Sex Thread (no title idea T_T)

Nataneko

Ok so this is pretty embarrassing, but I tought "hey, everybody is doing it, why not me"

So. I've heard and read a lot of time about girls having trouble lubricating or being "too tight", but never the other way around. I lubricate A LOT. I guess a lot of people wouldn't mind that, and so far it wasn't really a problem, but now my boyfriend has some "sensibilty trouble" as in he doesnt feel anything (except wet).

So. ever seen anything like that? I don't know if there's anything I can do, or something on his side?

sorry, I'm not sure if my english makes sense : /

solsovly

Does he wear a condom?

Nataneko

at first he did, then we tought this may be the problem, so no condom. but I'm taking nuvaring and he never get to the point of ejaculation, presumably because I have the vagina of a woman that gave birth to 25 kids. (I never gave birth. that's just the way I feel I must feel >.<)

supabeast

Have you checked to make sure that you're not using a desensitizing lube? Lubes intended for anal sex often include numbing agents, and some other lubes contain menthol and similar compounds to create cool sensations that can numb a penis.

Does this boyfriend have a smaller penis than the others? If so, try using less lube.

Dread Pirate Arbuthnot

Try doing Kegel exercises - they are used for women to hold their pee, and also to be able to tighten their vaginal muscles. It's not that there's a problem with you, this is very, very natural - in fact, many women have the exact opposite problem and would probably envy you - but if you need to work with what your partner has, this could be a good solution.

Nataneko

I'm not using any chemical lube, I err produce too much of it

Kato

I guess my question at this point would be concerning your man's size? Is he abnormally small by any means? Otherwise, I would say that the problem is nothing at all to do with you, but something on his side that you are not aware of.

Trowizilla

Kegels! When you've done enough of them, you'll be able to clamp down your vaginal muscles on his penis, which will feel excellent to both of you. Here's how you do them: next time you pee, make yourself stop peeing in the middle of it and pay attention to what muscles you use to do so. Then, when you're just sitting around and have nothing to do, squeeze those muscles and hold it for ten seconds or so, then relax, and repeat that for awhile. I do them pretty much constantly; it beats twiddling your thumbs, and you'll get a better sex life (and a lower chance of gross things like incontinence later on). Plus, it'll make your own orgasms stronger.

Oh, and get him to lay off masturbating for awhile. He might be desensitizing himself to other forms of stimulation.

MotherFirefly

Is it his first time with you? Because sometimes if they're nervous they can have supreme difficulty orgasming, this happened to me when I was "deflowering" the guy I was with, he was just so stressed out he couldn't cum.

Anyways, it could just be that you're stretched out because of a prior partner's girth, also if you're really exited, your muscles are going to be a LOT looser. I'd do the reccomended aforementioned exercizes.

Also, do this only as a last resort. Please note that this HURTS. If you use vinegar to clean out your nether regions, it'll clean it out really thoroughly but it will also constrict the muscles a lot. This can make you a lot tighter (almost virgin-esque tight) if that's the main issue.

Again, try the muscle exercizes first, the vinegar thing isn't all that comfortable.

Trowizilla

I have to note, you actually can't get stretched out by having sex with someone big. I lost my virginity to a guy who seriously could've worked in porn and it hasn't stretched me out at all. The inside of the vagina is very, very elastic. Arousal does make you looser, though...that's supposed to happen! Once you get conscious control over your muscles, though, you'll be able to tighten up whenever you want to.

Also, vinegar down there is a bad idea. It'll contract the muscles and dry you out, yeah, but you really, really don't want any foreign substance entering your girly bits. You have a very delicate balance of bacteria and yeast down there, and any messing with it is likely to leave you with an infection.

Sarcastro

Vinegar is a classic douche, but dilute it. About 3 to 1, or you could burn yourself. Not pleasent. Any natural acid will do though, a dash of lemon juice and honey was very popular once upon a time. (both as agent and spermicide)

You know, I almost hate to say it, but just as some guys are small, some girls are large. Unfortunate! Some interesting tricks though:

When you're on you're back, try putting both hands underneath your rump, cupping your buttocks. Use your fingertips to press upwards, creating additional pressure inside the vagina. It will lift your breasts and arch your back as well, a very 'take me' pose which does wonders.

You can, under guise of playing with yourself, slip a finger along with his cock inside yourself. Use your hand to press the back of your finger (be aware of knuckle positioning please and thank you) down onto the shaft creating the illusion of being as tight as you want. Most men are not sensitive enough to tell the diifference if everything is warm and wet.

There are also nifty little sex toys called 'bullets', essentially a small, totally enclosed three inch (or so) vibrator with a cord/control box. They are extremely common, availible everywhere such things are sold. There are many ways to use one, but in this case, lube up, insert the bullet into the anus, and set to the desired speed. There will be a vibe that hits you right, almost everyone has a preferred frequency. The vibe presses against the thin flesh separating the two channels, increasing internal pressure, and adding an overall intensity to the sensation. The control box allows you (or for him, him) to control the intensity, and the cord can be used to manipulate the vibrator itself until it hits the sweet spot (his and yours, there are some pretty goddamn incredible nerve endings up there) for maximum sensation.

If thats a bit much, you can use a fingertip to the same type of effect, but it can be messy after if you haven't thought ahead. Depends on how squeamish you are- I find it pretty damn hot, as I would think most boys would. Discreet cleanup (if needed) can be managed if the materials are onhand.

Many, many solutions abound for this sort of problem. Size really doesn't matter.

EDIT: Oh, and I also vote kegels for the long term approach. Healthy, safe and suggested.

Zonkytonkman

Sarcastro wrote: »

There are also nifty little sex toys called 'bullets', essentially a small, totally enclosed three inch (or so) vibrator with a cord/control box. They are extremely common, availible everywhere such things are sold. There are many ways to use one, but in this case, lube up, insert the bullet into the anus, and set to the desired speed. There will be a vibe that hits you right, almost everyone has a preferred frequency. The vibe presses against the thin flesh separating the two channels, increasing internal pressure, and adding an overall intensity to the sensation. The control box allows you (or for him, him) to control the intensity, and the cord can be used to manipulate the vibrator itself until it hits the sweet spot (his and yours, there are some pretty goddamn incredible nerve endings up there) for maximum sensation.

for a solution along the same vein, but without control boxes and cords and mission control and all that, you can get cock rings with vibrators built into them. They feel fantastic for both partners. You can get washable reuseable ones, or one off ones that are built into condoms, i believe, as offered by durex. I haven't tried the one off's, or any expensive reuseables, but the "5 uses and it's useless" 10$ one worked for a while, and we loved it.

The Cat

Don't douche, its a godawful practice that does nothing but fuck up the natural pH and bacterial balance up in there. Stick with the kegels (although the 'stop yourself peeing' thing is best limited, since it can raise the risk of UTI's). The pelvic floor muscle is hella neglected in most people - those exercises are good for guys to do as well, for mostly the same reasons.

Fallout

The Cat wrote: »

The pelvic floor muscle is hella neglected in most people - those exercises are good for guys to do as well, for mostly the same reasons.

...vaginal tightness?

Trowizilla

The Cat wrote: »

Don't douche, its a godawful practice that does nothing but fuck up the natural pH and bacterial balance up in there. Stick with the kegels (although the 'stop yourself peeing' thing is best limited, since it can raise the risk of UTI's).

Yeah, the "stop yourself peeing" thing is just to figure out what muscles to clench. No douching! You'll give yourself a yeast infection. And Sarcastro, honey should never, ever, ever, everevereverever go inside the vagina. Bacteria feed on the sugar; again, unpleasant. Food should never be inserted, especially sugary foods.

And as for guys; well, the amplifying the orgasm thing works for men, too.

OP: I seriously doubt you're just naturally cavernous. Either your guy is microscopically tiny (I mean, you can feel a finger in there, so unless his junk is smaller than a finger, he should be okay) or he's just not used to the kind of stimulation one gets from intercourse. You learning to clench up around his penis should help, but unless he trains himself to get off from wet-and-slippery vagina rather than (most likely) tightly clenched hand, he might continue to have a problem no matter how tight you get. This is not at all a reflection on you! Too many girls wind up feeling bad about this kind of thing when, really, it's his issue.

blizzard224

So, I'm interested in how exactly to work those muscles? I'm happy to do anything to increase pleasure, and it does sound like a useful alternative to twiddling the thumbs. For guys the general idea is the same? Just stopping peeing one time and then using that muscle memory to work them?

tony_important

blizzard224 wrote: »

For guys the general idea is the same? Just stopping peeing one time and then using that muscle memory to work them?

Yeah, this worked for me as well.
It's an enhancer, but also, I've used it to delay orgasmic release, which extends my longevity.

This is good. Very good.

Pheezer

Yeah, the whole stop peeing thing doesn't mean hold off from going to take a leak (which can cause UTIs), it means when you go take a leak, you stop it mid stream for a few seconds, then let it flow, stop it again, etc. I wouldn't assume that this would result in a UTI but what do I know.

It does work though, and if you're a dude, it'll let you not only hold off longer, but when you do finally get off the pressure build up makes things awesome times ten.

Nerissa

Also, once you've gotten used to where the muscles are by the "stop yourself in mid-stream" method, you can do Kegels any time. If you do them every time you hit a stoplight on your way to work, or something like that, you'll be able to fit them into your day easily, and unless you make funny faces when you do them, nobody will know.

As7

One thing no one has mentioned yet is that your boyfriend may also be desensitized if he masturbates a lot. Inquire into how often he does things and maybe suggest he cut back a bit...or a lot...depending.

naporeon

Arsenic7 wrote: »

One thing no one has mentioned yet is that your boyfriend may also be desensitized if he masturbates a lot. Inquire into how often he does things and maybe suggest he cut back a bit...or a lot...depending.

Or simply vary his technique. It would probably have more to do with always using the same exact method than it would the volume.

Sarcastro

Trowizilla wrote: »

The Cat wrote: »

Don't douche, its a godawful practice that does nothing but fuck up the natural pH and bacterial balance up in there. Stick with the kegels (although the 'stop yourself peeing' thing is best limited, since it can raise the risk of UTI's).

Yeah, the "stop yourself peeing" thing is just to figure out what muscles to clench. No douching! You'll give yourself a yeast infection. And Sarcastro, honey should never, ever, ever, everevereverever go inside the vagina. Bacteria feed on the sugar; again, unpleasant. Food should never be inserted, especially sugary foods.

Oh wow! Yeah, sorry, 3am tarded-ness and all that. When I said once upon a time, I was referring to the 1500's. Yah-no, we stopped that shit when we figured out germs and stuff.

Yes indeedy, nothing sugary, yeast infection galore. And although douching does cause dryness, it's because it is a mild chemical burn.

Sorry for not clarifying. I would only recommend positionals, exercises and tailored accoutrements, of course.

EggyToast

Nataneko wrote: »

Ok so this is pretty embarrassing, but I tought "hey, everybody is doing it, why not me"

So. I've heard and read a lot of time about girls having trouble lubricating or being "too tight", but never the other way around. I lubricate A LOT. I guess a lot of people wouldn't mind that, and so far it wasn't really a problem, but now my boyfriend has some "sensibilty trouble" as in he doesnt feel anything (except wet).

So. ever seen anything like that? I don't know if there's anything I can do, or something on his side?

When guys post this, the standard response is "you're used to masturbating and you probably use a deathgrip."

If he doesn't feel anything, it's not really your problem. Your parts are working as they should, apparently excelling at what they do. A vagina, during intercourse, is supposed to stay well lubricated. A "tight" vagina is typically only present on women who don't have sex, or who have just started having sex. After all, a vagina of any age can hold on to a tampon, which is much smaller than a penis.

Ask your boyfriend to not masturbate for a week and see if that helps.

naporeon

Sarcastro wrote: »

Trowizilla wrote: »

The Cat wrote: »

Don't douche, its a godawful practice that does nothing but fuck up the natural pH and bacterial balance up in there. Stick with the kegels (although the 'stop yourself peeing' thing is best limited, since it can raise the risk of UTI's).

Yeah, the "stop yourself peeing" thing is just to figure out what muscles to clench. No douching! You'll give yourself a yeast infection. And Sarcastro, honey should never, ever, ever, everevereverever go inside the vagina. Bacteria feed on the sugar; again, unpleasant. Food should never be inserted, especially sugary foods.

Oh wow! Yeah, sorry, 3am tarded-ness and all that. When I said once upon a time, I was referring to the 1500's. Yah-no, we stopped that shit when we figured out germs and stuff.

Yes indeedy, nothing sugary, yeast infection galore. And although douching does cause dryness, it's because it is a mild chemical burn.

Sorry for not clarifying. I would only recommend positionals, exercises and tailored accoutrements, of course.

Actually, Trow is 100% wrong, here. Well, not 100%. Just like Trow, I would never recommend inserting food into any orifice other than the one it's meant to go in.

But honey doesn't feed bacteria. In fact, it has precisely the opposite effect: it will kill most bacteria through a process called crenation. Importantly, most yeasts can't grow in it either. There isn't enough moisture.

Still, not a good idea, Sarc!

Trowizilla

naporeon wrote: »

Actually, Trow is 100% wrong, here. Well, not 100%. Just like Trow, I would never recommend inserting food into any orifice other than the one it's meant to go in.

But honey doesn't feed bacteria. In fact, it has precisely the opposite effect: it will kill most bacteria through a process called crenation. Importantly, most yeasts can't grow in it either. There isn't enough moisture.

Still, not a good idea, Sarc!

Huh. Did not know that about honey. Learn something new every day, I guess. The basic principle still applies: no foreign substances!

Nev

Isn't it bad if it kills bacteria though? There's a lot of good bacteria down there.

misbehavin

Nev wrote: »

Isn't it bad if it kills bacteria though? There's a lot of good bacteria down there.

Yeah, that's how yeast infections occur, and it's why you can get them easily when on antibiotics.

LondonBridge

Do you have wide hips? I had an ex that had wide hips and sex with her was like pounding air sometimes. Certain positions with me on top gave better sensation.

Sarcastro

I don't want to give the impression that the nethers are sacrosanct either - they are pretty damn effecient cleaning systems after all - you just have to be careful. There is minimal risk as long as you practice safe hygiene before and after. Could you spur on a yeast infection by nibbling out a frozen chocolate strawberry from the Holy Grail? Maybe. But dammit, as long as you don't y'know, leave it in there, it's good clean fun all around. You can't really eliminate all risk anyway, few people sterlize moments before rocking one out. I guess what I'm trying to say is know the risks so you can minimize them, but don't lose your sense of adventure over it.

Nataneko

Wow, thanks for all the reply ^.^

I'll try looking more into kegel exercice, cause that seems to be pretty much the only thing I can do. So, you don't think one can "overlubricate"?

About him, He wasn't really a virgin, but the only woman he had sex with treated him like shit and was always making him feel like he was bad at sex and would tell him plainly. We've been together for a year, and he doesn't have trouble pleasing me, the only time I don't orgasm is when I feel bad cause he doesn't seem to enjoy it. Sometimes I think he doesn't like sex.

I asked him about masturbation already, but he's really "sex shy". He told me he started masturbating at like 18 yrs old cause before he was too scared, and even now (that he didn't tell me, that's what I assume) he doesn't masturbate. (I have trouble believing that. I need to ask him again I think). About his size, I'd say he is average when in erection, but when he start panicking about well. anything regarding sex, I can see him shrinking down to smaller than his "natural size.

The more I think about it, I'm pretty sure it must be something on his mind, maybe he is scared or something.

misbehavin

How old are you two? (as in, how old are each of you)

This could very well be psychological, and the relative age may play a factor, especially if he was a virgin (or only with one woman) beforehand.

Dread Pirate Arbuthnot

Nataneko wrote: »

Wow, thanks for all the reply ^.^

I'll try looking more into kegel exercice, cause that seems to be pretty much the only thing I can do. So, you don't think one can "overlubricate"?

About him, He wasn't really a virgin, but the only woman he had sex with treated him like shit and was always making him feel like he was bad at sex and would tell him plainly. We've been together for a year, and he doesn't have trouble pleasing me, the only time I don't orgasm is when I feel bad cause he doesn't seem to enjoy it. Sometimes I think he doesn't like sex.

I asked him about masturbation already, but he's really "sex shy". He told me he started masturbating at like 18 yrs old cause before he was too scared, and even now (that he didn't tell me, that's what I assume) he doesn't masturbate. (I have trouble believing that. I need to ask him again I think). About his size, I'd say he is average when in erection, but when he start panicking about well. anything regarding sex, I can see him shrinking down to smaller than his "natural size.

The more I think about it, I'm pretty sure it must be something on his mind, maybe he is scared or something.

It sounds like sex makes him nervous. He most likely enjoys it, but does not want you to think he is a pervert. You may want to try talking dirty to him, or trying to sit down and asking if there is anything he would want to change. It sounds like insecurity is getting the better of both of you.

As7

naporeon wrote: »

Sarcastro wrote: »

Trowizilla wrote: »

The Cat wrote: »

Don't douche, its a godawful practice that does nothing but fuck up the natural pH and bacterial balance up in there. Stick with the kegels (although the 'stop yourself peeing' thing is best limited, since it can raise the risk of UTI's).

Yeah, the "stop yourself peeing" thing is just to figure out what muscles to clench. No douching! You'll give yourself a yeast infection. And Sarcastro, honey should never, ever, ever, everevereverever go inside the vagina. Bacteria feed on the sugar; again, unpleasant. Food should never be inserted, especially sugary foods.

Oh wow! Yeah, sorry, 3am tarded-ness and all that. When I said once upon a time, I was referring to the 1500's. Yah-no, we stopped that shit when we figured out germs and stuff.

Yes indeedy, nothing sugary, yeast infection galore. And although douching does cause dryness, it's because it is a mild chemical burn.

Sorry for not clarifying. I would only recommend positionals, exercises and tailored accoutrements, of course.

Actually, Trow is 100% wrong, here. Well, not 100%. Just like Trow, I would never recommend inserting food into any orifice other than the one it's meant to go in.

But honey doesn't feed bacteria. In fact, it has precisely the opposite effect: it will kill most bacteria through a process called crenation. Importantly, most yeasts can't grow in it either. There isn't enough moisture.

Still, not a good idea, Sarc!

Nap, while this is true of honey in a jar, honey diluted into water or other liquids is ripe breeding ground for all sorts of bacteria.

This crenation affect you refer to only occurs when the concentration of certain substances, such as salt, sugar, etc. is at a critical level.

Cimmerii

Trowizilla wrote: »

I have to note, you actually can't get stretched out by having sex with someone big. I lost my virginity to a guy who seriously could've worked in porn and it hasn't stretched me out at all. The inside of the vagina is very, very elastic. Arousal does make you looser, though...that's supposed to happen! Once you get conscious control over your muscles, though, you'll be able to tighten up whenever you want to.

Also, vinegar down there is a bad idea. It'll contract the muscles and dry you out, yeah, but you really, really don't want any foreign substance entering your girly bits. You have a very delicate balance of bacteria and yeast down there, and any messing with it is likely to leave you with an infection.

What he said.

Also reccomending the kegels.

naporeon

Arsenic7 wrote: »

naporeon wrote: »

Sarcastro wrote: »

Trowizilla wrote: »

The Cat wrote: »

Don't douche, its a godawful practice that does nothing but fuck up the natural pH and bacterial balance up in there. Stick with the kegels (although the 'stop yourself peeing' thing is best limited, since it can raise the risk of UTI's).

Yeah, the "stop yourself peeing" thing is just to figure out what muscles to clench. No douching! You'll give yourself a yeast infection. And Sarcastro, honey should never, ever, ever, everevereverever go inside the vagina. Bacteria feed on the sugar; again, unpleasant. Food should never be inserted, especially sugary foods.

Oh wow! Yeah, sorry, 3am tarded-ness and all that. When I said once upon a time, I was referring to the 1500's. Yah-no, we stopped that shit when we figured out germs and stuff.

Yes indeedy, nothing sugary, yeast infection galore. And although douching does cause dryness, it's because it is a mild chemical burn.

Sorry for not clarifying. I would only recommend positionals, exercises and tailored accoutrements, of course.

Actually, Trow is 100% wrong, here. Well, not 100%. Just like Trow, I would never recommend inserting food into any orifice other than the one it's meant to go in.

But honey doesn't feed bacteria. In fact, it has precisely the opposite effect: it will kill most bacteria through a process called crenation. Importantly, most yeasts can't grow in it either. There isn't enough moisture.

Still, not a good idea, Sarc!

Nap, while this is true of honey in a jar, honey diluted into water or other liquids is ripe breeding ground for all sorts of bacteria.

This crenation affect you refer to only occurs when the concentration of certain substances, such as salt, sugar, etc. is at a critical level.

Which is why I said that shoving it in anything but your mouth is a bad idea. But long as the moisture content of honey stays below, say, 20%, nothing is going to grow in it. And that would allow for a nearly 50% dilution of standard honey.

Pheezer

Would you both shut the fuck up? It's completely irrelevant and you're not helping anyone but your fucking ego. No one cares. Talk about honey in SE or D&D.

Nataneko

I'm 22 and he's 25. we've been together for a year. his last girlfriend was when he was 20 and she was like 30 something. He also seems to think I know everything about sex, I feel like he thinks I'm too experienced for him.

Pheezer

Those sound like all the right conditions for it to be a psychological thing on his part.

MotherFirefly

Nataneko wrote: »

I'm 22 and he's 25. we've been together for a year. his last girlfriend was when he was 20 and she was like 30 something. He also seems to think I know everything about sex, I feel like he thinks I'm too experienced for him.

Why not tell him you don't but you read up your stuff online, a lot of guys have qualms about their "performance" and it makes them really nervous. Let him know what you're telling us, that he's great at pleasing you but you want it to be fair...

Sarcastro

Nataneko wrote: »

About him, He wasn't really a virgin, but the only woman he had sex with treated him like shit and was always making him feel like he was bad at sex and would tell him plainly. We've been together for a year, and he doesn't have trouble pleasing me, the only time I don't orgasm is when I feel bad cause he doesn't seem to enjoy it. Sometimes I think he doesn't like sex.

... The more I think about it, I'm pretty sure it must be something on his mind, maybe he is scared or something.

This can really mess a boy up. We're all just animals in the end, and like animals, we can be conditioned to respond in a certain way.

What can I say? Be nurturing and supportive, tell him you like it when he does certain things. Male ego usually responds pretty well to sexual encouragement. Pet it, feed it, love it, and it will grow big and strong for you.

Trowizilla

Cimmerii wrote: »

What he said.

Also reccomending the kegels.

I'd a girl, btw.


Nataneko, it sounds very much like your boy has psychological issues regarding sex, especially if his last partner tended to demean his performance. Make sure you let him know that you love what he does to please you, and bring this up inside and outside the bedroom. I've noticed that a lot of people dismiss dirty talk when it's in the middle of the act, but if you two are just hanging out sometime and you mention "hey, remember when we did x earlier? That was pretty hot." (Cheesy, but the best I can do right now.) He may have an image of himself as a bad lover, but you should be able to erode that with a lot of low-key compliments. Don't gush, it'll come off as insincere, but acknowledging that you like what the two of you get up to should help some.

Also, he sounds like he's got some kind of mental block that's keeping him from enjoying sex. I always think it's a bad sign when people in a relationship can't talk about the physical stuff; you're not psychic, and he shouldn't expect you to try to guess what's going on. If you can't draw him out and get him to talk about it a little more, I'd suggest maybe some therapy.