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anger management... and sports.
bsjezz
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
hello,
now, while i'd love to, i'm not going to sook about a particular team here because i'm sure there are many fanatics present with more woeful stories than mine. it's not even about the current state of affairs in vancouver I'VE SAID TOO MUCH shit
the truth is i'm a huge ice hockey fan, i watch every game my team plays - that's often three or four a week - and i get mad. i swear a lot. i am as profane as i am creative in my lashings of abuse. it's undignified. occasionally i'll hit out at the couch arm, physically, at my knuckles' expense.
i've had a bit of a temper growing up but it rarely comes up otherwise. i'm a schoolteacher, i deal with teenage kids all day, and in that context i think i remember once that i got riled up enough to really shout (as opposed to just, err, projecting well.) i'm easy going and sympathetic - if usually animated - in most other domains of life but i can't watch the hockey without getting hateful and obnoxious. the problem is: i have a freakin' baby on the way. a son. i'm going to be a dad, and being a good role model is my only priority. how do i follow my team - and i'm in too deep to pull out now - without also becoming mr. hyde?
i need to get this sorted out now before it's too late and the little fella's sitting on my lap. i've thought about muting the games and maybe having music on, but i'd prefer to be able to enjoy them peacefully and listen to what's going on. has anyone dealt with this before? is it going to be moot when i actually have an innocent little bub around to remind me of all that's good?
now, while i'd love to, i'm not going to sook about a particular team here because i'm sure there are many fanatics present with more woeful stories than mine. it's not even about the current state of affairs in vancouver I'VE SAID TOO MUCH shit
the truth is i'm a huge ice hockey fan, i watch every game my team plays - that's often three or four a week - and i get mad. i swear a lot. i am as profane as i am creative in my lashings of abuse. it's undignified. occasionally i'll hit out at the couch arm, physically, at my knuckles' expense.
i've had a bit of a temper growing up but it rarely comes up otherwise. i'm a schoolteacher, i deal with teenage kids all day, and in that context i think i remember once that i got riled up enough to really shout (as opposed to just, err, projecting well.) i'm easy going and sympathetic - if usually animated - in most other domains of life but i can't watch the hockey without getting hateful and obnoxious. the problem is: i have a freakin' baby on the way. a son. i'm going to be a dad, and being a good role model is my only priority. how do i follow my team - and i'm in too deep to pull out now - without also becoming mr. hyde?
i need to get this sorted out now before it's too late and the little fella's sitting on my lap. i've thought about muting the games and maybe having music on, but i'd prefer to be able to enjoy them peacefully and listen to what's going on. has anyone dealt with this before? is it going to be moot when i actually have an innocent little bub around to remind me of all that's good?
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Do you have any other options available to vent anger? I'd imagine you're probably swallowing a lot of it with your job. Maybe you could find a gym and work some energy out there before going home to watch a hockey game? Maybe get a heavy bag in your basement to whale on for a bit?
all of the above. it's worse sometimes, sure, obviously it comes out most of all when we're losing, but there's going to be a lot of that for all followers of all teams and right now i don't handle it very well.
i'm not sure it's a 'pent up' thing either. i've actually trained myself to get better at destressing, including after games - i can put some music on and chill out, today i developed a roll of film afterwards, which was methodical, took time and had a reliable positive outcome - i can handle after the fact. it's just no matter how i steel myself for it, tell myself, you gotta chill out for this one, just enjoy the game while it's on! i end up getting mad as hell if things don't go perfectly well. i think i've just trained myself to have a really poor response to anything but success, and it's gotta change.
The thing about hockey, basketball, and baseball is they all have long seasons with a lot of games and you're going to be better off not living and dying by every single game.
Pick one day a week to watch hockey. Sure, follow the news, check the scores or whatever, but try to limit yourself to only one game per week. You may find that it gives you a better perspective on things, rather than stressing yourself out every night or every other night.
-Indiana Solo, runner of blades
But also, this year, I found I was becoming VERY frustrated with fantasy football. It got to the point that I will most likely not play next year, even though I run the league.
I think my problem is that I am unemployed, had way too much time to obsess, and was projecting my frustration with life into something tangible.
I think ceres is totally right, having a baby will help you monitor your behavior full stop. But also, I wouldn't be surprised (and Im not playing armchair psychologist) if you take a few steps back you'd start to realize your frustration at your team is a byproduct of something else. Stress, your job, etc.
Bottom line, your leisure time should be LEISURELY. If you spend your decompressing time freaking the fuck out because Roberto Luongo can't make a goddamned save in a clutch situation to save his life and Vancouver is a failing franchise that's too fucking blind t--ahem...if you're leisure time is nothing but frustration maybe it's time to begin to augment what your leisure time entails.
FYI I actually have avoided following the nucks too closely this season PRECISELY because I knew it'd just be an exercise in frustration.
It's the same reason I decided to not try Dark Souls until I'm in a better place in life.
also, i think you're right that i'll be stepping on way too fine a bed of eggshells to be yelling and thumping stuff with a newborn around - but i don't think it hurts to develop some strategies for when things settle down and i'm the parent of a young boy who needs to see how to watch sports the right way.
I mean knowing is half the battle. Your desire to augment your behavior and be a positive role model means that with a little bit of effort you will accomplish that goal. You're putting your position as a parent over your love of a team and that makes me 0% worried that this will be an active problem for you when push comes to shove.
you understand that it's not acceptable to behave this way just because you're watching sports; that's good! Now you just have to train yourself to stop having this reaction. What I would do is rather than watch a whole game, get angry, and then do the de-stress routine, get up and walk away as soon as you start to feel yourself getting angry. Take ten minutes and do something that calms you down (walk around the block, have a snack, whatever), then go back to the game
that's why we call it the struggle, you're supposed to sweat
I seriously disagree with you on this.
That said, I'd be really, really hesitant to rely on the presence of an infant to cool a sports induced rage, especially if such anger escalates to physicality (ie punching the couch).
I know it's not the advice you want, @bsjezz, but if something routinely triggers your anger, it may be best to avoid that trigger when you're caring for an infant.
to be honest it's probably an issue that exists independently of parenthood anyway. you don't want to act like a child or feel like that's how you've acted, even when you're alone. i'm also going to try listening on the radio and/or muting the games this week. let's hope they throw up some real stinkers.
for practice.
A lot of people say I'm the most casual intense fan they've met because I'm intense at the enjoyable parts (winning, scoring goals all that jazz) but just casual about it when they lose.
I'd also say, don't try and get into those arguments that you're thinking of when your team loses. Agree with them that they did lose. Most of the time when someone tries to starts something with me I'll just say something along the lines of, oh well it's a shame isn't it? And leave it at that. (This also means that possibly you should be a bigger man and not rub it when your team wins)
When my team loses and I decide to watch the game. I make silly jokes about them. Nothing insulting to them or they family. But ridiculous stuff like they're terrible cooks or they're conspiracy theorists or something.
Satans..... hints.....
Also, as a father of a 1 year old boy myself, if you think your going to be watching 3 or 4 games a week with a newborn in the house. I think your very optimistic. Your little bundle of Joy is going to eat up a lot of your time in the beginning, and you are not going to get a full nights sleep for the next year or two.
that's exactly what my partner says to me every time, but for whatever reason thinking about it that way doesn't help. i'm emotionally invested because i care: i care about the players, i've followed their careers and i feel close to them and very sympathetic. i get upset when they're unlucky and ecstatic when good things happen. it's also partly a personal identity thing - you become tied up with the plight of your team just by identifying as a fan. and while that's hardly the most important part of my identity it does mean that the team's failings, in whatever small way, reflect on me. that's part of it that i've tried to deal with, try to be less overtly a fan i guess? and it should be easy to do, because i live in a place where 'hockey' is either the federal treasurer or something you play on a table that shoots up air jets. but even if i haven't so much as mentioned hockey to anyone for weeks i still get mad as hell when things don't go right.
i don't think i'm going to have too much of a problem consuming the games. my fiance's a fan too (she's the only real canuck in the family) and because we live in australia we are at leisure to watch the games on a delay without being spoiled by the media. i'm also more than happy to switch over to radio if need be, which is a bit less intrusive and attention-demanding. plus it's gonna be a june baby, so he'll be three or four months old before the season kicks in.
i like this idea, i wish it was me... but i'm not sure if i could toe that line without graduating to cee- and eff- descriptors if things really turned sour. if i'm desperate for an outburst i will definitely try using words like elderberries and k-niggets next time though
you could also try watching another sport for a while, perhaps that will broaden your horizons and make you less fanatical about hockey
HD ice hockey is just too good an entertainment product. it's fast, it's exciting, it's emotional, the industry around it makes it addictive. and for me, it's cheap. it means i don't need to go out to the movies or buy videogames or go out drinking every friday night - i can chill out at home and watch the game.
in theory
the games are polar opposites and also cricket is awful
Or do other stuff while the game is on like:
Spend some time showing the future mother of your child how much you appreciate her?
Or start baby proofing your house; get rid of choking hazards.
Maybe get a logo'd pacifier for when he starts Burrowsing
No matter what you settle on be sure to watch 22 seconds of every game. That way you can keep your IronFan streak alive.