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Regale me with hilarious or woeful tales of failed bromance
joshofalltrades
Class TraitorSmoke-filled roomRegistered User regular
Class TraitorSmoke-filled roomRegistered User regular
Honestly, other people really don't care about your love life unless:
A) They're involved in it
Something is or has gone wrong with it
C) They're jealous of it
D) You have an amusing anecdote about it
...or some combination of the above. There's probably others I've forgotten but that isn't really the point.
This thread is (hopefully) mostly about D), though the others may certainly be involved in the tale you tell.
I want to hear some stories about the love that didn't work out, particularly if it's funny or especially sad. You can also tell me stories involving your current love interest, if it was a spectacular failure on either your or his/her part. Almost every time something feels like the end of the world, romantically speaking, enough time passes and I can look back on it and laugh about what a dumbass I was, either because of something I did (and everybody has those moments), or because I can't believe how long I stayed with or carried a torch for somebody who didn't deserve it.
My story to kick off the thread is something that happened between me and my current wife. We had only very recently gotten married, and we had moved into an apartment a few months before the date actually occurred. Scandalous! Anyway, we had become very frisky, and our love life consisted of very regular sex for about 4 or 5 months. On one particular afternoon we both were home from work, we had gotten fairly amorous and the clothes started coming off on our way back to the bedroom.
Upon our arrival there, my wife decided it was time to get assertive. She shoved me as hard as she could down onto the bed. The problem is, my wife was/is fairly strong and weighed a little more than I did at the time by about 10 pounds, and her center of gravity is lower than mine. Another issue was that I weighed, oh, about 132 lbs. When I hit the mattress, my naked body literally bounced into midair and continued backwards until my head was on the floor and my torso/legs smashed right into the blinds on the other side of the bed. The blinds then proceeded to fall down and hit me on the head, and as a roughly 13-year-old boy stared in horror at what had been a regular, blind-clad window only a moment ago but was now a carnival of horrors and nudity, my wife pointed and began laughing uncontrollably at me.
It wasn't the physical pain, nor my mortified state at having possibly psychologically scarred a small child so much as the combination of these things and the fact that I had just been launched across the room by my wife, and she was no longer in the mood through absolutely no fault of my own. It was a while before she calmed down and there was no more sex for some time.
If I can share something embarrassing like that, you can do as good or better!
A) They're involved in it
Something is or has gone wrong with itC) They're jealous of it
D) You have an amusing anecdote about it
...or some combination of the above. There's probably others I've forgotten but that isn't really the point.
This thread is (hopefully) mostly about D), though the others may certainly be involved in the tale you tell.
I want to hear some stories about the love that didn't work out, particularly if it's funny or especially sad. You can also tell me stories involving your current love interest, if it was a spectacular failure on either your or his/her part. Almost every time something feels like the end of the world, romantically speaking, enough time passes and I can look back on it and laugh about what a dumbass I was, either because of something I did (and everybody has those moments), or because I can't believe how long I stayed with or carried a torch for somebody who didn't deserve it.
My story to kick off the thread is something that happened between me and my current wife. We had only very recently gotten married, and we had moved into an apartment a few months before the date actually occurred. Scandalous! Anyway, we had become very frisky, and our love life consisted of very regular sex for about 4 or 5 months. On one particular afternoon we both were home from work, we had gotten fairly amorous and the clothes started coming off on our way back to the bedroom.
Upon our arrival there, my wife decided it was time to get assertive. She shoved me as hard as she could down onto the bed. The problem is, my wife was/is fairly strong and weighed a little more than I did at the time by about 10 pounds, and her center of gravity is lower than mine. Another issue was that I weighed, oh, about 132 lbs. When I hit the mattress, my naked body literally bounced into midair and continued backwards until my head was on the floor and my torso/legs smashed right into the blinds on the other side of the bed. The blinds then proceeded to fall down and hit me on the head, and as a roughly 13-year-old boy stared in horror at what had been a regular, blind-clad window only a moment ago but was now a carnival of horrors and nudity, my wife pointed and began laughing uncontrollably at me.
It wasn't the physical pain, nor my mortified state at having possibly psychologically scarred a small child so much as the combination of these things and the fact that I had just been launched across the room by my wife, and she was no longer in the mood through absolutely no fault of my own. It was a while before she calmed down and there was no more sex for some time.
If I can share something embarrassing like that, you can do as good or better!
A duck! on
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Only I didn't finish the sentence because my boyfriend approached at the wrong time and I ran and hid behind a corner.
At the end of the night, all the students were crowding this door to exit the gymnasium/dance hall. In the crowd I saw my boyfriend and I gave him a kiss on the cheek. The next day though I was super embarrassed about it because I told a friend who then wanted to talk to my boyfriend about it so I ran and hid again.
Once is prooobably enough.
"Sandra has a good solid anti-murderer vibe. My skin felt very secure and sufficiently attached to my body when I met her. Also my organs." HAIL SATAN
Best Dad
My family is kinda short, Hacksaw is nearly a full foot taller than my dad too.
"Awesome. Kids,"
"Yeah, they're great."
"Do you know how many kids with add it takes to HEY LETS GO RIDE BIKES"
"I work with kids with learning disabilities so I don't really appreciate that"
"Well I gotta be up early for work tomorrow I guess and uh..."
"Yeah."
"Okay."
"Okay."
"Bye."
*click*
I didn't know how long or how hot to cook them, so I looked it up. The internet told me cook them for 1 hour at 350 but it lied to me. I did the best I could but they were still very much undercooked and I put too much milk in the mashed potato part. I started at around 6:30, popped them in at 7. It was 9 or something by the time I gave up and he was starving, but he was happy that I tried at least.
I honestly can't think of a more appropriate venue for this
Maybe she should have waited until your friend wasn't around though
But none of them are interesting.
It's mostly because I'm a weird creepy looking weirdo.
But it was in the mountains in the spring, so it's cold and we naturally needed the heater on.
And we were tongue fencing, so we needed the radio on to set the mood (for some reason I chose the smooth jazz station. Yikes.)
So of course when I turn the key to leave, it's dead. Like completely dead, and we're in the mountains with no real streets and no real lights around. We managed to find our way to somebody's house and we called home, weaving an elaborate tale of how I gave her a ride home and our car broke down and we'd just get one of our friends to give us a ride in the morning. My step-dad, one of the local police officers and resource officer for my high school, a man whose job it is to know every inch of that town and the surrounding area, picks us up and doesn't say anything. He gives me kind of a suspicious look, but doesn't really investigate.
The next day my buddy drops me off at the car. I get in and I find a note stuck to my steering wheel:
"[Deadfall],
I found your Jeep! The battery was completely dead so I jumped it for you. I also couldn't help but notice the starry vista where you "broke down." I didn't tell your mother but she probably knows anyway.
This is no big deal. Be home for dinner."
e: My step-dad is a good man.
xbl - HowYouGetAnts
steam - WeAreAllGeth
That story still brings a smile to my face.
I mean, I feel really bad for the guy, but by now I assume he's met a nice girl, has a happy life, and has a great story to tell.
there's a lot more impact if i told you the full story, that's just the punchline and i'm lazy
well yeah, i'd expect she does it all the ways
my love life is ogre
My senior year of high school I had just started doing the music thing on the regular, aside from marching band. I played guitar and harmonica for a group called Insufficient Memory. God I am a huge dork. Anyway, I thought that if there was one way to get her attention, it was by writing a song about how I felt. We had been emailing each other back and forth. Did I mention we didn't even go to the same school? I had met her through a friend's church which I went to on Wednesdays. In my defense, I didn't go there just to see her; the guy I went with was sort of one of my best friends and her presence there was just kind of a bonus.
I read more flirtatiousness into the email exchange than there actually was, and so I poured myself into this song. In the meantime, I kind of flirted that there was somebody I was interested in. She responded fairly playfully that she wanted to know who it was, and I said I'd tell her when we saw each other at the next marching band competition (GOD I WAS A HUGE DORK).
I finished the song, and aside from the cheesy lyrics I still don't think it was too bad. I still have the recording I had spent hours and hours on, and every once in a while people who know me will request it when I play live somewhere. It doesn't mean the same thing it used to, but people like it I guess. Anyway, I sent it to her, and she was just bursting to know who it was about. Again, I told her I'd tell her in person.
So the big day finally comes, and my heart was in my throat as we watched her high school march on the field. They finished and marched off, and I steeled myself for what must come next. She rushed up the stairs to where we were on the bleachers and pulled me away from everybody else. I took this as a good sign. It was not.
She breathlessly asked me who it is that I'm interested in and I confess that it's her. She paused, and sort of stammered, "Josh... no... Josh no..."
I was reeling from her reaction (in my stupid little high-schooler brain I had calculated the possibility of this occurrence as somewhat less likely than the Sun suddenly hurtling towards Earth before my eyes) and my mind began to try and figure out the most elegant manner in which I might escape and fall into the center of the world. I finally settled on the very suave, "Ummm, errr, never mind," and running away.
Because I was and still am a miserable bastard, I locked myself in a bathroom stall and cried my fucking eyes out. I still had feelings for her even though she had rejected me because I was a teenager, which meant I was full of elemental stupidity. We actually did end up going out on a real date a couple of years later, but by that time I had figured out that it probably wasn't going to work despite my attraction to her and I wasn't so blinded by puberty romance hormones.
It was the very first time I had had my heart broken, and it served as a very important lesson in how to handle a potential relationship. I never did become the cynical asshole I thought I was going to turn out to be.
So uh
ahahahehehe
What you're saying here, Joshy old chum
ol' pal
ahhahaehehehahhahhehehheee
is that you
uh
ehehehehe
you want the D???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????!
The bad joke thread is over there
But Naw I don't wanna bother her or anything. Besides actually dating me would be a nightmare no one deserves.
Maybe I'll use it for the name of my biography
CALL HER.
Fast forward about 2ish years and I've broken up with my guy and he and his girl were having a pretty big fight/argument/blowup/breakup kind of thing. They hadn't actually been together for about 3 months. I was feeling pretty low about myself and this guy had always been able to make me feel better.
And of course at that point in my low self-esteem and self-loathing 'feeling better' meant sex. So we finally got past the sexual tension that had built up over two years of friendship and spent about 20 minutes together.
It was the least fulfilling anything that I'd had up to that point in my life. Which is saying something since I'd been sexually active for a while by that time.
But I was a gracious girl and soothed his ego and that was it. I had to get up for class in the morning and so did he. So he left and I started to feel even worse about myself because I wanted a release and there was absolutely no release for me at all.
*knock knock*
Oh hey, it's him. he came back. Whats up, did you forget something? Oh? For me? Well umm, thanks.
Yeah. he came back to my room and said "thanks for the great time". And then handed me a cup of Dunkin Donuts coffee and 2 glazed chocolate donuts.
Yeup. That's only one of my awkward Uni stories. I'm apparently a really cheap date. Or was.
Democrats Abroad! || Vote From Abroad
A donut is forever
Though the donut lasted longer than he did, so I suppose that's something. :P
Democrats Abroad! || Vote From Abroad
Though I wonder what is better? 20 minutes or 2 hours?
Democrats Abroad! || Vote From Abroad
I guess it would suck either way if you've imagined it before and it just turns out to be boring.
I think they ALL closed down.
You can get them at the grocery store here now but they just aren't the same as the fresh ones.