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My mother wants me to move back in with her.

fencerbjefencerbje Registered User new member
I need a bit of help. My mother has recently asked me (and my partner of 3 years) to move into a house with her. I'm 23 years old and my partner is 30. I'm afraid that were we to move in with her, it would have an impact on not only our independence, but also on the integrity of our relationship. On the other hand, I also don't want my mother to be lonely or to feel like we love her any less. How do I tell her no? Thanks.

Posts

  • InvisibleInvisible Registered User regular
    Just be honest. There are groups and programs she can join or she could rent out a room. Just be firm that while you love her, it's not going to happen.

  • either,oreither,or Registered User regular
    edited December 2013
    I have not been in your exact situation so I don't know if this will prove adequate for you, but if you already live in the same area as your mother then perhaps you can just schedule spending more time with her instead of moving you and your wife in with her. Since my grandmother died last year everyone in our family has been trying to keep my grandfather occupied in a way that still gives him autonomy over how or when he wants to spend time with people. For example, as quite a few of his children live within driving distance of him and a lot of his grandchildren are close enough to plan visits once a month or so, we often either walk our dogs near him or otherwise plan to be close enough that we can drop in on the way home or invite him to bring his dog out with us so we might drop in or plan to get together in the local pub. My parents have also given him a standing invitation to dinner with them any Sunday night and his other children extend him the same courtesy. Although I'm a bit of an outsider living so far away from all of them it seems to be a good situation for everyone involved, my grandfather knows he is always welcome with any of us and will typically have family members coming for a quick visit a couple of times a week. If it is just you who can visit your mum then maybe by giving her a time where she is always welcome to join you and your wife will fulfill her need to maintain a close relationship without straining your relationship with your wife.

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  • DevoutlyApatheticDevoutlyApathetic Registered User regular
    I think it's clear from what you wrote that you don't want to do it.

    If you want her to not feel lonely encourage her to get some hobbies or something. For family time why not set one night a week that you guys eat dinner together? That's frequent enough that it's never too far away but not overpowering.

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  • MetroidZoidMetroidZoid Registered User regular
    Has she told you why she wants you to move in? Is it a day-to-day assistance thing? Does she need the company, like has your dad passed away recently or something?

    Maybe this is her way of communicating a different problem; maybe she wants more time with you guys, and you can arrange weekend visits or such. Entertain her on the weekends or vice versa.

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