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Should I bother keeping a friendship alive?

KyouguKyougu Registered User regular
Not sure how much advice can be given but I thought at least some opinions on the matter could help.

Right now I'm conflicted about reaching out to a friend who moved out of the city about a month ago. I known her for about a year, and in that time we went from being rather good friends (would talk and hang out a lot) to slowly losing contact as she got into a relationship and naturally devoted a lot of her time to that. .None the less we still talked often enough, all the way leading up to her announcing she was moving out of town. I was happy for her, but we started talking even less at this point.

I'll naturally admit that I have a bad habit of feeling like if I'm putting more effort into a friendship of drawing back and this ended up happening. She moved without us even hanging out one last time (not sure who's fault that would be) and now it's been a month since last contact. Part of me wants to send her a text/message/fb thing just asking how her new city is treating her and opening the lines of communication..another part of me feels like she should do that.

So opinions? I really do have tons of awesome friends in the city already, but I always hate the idea of losing a friendship, but at the same time I wonder if it's even worth pursuing.


  • Erin The RedErin The Red The Name's Erin! Woman, Podcaster, Dungeon Master, IT nerd, Parent, Trans. AMA Baton Rouge, LARegistered User regular
    I doubt you'd lose much of anything if you write her a message, aside from the time it took to write it. Seems like you guys "ended" things on friendly enough terms. She may have just been super busy planning for the move. If you send her a message and she blows you off, you can say it's on her, and call it done. If not, then maybe go from there

  • KiasKias Registered User regular
    Yeah, it doesn't hurt just for your own closure. It seems to be something on your mind and I can't think of any reason not to send a short, "how's life" message and see what you get back.


  • tapeslingertapeslinger Space Unicorn Slush Ranger Social Justice Rebel ScumRegistered User regular
    edited April 2013
    Yeah, I would say a "hey! How's it going, how was your move, hope things are cool in (new city)" is not out-of-line, since it doesn't sound like there's any bad blood.

    She might be feeling just as awkward about not getting in touch with you as you are feeling, for what it is worth. I have times where I fall into patterns of being out of touch with people and then feel guilty for not being more proactive at friendingness and then it sort of cycles around until I feel silly about it. A lot of people have similar things, so don't feel bad or weird or whatever, it's pretty normal to lose touch with someone and not know how to pick up the thread again.

    tapeslinger on
  • CelestialBadgerCelestialBadger Registered User regular
    In this age of Facebook it is easy enough to keep in casual contact with former friends and occasionally hang out when they are in town. No need to worry too deeply about it.

  • VeeveeVeevee WisconsinRegistered User regular
    edited April 2013
    Yeah just facebook her, and tell her to get in touch when she comes to town, or you get in touch with her if you are ever in her neck of the woods

    Veevee on
  • ceresceres When the last moon is cast over the last star of morning And the future has past without even a last desperate warningRegistered User, Moderator mod
    Something that has always been near-impossible for me to wrap my emotions around: Friendships don't need to be "deep and meaningful and trusted with my life" or "cold/nothing". Try not to fall into that trap. It's difficult and painful to claw your way out of, if you can. And really, normal people don't work that way and won't understand what the problem is. I mean, I totally work that way and know well where you're coming from, but I also know that it's a trap that will cost you a lot of what could be fairly pleasant relationships because you couldn't come out of your head long enough to stop keeping score.

    And it seems like all is dying, and would leave the world to mourn
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