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Job or college first?
nuka
What are circles?Registered User regular
What are circles?Registered User regular
I can't do both where I am. I just had to move back in with my folks and they're as strict as ever. My dad is willing to help out with college expenses so it would be wise that I didn't push my luck. I'm 26 years old, and my dad is 61. He can only help me out financially for 5 years or so until he plans to retire.
I want to move out again and be independent. I also want to be an elementary school teacher and that will take some years of school, including the community college courses I need to catch up. I have a place to go if I find work but since I haven't had a job in years who knows how long it would take me to find one now, I've been actively searching for work for 5 months now already.
I feel like I've wasted enough of my life as it is, so I feel really pressured to make a decision now.
I want to move out again and be independent. I also want to be an elementary school teacher and that will take some years of school, including the community college courses I need to catch up. I have a place to go if I find work but since I haven't had a job in years who knows how long it would take me to find one now, I've been actively searching for work for 5 months now already.
I feel like I've wasted enough of my life as it is, so I feel really pressured to make a decision now.
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Okay, I have a history of depression and I didn't do my homework in school. Because I wasn't allowed to partake in any extracurricular activities or get a job before I graduated school, I assume I won't be able to work while I'm going to college while I'm living with my folks.
Ideally, you would do both, one full-time and one part-time, with counseling through school for any emotional problems.. honestly therapy is the only way I got through school. If it's a case of "you can't live here if you do both" then I guess it's best to pick school maybe? At least at the end of all this you'll be employable where you want to work. If it's "we won't give you money if you do both" then fuck that, you're 26 and legally independent for tax purposes: apply for financial aid for school, get a job, save up all you can over the next few months and move the hell out.
Ask for permission as little as possible; you are an adult, and the only way they can have control over your life is if you give it to them, and for every little bit you give them they will end up taking more. It is reasonable for them to dictate your conduct while you are at home, such as asking you to clean up after yourself, but they should not be allowed to keep you from coming and going as you please and they cannot dictate what you do with your time when you are out of the house.
Do you have a therapist? This would be a good thing to bring up with that person. If not, then going full-time to school should give you access to health care, including counseling services. I would talk with that person as well, as a job can be a big thing (or a small thing) depending upon the person, the job, and everything else going on in that person's life.
The important thing is to not use work as an excuse not to go to school. Going to class and studying should always be your #1 priority. Work is a great #2, helps you fill your free time with something constructive (hopefully), and also gets you some $$$ to help you along the way. If it starts adding unusual amounts of stress or gets in the way of going to class, studying, doing hw, etc. then you need to scale down on the work hours or quit the job and find something else more amenable to being a full-time student. It's been my experience, however, that work generally helps people add structure to their lives, especially if they do something that requires they get up in the morning. Nothing helps exacerbate lazy student syndrome like not having to get up until noon every day. If you have a job that forces you to get up on the mornings you don't usually have to get up (or similarly helps to fill in the gaps to structure your day), it usually helps quite a bit just in the general scheme of things.
That's a good point about "lazy student syndrome" and I hope to use it as leverage when I talk to my folks.
Also, do your homework this time.
It was worthy of a thing I should have sought help for but I was ashamed so I didn't. It's not a question if I can deal with a job and college, but if my parents will let me while financing college and I still live here.
I can argue about my age and rights all day, they don't budge.
Armed with the above information such as what FAFSA will give and what you can make, if you need extra for school then you can go to them and say 'I need this much, are you willing to give it to me so that I can go to school?' If the answer is no or if there is a stupid condition attached, you may need to get another job. Do not just trust that your depression was fixed, especially now that you are back with your parents. You know what that shit feels like now, so keep an eye out for the signs.
When you apply to schools, maybe apply to ones that have on-campus housing, and see what FAFSA will contribute. That way you don't have to live there while you do any of this. I feel like it's more important that you not live with your parents than pretty much anything else right now because you are already talking about giving this much control. It can really sneak up on you until you find yourself unable to leave the house without permission or 'discussion', and is so easy to slip backwards emotionally when put back in that environment. Again, they can't have it unless you give it to them because you are fully for every purpose an adult. Unfortunately, you are in a position that you need to fight just to get your life started. You can't do that without the confidence that you can make this work on your own if you need to.
EDIT: Nevermind, the school I'm looking to go to has dorms.
I know it sounds obvious that I should just move in with him but his place is ridiculously tiny. We were already making light discussion about me moving in with him anyways.