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What do you do when you don't know what to do?
VisenGod
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
This is a job question. I'm a smart guy. I've had a bunch of jobs that all last about two years before I either move or move on. I've had real, honest to god jobs like working in strategy for an international bank, project managing a graphic design firm, and writing for a major-ish online publication. The problem is, I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do and I have a fear that I'm not very good at the things that I do.
Importantly, I'm not a bad employee. I show up, I do good work, people like me and I like people. The problem is I have a mix of general apathy about things - no favorite teams, for instance - and I can't ever seem to get depth on topics. Some people talk about subject matter depth and breadth and I'm only every interested in breadth.
Anyway, I've once again ended up in a place where I'm going to move on from my current job but I don't know what to do. I write, currently, and I've applied for a few jobs but no joy so far. The real thing is, I don't want another job.
I'm starting to ramble. My question is - what do people do when they don't feel like they fit in anywhere? I feel like Scarlett Johansson's character in Lost in Translation or the dude in Office Space. It sucks. It's depressing. I'd love some insight.
Importantly, I'm not a bad employee. I show up, I do good work, people like me and I like people. The problem is I have a mix of general apathy about things - no favorite teams, for instance - and I can't ever seem to get depth on topics. Some people talk about subject matter depth and breadth and I'm only every interested in breadth.
Anyway, I've once again ended up in a place where I'm going to move on from my current job but I don't know what to do. I write, currently, and I've applied for a few jobs but no joy so far. The real thing is, I don't want another job.
I'm starting to ramble. My question is - what do people do when they don't feel like they fit in anywhere? I feel like Scarlett Johansson's character in Lost in Translation or the dude in Office Space. It sucks. It's depressing. I'd love some insight.
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I took the 'Grad School' route. But, yeah, I understand the feeling.
My therapist has been pushing me on the question for a few weeks, and I only ever have the same answer: I'm here. I don't really want to be...but people seem to frown on the idea of suicide. There isn't anything I want to do.
From what I can tell, this is a question that an individual must answer for their self. Tips for success include, but are not limited to:
1) Go out and try new things.
2) Go out and meet new people.
3) Read about new ideas, perspectives, concepts.
4) Find Jesus.
I don't find any of those compelling. But I do take a bit of comfort in knowing that not everyone is a purpose-driven winner. There are numerous people like us who stare at reality, unsure of what to do with it, and are completely ambivalent to the idea of achievement and goal fulfillment.
I don't have an answer. But I can tell you that you aren't alone in your quest to find one.
I think it's largely a myth that people have jobs that they love. I don't really enjoy the work I do, but I get along well with my coworkers and I have started to enjoy having something to do every day. That combined with the fact that my job is very low stress and I'm pretty good at it make it enjoyable.
So, for example, if I wanted to live in Italy I might not be able to do that for a variety of reasons (can't legally work there, don't speak the language, don't have any money to live off of there). So instead I would try to find a job that required frequent trips to Italy, or if that didn't exist I would go for a job that provided me enough money and vacation time to frequently travel to Italy. And, in the mean time, I would try to learn the skills necessary to get a job in Italy or to get closer to that.
Also, I'm in the grad school club too, so go us.
However I did make a discovery that was important to me. That I was not unique! I had always felt like everyone else was super happy and fulfilled in their "career". But that is generally not the case. Sure those people exist, and I envy them! but most people punch in, do a good job and punch out. That's not to say that we don't take pride in our work, but would I keep doing it if I won the lottery? heck no!
So what would I do if I won the lottery? I mean that's always the question right, that's your dream job that will make you happy with life right? Who knows! its an absurd question.
For me, the real answer came when I had a family. Now work is a means to an end. I work hard to progress in my field because I need to provide a stable and supportive home for my family, and that is all that matters to me.
These can all be simple "yeah" or "not really" answers, as they'll start guiding you to what you may enjoy more. Also, as others have said, keep trying new things. The only people I've ever met who REALLY know what they love are serious programmers, doctors, vets, accountants and architects, with about half from each are leaving it once they found it wasn't what they really wanted.
it seems like you're defining yourself by your career and that's not the right thing to do for everyone
we also talk about other random shit and clown upon each other
Home Inspection and Wind Mitigation
http://www.FairWindInspections.com/
I write now and I'd like to write more, I suppose. I do short pieces but that's wearing thin. Maybe I should try to write fewer articles but have them be longer or maybe change my subject area to something closer to my heart. Sorry, I'm just thinking aloud now.
Thanks again for everything so far.
I thought about what I currently liked, flowers plants design, and someone suggested landscape architecture. I'm finishing my first year of university now at 25, and have 2 more years. I was lucky I had it suggested, maybe ask other people what they think may suit you. Think about your skills.
I don't fully expect to love my job every single day when I finish, but I'll enjoy it and be able to live happily for it.
Yeah, this problem is not fun. Objectively speaking, our lives are likely more comfortable and secure than the vast majority of humans who have ever existed.
And yet everything still sucks.
One question you might ask is whether wanting something out of life is necessary. Life might be an end in itself, rather than a means to some end.
I can't get that idea to work for me, but maybe you'll have better luck with it.
100x this. I've jumped around a lot over the last 6 years because of the recession and some shit employers, haven't been at a position for longer than a year, usually a lot less; but even though my roles have been very different they've all been related and I just closed a job offer for a role they usually recruit people with 20-30 years of experience for because that's how long most people take to build up the breadth I have.
Sometimes life really seems like it sucks but it can never get better if you're not still standing taking the punches in the interim.
I definitely echo the "find something with meaning to you that isn't a career" advice of others. I don't give a fuck about my career besides using it to make as much money as I possibly can to meet my other goals, those being: 1. Make enough money to provide a significantly standard of living for my children than I had. 2. Help as many other people as I possibly can have better lives.
I get a lot of satisfaction out of working toward those things because of how hard things have been for me, even when it's in little ways, even though it's not strictly "living for myself".
As a counterpoint, I am flexible and have a pretty versatile skill set, but I have gotten to the point where I feel I would be better served by becoming an expert in something.
I too have tried a variety of career paths without getting too impassioned over any of them. I don't think it is an uncommon sentiment. Personally, I've come to the conclusion that being passionate about what you do isn't really that important. Getting a good career and good earnings out of it is more important.
I have tried a lot of things that i've felt 'meh' about, but I always enjoy being the expert on something. I've also found that being the expert on something (or one of the few experts) will make you more valuable and let you earn more money. As shallow as it may sound, more money gives you more means to find fulfillment outside of work.
As others have said, having a successful career won't necessarily make you happy, but can give you the means to make yourself happy. Find something you don't hate, that you have a knack for, and that has reasonable career prospects, and make a career out of it.
People who are competent in several areas, but very good in one (the one thing being represented by the tall part of the T)
One trick ponies limit themselves severely, and people who are just alright at a bunch of things are called "middle managers" and nobody likes those
be a T-shape
we also talk about other random shit and clown upon each other
Yeah I don't have any advice but this is basically me as well.
I am basically a middle manager right now and agree with this completely. I didn't set out to be a middle manager, but because I'm flexible and can learn ANYTHING, I've been resourced as a gap fill for just about everything. This has made me pretty competent at all sorts of things, but makes it nearly impossible for me to transition jobs and justify my salary, because no one hires "someone pretty good at everything." They either hire young, untrained folks for semi-competent development in an area, or experts in an area. You may end up being a jack-of-all-trades on the job AFTER hiring, but getting a job is all about the highest point on your "T."