When is Young, Too Young?

Noizlanif

So with the Steam Summer Dale in full swing. I've been using the Steam Client pretty often to play games and be online chatting with folks. With that said, My son has expressed interest in getting his own account for various multiplayer game that he plays on my account when he gets the chance to I.E.. L4D2, Chivalry, BL2, Terrarria and a few others.

So I guess my question is should I get him to Serve The Newell his own account?. Is he Too Young for this, I know when I was a 13 year old kid, I played all sorts of things / watched all sorts of things I shouldn't have and for the most part haven't done anything criminally wrong. I just don't want to be that guy who gets called a bad parent for letting him use Steam or something to that effect.

Any Advice is appreciated!

SammyF

Noizlanif wrote: »

Is he Too Young for this, I know when I was a 13 year old kid, I played all sorts of things / watched all sorts of things I shouldn't have and for the most part haven't done anything criminally wrong.

I think when it comes to multiplayer games nowadays, the question that comes to my mind is less about whether he's too young for L4D2 and more about whether he has the maturity to not be a total asshat when playing with other human beings. I doubt he's going to shoot up a liquor store after a few hours of firing fake bullets at fake zombies with a fake gun because practically no one does that. My experience informs me that teenagers become comfortable using antisemitic, homophobic or racially-charged slurs during online gaming much more frequently than they decide to shoot up their schools.

Not that I think I have any right to tell you how to raise your kid one way or the other, I just think that maybe you should break this question down into two pieces while you arrive at your own conclusion:

1. Am I comfortable with the games my son plays?
2. Am I comfortable with the community in which he's playing them?

Your OP makes it sound like you've only been asking yourself the first one so far.

Enc

Parenting is one of those things you really have to feel out based upon how responsible you feel your son is and actively monitor and update as you go. If he's 13 and you think he can play violent games like L4D2 without issue, that's your call as a parent. Plenty of kids can. If you feel it is detrimental to his growth to do so, trust that feeling. Some kids are mature enough to handle seriously violent, disturbing, complicated things at a very young age. Some aren't.

I don't think any of us here know your son as well as you do. Go with what feels right and, if things don't seem to go the way you feel they should, change your decision. It is your power and responsibility as a parent to both go-with-the-flow and bring things suddenly to a stop as you feel is necessary.

Enc

Also, with online gaming you should make sure that you are playing with your son as often as possible. The biggest threat to him is not the game content itself, but the players of those games. Monitoring who he is playing with online is as necessary as watching him play in a park full of strangers. The same dangers exist online as face to face.

SammyF

Enc wrote: »

Also, with online gaming you should make sure that you are playing with your son as often as possible. The biggest threat to him is not the game content itself, but the players of those games. Monitoring who he is playing with online is as necessary as watching him play in a park full of strangers. The same dangers exist online as face to face.

Yeah I should have mentioned the personal security thing. Whether your kid is going to get himself into trouble or make trouble, the issue isn't so much the game itself as the other people he's playing with. Especially when it comes to Steam, the only way I can think of to prevent either from happening is to play with your kid, or at least make sure you're within ear shot and paying attention. I just checked and couldn't find a single parental control (not that I'd really know where to look).

Nija

I play TF2 on a local server here in SoCal. There is a father/son duo that plays frequently together. We asked the father about this and he pretty much said, If they both want to play a game, the son's choice wins. However, he always has to play with his father. Even if they are on opposite teams, they play together. It also helps that the son's handle is [father'shandle]-JR.

I believe the son is 12-15.

Noizlanif

Thank you for the responses so far, I only play games with him whenever I'm not at work / he's not out of school (thanks summer vaca's) which is alot lately so I am usually in the same room as him or within earshot at least. I'd like to believe he's pretty mature so far in the fact that he understands that the internet can be a big ole ball of hate or something really awesome at times. It actually surprises me at how fast the kid understands why people do stuff and how tolerable he is at school and out an about.

He enjoys gaming for what it is and doesn't grief / harass people online that i've seen. He's not allowed to play anything online when i'm not home (I've turned the internet off) so he will resort to single player games on my steam account or console. There are times though when I forget to, or am busy doing something else in another room where I can't monitor him. I guess I would just have to monitor his Steam Friends or something or just make sure that he only has me as a friend there? I dunno. Kind of torn because i've seen the worst and the best of the internet peoples and know what's out there.

tinwhiskers

For games where there are dedicated servers, I'd try and find a few with active admins. Back when I played these types of games there were 'family friendly' servers that tended to do a job keeping the constant spew of explitives stuff in check

SammyF

Noizlanif wrote: »

Kind of torn because i've seen the worst and the best of the internet peoples and know what's out there.

Well so on the one hand, I think part of responsible parenting in the 21st century has to be about how one behaves in a digital world. No one wants his kid giving out the home address online and inviting pedophiles over for slumber parties. At the same time, no one wants his kid to get fired one day because he's too ignorant to realize that his boss can check time stamps and see that he's posting to twitter or facebook 200 times a day when he's supposed to be working. So when you write that you've seen the worst and the best of internet peoples and know what's out there, it's probably detrimental in the long run to cut him off from that entirely. The kid has to learn how to be responsible with how he uses the Internet if he's going to function in the modern world, and you're probably the best person to teach him that.

On the other hand, is setting up his very own Steam account the best way to do that? Hell if I know. I don't know that it's necessarily bad, but I don't know that it necessarily accomplishes anything in terms of a teachable moment, either, at least nothing that isn't served just as easily by letting him continue to use your account.

flowerhoney

Its up to you to decide if you think the content of those games are appropriate for your kid.
I'm not a parent, just an older sister, but I think whats important is that you talk to your son about what is and isn't okay. Its not okay to give personal information to strangers OR people you only know online, Its not okay to use bad language, Its not okay to translate game violence to real life violence, etc (again, what you think he needs to know is up to you as a parent). Some of this seems like a no brainer and I know that when I was 13 I was already well steeped in online stranger danger, but I was not prepared for the things people said online and irl.

Having his own account is probably fine and it sounds like you plan on monitoring this account which seems totally reasonable. But since you can't always monitor online interactions having conversations is the next best way to stay involved. Was there anything said in a game that made him uncomfortable or that he felt peer pressured into participating in? What kind of language do you think is unacceptable? These are all really important things to learn how to deal with. There's a very low correlation with gaming and criminal acts imo, but it FOR SURE feeds into cultural notions about, say, violence and gender. So if you're worried, I think thats what you should focus on.

Also what other people say about your parenting, that is none of their business so don't let it bother you! If you think your kid can play the games you buy them that is for you as a responsible parent to decide. You know your kid best and its your call.

schuss

One other thing to do is go somewhere there are trolls and explain what they're doing and why he shouldn't listen to them.

Maguano

are you asking if you should give him free reign on purchases, or just giving him his own account where he can have games?
if 1- you can set him up with a wallet and fund him some cash, or gift him games/gift cards
2) set him up with his own account, but only allow him to buy his own games after discussion with you, so that you can but them in his account, and gift them to him

if you aren't concerned with what he's getting option 1 might be good, if he can budget himself
option 2 is the fall back

Noizlanif

That's a really good idea @Maguano to possibly teach him a lesson about economics and how to possibly stretch a dollar. I guess the question really had to do more with number, 2 but i've decided to play it by ear in regards to what he does like most of you have said. Thanks guys!

The Ender

...I feel like special warning should be given for 2 Free to Play games that are Steam-based:

DoTA 2 and Planetside 2.

These games have built-in voice chat that is difficult to mute, and, uh... the communities are just full of bad people. There's not really a nicer way to say it. If your son expresses an interest in either of those games, I would strongly recommend sampling them for a few hours yourself and so you can make a decision based on what you know about your son and what you heard in the games.

Eat it You Nasty Pig.

I dunno how old you are, but most of the computer types who are my age and now starting to have children cut their teeth in the internet wild west, and we turned out okay. I think of the stuff that I read/saw on the internet when I was in middle or high school, and I'm supposed to find some tawdry chat in some MMO or other worrisome?

talk to him about protecting his privacy and maybe monitor his behavior a bit to make sure he isn't acting like a complete toolbox (I mean, any worse than any other 13 year old) and call it good.

Grunt's Ghosts

I don't have any kids (that I know of...) but I do understand how people could be worried about their kids playing games online. One of my friends has an eight year old who loves CoD, and to help keep his kid safe, he only lets his kid play with the same group of friends he plays with, kinda like online babysitting. If you have a dedicated online game group with people you feel are decent human beings, then this could work for you. The fact that my friend's kid is better then half the group doesn't hurt either.

Disco11

The Ender wrote: »

...I feel like special warning should be given for 2 Free to Play games that are Steam-based:

DoTA 2 and Planetside 2.

These games have built-in voice chat that is difficult to mute, and, uh... the communities are just full of bad people. There's not really a nicer way to say it. If your son expresses an interest in either of those games, I would strongly recommend sampling them for a few hours yourself and so you can make a decision based on what you know about your son and what you heard in the games.

I have been playing online games as long as there has been such a thing and DOTA 2 has by far the most toxic community I have seen.

MichaelLC

I don't have much to add other than I'm relieved this isn't a dating advice thread.

CourtOfOwls

I would second Disco11 in that Dota 2 community would not be appropriate for a 13 year old. I would have him do house chores for steam cash, or if you wanted to turn your very understandable and realistic fears into something more positive, you can have your son collect steam cards for you so that you don't have to idle. There was a PA comic awhile where Gabe places a poke'walker on his child when he goes to the park, which I thought was genius. I have friends who bring their laptops when they babysit so the children can power level their Guild wars characters. Children can be the perfect video game slaves players, you just need your imagination.

zagdrob

There really isn't a 'right' age for kids to play games, have their own accounts, etc. There are definitely 'wrong' ages, like I don't think any five year old should ever be playing (or watching someone play) a shooter...but your kid is definitely at the age where it's a parental discretion thing.

Creating a Steam account seems like it would be a good idea. That gives him a bit of independence, it's a learning tool, stuff about budgeting / money, gives him his own online persona, all of that stuff. If he's ready for it, of course.

A few thoughts would be to maybe not let him know the password to the account. If you need to log him in, I think that may still allow him to play in 'offline' mode. I haven't explored 'offline' mode much, but I think he could play single player in most games but not get into multi-player without being logged in. Not sure on that though, so I'd test it out and be sure first.

Another thought would be installing the Steam app on your phone, and adding him as a friend. That way, you can easily check and see if he's online or in a game he shouldn't be playing or at a time he shouldn't be on. The worry I would have isn't so much how he's acting while I'm around, but what he's getting on and doing when I'm not around. The Steam mobile app makes it easier to track that from work / elsewhere.

He's 13, so he's probably heard plenty of offensive / obscene / profane / racist stuff already, if only from his friends. I wouldn't want him playing on servers that allow that and definitely wouldn't tolerate him acting like that, but acknowledge it. He's old enough to learn what's acceptable and not acceptable, and you aren't going to be able to keep him from being exposed to some of it. Explain that it's something some people do, and he better not ever get into those habits because if you ever catch him acting this way, he'll lose his gaming privileges (or something similar).

Terrendos

My first day on the middle/high school bus, I heard more awful language than any gaming session I've ever had (though admittedly never played dota 2). Since most of these games don't require a Mic to play, I would take it out of the computer when you're not there to listen in. I suspect that would go a long way to curb the kid away from becoming a troll himself since there's no reinforcement.

I like the idea of having a conversation with him about trolls and not feeding them too.