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My PAX Take This AFK Room experience
This was a big PAX for me. I had a lot going on. But the following, by far, is the most important thing that happened to me:
I was walking around the day after the Of Dice and Men premiere, in a kind of physical and emotional stupor, when I came across the "Take This AFK Mental Health Room". There was a sign outside inviting one to come in and take a moment, take a breath -- cons can be overwhelming, and volunteer therapists were on hand to help if you needed it, etcetera, etcetera. I walked in to say hi, maybe pick up a pamphlet... mental illness in gamers is an important issue for me, what with having one and being one.
That's what I told myself, anyway.
It was a lovely, relaxed, safe space. A nice woman struck up a conversation with me. I complimented her on the room, introduced myself as a Mood Disorder NOS... and started to cry.
The nice woman (who I pegged very quickly as a remarkably competent volunteer therapist) sat me down and listened to me, asking all the right questions. I sat in the middle of that room, in a safe therapeutic space with dozens of people around, and talked and wept for about forty-five minutes.
See, the needle on my mood disorder can swing a little out of whack with just about any big emotional stimulus. Make it a huge, ongoing one like PAX, and I have to be sure to kind of ride herd on myself (often with my wife's help) to make sure everything stays within normal operating parameters.
Add in the premiere of my movie? The death of a coworker right before the con? The fact that I've been pretty miserable for about six months and now suddenly have a lot of reasons to be joyful?
Well, my system was in complete emotional overload by the time I walked into that room. I just didn't know it.
So I cried for about forty-five minutes, chatted about Doctor Who for another fifteen, and headed back out to the con open and available for all the awesomeness that was unfolding around me.
I would have had a very different PAX without Take This, and without the willingness of PAX to include them -- probably a very different life once I got back home. I have no doubt they have been there for those in much worse shape than me.
Anyway, to Take This and to the wonderful lady who helped me: THANK YOU. You have no idea how much.
To everybody else: Go donate to Take This. They do good work, and they do it well.
I was walking around the day after the Of Dice and Men premiere, in a kind of physical and emotional stupor, when I came across the "Take This AFK Mental Health Room". There was a sign outside inviting one to come in and take a moment, take a breath -- cons can be overwhelming, and volunteer therapists were on hand to help if you needed it, etcetera, etcetera. I walked in to say hi, maybe pick up a pamphlet... mental illness in gamers is an important issue for me, what with having one and being one.
That's what I told myself, anyway.
It was a lovely, relaxed, safe space. A nice woman struck up a conversation with me. I complimented her on the room, introduced myself as a Mood Disorder NOS... and started to cry.
The nice woman (who I pegged very quickly as a remarkably competent volunteer therapist) sat me down and listened to me, asking all the right questions. I sat in the middle of that room, in a safe therapeutic space with dozens of people around, and talked and wept for about forty-five minutes.
See, the needle on my mood disorder can swing a little out of whack with just about any big emotional stimulus. Make it a huge, ongoing one like PAX, and I have to be sure to kind of ride herd on myself (often with my wife's help) to make sure everything stays within normal operating parameters.
Add in the premiere of my movie? The death of a coworker right before the con? The fact that I've been pretty miserable for about six months and now suddenly have a lot of reasons to be joyful?
Well, my system was in complete emotional overload by the time I walked into that room. I just didn't know it.
So I cried for about forty-five minutes, chatted about Doctor Who for another fifteen, and headed back out to the con open and available for all the awesomeness that was unfolding around me.
I would have had a very different PAX without Take This, and without the willingness of PAX to include them -- probably a very different life once I got back home. I have no doubt they have been there for those in much worse shape than me.
Anyway, to Take This and to the wonderful lady who helped me: THANK YOU. You have no idea how much.
To everybody else: Go donate to Take This. They do good work, and they do it well.
zerzhul on
+19
Posts
I struggle with anxiety and depression, and the last few months have had a lot of things go very badly in my life. PAX has been the first really big positive thing for me this year, however the crowds and overall high level of energy can make my brain go into panic attack mode instead of fun-time mode. The first morning of PAX I found myself feeling very emotional and overwhelmed, and basically just tried to hide in a corner and cry.
Right around that time, the Take This panel was going to go on. I went, and listened to everyone speak, and it was just so.... affirming. And calming. To listen to people talk about how depression and anxiety are legitimate issues and that I'm not a terrible person for needing and asking for help. The panel also helped open a dialogue between me and my partner about how we both handled my earlier panic attack and what I need in the future when I start feeling anxious.
Later in the weekend I visited the AFK room because I just needed a space to sit quietly with my eye closed. I was a little worried about having someone immediately in my space asking what's wrong/do i need help, but perhaps I just had a total "please please leave me be" vibe because no one bothered me. I was able to sit and collect myself as long as I needed, and that was -exactly- what I needed from that room.
I really hope that the AFK room is back again next year because I would like to have the resource available should I find myself in another scenario where I'm having a panic attack, or simply need to decompress in order to prevent having a full blown attack in the first place.
As a PAX East attendee who doesn't necessarily suffer from any sort of...legitimate, diagnosed disorders, I still appreciated that PAX East had these things, even if they didn't necessarily affect me/weren't "for me", (like the AFK room, the Diversity Lounge, and gender neutral bathrooms)
Russ Pitts and Susan Arendt and whoever else they've got on the Take This team does good work.
3DS Friend Code: 2165-6448-8348 www.Twitch.TV/cooljammer00
Battle.Net: JohnDarc#1203 Origin/UPlay: CoolJammer00
I applaud the creation of this safe and helpful space. BRAVO!
Ex-Agent to the Stars, ex a lot of other things too.
Pax East 2011, 2012 Veteran. 2014 now loading.
3DS Friend Code: 2165-6448-8348 www.Twitch.TV/cooljammer00
Battle.Net: JohnDarc#1203 Origin/UPlay: CoolJammer00
2012: Friday - Bethany Hawke
2013: No cosplay
2014: Friday - Carmen Sandiego
2015: Pending - The Divine Justinia V, Oerba Yun Fang
So if you saw us sitting by the window at the AFK lounge on Saturday afternoon, me wearing a sport coat, both of us eating salads, it's because the AFK room was too damned noisy for her to relax.