The new forums will be named Coin Return (based on the most recent vote)! You can check on the status and timeline of the transition to the new forums here.
The Guiding Principles and New Rules document is now in effect.
life after cheating
dontknow
Registered User new member
Registered User new member
after advice, my partner of 9yrs wants a child. we tried ivf 9 times without success. he has low sperm count. age is now a factor for me. he cheated with a younger woman who has offered to try ivf with him. he wants us to continue and be involved. this woman knows and initially was ok. she has cancelled the first two appts. do I hang around? we both love each other and is begging me to stay.
0
Posts
Because that's more detrimental to relationships than the actual act of sex. You'll need to work on that part before having a kid, otherwise you're bringing a kid into an environment of resentment and mistrust.
You might want to find someone else to bear your kid though.
Maybe look into adoption though.. IVF is expensive and it sounds like it's not going anywhere for you.
But as Metalbourne said, you should really decide whether or not to continue with the relationship; bringing a child into this will only amplify those feelings of resentment.
That said, I worry about what Metalbourne mentioned - is there enough trust in this relationship to bring a child in? Or is it a terrible environment?
https://steamcommunity.com/profiles/76561197970666737/
Wait, so, he wants a kid.
Do you? Or are you just trying to please him?
He cheated on you with another woman. How do you feel about that?
He's still with her, but wants you to hang around as well. Now we're getting into crazytown. Unless of course you're cool with your partner of 9 years suddenly deciding you'd be a convenient baby-sitter while he has fun with the new girl.
She's backing out on her part of the deal. How is this going to go if she decides that no, she doesn't want to go through IVF with your partner? Does he pack it in with her and go back to you, or does he leave both of you and find another new girl?
He's begging you to stay with him. But to what end?
Zero judgments here, I mean no offense, nor do I mean to make you feel bad. But personally, my partner cheats on me? That's it. No second chances. If I can't trust someone absolutely, I do not want to spend the rest of my life with them. Especially to help raise someone else's kid. I'm pretty old-fashioned and conservative when it comes to relationships, though.
You need to figure out what you want out of this relationship, if it's salvageable, if there are compromises to be made that everyone can agree on and live with, stuff like that.
I don't think adoption is more expensive than IVF.
I think you have a responsibility to ensure that the relationship itself is stable and healthy, before bringing a child into it. I personally to not subscribe to the idea that a child can hold a relationship together, because being a parent is really tough sometimes. I understand that the desire to have a family can in and of itself be something that can strain a relationship... But you guys need to sort your shit out before you bring a new life into this world.
I get that you love him, but what is he asking? For you to raise a child that he has with someone he's been unfaithful with? How difficult is that going to be for you?
I really don't think bringing a baby into this equation is fair on the child.
I would not.
Cheating is a total betrayal, and I would not trust anyone after the fact. They weren't able to hold-up their end of the bargain on a relationship level, so how could I expect them to hold up their end of the bargain in anything else? How could I trust any words that ever came out of their mouth from that moment onward? I couldn't.
YMMV, but I would bail if you have it in you to do that.
Also, you've already had your babies and he has not, so the moral thing to do would be to set him free so he can find someone who also wants babies. Sometimes the kindest thing you can do to someone you love is set them free.