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You should go, man. Engagement parties are chilled and fun. Free booze and food, usually a DJ or something, just chat to nice people and go home when you want to.
They'll appreciate you showing up.
You can also show up late or leave early
I'm not sure if I've ever done this reframing thing, or at least thought about it in those terms. I'm gonna have to reread the OP after I get home and think about it
go. It's not for you, it's for her. Why the fuck would your presence make anyone else feel negative? Whereas your absence might.
And how will you ever get more comfortable with social events if you duck them all the time?
Think of it as levelling up, or accruing social capital, or whatever mental tricks you need to get through it.
Donovan PuppyfuckerA dagger in the dark isworth a thousand swords in the morningRegistered Userregular
Generally, your friends other friends are people you would tend to get along with. Of course that's not ironclad, but you can at least get some nice food and a few drinks into your face, and getting out of the house for a few hours will help you feel better about yourself. It's probably pretty likely that someone there will have similar interests to you, so you'll have at least one person to have a conversation deeper than polite small-talk with.
go. It's not for you, it's for her. Why the fuck would your presence make anyone else feel negative? Whereas your absence might.
And how will you ever get more comfortable with social events if you duck them all the time?
Think of it as levelling up, or accruing social capital, or whatever mental tricks you need to get through it.
If they didn't want you to come they wouldn't have invited you! They obviously want an example of a smartly dressed chap to show the useless other blokes there how its done before the wedding happens.
Thought this was going to be about some DIY home renovations or something.
Same here, I've been having my roof on my mind a lot lately since one of the valley beams broke last winter.
Having roof problems suuuuuuucks man
Biggest problem is figuring out the financing. Best bid I've gotten so far is 28,600 to reframe it which includes redoing the shingles, siding, permits and cleanup. But who the hell knows where I'm getting 28,600. My uncle has offered an interest-free loan, but I don't want to owe him anything, the "interest-free" just means he has the right to nag me about every decision I make for the next decade.
"Simple, real stupidity beats artificial intelligence every time." -Mustrum Ridcully in Terry Pratchett's Hogfather p. 142 (HarperPrism 1996)
Woo cognitive reframing, worked through with a therapist, helped me a ton through a very severe bout of depression a few years ago and it's really stuck with me.
Okie dokie thread I've got a question, I have a problem. I have things that I must do but then this little nagging voice tells me to be lazy and play games instead. It's been winning lately.
If I don't do that thing though, then I get angry at myself and then my problem grows into a Thing where I get depressed when I think about how suddenly now I can't do what I need to do. (I hope that sentence wasn't too confusing!) I basically set up a mental block that paralyzes me and makes me feel awful.
For example: I needed to go to the welfare office to deliver some paperwork I was missing for food aid. There's no printer where I live now, so if I need to print something out I either must ask someone for a ride or ask my folks to print it out for me, and asking people for help is hard to do because I need independance or some stupid shit, or I walk for 35 minutes to get to the library to print what I need. Then I either ask for a ride or take a 20 minute bus ride to the welfare office. I didn't get around to doing this until the other day and I almost ran out of food, not that my friends would let me starve though. Going to the welfare office to deal with this just became this thing I couldn't do and I kept putting it off.
How can I stop this and act like an adult? Am I just not being as responsible as I thought I was or do I have a problem? I'm used to my family just doing things for me because they didn't want to deal with teaching me how to do stuff myself.
nuka on
DS: 2667 5365 3193 | 2DS: 2852-8590-3716
0
Blake TDo you have enemies then?Good. That means you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.Registered Userregular
Nuka I think you need to disassociate asking for something with, not being independent.
Sure, if you are getting them to paint your house, that is pushing it. But asking someone to print something out is nothing.
It feels huge, if I asked my family for a favor the answer was usually know even if it was a super tiny thing. I don't think I even understand human nature.
You're not alone, Nuka. I also used to struggle with asking for help. But in my head I reframe it like so:
We are not on this planet alone. The social side of life is important to everyone and is protective. Being independent does not mean going it alone - it means being self-sufficient enough to know when you need help so as to STAY independent.
Getting food aid is a thing that allows you to live independently, so anything that contributes to making it happen is a good thing, even if you have to ask for help.
Another reframe could be that you're not asking for a personal favor, just a practical thing. Like, you're not asking for cash or for a place to live or a job. You're just asking for someone to print something out for you. If you feel strongly about it you can pay them back for ink and paper later on.
Or, as I eventually learned to do - pay it forward. It made asking for help easier if I knew I would pay it forward, no matter how tiny it was. Because I wasn't asking for help because I was not independent, I was asking for help because I really needed it to maintain that independence. And you'll be hard pressed to find anyone who didn't need help at some stage in their adult lives.
Getting government assistance feels different than asking friends for help. I'll consider the pay it forward thing as the people I ask for help now are already helping me in some way and I plan to do something nice for them in the future. Thank you!
DS: 2667 5365 3193 | 2DS: 2852-8590-3716
+1
Lost Salientblink twiceif you'd like me to mercy kill youRegistered Userregular
I am aware of reframing as a thing that it's possible for people to do.
I am flat-out awful at it.
"Sandra has a good solid anti-murderer vibe. My skin felt very secure and sufficiently attached to my body when I met her. Also my organs." HAIL SATAN
Well, it would have been a huge pain in the ass to travel to and from that party, and I have stuff to do here in the city, so I shouldn't beat myself up for cancelling on it at the last minute out of nerves/awkwardness. Yep.
Trying to reframe that I just bought a seasons pass to the mountain for snowboarding for first time in a decade ( missed boarding sooo much)
But trying to keep it in frame that I don't do anything for myself , like ever, so I shouldn't get all worked up over it and that I can cover it rather easily and I just have to put off some stuff ( no gaming computer for a bit longer etc )
But the trickier reframe now is, umm I have no boots, board, pants, etc rofl
AthenorBattle Hardened OptimistThe Skies of HiigaraRegistered Userregular
Been thinking about this subject a lot the last few weeks, as my therapist is trying to get me to more actively participate in reframing. It's tough, because my mind gets mad at myself for being negative all the time... Yeah.
With that being said? I am finding myself doing.. better. Not great. I'm realizing that I'm a good person, and the rest of the world doesn't care what I do or think - and those that do know me realize I'm a pretty rad dude. Still, I keep getting despondant over a lack of movement. My doc isn't helping - I'm not losing weight as fast as he'd like, mostly because my job is draining me so much that I'm not putting time into myself..
Er. On topic. as it were.
So on Wednesday a good friend of mine got fired. I took the opportunity to speak up about it to my boss, something I'm frankly shocked I would've done in the past. Didn't change anything, of course, but I did find out that I've been distant at work and my boss doesn't trust that I have his back on things...
Positive upswing? Since Wednesday I've finally worked up the courage to apologize to a friend I've been ignoring/shunting to the side of my life, I finally updated my LinkedIn profile (which was a hell of an exercise in building myself up) and I'm taking the time more and more to tell myself that I matter, and that I'm doing the right things... as.. erm.. *ahem* Big life changes are in my immediate future.
He/Him | "We who believe in freedom cannot rest." - Dr. Johnetta Cole, 7/22/2024
Trying to reframe that I just bought a seasons pass to the mountain for snowboarding for first time in a decade ( missed boarding sooo much)
But trying to keep it in frame that I don't do anything for myself , like ever, so I shouldn't get all worked up over it and that I can cover it rather easily and I just have to put off some stuff ( no gaming computer for a bit longer etc )
But the trickier reframe now is, umm I have no boots, board, pants, etc rofl
Trying to reframe that I just bought a seasons pass to the mountain for snowboarding for first time in a decade ( missed boarding sooo much)
But trying to keep it in frame that I don't do anything for myself , like ever, so I shouldn't get all worked up over it and that I can cover it rather easily and I just have to put off some stuff ( no gaming computer for a bit longer etc )
But the trickier reframe now is, umm I have no boots, board, pants, etc rofl
I woke up at 5 this morning, that being the usual time I would wake up for my job which has been on hold for a few weeks because the government agency I am indirectly contracting with is pants-on-head stupid and awful.
I had nothing to do that early in the morning, so after laying awake thinking for a bit I fell back asleep. I then had a very realistic dream about being hired onto a lucrative, interesting project involving petroglyphs and excavation in the Utah desert. I had the explicit thought that, "I am so lucky, I cannot believe I managed to find steady work! I am gonna be so happy when I wake up! Wait.. ." immediately before waking back up.
I woke up at 5 this morning, that being the usual time I would wake up for my job which has been on hold for a few weeks because the government agency I am indirectly contracting with is pants-on-head stupid and awful.
I had nothing to do that early in the morning, so after laying awake thinking for a bit I fell back asleep. I then had a very realistic dream about being hired onto a lucrative, interesting project involving petroglyphs and excavation in the Utah desert. I had the explicit thought that, "I am so lucky, I cannot believe I managed to find steady work! I am gonna be so happy when I wake up! Wait.. ." immediately before waking back up.
Since we don't have an official self-care thread anymore, I'm gonna post this here.
A while ago I posted a video I made, a fandub of a paranatural comic that I'd wanted to do a voice-over for, with the help of a gal I met on youtube.
Well, this is kind of embarrassing to say but I Dunno how else to put it. But it seems like that sort of... opened the floodgates, because since then I just kind of started taking initiative to do more of these things just out of nowhere.
It just feels great to have finally gotten into a proper hobby again, especially one that can actually lead to something I really want to do, professionally.
I've actually recorded four of these videos, in the span of the last week, and only one of them involved help from anyone else, which is..surprising, to say the least.
Seriously though, I've been wanting to really do this stuff forever. It just seems to be really really difficult for me to really get seriously into this sort of thing totally on my own. I lose interest in things way too easily when there's no one else involved.
Not that it matters now. I've kind of been on a roll lately, and I've got even a couple other vids in the works.
I have to say that it's just...really nice to have something to feel good about. To know there's something to look forward to. I want to keep that going as long as I can manage it.
Switch Friend Code: SW-6680-6709-4204
+7
GrogMy sword is only steelin a useful shape.Registered Userregular
I woke up at 5 this morning, that being the usual time I would wake up for my job which has been on hold for a few weeks because the government agency I am indirectly contracting with is pants-on-head stupid and awful.
I had nothing to do that early in the morning, so after laying awake thinking for a bit I fell back asleep. I then had a very realistic dream about being hired onto a lucrative, interesting project involving petroglyphs and excavation in the Utah desert. I had the explicit thought that, "I am so lucky, I cannot believe I managed to find steady work! I am gonna be so happy when I wake up! Wait.. ." immediately before waking back up.
I am unsure how to reframe that positively
Well that sounds to me like a pretty clear picture of where you want to be. It doesn't sound easy to get there, but knowing you want to is often a big step people find hard to make.
hey guys did you know that if you're having casual sex and you don't fall in love with them it is a character defect on your fault? my positive reframing this morning is I don't have to put up with that crazy shit anymore.
+4
HacksawJ. Duggan Esq.Wrestler at LawRegistered Userregular
I'm overweight, can barely make ends meet, school is drowning me, I dislike my job, I'm almost 30, everything hurts. I'm afraid I might lose the women I love and all my friends if I don't get through school.
hey guys did you know that if you're having casual sex and you don't fall in love with them it is a character defect on your fault? my positive reframing this morning is I don't have to put up with that crazy shit anymore.
A lot of people just can't do casual sex, but think they can, which is a shame because that's about all I'm up for anymore.
Eep Round 2 , now have Boots, Board, Coat, Pants, Gloves and Goggles, and 3 completely empty bank accounts, woops!
( Still pretty stoked tho, I was a competitive and casual boarder for 15 years+, but haven't been in almost a decade)
I'm still laughing about how I can't seem to do anything halfway. I want to snowboard again this year, so do I plan a single day ? NOPE< season's pass and prepping to go weekly if not more mwa hahaha, I bet I break my leg the first day
Posts
I'm not sure if I've ever done this reframing thing, or at least thought about it in those terms. I'm gonna have to reread the OP after I get home and think about it
And how will you ever get more comfortable with social events if you duck them all the time?
Think of it as levelling up, or accruing social capital, or whatever mental tricks you need to get through it.
Same here, I've been having my roof on my mind a lot lately since one of the valley beams broke last winter.
Having roof problems suuuuuuucks man
If they didn't want you to come they wouldn't have invited you! They obviously want an example of a smartly dressed chap to show the useless other blokes there how its done before the wedding happens.
if your roof breaks much more, it really will be on your mind!
http://www.audioentropy.com/
the mind is a metaphorical construct so this would be impossible!!
Biggest problem is figuring out the financing. Best bid I've gotten so far is 28,600 to reframe it which includes redoing the shingles, siding, permits and cleanup. But who the hell knows where I'm getting 28,600. My uncle has offered an interest-free loan, but I don't want to owe him anything, the "interest-free" just means he has the right to nag me about every decision I make for the next decade.
I would gladly hang out with you.
GOOD THREAD VIV
If I don't do that thing though, then I get angry at myself and then my problem grows into a Thing where I get depressed when I think about how suddenly now I can't do what I need to do. (I hope that sentence wasn't too confusing!) I basically set up a mental block that paralyzes me and makes me feel awful.
For example: I needed to go to the welfare office to deliver some paperwork I was missing for food aid. There's no printer where I live now, so if I need to print something out I either must ask someone for a ride or ask my folks to print it out for me, and asking people for help is hard to do because I need independance or some stupid shit, or I walk for 35 minutes to get to the library to print what I need. Then I either ask for a ride or take a 20 minute bus ride to the welfare office. I didn't get around to doing this until the other day and I almost ran out of food, not that my friends would let me starve though. Going to the welfare office to deal with this just became this thing I couldn't do and I kept putting it off.
How can I stop this and act like an adult? Am I just not being as responsible as I thought I was or do I have a problem? I'm used to my family just doing things for me because they didn't want to deal with teaching me how to do stuff myself.
Sure, if you are getting them to paint your house, that is pushing it. But asking someone to print something out is nothing.
Satans..... hints.....
We are not on this planet alone. The social side of life is important to everyone and is protective. Being independent does not mean going it alone - it means being self-sufficient enough to know when you need help so as to STAY independent.
Getting food aid is a thing that allows you to live independently, so anything that contributes to making it happen is a good thing, even if you have to ask for help.
Another reframe could be that you're not asking for a personal favor, just a practical thing. Like, you're not asking for cash or for a place to live or a job. You're just asking for someone to print something out for you. If you feel strongly about it you can pay them back for ink and paper later on.
Or, as I eventually learned to do - pay it forward. It made asking for help easier if I knew I would pay it forward, no matter how tiny it was. Because I wasn't asking for help because I was not independent, I was asking for help because I really needed it to maintain that independence. And you'll be hard pressed to find anyone who didn't need help at some stage in their adult lives.
I am flat-out awful at it.
"Sandra has a good solid anti-murderer vibe. My skin felt very secure and sufficiently attached to my body when I met her. Also my organs." HAIL SATAN
Well, it would have been a huge pain in the ass to travel to and from that party, and I have stuff to do here in the city, so I shouldn't beat myself up for cancelling on it at the last minute out of nerves/awkwardness. Yep.
But trying to keep it in frame that I don't do anything for myself , like ever, so I shouldn't get all worked up over it and that I can cover it rather easily and I just have to put off some stuff ( no gaming computer for a bit longer etc )
But the trickier reframe now is, umm I have no boots, board, pants, etc rofl
edit: it being this mountain helps stay positive tho Big White Trail Map
With that being said? I am finding myself doing.. better. Not great. I'm realizing that I'm a good person, and the rest of the world doesn't care what I do or think - and those that do know me realize I'm a pretty rad dude. Still, I keep getting despondant over a lack of movement. My doc isn't helping - I'm not losing weight as fast as he'd like, mostly because my job is draining me so much that I'm not putting time into myself..
Er. On topic. as it were.
So on Wednesday a good friend of mine got fired. I took the opportunity to speak up about it to my boss, something I'm frankly shocked I would've done in the past. Didn't change anything, of course, but I did find out that I've been distant at work and my boss doesn't trust that I have his back on things...
Positive upswing? Since Wednesday I've finally worked up the courage to apologize to a friend I've been ignoring/shunting to the side of my life, I finally updated my LinkedIn profile (which was a hell of an exercise in building myself up) and I'm taking the time more and more to tell myself that I matter, and that I'm doing the right things... as.. erm.. *ahem* Big life changes are in my immediate future.
fuuuuuuck, i miss going snowboarding. That looks like a sweet ass place!
:^:
I had nothing to do that early in the morning, so after laying awake thinking for a bit I fell back asleep. I then had a very realistic dream about being hired onto a lucrative, interesting project involving petroglyphs and excavation in the Utah desert. I had the explicit thought that, "I am so lucky, I cannot believe I managed to find steady work! I am gonna be so happy when I wake up! Wait.. ." immediately before waking back up.
I am unsure how to reframe that positively
GoFund The Portland Trans Pride March, or Show It To People, or Else!
?
http://www.audioentropy.com/
A while ago I posted a video I made, a fandub of a paranatural comic that I'd wanted to do a voice-over for, with the help of a gal I met on youtube.
Well, this is kind of embarrassing to say but I Dunno how else to put it. But it seems like that sort of... opened the floodgates, because since then I just kind of started taking initiative to do more of these things just out of nowhere.
It just feels great to have finally gotten into a proper hobby again, especially one that can actually lead to something I really want to do, professionally.
I've actually recorded four of these videos, in the span of the last week, and only one of them involved help from anyone else, which is..surprising, to say the least.
I've already been sharing my vids in several threads, so I'll just throw a link to the playlist instead of cluttering up the page.
Seriously though, I've been wanting to really do this stuff forever. It just seems to be really really difficult for me to really get seriously into this sort of thing totally on my own. I lose interest in things way too easily when there's no one else involved.
Not that it matters now. I've kind of been on a roll lately, and I've got even a couple other vids in the works.
I have to say that it's just...really nice to have something to feel good about. To know there's something to look forward to. I want to keep that going as long as I can manage it.
Well that sounds to me like a pretty clear picture of where you want to be. It doesn't sound easy to get there, but knowing you want to is often a big step people find hard to make.
but at least I have pie.
A lot of people just can't do casual sex, but think they can, which is a shame because that's about all I'm up for anymore.
( Still pretty stoked tho, I was a competitive and casual boarder for 15 years+, but haven't been in almost a decade)
I'm still laughing about how I can't seem to do anything halfway. I want to snowboard again this year, so do I plan a single day ? NOPE< season's pass and prepping to go weekly if not more mwa hahaha, I bet I break my leg the first day
I second this emotion!
Just made a huge apple pie today, then had a sads over having no-one in my life to share it with.
Then reframing happened; and I realised I had all the pie.
MWAH
stop toying with my emotions, missy
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