankly, there's no fucking going on so he's really just a buddy.
And she's gone above and beyond being understanding and helpful and patient so there's nothing to feel bad about.
At first I didn't think he was well endowed, given the initial problem, but it's not THAT bad. I'm aware he is sensitive regarding it because one time on the show after we had started "dating" he asked me whether or not size mattered, and he still looked a bit flustered after my response that "a guys size matters to girls as much as a girls boob size matters to the guy, it really all depends." I had to add in that it personally didn't matter to me.
Yes, I am, though I try to be quiet in order to be respectful of the fact that he has roommates, plus he never really seemed to be all that vocal--except at one point when he seemed really ready to do it.
I'm aware that everyone is saying to dump him, honestly, if he's so closed with me, he could be on the verge of it anyways. I feel that given the situation it would be incredibly insensitive of me to do so, and besides, I still like him a lot--I wouldn't be able to go on the radio show knowing that I dumped him because he had a penis problem, it's like having a damn elephant in the room that noone else can see.
We've tried a myriad of positions, including me being on top and plain ol' missionary as suggested by others. I don't know, he always seems intent on pleasing me, when that's not really the issue here.
I think Nexus, you might have hit it on the spot, I'm an incredibly shy person especially in regards to my body (much of this due to a history of relationship abuse anyways, so I'm not going to deny that I'm insecure). I'm not comfortable with my body, being with him in this regard has really helped me a lot, but this ED issue has really taken a toll on me...
I might give that a try, last time after the fellatio I felt bad because I stopped right before he finished, but it was because he pulled me up. What do I do if he does that? Finish him off anyways?
The next time I see him is Thursday night for the show, if we do anything that night, I'm going to try the advice given to me, but if it doesn't work with this advice, then it's really beyond my control, and I'll quit.
I really appreciate all of the input I'm getting from you guys, it's really helping me get through this. When I got back on Sunday I was a total wreck because I didn't really know why it was happening.
I just want to reiterate that the problem is definetly not with you. Don't feel bad. You are fine. You are normal. He is not. Don't let this bring you down. If anything, you are so hot that he gets nervous when its go time. You have no problem getting him hard when he isn't faced with having sex
I think you need to talk to him and get a few things straight... such as:
a) is he a virgin
b) is he acting the way hes acting to you because he is ashamed and feeling guilty (I'm talking about the apathetic convo you posted earlier)
c) Does he want to solve this or just call it quits? (This SHOULD be your call, but I've been in his position before and the last thing I wanted was my g/f to drop me.... if I could figure it out with her... which I eventually did... I would be a million times more confident. Surprise: I was a virgin.)
It sounds like you are being very considerate of his feelings. He is not being considerate of yours. It seems like he is removing himself from the situation w/o realizing or caring about the toll it is taking on your self esteem.
Do you understand that this is in no way your fault at all and it is 100% something wrong with him either physically or mentally? Please understand this, because I know it was tearing my ex-g/f apart.
... of course after I was "fixed" she complained about how much I wanted it.
And now after seeing your picture and saying that, I'm going to go have a cold shower.
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Expect a PM.
The first time I actually met his roommates, I don't think it was intended, they each have single rooms--and they leave the doors closed for the most part. I think the hard this is that his ex-girlfriend is also the sister to his roommate's girlfriend. I don't think he wanted word of me getting back to her, especially since our...whatever started about a month and a half after they broke up. He looked really embarressed when I introduced myself to said roommates and he said "she's got a firm grip, she's a keeper"
He also won't kiss me goodbye in front of them...
How the heck am I supposed to ask him if he's a virgin, like that won't be awkward...what if he takes offense.
Here's another sample of a conversation between us, merely minutes ago:
Him (10:45:47 AM): hello back, im sorry you lost your scarf
me (11:03:39 AM): d'you know if the show is still on for thursday
him (11:04:26 AM): i would imagine so
me(11:04:46 AM): okay.
me(11:04:54 AM): do you want to do something after the show?
me(11:04:58 AM): should it occur...
Him(11:05:31 AM): cant this thursday
me(11:05:32 AM): ah alright.
Him(11:06:40 AM): ok ill talk to you later lots of work to do
He seems to be avoiding talking to me, thursday is usually the day that we meet anyways, so I don't know what to do.
I also think that I messed up, I had an away message up the day that it happened that said "today=sucks"
because I was having a shitty day in general, and he messaged me back saying "sorry today sucks"
I told him I lost my scarf and almost died on some ice.
Woha, I'd leave him. It sounds like he either wants pity or he doesn't give a shit about you. It seems to me like you're doing all the work trying to fix this situation for him, while it should be the other way round or at least mutual!
He has some issues with girls and sex - either bad things happened or a complete lack of things have happened in his past: either way he's either lying to you or ignoring his problems - this isn't healthy.
It sounds like you like him a lot more than you lead on - you stated that it was a "fuckbuddy" type of relationship but from your posts, it sounds like you want more than that...
On his end, he might only see it as a "fuckbuddy" deal and he just simply can't perform. He might have already given up on it.
All this, coupled with you leaving in several months leads to absolutely nothing. I'd say keep being his friend, end the sex (or lack thereof) and move on. I know it's hard but there is no good outcome here...
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Kind of using the oral as a self esteem booster. Be vocal, you don't have to scream but make little pleasure sounds or throw in a little dirty talk while he is down there.
In my (unfortunate) experience, 2 crazy people don't work. Someone needs to be relatively sane for any longevity or.... y'know
not being completely dysfunctional
Pity is not the foundation of a healthy relationship.
I don't know if this was mentioned, but my eyes lit up when I saw this quote.
If you're not on birth control, and he knows this, AND he's not using a condom, he may have a latent fear of pregnancy.
This happened to me briefly (not to this extent, I could do it, but I was nervous and softer than usual), and it was solved when I discussed the issue, and the girl agreed to go on birth control and I started using a condom.
She mentioned later in the thread that she "cannot get pregnant" something about scarring on the uterus, but the same thought had occurred to me. I mean, just because you tell somebody you cannot get pregnant doesn't mean they will be 100% confident in that assertion. A fear of causing pregnancy can be a very strong de-motivator, even if it is an irrational fear.
She has made a far greater effort than I would dare anyone to claim in seriousness that he "deserves". She's not his significant other. They have not been together for years and they are not in love. If he is not taking steps along with her towards the solution of this problem, then she should leave him, and do so with a perfectly clean conscience.
CUZ THERE'S SOMETHING IN THE MIDDLE AND IT'S GIVING ME A RASH
I wouldn't recommend trying out doggie at this stage. It'll kind of put him on the spot. The less he thinks about his own performance, or the act itself, the easier a time he'll have maintaining to completion.
We did that, and I personally HATE oral down there, creeps the shit outta me/bad memories. Anyways, I played along, and he got me to completion, but then when I was going for more he was like " I just wanted to do that because I'm not really up to it tonight, and I didn't want you to leave again unsatisfied"
at that point I just told him he never needed to worry about that blah blah blah.
It goes both ways, usually I guide him, it gets confusing because usually he thinks he's hard enough but he's really not...and I never want to outright say "you're not hard enough". Yeah, we started out in missionary too. Eye contact with us...doesn't really happen.
Thanks for the advice.
1. The guy can't maintain himself during intimacy.
2. Every conversation you've posted between the two of you in this thread paints him as being completely uninterested in being intimate with you.
3. When he's with you, he wants to finish you off and be done with it. That smacks of just being courteous more than anything else.
4. You make zero eye contact, ever, during intimacy.
This is just my opinion, so take it for what it's worth, but it seems to me that if he were really interested in you physically, this would not be an issue, or at the very least, he'd be more open with you about it and be willing to take steps to correct the situation. Embarassing or not, that doesn't seem to be the case here.
I'm sure you'll find someone in the future that can reciprocate the interest and effort you've been vainly throwing at this guy, but honestly at this point, you're trying to get blood from a turnip. In a typical relationship, purely physical or otherwise, ideally both parties share a fairly equal level of interest in one another. Here, it just looks like he's going through the motions. Maybe he's confused about himself, maybe he's just not into being physical, but whatever the case, the two of you don't sound like a good match at all. I wish you the best. Take care.
If she didn't notice the lack of eye contact, I'd agree, but if the lack of eye contact is so glaringly obvious and deliberate, then there is definitely something else there.
I'm afraid I agree with Halfmex.
Raven said, "Good start".
That's ducky, but H/A isn't here for your amusement, so please refrain from making posts like this. If you're curious, you can always try to contact the thread creator by private message.
CUZ THERE'S SOMETHING IN THE MIDDLE AND IT'S GIVING ME A RASH
I apologize, there's not much to go on in regards to updates. I don't actively call him and we had the radio show tonight, it was pretty good. I was actually really embarressed because one of my friends IM'd in and was asking about what to do if a guy couldn't "get it up"
I've yet to see that conversation between them, so I'm sure it'll be interesting.
Eye contact isn't too much of an issue, he has veiled eyes, to a point where it's hard to look him in the eye anyways, besides that eye-contact isn't exactly MY forte either. I think that people are reading too much into it.
I've already established that I'm not going to dump him, I'm allowed to find another guy, and yes, although draining, I'm prepared to accept the situation. He's out there now at the bars I'm sure looking for other girls to test his wiles on.
I think some people may have hit a point on that he's probably not that attracted to me. For our school there's this thing going on called "Sex Week" and there's this magazine which we were discussing on air and there's a for the most part naked girl on the cover, my partner openly expressed his opinion that she was "hot" (please note that he's only ever referred to me as "cute") whereas another guy I'm on the show with explicitly said she looked anorexic, and his reply to that was "any girl can just not eat for the next year, and I'd love them". Now--I am NOT very skinny by any means, yeah I exercise, but I'm 5'9 built pretty large. I'm what we'd like to call ourselves as "curvaceous", so I'm not that girl with no stomach fat and lower end b cup boobs, I'm sorry. So I'm just thinking, maybe it's my body that's being such a turn off to him...
We usually hang out after the show but he had "plans", the show went fine, I was a lot more active, and he commented on some changes in my appearance (I wore lipstick, but that was to cover up the fact that I've been really sick this week), they didn't really make fun of me for it. It was just noted. If we hang out again I'll be sure to let you guys know, I'm not trying to be lax with this at all, believe me it's important. Y'alls opinions/advice has really helped out a lot.
1)Wow, do you find this to be part of a healthy relationship? You two don't have a relationship at this point from what I have read. The friends aspect is seeming kind of shaky to me. I don't want to sound like a jerk, but you are in for some heartache if you think this could ever go anywhere.
2)I just want you to know that as a guy, I find this disgusting. If I see ribs, I am turned off physically.
3)This also leads me to believe the friendship is waning. He would talk to you more if it was a friendship, especially if it is a relationship.
Good luck with everything, you seem really nice.
If I want ribs I'll go to a barbecue joint.
His statement makes me so angry I can't even think of a way to comment on it. I probably would have just kicked his ass then and there.
Agreed, we don't need people perpetuating the 'anorexic look' that's running rampant right now. I prefer women with more meat on their bones, they're less likely to be shallow and are generally more fun-loving than the stick-thin ones.
Well, it could be.
She CLEARLY shouldn't be with someone like that, and part of her problem may very well be his attitude in general.
reccomendations, watch a porn together. Something he might really get into. you two have your radio show so you know what personal kinks he has. even if you do not share the passion for the subject matter, pretend you enjoy it. whilst watching, idly masturbate youself and him.
while yoou are at the adult video store, you might want to take a look at any toys they might have. specificly I am think about these metal rings that go around the pahllis and assist in maintaining an erect state, properly sized ones can work with condoms.
other items I can reccomend are things Kike KY warming or tingling gel, and some good old fashioned oral (which you seem quite profficent in)
finally make sure he is hard, and I mean REALLY HARD when you go to it. the other thing to keep in mind is that you need to be moist, and open. men can lose thier erection really quick if they are facing a vagina that is not well lubricated or too tight.
Also, I've found all my misfires to have occured when doing it doggy style, and the best way to deal with it is not to make a big deal with it. All the girls I've been with when its occured have been understanding about it, and usually it just takes a few minutes of talking followed by some playful wrestling before I'm back and better than ever. I've found, if anything, trying too hard just makes things even worst.
I got a text message. Asked me how my night was going, I've been sick and therefore out of commission. I sent him back that it was relatively uneventful/boring.
two more texts pretty much saying I hope you have a good night.
So, he's being nice...change of pace? how is this to be interpreted now?
Can't really judge based on something that short.
That is horrible advice.
CUZ THERE'S SOMETHING IN THE MIDDLE AND IT'S GIVING ME A RASH
http://forums.penny-arcade.com/showthread.php?t=17034#post1120592
if i were a fly on the wall i'd pray i'd get swatted. for reals.
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