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[Internet Dating]: You'll just get older and acquire more dogs.
Richy
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
This OP catalogues the general dating knowledge our threads have gathered, with a special focus on profile-writing and messaging. Read it well. There's really not much of it anyway.
Winner of the 2008 award for best use of caps in a sentence:
YOU ARE TRYING TO WOO A MATE. THIS IS NOT AN HONEST AUTOBIOGRAPHY. YOU'RE SELLING YOURSELF.
General but important communication tips:
STOP being "honest" via self deprecation.
STOP apologizing to the reader of your profile or messages.
STOP making excuses to the reader.
STOP following confident statements with insecure "lol" or "haha" or "i guess".
STOP insulting your own life path in your profile.
STOP calling yourself nerdy or geeky or dorky or funny or witty or handsome or sarcastic or any-fucking-thing. Leave out any sentences that say, "I am [adjective]" unless you are prepared to put up or shut up.
STOP writing anything that the OKC Bullshit to English translator will correct for you.
STOP not writing people because you're convinced they're too good/hot/popular/smart/whatever to be interested in you. Write them and let them decide whether or not they want to have sex with you. Don't make the decision for them.
STOP sucking at online dating
Pictures:
Site-specific profile-writing tips:
Ice-breaker messages
The simple rule is: be concise, comment on something on her profile to show you read it and possibly relate it to something in your experience, ask a question so she can easily follow-up, spell properly, don't send dick pics.
The more complex rules are:
Charts!
Wherein numbers are plotted against other numbers to look more interesting.
Winner of the 2008 award for best use of caps in a sentence:
YOU ARE TRYING TO WOO A MATE. THIS IS NOT AN HONEST AUTOBIOGRAPHY. YOU'RE SELLING YOURSELF.
General but important communication tips:
STOP being "honest" via self deprecation.
STOP apologizing to the reader of your profile or messages.
STOP making excuses to the reader.
STOP following confident statements with insecure "lol" or "haha" or "i guess".
STOP insulting your own life path in your profile.
STOP calling yourself nerdy or geeky or dorky or funny or witty or handsome or sarcastic or any-fucking-thing. Leave out any sentences that say, "I am [adjective]" unless you are prepared to put up or shut up.
STOP writing anything that the OKC Bullshit to English translator will correct for you.
STOP not writing people because you're convinced they're too good/hot/popular/smart/whatever to be interested in you. Write them and let them decide whether or not they want to have sex with you. Don't make the decision for them.
STOP sucking at online dating
Pictures:
- Your main picture should feature you, alone, and your face should be visible. Preference should be given to a low depth of field, thus keeping the focus on you and the mood intimate. Women should look at the camera smiling or flirting. Guys should look away from the camera pensively.
- Other pictures can include other people, but do specify who you are in the picture through captions, blurring out other people's faces, a giant arrow, something. No one like to play the game of "guess who's the person in common in all these pictures".
- Do not put up pictures where you are not at all. It's a dating site, not a Facebook album.
- Do not put up pictures with more attractive friends.
- Do not put up pictures with your ex. Why would you think that's a good idea?
- Do not put up blurry, poorly-lit, poorly-framed, or just generally bad pictures. Cell phone pics are notorious for that reason.
- No dick pics.
- Try to include one full-body pic to show what you look like completely.
- Choose wisely:
- Read here for more stats.
- Do not pick pictures that look like that.
- Other pictures can include other people, but do specify who you are in the picture through captions, blurring out other people's faces, a giant arrow, something. No one like to play the game of "guess who's the person in common in all these pictures".
- Do not put up pictures where you are not at all. It's a dating site, not a Facebook album.
- Do not put up pictures with more attractive friends.
- Do not put up pictures with your ex. Why would you think that's a good idea?
- Do not put up blurry, poorly-lit, poorly-framed, or just generally bad pictures. Cell phone pics are notorious for that reason.
- No dick pics.
- Try to include one full-body pic to show what you look like completely.
- Choose wisely:
- Read here for more stats.
- Do not pick pictures that look like that.
Site-specific profile-writing tips:
OKCupud wrote:
My Self Summary
- Be Specific
- Show, don't tell. Use stories to show that you are interesting
- Don't talk about vague shit like "I like to travel" and "I read books for fun" and "I have maintained possession of both my eyes since birth."
What I'm Doing With My Life
- Don't beat around the bush. Just fucking tell me what you do for money or what you are studying in school. It's going to be a first question on a date and gives a potential suitor something to ask you about.
- Put interesting things in here. Hobbies. Not JUST work-things. Show me why you are awesome to hang out with.
I'm Really Good At
- You are not good at making people laugh or being funny or whatever. Find SKILLS that you have that you are good at. I can cut a deck of cards one-handed. I can drive stick shift. Something interesting that you can do that is awesome.
First Things People Notice
- It's not your smile or your eyes or your sense of humor or whatever.
- Think about something that people would notice across a bar if you were hanging out with your friends in a loud, crowded place.
Favourites
- List YOUR FAVOURITES. Not every book, movie, television show, and food you've ever read, seen, watched, or eaten.
- Pick 10-12 things MAXIMUM
- If you must use key words, only key word two or three things in each section. The favourites of your favourites.
- For books, list titles, not authors. Some authors write a wide range of books. Some authors are associated with being a prick or a poser. Book Titles tell a lot more about who you are as a person.
- Keep the list trim by only listing works that give us a window into your personality. Don't make a massively long section that indiscriminately lists everything you like.
Six Things
- Don't list bullshit like oxygen, air, water, food, friends and family. It's boring and meaningless.
- Don't list your computer, the internet, these forums, or something else pathetic.
- Do list things relating to stuff you love or mentionned elsewhere in the profile. Feel free to be silly here, but don't list six random things that have no connection or theme.
I Spend a lot of time thinking about
- Don't suddenly get all deep and existential when there's nothing else like that in your profile.
- Don't say "Taking over the world" because that's bullshit.
- Feel free to be funny or silly here, too, but don't make it cliché.
Typical Friday
- Don't say "there is no typical Friday"
- Don't say "taking over the world"
- Don't say "out with friends or in reading a book" like every other person ever
- Don't say you're busy with work/whatever Friday and really go out Saturday. The question is not literally about Friday night, it's about what you do for fun. It's your chance to prove to us what a fun person you are. If you fail at it, then you're no fun, and no one wants to date someone who's no fun.
- Be specific. If you are out with friends, what are you doing? Do you go dancing? Go to bars for trivia night? Watch movies and eat popcorn?
The Most Private Thing
- ANSWER THE GODDAMN QUESTION
- It's not "I'm on a dating website"
Message me if
- Don't say "if you want to" or any other variation of that. BE SPCIFIC.
POF wrote:Headline:
- Do not write "I never know what to write in those things". Think of something. It's not hard.
- Do not write "Headlines are stupid". NO U.
I am looking for:
- Not "intimate encounters". Girls do not need the internet to find "intimate encounters". Most of them, in fact, have their accounts set to automatically block messages from guys looking for "intimate encounters".
Question section:
- Do not "prefer not to say". These are simple straightforward questions that give some basic background info on yourself. Answer them. They're not asking the number of girls you slept with or the size of your wang or the hiding place of John Connor. They're asking whether or not you own a car. If you can't answer that with a simple yes/no, you've got issues.
Interests:
- Put some.
- Be specific. "Fun" is not an interest.
- "Doing stuff" is not an interest. Neither is "taking over the world".
About me:
- Everything from the OKC profile advice applies here.
First date:
- Do not write "i dunno." Do not write "you come up with something." Do not write "we'll talk about it and decide." Do not write "whatever you want to do." It makes you look dull and unimaginative and boring.
- Everyone has a mental picture of an ideal date. Write a one or two line abstract of it.
- This section is important. It gives the other person a good idea of your personality. If your ideal first date idea is chatting over coffee, you might not be a match for someone whose ideal first date is skydiving over a volcano while carrying an active bomb wrapped in barbed wire. See? Important information there.
Ice-breaker messages
The simple rule is: be concise, comment on something on her profile to show you read it and possibly relate it to something in your experience, ask a question so she can easily follow-up, spell properly, don't send dick pics.
The more complex rules are:
Exactly what to say in a first message at the OKC blog
Learn to spell better than a cat.
The humps that matter are her brain lobes, not her boobs.
Be original.
Talk about metal-loving vegetarian zombies.
Engage her in the discussion.
Learn to spell better than a cat.
The humps that matter are her brain lobes, not her boobs.
Be original.
Talk about metal-loving vegetarian zombies.
Engage her in the discussion.
Charts!
Wherein numbers are plotted against other numbers to look more interesting.
Lie about your height:
Men are stupid:
Score 1 for Apple:
Men are stupid:
Score 1 for Apple:
Richy on
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Posts
\o/
Our thread invitation must have gotten lost in the mail...
Seriously though, amazing awesome dude! Congrats!
"This man must be single forever, to serve as an example to the internet dating thread!"
Also, privacy concerns.
The thread peaked in post 2. It's all downhill from there.
And then I show up. Full steam ahead!
I haven't yet figured out how to make a separate profile work on OKC, so for now I'm just sticking with one. And fuck 'em, if they're put off by my orientation, I don't want to date them anyway; nor do I want to lie to them about it, even to start with. I understand if you do though.
see? this is the bullshit my brain harasses me with...
As a rule, not just for internet dating but for life in general, don't put something online unless you're ok with everyone on Earth knowing it about you.
I don't have a bi profile, since I don't think that's the best way for someone to know.
Unfortunately there are problems no matter which way you go as a bisexual. (And no, that wasn't written as a joke but there it is.)
It's not hijacking the thread at all. This is exactly a reason for this thread, and this is a great group of people to help you with this.
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Just got dumped by my internet GF of five months outside the airport after getting back from a six night cruise.
BEAT THAT, FUCKERS
Now I'm surrounded by Beliebers while trying to get home from the airport on public transport.
):
I had a similar traumatic experience...worst part, get "PTSD" everytime I go to the airport. Like can you wait until I'm somewhere that I don't go to frequently?
I will try and pick it up again. I'm getting married on Dec 31st with party till midnight. I met her threw Craigs List.
From bad to worse. You have my condolences man.
I don't think so, but it looks like you can change your "looking for" to straight/bi/gay only
:roll:
*bamf*, yo.
From the new genderqueer centric profile I'm creating. Empty right now, just a place holder.
Edit, guess you don't see straight folk either, which I guess is sort of fair.
Hell, that check box right now would make you invisible to me, since I'm just listing as straight, and I doubt I'm the only one. I can still browse for gay/bi dudes on my own...
Depends on what your goals are but something to think about.
I think a lot of us adjust parts of our settings and profiles based on what our goals are at any given time. Being able to play with what you see and who sees you is a feature meant to be used.
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