I'll cut to the chase: I am fairly certain I need a counselor. Not medication at this point, but someone to talk to and lead to improvement. How do I do this?
Personal issue wrap-up beings here:
People who know me know that I've got fairly low self esteem. I don't have much independence despite having my own apartment (thanks to not having a car), I'm not healthy in terms of exercise, and in general I find myself desiring things without any clue how to do it - such as a relationship, which I've never been in despite being 30.
In the past, I've been diagnosed with ADD (Junior high) and Seasonal Affective Disorder, which reaches its worst... well.. about now. A couple years ago General Anxiety Disorder was added to my medical rap sheet, and the psychiatrist at the time said there was a chance I had a mild case of OCD regarding some subjects as well.
Lately, I've been noticing my anxiety has been getting worse. At work I mask that by rushing into things headlong without proper planning (in an effort to prove myself), but after that proved nearly disastrous last year I've toned that back... and have started going the opposite way, where I worry over all the consequences to such a heavy degree that things take much longer to get done. I'm nervous about calling vendors or asking for outside help, for fear that I'm going to be called out for doing something wrong.
In my personal life, my procrastination is getting much worse, and I'm feeling overwhelmed with simple tasks such as cleaning. I don't cook, which leads to me spending far too much money eating out, and from there I have no ability to save, which means I don't have a car - and thus I am pretty much a shut-in.
I was exercising and walking and the like starting in March, and seeing a doctor enough to get on a CPAP and some blood pressure medicine that caused me to dry cough really bad. But due to work I've stopped all that, not finding time to take care of myself.
I'm finding myself drifting away from my friends, mostly because the person I used to hang out with all the time no longer lives close.
So here I am, knowing I need help of some kind. My family tends to frown on counselors and psychiatrists, dismissing them anytime they are brought up. My mom likes making "jokes" about how we are all mentally scarred thanks to her, and how all we are going to do at a counselor is bitch about her. That's... not why I want to go. I really want to get better. I want to feel better about myself, and stop having a low self esteem, and genuinely feel like all the compliments and kudos I get are genuine. Sometimes it sinks in.. but often I don't believe people.. and I hate that feeling.
So where do I even start? Some coworkers have suggested some people in the area, but I'd feel awkward talking to them. I believe my insurance should cover the counselor visit with a copay/deductible under the heading of a specialist, so that shouldn't be a huge issue. And then there's the hurdle of not having a car. Where exactly does one go to find quality counselors who won't just throw me on drugs at the drop of a hat?
And no, I don't feel like I'm whining or being lazy, despite my family being a "bootstraps" kind of place. I broke down last week over something trivial and outside of my control, and I realized then that I need to get help. (The clingy/controlling girlfriend thread is helping too - good God I hope I'm never that way with whoever I eventually meet... you know.. when I learn how to meet new people).
I know I make these kinds of threads every few months around here, but I've yet to find a more intelligent crew of people than I've found here at PA, and that's why I turn to you guys.