Your mom is a classy lady.
Cless would have sex with her.
Stahn might, but he'd have absolutely no idea what he's doing.
Reid would too, but only for the omelets.
Lloyd would, but only because it's Dwarven Vow #8.
Senel might, but he has so many STDs by this point that he should be under quarantine.
Luke wouldn't. He's totally with Guy.
Asbel won't. He's too busy trying to figure out if something's wrong with Richard.
Jude will as soon as somebody teaches him about bazongas.
Milla's too busy, but she'll send a Great Spirit to do the deed in her stead.
Ludger would, and afterwards he'd press R1 to smoke a cigarette or L1 to make her some mabo curry.
And of course...
Yuri would wreck that bitch
The Tales of Series is an RPG series developed by Namco with 18 games, spanning nearly 15 years and at least 8 game systems... even more if you count cell phone nonsense. The selling point is the linear motion battle system, a beat 'em up engine that allows the player(s) to control one or more members of the party in an action sequence while the rest of the party fights relatively autonomously. It was first in two dimensions, and now in all three (wow!).
Every Tales game must include at least 90% of the following:
Male swordsman who uses Demon Fang
Annoying female white mage
The following elementals: Undine/Celsius, Volt, Ifrit, Gnome, Sylph, Shadow, Rem/Luna, Origin, and Maxwell
Villain motivated by racism
A girl who can't cook and a guy who is an expert cook
A female character who uses an odd/unusual weapon. (Brooms, chakrams, DOLLS)
Some kind of magical power/device that almost destroyed the world thousands of years ago
A joke weapon for each character
An optional battle against PCs from a previous Tales game
A cute mascot creature of some kind
The following games have been released for North America and/or Europe. Some Tales games only came out in Japan. If you want to know about those, use Wikipedia or something.
Thanks to Retro Red's Youtube channel
for the intro videos.
Tales of Phantasia
GBA - 2006, iOS 2014 (Now with microtransactions! Whee!)
Four warriors defeated the evil wizard Dhaos and sealed him away. Ten years later, two of the children of those heroes, Cless and Mint, are manipulated into releasing Dhaos, but as he attacks, they're thrown 100 years into the past and have to join forces with Klarth the summoner and Arche the half-elf witch to find a way a defeat Dhaos in the past and save their present.
Tales of Destiny
PSX - 1998
Looking for fame and adventure, Stahn Aileron stows away on an airship. The ship is attacked, and Stahn finds a sentient sword called a swordian in the cargo. The swordian, Dymlos, draws him to other swordsmen with their own swordians and to the remnants of an ancient civilization that nearly destroyed the world using the power of lens... which is slowly being revived.
Tales of Eternia
PSX - 2001, PSP(EU) - 2006
Millenia ago, the world was seperated into Celestia and Inferia and passage blocked between the two. One day, two Inferians, Reid and Farah, find a strange girl speaking an ancient language. Her name is Meredy, and she's searching for somebody who holds within them the power of the Aurora to prevent the Grand Fall from crashing Celestia and Inferia into each other and destroying both their worlds.
Tales of Symphonia
GCN - 2004, PS3 HD Remake - 2014
The land of Sylvarant is dying, being slowly drained of its mana and under near total slavery by the race of Desians. Colette is the Chosen One, born to bring about the world regeneration and restore mana to Sylvarant. As she leaves on her journey, her childhood friend Lloyd recklessly attacks the Desians and brings their wrath to his village, so he follows her into the world even while being hunted by the Desians, as well as those from the world of Teth'e'alla whose world will begin to die if Collete's quest succeeds.
Tales of Legendia
PS2 - 2006
Senel and his sister, Shirley, wash up on the shore of the giant island-ship Legacy. Shirley is immediately kidnapped before they can gather their senses and Senel is forced to recruit others to help him rescue her. It's soon revealed that Shirley shares a past with the Legacy and neither are what they seem to be.
Tales of the Abyss
PS2 - 2006, 3DS - 2012
Everything in the world is ruled by a prophecy known as the Score. The Score foretold that Luke would bring great prosperity to his kingdom, so has been living in near-capitivity for years after he was kidnapped by a rival nation years ago. His secure and peaceful life is shattered when a woman breaks into his mansion and attacks him, awakening a strange energy in his body that teleports the two of them into enemy territory. On his journey home, he starts to learn the truth about his past and about the Score that rules the world.
Tales of Vesperia
360 - 2008
Blastia is an energy that protects and nutures the world, but also cages the populace to only the places it can protect. When a vital blastia is stolen from the capital city, Yuri tries to hunt down the thief. He and the noblewoman Estelle set out in pursuit of the thief, along the way learning the true secrets of blastia and that its existence could mean the end of all humanity.
Tales of Symphonia: Dawn of the New World
Wii: 2008, PS3 HD Remake - 2014
The world has gone to pot after the events of Tales of Symphonia. Two young refugees, Emil and Marta, try to sort out the damage while recruiting monsters to join their cause. Not technically a Tales "flagship" title, but we'll include it here because of its connection with Symphonia, one of the most popular Tales games in North America.
Tales of Graces f
PS3 - 2012
As children, Asbel Lhant and his friends went on an adventure involving a strange girl who fell from the sky and Richard, the prince of the realm. Years later, the group has been scattered, but comes together again as kingdoms begin warring over the energy crystals that fuel society. Tales of Graces f also includes a postscript adventure that is generally considered to be better-written than the lackluster main story.
Tales of Xillia
PS3 - 2013
Tales of Xillia stars two protagonists, allowing the player to pick one who will serve as the main "point of view" for the game. Milla Maxwell is the Lord of Spirits in human form, and her quest is to prevent warring human nations from creating a doomsday device that will suck the life out of all spirits and thereby doom the entire world. Jude Mathis is a young medical student who gets swept up in the adventure after helping Milla escape from danger.
Tales of Xillia 2
PS3 - 2014
A few years after the events of Xillia, young Ludger Kresnik becomes entangled in the fate of the world when he meets a lost little girl during a train hijacking. Unlike Tales of Symphonia 2, the main cast of Xillia plays a major role in the player's party in this game. Be warned, it's quite a bit darker in tone than most Tales games.
Tales of Hearts R
PS Vita - November 11, 2014
Protagonist Kor Meteor and his friends must literally fix a young woman's broken heart. Warfare and romance abound in this interesting take on the tale of Sleeping Beauty.
Tales of Zestiria
PS3, PS4, PC(!) - October 16-20, 2015
Zestiria takes us away from the magitech of Xillia and returns to a pure fantasy setting. It stars a kind-hearted young warrior named Sorey, who can see mysterious magical Seraphs that are invisible to most people. Also something something DRAGONS.
COMING SOON TO A GAME CONSOLE NEAR YOU!
Tales of Berseria
(Warning: trailer contains early game spoilers)
PS4, PC - January 24-27, 2017
Meet Velvet. She's got a giant wolf hand, and she's not very happy about it. The theme of Berseria is "emotion vs. reason," and Velvet will be accompanied by an angelic-looking boy named Laphicet. Featuring full camera control in combat!
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