Anonymous asked homptalk:
Is there anyplace a cis-male interested in dating a transperson should be looking? I am pansexual (I think... pretty sure anyway... at least bi that I know of) and have only briefly met a few trans* persons in my life and haven't had the opportunity. I would be patient and respectful and I really just want to let it be known that I'm interested and also safe. This is not a fetishization thing.
If trans people are your thing, that's not a problem.
That said, there are quite a few trans people on okcupid that I've seen. Just don't go to places like trans support groups to pick up a date.
Also, when you say you want to date a transperson, that tends to come off as fetishizing to us, even if you don't think it is. If you're specifically looking to date a trans girl or boy, then honestly most of us are going to be creeped out because you are fetishizing us. It's fine to be ok and willing to date a transperson if it happens organically, but actively seeking one out to date kinda comes off a little creepy to me.
Obviously some will feel different than me, but yeah.
If I can be treated like a human being, I see no problem with it.
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facetiousa wit so dryit shits sandRegistered Userregular
That ended.. rather devastatingly poorly for me. And the worst side effect is that sometimes it's really difficult for me to give proper attention to trans issues because my train of thought tends to remind me of it and make me depressed. (Instead of just being depressed in general about how awful our culture is to trans people.)
This post doesn't really add anything to the discussion but I kind of blocked that whole thing up too much not wanting to talk about it, so there's some lingering pain I never really vented/dealt with.
hey dude, I am sorry to hear you had a rough time, if you ever want to hang out and talk about whatever, hop on steam and throw me a message
we got your back, and I'm sure people here will listen if there's anything you want to get off your chest
I think the same goes for anyone else reading it. I remember the last thread here was a pretty nice place, should still be that way
and hopefully we can play some league again too once I'm set up with better internet back home!
Thanks man, I appreciate it. And yeah we should play League soon, I haven't had a lot of time for it lately with being on vacation and getting ready to move for my summer job. Will have to find some time once I'm there.
"I am not young enough to know everything." - Oscar Wilde
I guess I just don't like the idea of someone I'm dating only wanting to be with me because I'm an oddity or a fetish in their eye. Makes me feel uncomfortable, like I'm just there to fulfill some sexual fantasy. I want them to be into me for me, and not because I'm trans.
I guess I just don't like the idea of someone I'm dating only wanting to be with me because I'm an oddity or a fetish in their eye. Makes me feel uncomfortable, like I'm just there to fulfill some sexual fantasy. I want them to be into me for me, and not because I'm trans.
Well yeah. Like I said, they had better see me as a human first.
As a dude with 0 dysphoria I would be 100% for becoming a lady for a year+. Maybe not forever? But definitely for quite a while.
Where is ghost in the shell tech but also without exorbitant cost?
Wait
Is this what Ghost in the Shell is about
Nah, it's about a cyberpunk dystopian future. But part of that is basically being able to download your brain into different, very human-like, robot bodies. So, you could download your brain into a lady robot body for a while, if you wanted.
Having had yellow fever in high school (see previous post about us all doing stupid stuff in highschool) and then getting over it, I do feel a mite bit silly now living in Japan for work.
I guess I just don't like the idea of someone I'm dating only wanting to be with me because I'm an oddity or a fetish in their eye. Makes me feel uncomfortable, like I'm just there to fulfill some sexual fantasy. I want them to be into me for me, and not because I'm trans.
Well yeah. Like I said, they had better see me as a human first.
I guess it was the phrasing of anon's question. Why say you want to date a translady? If you're cool with dating one that's awesome. Just be into women or whoever and if you happen to run into a transgirl and you're ok with it, awesome. Just don't seek us out like we're some kind of exotic fruit. I've already had a couple "messages" on a throwaway on a different forum that made me uncomfortable that started out like that.
I guess I just don't like the idea of someone I'm dating only wanting to be with me because I'm an oddity or a fetish in their eye. Makes me feel uncomfortable, like I'm just there to fulfill some sexual fantasy. I want them to be into me for me, and not because I'm trans.
Well yeah. Like I said, they had better see me as a human first.
I guess it was the phrasing of anon's question. Why say you want to date a translady? If you're cool with dating one that's awesome. Just be into women or whoever and if you happen to run into a transgirl and you're ok with it, awesome.
See: What's apparently happening with Depressperado
Ladies are sexy
What's between their legs is pretty inconsequential, to me anyways
I've always found fetishization of either sexual organ to be...odd
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WeaverWho are you?What do you want?Registered Userregular
There's still a part of me that kinda wants to play the license-plate game with sexual partners. Just check off every race/hair-color/profession/etc just so I can be absolutely sure I gave everything a try.
When I had an OKCupid profile I originally wanted to put something in there about dating black or asian women or something until I actually typed it out and read it and then deleted it because what the fuck am I saying?
If I were single I'd be completely open to dating a trans-lady if she were interested. I can't pretend like the novelty of it (for lack of a less-horrible term) wouldn't be exciting because it'd be different from what I am accustomed to but it doesn't mean I would treat her any more like an object than I would anyone else. To me it'd be like dating a girl with tattoos or brightly-colored hair or someone who's really tall or something.
I wouldn't treat dating a trans-woman like dating just any other woman but that's because I don't treat any woman like "just any other woman". I think rare traits are cool.
I guess I just don't like the idea of someone I'm dating only wanting to be with me because I'm an oddity or a fetish in their eye. Makes me feel uncomfortable, like I'm just there to fulfill some sexual fantasy. I want them to be into me for me, and not because I'm trans.
Well yeah. Like I said, they had better see me as a human first.
I guess it was the phrasing of anon's question. Why say you want to date a translady? If you're cool with dating one that's awesome. Just be into women or whoever and if you happen to run into a transgirl and you're ok with it, awesome. Just don't seek us out like we're some kind of exotic fruit. I've already had a couple "messages" on a throwaway on a different forum that made me uncomfortable that started out like that.
maybe they're just into it though?
I mean, I feel like there's a difference between an interest or attraction and being fetishistic.
like, there's a whole scale between digging on asian girls and 'yellow fever' (which is pretty much the worst term for something I ever heard) or thinking redheads are hot and "baby just wear the wig, come on"
like, I'm chubby and kind of an idiot, I wouldn't want to date somebody that was like, "dang look at that guy, his shirt doesn't fit and he can't button it properly that's what I want this whole relationship to be about" and somebody who just thought it was... cute? I don't know that's a bad example, you know what I mean
like, that question does come off kind of... icky? But I dunno
I'm in over my head here but spent too much time typing this post out to just consign it to the trash
Nowadays dudes who act like Asian women are somehow this gold standard and perfect in every way skeeve me the fuck out.
I didn't think that when I was in high school, I just thought they were the prettiest!
My favorite one of those is when the dude says "Oh I will treat you better than the men in your culture" and the girl fires back with some shit and his response is just awful racism
ShivahnUnaware of her barrel shifter privilegeWestern coastal temptressRegistered User, Moderatormod
edited April 2013
I don't think anyone's saying it's bad to kind of have a thing for trans girls. More that "I want to date a hypothetical trans girl" feels kind of like the transness is the most important part of them, when for most people it's a very small part of their lives.
I mean it's a very big part, but it's also just an every day thing.
I am not explaining this well.
My point is that someone who wants to date trans girls specifically feels kind of like someone who wants to date an Asian girl specifically, to the exclusions of others. This is really different from what most people are describing.
I don't think anyone's saying it's bad to kind of have a thing for trans girls. More that "I want to date a hypothetical trans girl" feels kind of like the transness is the most important part of them, when for most people it's a very small part of their lives.
I mean it's a very big part, but it's also just an every day thing.
I am not explaining this well.
My point is that someone who wants to date trans girls specifically feels kind of like someone who wants to date an Asian girl specifically, to the exclusions of others. This is really different from what most people are describing.
I find it kind of an interesting problem. A lot of the problem is that gender binaries dictate language binaries and vice versa, so that it's hard to even talk about this stuff without stepping into all kinds of problematic language. It's tough to be supportive when the very system you are trying to not support dictates how you talk about things.
I guess I just don't like the idea of someone I'm dating only wanting to be with me because I'm an oddity or a fetish in their eye. Makes me feel uncomfortable, like I'm just there to fulfill some sexual fantasy. I want them to be into me for me, and not because I'm trans.
Well yeah. Like I said, they had better see me as a human first.
I guess it was the phrasing of anon's question. Why say you want to date a translady? If you're cool with dating one that's awesome. Just be into women or whoever and if you happen to run into a transgirl and you're ok with it, awesome. Just don't seek us out like we're some kind of exotic fruit. I've already had a couple "messages" on a throwaway on a different forum that made me uncomfortable that started out like that.
It's not up to me to decide if he's fetishizing people, being disingenuous, or whatever. It's up to the people he approaches to decide if they like the way they're being treated and react accordingly.
He did ask a question, though, and like I promised, I answered it.
I know you don't mean it that way Tank but I really don't want someone to date me for the novelty of it or to check me off of their dating/have sex with list. And there's a big difference to me between someone liking different hair colors on a woman and wanting to date a trans girl.
Just be open to dating a person and don't actively seek out a trans girl to date, it's just creeps me out that someone would be interested in me for that particular part of myself.
I guess I just don't like the idea of someone I'm dating only wanting to be with me because I'm an oddity or a fetish in their eye. Makes me feel uncomfortable, like I'm just there to fulfill some sexual fantasy. I want them to be into me for me, and not because I'm trans.
Well yeah. Like I said, they had better see me as a human first.
I guess it was the phrasing of anon's question. Why say you want to date a translady? If you're cool with dating one that's awesome. Just be into women or whoever and if you happen to run into a transgirl and you're ok with it, awesome. Just don't seek us out like we're some kind of exotic fruit. I've already had a couple "messages" on a throwaway on a different forum that made me uncomfortable that started out like that.
It's not up to me to decide if he's fetishizing people, being disingenuous, or whatever. It's up to the people he approaches to decide if they like the way they're being treated and react accordingly.
He did ask a question, though, and like I promised, I answered it.
Oh I understand, and like I said I could be wrong and he just phrased his question wrong. Was basically throwing my 2 cents in, because if he does want to date a trans girl he shouldn't approach her like that; it could ruin his chances.
Nowadays dudes who act like Asian women are somehow this gold standard and perfect in every way skeeve me the fuck out.
I didn't think that when I was in high school, I just thought they were the prettiest!
My favorite one of those is when the dude says "Oh I will treat you better than the men in your culture" and the girl fires back with some shit and his response is just awful racism
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If I can be treated like a human being, I see no problem with it.
Thanks man, I appreciate it. And yeah we should play League soon, I haven't had a lot of time for it lately with being on vacation and getting ready to move for my summer job. Will have to find some time once I'm there.
Steam: Chagrin LoL: Bonhomie
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Oh holy god why.
Well yeah. Like I said, they had better see me as a human first.
Wait
Is this what Ghost in the Shell is about
no, but it fucking should be
tumblr | instagram | twitter | steam
This was me in high school
I am fully ashamed
Nah, it's about a cyberpunk dystopian future. But part of that is basically being able to download your brain into different, very human-like, robot bodies. So, you could download your brain into a lady robot body for a while, if you wanted.
We all did a lot of stupid stuff in high school.
Basically I suck at timing things.
I guess it was the phrasing of anon's question. Why say you want to date a translady? If you're cool with dating one that's awesome. Just be into women or whoever and if you happen to run into a transgirl and you're ok with it, awesome. Just don't seek us out like we're some kind of exotic fruit. I've already had a couple "messages" on a throwaway on a different forum that made me uncomfortable that started out like that.
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See: What's apparently happening with Depressperado
Ladies are sexy
What's between their legs is pretty inconsequential, to me anyways
I've always found fetishization of either sexual organ to be...odd
Going through that phase in the mid-west was annoying for reasons.
When I had an OKCupid profile I originally wanted to put something in there about dating black or asian women or something until I actually typed it out and read it and then deleted it because what the fuck am I saying?
If I were single I'd be completely open to dating a trans-lady if she were interested. I can't pretend like the novelty of it (for lack of a less-horrible term) wouldn't be exciting because it'd be different from what I am accustomed to but it doesn't mean I would treat her any more like an object than I would anyone else. To me it'd be like dating a girl with tattoos or brightly-colored hair or someone who's really tall or something.
I wouldn't treat dating a trans-woman like dating just any other woman but that's because I don't treat any woman like "just any other woman". I think rare traits are cool.
I'm hoping that's not unhealthy.
I didn't think that when I was in high school, I just thought they were the prettiest!
Ghost in the Shell was an influence on my career path.
Neuroscience is so much more exciting when you see the end game.
maybe they're just into it though?
I mean, I feel like there's a difference between an interest or attraction and being fetishistic.
like, there's a whole scale between digging on asian girls and 'yellow fever' (which is pretty much the worst term for something I ever heard) or thinking redheads are hot and "baby just wear the wig, come on"
like, I'm chubby and kind of an idiot, I wouldn't want to date somebody that was like, "dang look at that guy, his shirt doesn't fit and he can't button it properly that's what I want this whole relationship to be about" and somebody who just thought it was... cute? I don't know that's a bad example, you know what I mean
like, that question does come off kind of... icky? But I dunno
I'm in over my head here but spent too much time typing this post out to just consign it to the trash
edit: what Tankhammer said, basically.
Colonialism.
I've got a thing for girls who will talk to me
then that's fine!
tumblr | instagram | twitter | steam
my stomach was just sinking and sinking as I scrolled down that
and now it fell out my butt
This is an underappreciated post.
Kill me forever
Don't let me live with having just read that
My favorite one of those is when the dude says "Oh I will treat you better than the men in your culture" and the girl fires back with some shit and his response is just awful racism
It hurts ussssssss
I mean it's a very big part, but it's also just an every day thing.
I am not explaining this well.
My point is that someone who wants to date trans girls specifically feels kind of like someone who wants to date an Asian girl specifically, to the exclusions of others. This is really different from what most people are describing.
God why does that turn me on
I find it kind of an interesting problem. A lot of the problem is that gender binaries dictate language binaries and vice versa, so that it's hard to even talk about this stuff without stepping into all kinds of problematic language. It's tough to be supportive when the very system you are trying to not support dictates how you talk about things.
Just don't fetishize it
If you happen to meet someone whose stomach sinks and falls out of their butt, that's fine
"that was so racist, I shit out my own stomach"
"he said, after having watched a lifetime of pornography"
It's not up to me to decide if he's fetishizing people, being disingenuous, or whatever. It's up to the people he approaches to decide if they like the way they're being treated and react accordingly.
He did ask a question, though, and like I promised, I answered it.
Just be open to dating a person and don't actively seek out a trans girl to date, it's just creeps me out that someone would be interested in me for that particular part of myself.
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Oh I understand, and like I said I could be wrong and he just phrased his question wrong. Was basically throwing my 2 cents in, because if he does want to date a trans girl he shouldn't approach her like that; it could ruin his chances.
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