Soccer Balls and the Devil discussed within

Jimmy

On the way back from lunch today, I was stopped at a light by a soccer field when a group of kids hit thier soccer ball into my car. Im sure it was an accident, and would normally ignore it. Instead, I got out of the car, grabbed the ball, flipped them off and drove back to work. So as I type this, im sitting here staring at a stolen soccer ball deciding what to do with it.



Am I going to hell for this ? And if so, what should I do with this thing to make it an act worth burning in purgatory for ?

Pkmoutl

No, but you are kind of a dick.

Give the kids back their ball, you fucking bully.

Air

you fucking ass

bent

So do you also steal candy from children, or is it toys exclusively?

Marathon

So they did something on accident and you proceded to flip them off and steal their ball.
Classy

Volucrisus Aedrius

Man, thats pretty dickish. You should have taken out your frustration by kicking it way over their heads and been like "oh, my bad, sorry guys" but secretly laughing at their frantic attempts to further retrieve it.

Instead you just acted like you had a fishhook-barbed dick in your ass. What if that ball was a birthday present, huh? I hope you feel terrible.

Brainleech

I remember a friend of mine would cruise the park for Soccer moms in his words
they are desparte and have a broken in feel to them

and go give them back the ball, kids are quite dumb; it does not help being a role model for them to grow into.

Air

look at mr tough guy

stealing a ball from some innocent kids and running away in the safety of his car

well arent you a big man

Jimmy

It does look new, so maybe ill try and return it to a wal-mart and use the money to buy myself some Itilian Ice and a Rainbow Bright DVD

Air

maybe you can use the money to get some new tampons you raggin bitch

Volucrisus Aedrius

This is yet another example of the whole "oh shit, I did something, tell me what you think of what I did, internet, because moral pondering isn't something I usually bother with."

trentsteel

Terrible


learn to control yourself

Jimmy

Air wrote: »

maybe you can use the money to get some new tampons you raggin bitch

That makes me a sad panda. Ive decided the best course of action here is to give the ball back but with a big hole in it, and no air. I'll also attach a note saying "This will teach you to watch what the fuck your doing, next time its the family pet." Ill also make the note like a ransom note with clippings of letters from magazines and shit. THAT will complete the act I think

ascot

post needs less "grr angry internet moron"

Brainleech

Jimmy wrote: »

On the way back from lunch today, I was stopped at a light by a soccer field when a group of kids hit thier soccer ball into my car. Im sure it was an accident, and would normally ignore it. Instead, I got out of the car, grabbed the ball, flipped them off and drove back to work. So as I type this, im sitting here staring at a stolen soccer ball deciding what to do with it.



Am I going to hell for this ? And if so, what should I do with this thing to make it an act worth burning in purgatory for ?

Jimmy wrote: »

Air wrote: »

maybe you can use the money to get some new tampons you raggin bitch

That makes me a sad panda. Ive decided the best course of action here is to give the ball back but with a big hole in it, and no air. I'll also attach a note saying "This will teach you to watch what the fuck your doing, next time its the family pet." Ill also make the note like a ransom note with clippings of letters from magazines and shit. THAT will complete the act I think

So how does the previous act earn a hole in the ball;possibly having sex with it? and a crudely written letter implying violence?

scarlet st.

You should have just stabbed it in front of them and let it deflate. Geez.

Marathon

Jimmy wrote: »

Air wrote: »

maybe you can use the money to get some new tampons you raggin bitch

That makes me a sad panda. Ive decided the best course of action here is to give the ball back but with a big hole in it, and no air. I'll also attach a note saying "This will teach you to watch what the fuck your doing, next time its the family pet." Ill also make the note like a ransom note with clippings of letters from magazines and shit. THAT will complete the act I think

Or you could just give it back without being a total asshole.

Volucrisus Aedrius

Jimmy wrote: »

Air wrote: »

maybe you can use the money to get some new tampons you raggin bitch

That makes me a sad panda. Ive decided the best course of action here is to give the ball back but with a big hole in it, and no air. I'll also attach a note saying "This will teach you to watch what the fuck your doing, next time its the family pet." Ill also make the note like a ransom note with clippings of letters from magazines and shit. THAT will complete the act I think

And when the cops arrest you and we see your article on FARK the circle will be complete. Its cunt-knucklers like you that make the world go round.

Air

volu i ran over an old lady today
i dunno if you could really call it an accident though
i knocked her down onto the road then got in my car and drove up and stopped on her and then did some burnouts and donuts

was this a bad thing to do
honestly i do not know

Jimmy

Brainleech wrote: »

Jimmy wrote: »

On the way back from lunch today, I was stopped at a light by a soccer field when a group of kids hit thier soccer ball into my car. Im sure it was an accident, and would normally ignore it. Instead, I got out of the car, grabbed the ball, flipped them off and drove back to work. So as I type this, im sitting here staring at a stolen soccer ball deciding what to do with it.



Am I going to hell for this ? And if so, what should I do with this thing to make it an act worth burning in purgatory for ?

Jimmy wrote: »

Air wrote: »

maybe you can use the money to get some new tampons you raggin bitch

That makes me a sad panda. Ive decided the best course of action here is to give the ball back but with a big hole in it, and no air. I'll also attach a note saying "This will teach you to watch what the fuck your doing, next time its the family pet." Ill also make the note like a ransom note with clippings of letters from magazines and shit. THAT will complete the act I think

So how does the previous act earn a hole in the ball;possibly having sex with it? and a crudely written letter implying violence?

There is no "possibly" it'll have to be done now.

ZeroFill

internet badassery

you should go down to the local park, and locate some people playing basketball

steal THEIR ball and give it back to them with a hole in it

send me a postcard from the hospital gift shop and let me know it went

Volucrisus Aedrius

Jimmy wrote: »

There is no "possibly" it'll have to be done now.

You're one of those "square peg in round hole" types, aren't you? Sociopath? This whole thread is just an ego trip for you.

taoistlumberjak

I hope your days are spent having to watch the Italian mens national football team on television

ZeroFill

this other day at Disneyland I knocked over a kid's ice cream cone and then I cut in line in front of them. Stupid kids, that'll teach them.

Then I popped some balloons with a cigarette and took off Mickey Mouse's costume head.

do I fit in yet guys?



please accept me

Marathon

ZeroFill wrote: »

this other day at Disneyland I knocked over a kid's ice cream cone and then I cut in line in front of them. Stupid kids, that'll teach them.

Then I popped some balloons with a cigarette and took off Mickey Mouse's costume head.

do I fit in yet guys?



please accept me

Spit on a kid with cancer and we'll talk.

Air

volu did you just use the word cunt-knuckle
a word that i figured i may have invented
possibly while on a bus

because ive used it but dont recall ever hearing it anywhere else
but then it is very possible that i did and just dont remember

anyway. thumbs up

Volucrisus Aedrius

I call people "cunt knucklers" as an insult though the term comes from a conversation I had with a friend a long time ago.

Some chick was being a bitch in a public place and my friend was like "dude, somebody should punch that chick in the vagina" and I was like "yeah, give her the old cunt-knuckler."

But in any event, hey, what can I say? Great minds think alike.

Jimmy

Volucrisus Aedrius wrote: »

Jimmy wrote: »

There is no "possibly" it'll have to be done now.

You're one of those "square peg in round hole" types, aren't you? Sociopath? This whole thread is just an ego trip for you.

I am enjoying this, I may just be a bad person on general

Volucrisus Aedrius

Go crawl back in your hole, Jimmy. This thread has moved on to better places.

FortyTwo

asshat.

But there is a cure for how you are feeling.

Razor blades, eat them.

eat them up good, yum yummy

ZeroFill

FortyTwo wrote: »

asshat.

But there is a cure for how you are feeling.

Razor blades, eat them.

eat them up good, yum yummy

there are more terrifying things that have been done with the human body and the placing of razor blades therein.

notably, in Thailand.

Fedora

Remember that scene in "Back to the Future" where Marty's tailing young biff back in the 1950's?

The part where Biff's leaving his house when a group of kids accidently kick a ball into his yard, and as he picks it up and shows it to them he asks "Is this your ball? Do you want this back?" and then he proceeds to throw it onto his roof and screams "Well GO GET IT!"

yeah, I don't really know where i'm going with this.

Man I haven't seen back to the future in a long time.

Long story short, dude, what the hell?

Volucrisus Aedrius

Haha oh man the paper boy just came around. He listens to hardcore gangsta rap from his car, and you can hear it in the mornings as he comes around. It also is a strong indicator that I should probably go to sleep.

Marathon

ZeroFill wrote: »

FortyTwo wrote: »

asshat.

But there is a cure for how you are feeling.

Razor blades, eat them.

eat them up good, yum yummy

there are more terrifying things that have been done with the human body and the placing of razor blades therein.

notably, in Thailand.

This brings back horrible flashbacks of the "split-penis" thread from the other day.

Jimmy

In Thailand, the hospitals pay you to bring people to them. A friend of mine would drive around and find people that were in accidents and take them to hospital that payed the most for them. He made a shit load of money, but some died because the hospital was farther away then one that payed less. True story.

Volucrisus Aedrius

Jimmy, you, and everyone you know, is a cockswindling whore.

trentsteel

Jimmy wrote: »

In Thailand, the hospitals pay you to bring people to them. A friend of mine would drive around and find people that were in accidents and take them to hospital that payed the most for them. He made a shit load of money, but some died because the hospital was farther away then one that payed less. True story.

WOW.

That is a strange job right there.

Part humanitarian part "OH BOY AN ACCIDENT."

Jimmy

Volucrisus Aedrius wrote: »

Jimmy, you, and everyone you know, is a cockswindling whore.

I know you and now we share that bond together.


- As for the Thailand thing, he was a big meth head at the time as were the guys he did it with. The main reason its allowed over there is because the Ambulance's are to busy or just never get there. So they saw it as a way to feel somehwhat better about being methheads because they were helping people while getting thier cash for thier meth.

ZeroFill

Don't engage it in conversation

let's just pick up our plates and finish our dinner in the hollow castle.

Zzulu

There are no hospitals in Sweden

trentsteel

Zzulu wrote: »

There are no hospitals in Sweden

I hope you have a good witch-doctor plan then