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Had sex for the first time with a prostitute, and regret it deeply.
Mysterio321
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Registered User new member
I had sex for the first time with a prostitute yesterday. I wore protection. But I couldn't go inside her, she wound up giving me "manual stimulation". It was in 10 minutes. It was meant to be oral sex but became that instead, and something came over me and I just went with it. I feel deep shame and regret especially since it was my first time. I can't live it down, even though only me and her know about it, well did, I still feel horrible and disgusting. How do get over it and move on?
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If it was consensual sex, there's nothing to be ashamed of, even if the service was paid for. There certainly is a stigma attached to it, but there are many reasons one might pay for sex, and even if yours was because you were lonely or wanted to get your first time over with or whatever, it is still simply an exchange and nothing to be ashamed of as long as the girl is providing the professional service of her own free will and is not being coerced or etc etc etc.
That won't absolve your guilt any, though, I know. The only thing that will get you over this is time. You're going to have to feel ashamed, try to examine why you do and why you feel it was a mistake, learn from it, and then eventually it will just be a footnote in your life that you rarely, if ever, think about.
Again, there is no reason for you to feel ashamed, sex is important, and necessary for a normal life, and for one's mental sanity.
That said, if you think you've cheapened yourself by paying for sex, i'd say it's not that different to lowering your standards well below what you're comfortable with, just to get laid.
You tried it, so now you can knock it and move on.
Feeling guilty means that you either did something that violates your own values/principles or something that you think will reflect negatively on you in the eyes of other people that you care about the opinions of (or both). Given that nobody else even knows about what you did, it's probably the former - so I'd recommend asking yourself which of your principles you broke, why you broke it, why you have that principle and whether in hindsight the principle or the action that broke it is better for you / more important to you.
Understanding why you did something, even if later you regret it or disagree with your past self about it, helps. You can also use a time like this to decide whether some of your beliefs should change, or to strengthen your grip on your beliefs so that you do not cross the line with what you think is right / wrong again.
Really?
If there's no harm done though, there's no harm done. There's no use being ashamed of mistakes, and we learn from our mistakes. Don't dwell on this, and sorry you had a negative experience.
In the meantime, cheers for the positive experiences, the times we learn, and the times we grow.
Yeah, this struck me as a bit odd too.
If you have to resort to a prostitute to get in bed with a supermodel, well of course, it's a supermodel and way out of your league.
But if you have to pay to be with someone below average then that reflects on how undesirable you are.
So the problem he's having with her attractiveness is really how it reflects on him.
Does this make any sense? It's still early.
Also, there is a stigma connected to the first time 'meaning something' - as if it's still the 1950's and people's first time is their super-special and perfect wedding night, and they only have one partner their entire lives...and that was hardly true even back then on all levels. Here's a secret - most people's first time (or first few times) are tense, awkward disasters.
It's easy to feel ashamed about having sex with someone you consider well below your standards - yet again, very real stigma. Bad decisions - alcohol, availability, etc...they happen to people. I don't know if it's 'most' people, but an awful lot of people - especially in hindsight - regret or feel ashamed about one or more times they've had sex. I know I've got a few times I would happily undo if I could go back in time.
You'll be ok. If it feels really bad and doesn't go away, you might want to find someone to talk to about it, but otherwise just chalk it up to life experience. Also, not to play with technicalities or anything, but if all she did was give you manual stimulation, that still leaves a lot for you to share with someone you really want to be with.
In your particular case, okay, maybe she wasn't Miranda Kerr. But whatever, you showed up, you got a handjob, you went home, you felt bad after.
Honestly, the best advice I can give you is to sack up. Almost everybody I know has had sex that they later regret. Just be happy that yours was with a professional who wasn't as pretty as you would have liked. At least you don't have AIDS.
It's really not that big of a deal.
You think it's some big thing, but this has been going on since some single cavelady that wasn't much good at hunting needed more food than she had.
Just move on with your life. Put this event out of your mind, focus on spending time with family and friends, look for a girlfriend. Get tested just to be absolutely sure in case she had the herp and you didn't use a condom, but yeah, keep going with the rest of your life, man. Nobody ever has to know if you don't want them to.
But seriously sex is both personal, and a byproduct of experience. Someone who has had sex 100s of times is going to have a different perspective on it than someone who has had sex 3 times. This is not a competition, this is not something you are going to win. "Getting your virginity out of the way." Is some silly shit. This isn't even about the first time being special, this is about viewing sex and virginity as a social status. At the end of the day. Who cares? The only people who should care are the people who are part of the act of having sex, it is nobody elses business. Don't get syphilis, wear a condom.
I have been trying to figure out why your posts have me so convinced you are approaching all this wrong. I don't really know what your attitudes towards sex are, but you clearly got some issues to work through and I encourage you do that with a professional. I think maybe it's in part to your unspecified "morals and values" call-out, which apparently permit you to have sex with a prostitute but not really enjoy it or respect her.
Generally, shame + sex = a bad combo, especially when the shame is because you think your partner isn't that physically attractive. It leads to everything from only having unimaginative sex to not being able to perform to not being able to climax. I mean, you want to have sex with people you find physically attractive, but your post suggests you have shamed yourself by sleeping with somebody who is "semi-doable" instead of 100% doable or something. This is a really unhealthy attitude to have because it essentially turns sex - which should be fun and enjoyable - into a contest where you are trying to have sex with the hottest person you can find or you are a failure.
This attitude is what leads to "trophy" wives and husbands - e.g. somebody you nail because they are physically attractive and so make you look good, even if they don't satisfy you in any other aspect of your life. Now, you need to be attracted to your partner, but the way you describe this suggest your values are out of whack. Having dated really hot and otherwise incompatible, let me tell you that it is not a good life goal. I mean, fine, do it for a lark, but don't think that you're a failure if you're not dating somebody with supermodel good looks.
Also, you should be realistic in terms of expecting a partner of roughly equal good looks (though this is often measured on different dimensions - I find most women tend to be as uncompromising on height as most men are on weight). You really don't want to be the real-world equivalent of Peter Griffin parading around in a "no fat chicks shirt."
You sound a lot like disaffected novice PUAs do on their forums. I'd focus on having fun and having a good time before you worry about notches on your belt and the physical quality of those notches. How old are you?
Geth, kick @PixelMonkey from the thread.