College workings

Floofy

Two page comic for character design. I know the writing clunks a bit, or a lot. The colouring isn't entirely good because I had draconian time restraints. (YOU HAVE A DAY. Pencil until your hands bleed, my minions, ink! Scan! Colour!)





The good thing about my course is being able to rent out beautiful film SLRs and mess around taking rolls and rolls of photos and then turning them upside down in an attempt to be, like, DEEP, man. But I still like this one.



Comissioned character portait, finished a little while ago. Feel a bit eh about it, rather static pose. But at least I didn't chicken out of the background for once.

YellowHerb

The cute warm color palette and the simple style definitely made your comic stronger, because there is so many ways to kill it. The transformation of the girl suprised me a little and was drawn rather well (pg1). However, on page 2, when the demon grabs the boy, the bit of dialogue bored me, as if I read it so many times from other places. But again, I liked the transformation back to the girl.
What bugs me is that there's no denoument with the boy. At first reading, I thought the girl turned the boy into a butterfly then burnt him, but it seems you nudged him away from existence. You'll have to be wary that the reader will remember any subjects you presented to him/her because if you just forget about them and move on with the story, the reader will stop and say 'hey, what happened to blah blah blah?'

About the commissioned character portrait, there's nothing really wrong about it. Except that it's boring. I... don't know why. It might be the lack of contrast, the boring pose, or the generic character design. Taking another glance, I like the composition actually, there's a nice rythm and movement going on, but it's hampered by that sword. Making art appealing (and thus sellable, no offense, but I don't know how you got someone to commission you) is an art itself. Finding how to make things aesthetically pleasing is probably the most important skill you have. It's something you have to teach yourself probably, but I know there are classes just for that. (and no, they aren't howtodraw anime classes)

drinkinstout

I would lose all the dialog in the comic and at least show a part of the boy in the last panels. the color pallete really works with the art.

I like the photo quite a bit.

On the portrait, the small bloom effect you have around the girl doesn't do much for the piece. Her right thigh seems to be way long and kinda shaped funny and there doesn't really seem to be much in the way of a consistant light source, highlights nor shadows.

Floofy

Hmm. Ninja edit to the second page of the comic, and having done it I completely agree that the dialogue was pretty arbitrary. Made a little change to 4/5th panels but I agree should have bought about a resolution with the little blonde kid rather than chucking in the thing with the butterfly.



Also, another photo, trying with teeeny aperture and long exposure (F22, 13 bloody seconds):

EvilKidStevey

See, I think part 1 of the comic is enough...its funny and simple. You could add the 2nd and 3rd to last panels from "Part 2" to part 1 and leave everything else to imagination. I want to think more for myself on this comic rather than be told exactly what happens.

Something like this:

Floofy

EvilKidStevey:

Yeah, looking at it again, I totally agree. I wish I'd run this through more drafts before hand to tighten up the sequence. Damn it I wish my Uni gave any sort of constructive crits like this forum does, but mostly tutorials consist of:

"How are you doing with the work? Wait, what, you're actually DOING it? I see. Well, that's alright then."

I don't think they expect much of first years at all. Turning up sober and wearing both shoes and a shirt will get you at least a 40% mark.

Just playing with the sequence again, maybe this is getting better?

erisian pope

I like the zen-like frame with just the butterfly. But I don't like the layout as much now. What if the end of the comic went like this: [butterfly] [goat w/ balloon] [transforming back to girl] <--- as 3 seperate panels and no overlapping. Then the bottom line could be another full-panel (like the line that has the closeup of goat holding sword) showing girl with balloon (same as the 2nd-to-last panel currently, but as a full line) and lose the close up of the girl squinting.

Since we no longer have the laser-eyes killing the butterfly, I don't see the benefit to the new last panel (closeup of squinting).



Does this make sense?

red_wyrn

I think that latest version is a good step up, however, I think that the last panel should be the girl frying the butterfly and the little boy (still sitting with tears rolling down his cheeks ) watching with a horrified/ shocked expression on his face.

Novus

I like your choice of colors; particularely in the first peice I think they add to the style you're going for. With the elf in the tree I think the composition is good and the anatomy looks solid but the thick lines serve to flatten it out, it almost has a stained glass feel to it. That's not necessarily a bad thing but you might want to work on rounding it out just a little bit; maybe pull back on the linewidth or add to the color contrast.

Shiboe

Agreeing with leaving out the intimidation rant, I think after she normalizes and spots the butterfly, the last frame should just be her casting her magic swirls again to transform. A kind of "here we go again" laugh that works better IMO. Not actually transforming all over again, but just the startup swirls.

supabeast

I like the art in the comic, your rough linework and the rough coloring look really nice together, especially on that creamy paper. I do agree with Shiboe about the ending, tho.

Be careful with your lettering; right now it’s very hard to read because the characters are both tracked and leaded too tightly. Ten units of tracking and two points of leading would make the text much more legible.

EvilKidStevey

I guess we all have our opinions, comedy is comedy. I guess some would find it funnier to see her get ready to kill it...I personally love just the eye-squint, thats where I get my real life laugh from. I guess its because, I see a continuous loop of her now being overprotective of her balloon. Anyways, fool around with the timing and see what your friends think.