As was foretold, we've added advertisements to the forums! If you have questions, or if you encounter any bugs, please visit this thread: https://forums.penny-arcade.com/discussion/240191/forum-advertisement-faq-and-reports-thread/

Going cueball because of balding, advice?

TheSonicRetardTheSonicRetard Registered User regular
After my morning shower, I did my normal thing and combed my hair in front of my mirror in my towel before brushing my teeth and it's become obvious to me that my hair is starting to thin. It's not noticeable when combed and dry, but when it's wet it's clearly thinner than it was 6 months ago and I think I'm starting to form a small widow's peak. From a tender young age, looking up at the ugly u-shaped horseshoes that adorned the other men in my family, I swore to myself that, when the day came that my genes would finally catch up to me, I would just shave my head rather than suffer the indignity of trying to cling to increasingly embarrassing strands of hair. It's my own way of taking control of the situation.

Hence, I've decided to make my metamorphosis from pre-Xbox J Allard to Post-Xbox J Allard this weekend. I've informed my family and friends of my intent, so that it won't shock them, but I'm curious where to go from there. Do I need to grow a wicked beard and join a thrash metal band? Does hat-wear become more important because of the deadly affects of the sun? Do I need to tan my head to get it to match the rest of my skin? What about aggressiveness of shaving - do I go cueball or should I go very short fuzz or what?

Anybody else who has taken this step want to give me some advice on how to embrace the bald?

«134

Posts

  • Magic PinkMagic Pink Tur-Boner-Fed Registered User regular
    Just short-shave it weekly and live in the knowledge that bald guys are the sexiest men on the planet.

  • TheSonicRetardTheSonicRetard Registered User regular
    I dunno, I was kinda looking forward to going full space marine. How short is "short"? Like buzz-cut short? I've always hated having hair, I've always thought it was stupid. From the two bottles of shampoo and conditioner I have to buy, to the fact that I could never roll out of bed and look presentable, to the way I couldn't wear hats without fear of hat hair. I'm looking forward to lopping it all off and never having to deal with it again.

  • BroloBrolo Broseidon Lord of the BroceanRegistered User regular
    remove all body hair

  • Raijin QuickfootRaijin Quickfoot I'm your Huckleberry YOU'RE NO DAISYRegistered User, ClubPA regular
    Body hair is the light.

    Ladies love hirsute men.

  • Magic PinkMagic Pink Tur-Boner-Fed Registered User regular
    I dunno, I was kinda looking forward to going full space marine. How short is "short"? Like buzz-cut short? I've always hated having hair, I've always thought it was stupid. From the two bottles of shampoo and conditioner I have to buy, to the fact that I could never roll out of bed and look presentable, to the way I couldn't wear hats without fear of hat hair. I'm looking forward to lopping it all off and never having to deal with it again.

    I wouldn't go razor short because it hurts and can lead to hella sunburn. I just use a shaver, set it to the lowest setting and things just work out fine. So yeah, space marine short is good.

    But you have to keep using shampoo, even if you're head's shaved. In fact, I recommend you switch to dandruff shampoo for a shaved head, even if you don't have it. No need for conditioner tho.

  • TheSonicRetardTheSonicRetard Registered User regular
    Rolo wrote: »
    remove all body hair

    I don't have enough razors nor time in the world to do this. I am a forest.

  • UnbrokenEvaUnbrokenEva HIGH ON THE WIRE BUT I WON'T TRIP ITRegistered User regular
    Body hair is the light.

    Ladies Keith love(s) hirsute men.

  • SnowbeatSnowbeat i need something to kick this thing's ass over the lineRegistered User regular
    where's that guy with the razor fetish when you need him

    Q1e6oi8.gif
  • BroloBrolo Broseidon Lord of the BroceanRegistered User regular
    we can dip you in wax

    or just give you the chemo

  • TheSonicRetardTheSonicRetard Registered User regular
    Magic Pink wrote: »
    I dunno, I was kinda looking forward to going full space marine. How short is "short"? Like buzz-cut short? I've always hated having hair, I've always thought it was stupid. From the two bottles of shampoo and conditioner I have to buy, to the fact that I could never roll out of bed and look presentable, to the way I couldn't wear hats without fear of hat hair. I'm looking forward to lopping it all off and never having to deal with it again.

    I wouldn't go razor short because it hurts and can lead to hella sunburn. I just use a shaver, set it to the lowest setting and things just work out fine. So yeah, space marine short is good.

    But you have to keep using shampoo, even if you're head's shaved. In fact, I recommend you switch to dandruff shampoo for a shaved head, even if you don't have it. No need for conditioner tho.

    Ya, I knew I needed to keep shampooing, I just meant the annoyance of having to condition after shampooing. Too redundant. I can manage just greasing my cue with some anti-flake creme or whatever. I can't even imagine what dandruff would look like on a bald person.

  • TheSonicRetardTheSonicRetard Registered User regular
    Rolo wrote: »
    we can dip you in wax

    or just give you the chemo

    Can I mail you the hair?

  • Magic PinkMagic Pink Tur-Boner-Fed Registered User regular
    Magic Pink wrote: »
    I dunno, I was kinda looking forward to going full space marine. How short is "short"? Like buzz-cut short? I've always hated having hair, I've always thought it was stupid. From the two bottles of shampoo and conditioner I have to buy, to the fact that I could never roll out of bed and look presentable, to the way I couldn't wear hats without fear of hat hair. I'm looking forward to lopping it all off and never having to deal with it again.

    I wouldn't go razor short because it hurts and can lead to hella sunburn. I just use a shaver, set it to the lowest setting and things just work out fine. So yeah, space marine short is good.

    But you have to keep using shampoo, even if you're head's shaved. In fact, I recommend you switch to dandruff shampoo for a shaved head, even if you don't have it. No need for conditioner tho.

    Ya, I knew I needed to keep shampooing, I just meant the annoyance of having to condition after shampooing. Too redundant. I can manage just greasing my cue with some anti-flake creme or whatever. I can't even imagine what dandruff would look like on a bald person.



    It's like a horror movie. But you only need to shampoo about twice a week, more if you notice any flaking starting which is possible when your scalp is suddenly exposed to the elements like it will be.

    Don't do creme because that leads to grease and an increase in acne which you're probably going to get on the forehead as it is. Hair blocks and absorbs a lot of that and the head is an oily oily place.

  • godmodegodmode Southeast JapanRegistered User regular
    I would suggest shaving your head, growing a stubble beard, getting ripped, driving fancy cars, and adopting a British accent. Otherwise known as "Going Statham".

  • TheSonicRetardTheSonicRetard Registered User regular
    Magic Pink wrote: »
    Magic Pink wrote: »
    I dunno, I was kinda looking forward to going full space marine. How short is "short"? Like buzz-cut short? I've always hated having hair, I've always thought it was stupid. From the two bottles of shampoo and conditioner I have to buy, to the fact that I could never roll out of bed and look presentable, to the way I couldn't wear hats without fear of hat hair. I'm looking forward to lopping it all off and never having to deal with it again.

    I wouldn't go razor short because it hurts and can lead to hella sunburn. I just use a shaver, set it to the lowest setting and things just work out fine. So yeah, space marine short is good.

    But you have to keep using shampoo, even if you're head's shaved. In fact, I recommend you switch to dandruff shampoo for a shaved head, even if you don't have it. No need for conditioner tho.

    Ya, I knew I needed to keep shampooing, I just meant the annoyance of having to condition after shampooing. Too redundant. I can manage just greasing my cue with some anti-flake creme or whatever. I can't even imagine what dandruff would look like on a bald person.



    It's like a horror movie. But you only need to shampoo about twice a week, more if you notice any flaking starting which is possible when your scalp is suddenly exposed to the elements like it will be.

    Don't do creme because that leads to grease and an increase in acne which you're probably going to get on the forehead as it is. Hair blocks and absorbs a lot of that and the head is an oily oily place.

    :(

    I've never had acne before, ever. I can count the number of pimples I've gotten in my life on both hands. This is going to kinda suck...

    what about tanning? Am I going to to look like a shaved lamb for a while, or does my cueball tan quickly?

  • UnbrokenEvaUnbrokenEva HIGH ON THE WIRE BUT I WON'T TRIP ITRegistered User regular
    godmode wrote: »
    I would suggest shaving your head, growing a stubble beard, getting ripped, driving fancy cars, and adopting a British accent. Otherwise known as "Going Statham".

    it's got to be a rough british accent, not one of the posh ones

    you could even outdo Statham and try for a Michael Caine accent

  • The_ScarabThe_Scarab Registered User regular
    Seriously: grow out a beard first before you shave your head.

    It will be less of a shock when it comes off, because it won't be this fully smooth cueball, and it allows you to tweak some facial hair for a good combination. Anything from a goatee backwards is a workable look.

    At a bare minimum, wait until there's some stubble. Just base the transition off various forms of Jason Statham.

  • TheSonicRetardTheSonicRetard Registered User regular
    What if I grow a goatee and start wearing a fedora. You know, the walter white look?

  • Magic PinkMagic Pink Tur-Boner-Fed Registered User regular
    Magic Pink wrote: »
    Magic Pink wrote: »
    I dunno, I was kinda looking forward to going full space marine. How short is "short"? Like buzz-cut short? I've always hated having hair, I've always thought it was stupid. From the two bottles of shampoo and conditioner I have to buy, to the fact that I could never roll out of bed and look presentable, to the way I couldn't wear hats without fear of hat hair. I'm looking forward to lopping it all off and never having to deal with it again.

    I wouldn't go razor short because it hurts and can lead to hella sunburn. I just use a shaver, set it to the lowest setting and things just work out fine. So yeah, space marine short is good.

    But you have to keep using shampoo, even if you're head's shaved. In fact, I recommend you switch to dandruff shampoo for a shaved head, even if you don't have it. No need for conditioner tho.

    Ya, I knew I needed to keep shampooing, I just meant the annoyance of having to condition after shampooing. Too redundant. I can manage just greasing my cue with some anti-flake creme or whatever. I can't even imagine what dandruff would look like on a bald person.



    It's like a horror movie. But you only need to shampoo about twice a week, more if you notice any flaking starting which is possible when your scalp is suddenly exposed to the elements like it will be.

    Don't do creme because that leads to grease and an increase in acne which you're probably going to get on the forehead as it is. Hair blocks and absorbs a lot of that and the head is an oily oily place.

    :(

    I've never had acne before, ever. I can count the number of pimples I've gotten in my life on both hands. This is going to kinda suck...

    what about tanning? Am I going to to look like a shaved lamb for a while, or does my cueball tan quickly?

    I wouldn't worry about the acne then. You may get some small things at the hairline or maybe nothing.

    Tanning shouldn't be much different then anywhere else on you; just be aware your scalp may not have tanned at all before and will need to go through the process. Expect the first burn to hurt like hell etc. Or you may notice nothing at all.

  • LiiyaLiiya Registered User regular
    No fedoras.

  • One Thousand CablesOne Thousand Cables An absence of thought Registered User regular
    What if I grow a goatee and start wearing a fedora. You know, the walter white look?

    Even if that's what you're going for, it will not be what you end up with.

  • The_ScarabThe_Scarab Registered User regular
    What if I grow a goatee and start wearing a fedora. You know, the walter white look?

    I'd honestly say go full Neal Stephenson.

  • UnbrokenEvaUnbrokenEva HIGH ON THE WIRE BUT I WON'T TRIP ITRegistered User regular
    also Walter White wears a Pork Pie Hat

    not a fedora

  • godmodegodmode Southeast JapanRegistered User regular
    If you can't pull off the facial hair or the British accent, get swole (not necessarily ripped, but get big like a boxer), Shave head, frown a lot, work on being intimidating. This is called "The Bruce Willis".

  • Raijin QuickfootRaijin Quickfoot I'm your Huckleberry YOU'RE NO DAISYRegistered User, ClubPA regular
    The most important thing to remember when bald is to wax that dome. People should be able to see themselves in your head.

  • SnowbeatSnowbeat i need something to kick this thing's ass over the lineRegistered User regular
    godmode wrote: »
    If you can't pull off the facial hair or the British accent, get swole (not necessarily ripped, but get big like a boxer), Shave head, frown a lot, work on being intimidating. This is called "The Bruce Willis".

    just make sure to stay away from airports, office buildings, new york city, washington d.c., and the entirety of russia

    Q1e6oi8.gif
  • godmodegodmode Southeast JapanRegistered User regular
    GIS'd "cool bald guys" for inspiration.

  • Edith UpwardsEdith Upwards Registered User regular
    Check your prostate dude, chances are that you can fix your balding by fixing your butt.

  • SnowbeatSnowbeat i need something to kick this thing's ass over the lineRegistered User regular
    good news! you're going to have hair

    bad news: you have butt cancer

    Q1e6oi8.gif
  • Raijin QuickfootRaijin Quickfoot I'm your Huckleberry YOU'RE NO DAISYRegistered User, ClubPA regular
    The coolest bald guy is Turk

  • Edith UpwardsEdith Upwards Registered User regular
    No, seriously, just get some of those pills that have rogaine's active ingredient in them, cut them in half, and take with breakfast and dinner.

  • The Lovely BastardThe Lovely Bastard Registered User regular
    edited June 2013
    wigs

    closets and closets full of wigs

    luxurious wigs

    dignified wigs

    goofy wigs

    formal wigs

    casual wigs

    fierce wigs

    it's wigs all the way down now, pal

    that fine fake hair is the new way and the light

    The Lovely Bastard on
    7656367.jpg
  • TheSonicRetardTheSonicRetard Registered User regular
    Erich Zahn wrote: »
    No, seriously, just get some of those pills that have rogaine's active ingredient in them, cut them in half, and take with breakfast and dinner.

    In my butt?

  • TheSonicRetardTheSonicRetard Registered User regular
    wigs

    closets and closets full of wigs

    luxurious wigs

    dignified wigs

    goofy wigs

    formal wigs

    casual wigs

    fierce wigs

    it's wigs all the way down now, pal

    that fine fake hair is the new way and the light

    I could do a powdered wig

  • DruhimDruhim Registered User, ClubPA regular
    Magic Pink wrote: »
    I dunno, I was kinda looking forward to going full space marine. How short is "short"? Like buzz-cut short? I've always hated having hair, I've always thought it was stupid. From the two bottles of shampoo and conditioner I have to buy, to the fact that I could never roll out of bed and look presentable, to the way I couldn't wear hats without fear of hat hair. I'm looking forward to lopping it all off and never having to deal with it again.

    I wouldn't go razor short because it hurts and can lead to hella sunburn. I just use a shaver, set it to the lowest setting and things just work out fine. So yeah, space marine short is good.

    But you have to keep using shampoo, even if you're head's shaved. In fact, I recommend you switch to dandruff shampoo for a shaved head, even if you don't have it. No need for conditioner tho.

    While some guys may need to do this, including yourself, this is hardly true for all or even most guys. I don't shampoo my bald head and I don't have to worry about dandruff or skin flaking off. So perhaps he shouldn't worry about either of those things unless it actually becomes a problem.

    belruelotterav-1.jpg
  • BeastehBeasteh THAT WOULD NOT KILL DRACULARegistered User regular
    get a really shitty combover

  • TheSonicRetardTheSonicRetard Registered User regular
    Druhim wrote: »
    Magic Pink wrote: »
    I dunno, I was kinda looking forward to going full space marine. How short is "short"? Like buzz-cut short? I've always hated having hair, I've always thought it was stupid. From the two bottles of shampoo and conditioner I have to buy, to the fact that I could never roll out of bed and look presentable, to the way I couldn't wear hats without fear of hat hair. I'm looking forward to lopping it all off and never having to deal with it again.

    I wouldn't go razor short because it hurts and can lead to hella sunburn. I just use a shaver, set it to the lowest setting and things just work out fine. So yeah, space marine short is good.

    But you have to keep using shampoo, even if you're head's shaved. In fact, I recommend you switch to dandruff shampoo for a shaved head, even if you don't have it. No need for conditioner tho.

    While some guys may need to do this, including yourself, this is hardly true for all or even most guys. I don't shampoo my bald head and I don't have to worry about dandruff or skin flaking off. So perhaps he shouldn't worry about either of those things unless it actually becomes a problem.

    I've had dandruff in the past, it usually goes and comes when I wear caps for a few days straight, so I'll probably take his advice just to be safe. The idea of being bald with dandruff terrifies me.

  • DruhimDruhim Registered User, ClubPA regular
    Do you have dandruff now? If you're not experiencing dandruff, then don't use dandruff controlling shampoo for something you're not suffering from. If you do end up getting dandruff later on, then gee, get some dandruff shampoo. Not that complicated!

    belruelotterav-1.jpg
  • DruhimDruhim Registered User, ClubPA regular
    Going bald in general isn't that complicated for the vast majority of guys, so don't overthink this. Shave it off, then if you're having a problem, address that particular problem.

    belruelotterav-1.jpg
  • TheSonicRetardTheSonicRetard Registered User regular
    Naw, no dandruff right now. And ya, this isn't really that complex: lim->Bald; shave.

    simple. I'm merely getting a good moral pumping up.

  • TheSonicRetardTheSonicRetard Registered User regular
    Beasteh wrote: »
    get a really shitty combover

    this is option B:

    worst+comb+over+comb+over1344609932.jpg

Sign In or Register to comment.