I'm pretty much looking for advice on what I can do or who I can talk to about the awful, horrible nightmares I've been having for the last ten months or so. I don't have them very often (1 every month or two) but when I do I wake up terrified, shaking, in tears, and for the rest of the day I'm scared of my own shadow. Fortunately I don't scream or thrash around in my sleep, so I'm not really concerned about safety or causing physical harm to myself or others at all. It's just that these dreams are so fucked up that I'm honestly having a little bit of trouble coping.
They feel like lucid dreams. Like, dreams where I'm aware of myself somehow. And they aren't fantastical. The first one I ever had, I was dreaming of sitting on the toilet. Just peeing in the middle of the night. Like...there was a connection between where I was (bed) and where I am now (bathroom). This dream took place in my apartment at the time. I don't really want to go into too many details because it's kind of triggering, but essentially I got up from the toilet, looked in the mirror, and I had been horribly disfigured. And because it was so real my reaction was...strong.
They seem to have progressed from that, though. Over time, they stayed real, but now in the dream I was the victim of torture or invasive surgery. I feel everything. In my dreams I've had my eyelids cut off. I've had screws driven into my body. I've been butchered alive. And worse.
A couple days ago I had a bit of a scare with Department of Homeland Security agents waking me up and searching my computer. Now, I didn't have anything to worry about (somebody had been looking at icky things over our unsecured wireless connection and that somebody wasn't me), but all the same, being thrown in jail is my absolute worst nightmare. I'm trans (male to female) so if I were to go to prison it'd be to a men's facility. Last night I had a jailhouse dream. I was assaulted, raped repeatedly, and ultimately stabbed to 'death.'
Is my prozac doing this? If not, then what the fuck is happening? Can I stop this? Can therapy help? Are there support groups?
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The rest of it, well I'm not sure, but we have a good crop of folks here with a wide variety of experiences, so I'm sure some better information will come.
As for dealing with them after the fact, I was able to laugh about mine and joke about them with friends but that primarily was due to their subject matter - impossible monsters and boogiemen. Talking things through certainly helped though.
Best of luck with them. It's not fun to have to get a glass of water in the middle of the night, and even less so when it's because you've screamed yourself raw knowing abject horror.
Stress reduction and therapy to get my dad to behave helped a lot. Do you suffer from sleep apnea/allergies? I recently found out I had serious untreated allergies, and drastically improving my breathing by treating that has pretty much ended the nightmares.
Triggers: Stress (more specifically anxiety) brings them up. Being really exhausted and pushing past the point of collapse , then falling asleep, brings them up as well.
But I have had a particular medicine make them 1000x worse.
Update this if you find out anything.
First check what meds you are taking, sleep aids and muscle/skeletal relaxants have always made things far worse for me. Second figure out what your triggers are, for me the chances are amplified if I'm sleeping on my back and if anything places pressure near my neck and if it is night time when I'm sleeping, your triggers will vary so you need to start logging things on when you have one how you were sleeping/events of the previous day(s) and so on.
Without going into much detail on what is the cause of why I have night terrors I will say this after being put on a variety of meds to try and stop/minimize the harm that I was doing when a night terror occurred it made things far worse both in terms of how often they occurred (up from once every week to three or four every week) and how severe the aftermath (both mentally and physically). I attributed it to the feeling of lack of control of my body and frankly they didn't help me any as I still was dislocated joints/thumbs and clenching to the point of bleeding.
I'm not a prime example on how to fix it, I run on only a couple of hours of sleep a day usually grabbing a few hours of sleep during the day when I won't have any night terrors and usually burn myself out till I crash for a 12-14 hour sleep marathon one night but our circumstances greatly differ.
Research your meds, keep tract of triggers, and remember it's just a dream. All else fails seek professional help as it might be some underlying issue or anxiety that is causing it.
I've been on prozac for about six months, and other than that, the only medication I take is my hormones.
Sleep apnea is 1000% worse than that. My dad has it, hasn't treated it and it's screwed with him in every way imaginable. If you can't get a sleep study now, look into stress-reduction and avoid alcohol. My dad's way worse when he's been drinking.
My anti-depressant medication has not helped with this specific thing, and while I can certainly talk about it with a therapist, talking about it hasn't made them go away or feel less threatening.
I've learned to accept that this is a thing that happens to me, and when it happens to mitigate it by doing two things:
- A breathing exercise
- Talking with someone right away. Doesn't matter how; phone, Skype, PM, whatever. As soon as I can move, I tell someone what is happening. Just doing this and speaking to another person immediately makes me feel safer and creates a disconnect between the real world and the nightmare.
I had a friend who had night terrors years ago and had never been on any medication. She had acupuncture a few times and never had them again. That could also be something for you to try.
(1) look into getting your sex changed legally
(2) be mindful that cbp currently asserts the right to seize your electronics indefinitely at any int'l border crossing.
Also for some reason I can't do the things I should be able to do when I'm lucid. I always hear people talking about their lucid dreams like they may as well be god as far as their dream world is concerned. But I don't ever 'get' there. It's sort of like the jumping scene in the matrix. I try to do awesome things and I just 'cant'. I end up helpless.