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I could use some advice
DirtyDirtyVagrant
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
If you know me, you know that I'm kind of prone to finding myself in unbelievably shitty situations. It's sort of an unwanted talent of mine, and It'd be hilarious if it wasn't so depressing. I'm not really sure how this keeps happening, exactly, but yeah - I've stumbled into another one. INCOMING WALL OF TEXT
The backstory
I moved back. My mom's apartment fell through, and now I'm sleeping on a couch in a crackhouse in the worst neighborhood that this city has to offer. There is literally no public transit or commerce to speak of, and I don't feel safe here. I don't even feel safe taking the fucking garbage out. Public services are at a minimum and I have no idea what I'm going to do for work.
My mom is talking about getting a rent voucher and moving into a different place next month, but to be honest, I'm thinking about moving back to Portland. Even if we do get another place, there are no guarantees about work. There are tons of finance companies around here that are always hiring, but I've applied for those jobs hundreds of times in the past with no success, and I doubt that I'd be physically capable of working retail or fast food in my current condition. Besides, the minimum wage is nearly $2/hour higher in Oregon than it is here in Iowa, with no appreciable difference in cost-of-living expenses. So if I'm going to be forced to sling milkshakes, I'd much rather do it there than here. Also, now that I have my IDs, the job I was initially offered seems like it'd be all but a sure thing. I can find a shelter to stay in, though I'll probably be on a waiting list for some time. I can work and live there and dig myself out of this garbage, and it'll be rough, but it doesn't seem like it'd be nearly as bad as this place is going to be.
Does anyone have any thoughts? Things I might not have considered? Sorry about all this text - I just felt like it was important to explain how I got here.
The backstory
About seven or eight months ago I moved out of Iowa, my home state, for the verdant hills of Portland Oregon. The purpose of my move was to escape from one of these situations - living in a spare bedroom in my mother and stepfather's apartment, having to deal with my meth-head aunt and my even-more-drugged-out drunk of a mother and a loveless family life, wallowing in unfathomable depression, eating my problems away and then throwing them back up with my food, and just generally having no self-esteem whatsoever. I hated my job, and after I inquired about changing my name in the workplace records, things got really awkward. It was @metalbourne who convinced me to move to Portland. And it seemed like a perfect idea. Portland, after all, should prove much more accepting of trans people. I had a job all but secured. The weather was a better fit. And Oregon prohibits health insurance providers from discriminating against gender-nonconforming people. Still, the thought of moving scared me, and I remained hesitant. The loss of my job is what finally made up my mind for me, and the very minute I walked out the door, I decided to pursue my name change and make all the necessary preparations to move to Portland.
Once my name change was finalized, I sold my car and bought a bus ticket, the rationale partly being that my car probably wouldn't have made the trip anyhow, and also that I wanted to use my bicycle for commuting instead, like I had before I got the car. I gave my stepfather $100 and asked him to take apart the bicycle and ship it up to me once I arrived, and left.
While I was on layover in Denver, the person I was supposed to move in with sent me an email explaining that she 'missed' the part of my (craigslist) post where I said I was trans, and that she didn't want me around her kids. Out of desperation I contacted somebody that I had previously ignored in my replies. The message they sent me was minimal at best and I get a weird vibe from that kind of thing in CL responses. There wasn't much of a choice, though, so I asked about that room and, fortunately(?), it was available. I made it into town and my new landlord picked me up at the Gresham transit center and much to my relief, they seemed nice and relatively well-adjusted. I paid my rent and I went to apply for that job. The house was amazing (just ask @usagi), and there were dogs and everyone seemed friendly, even if it was clear the fuck on the eastern edge of Gresham. Basically, everything was peaches.
I ended up being offered the job, which was great, but I had to get my IDs replaced before they could run my background check, and so they couldn't hire me until I had my new SS card and photo ID. Not a big deal, right?
It took forever to even arrange a ride to get the ID, and it felt like the SSA would never respond to my inquiry. Meanwhile, my living situation was turning to shit as my landlord was becoming increasingly unstable and vitriolic. I got the temporary paper ID (though it had the wrong gender marker) from the DMV but by the time the plastic one would've arrived in the mail, I had already been kicked out. I moved into a shelter downtown and things went downhill from there. I called my stepdad to ask where my bike was and he explained that he had "left his workshop door open while he was out at another building" (he works as a maintenance guy for a property management company) and that somebody had taken my bike out of there. When I asked for my $100 back, he only said "Sorry, I kinda need it." and that was the end of the conversation. My bike was gone and I was $100 poorer. I was so pissed off I couldn't even see straight, but I decided that I needed to really focus on getting my IDs, because that was priority #1. I jumped through hoops for literally months trying to get that crap taken care of, and the only reason I was able to survive during this time was because of the kindness of people on these forums.
Just as I was getting things taken care of, the shelters began closing. I'd be on the street in days if I didn't figure something out. Seemingly out of nowhere, my mom called me and asked me if I wanted to come back - told me that I'd have a place to stay with her. That she was sober now. And that things would be different. My stepdad was no longer in the picture.
Once my name change was finalized, I sold my car and bought a bus ticket, the rationale partly being that my car probably wouldn't have made the trip anyhow, and also that I wanted to use my bicycle for commuting instead, like I had before I got the car. I gave my stepfather $100 and asked him to take apart the bicycle and ship it up to me once I arrived, and left.
While I was on layover in Denver, the person I was supposed to move in with sent me an email explaining that she 'missed' the part of my (craigslist) post where I said I was trans, and that she didn't want me around her kids. Out of desperation I contacted somebody that I had previously ignored in my replies. The message they sent me was minimal at best and I get a weird vibe from that kind of thing in CL responses. There wasn't much of a choice, though, so I asked about that room and, fortunately(?), it was available. I made it into town and my new landlord picked me up at the Gresham transit center and much to my relief, they seemed nice and relatively well-adjusted. I paid my rent and I went to apply for that job. The house was amazing (just ask @usagi), and there were dogs and everyone seemed friendly, even if it was clear the fuck on the eastern edge of Gresham. Basically, everything was peaches.
I ended up being offered the job, which was great, but I had to get my IDs replaced before they could run my background check, and so they couldn't hire me until I had my new SS card and photo ID. Not a big deal, right?
It took forever to even arrange a ride to get the ID, and it felt like the SSA would never respond to my inquiry. Meanwhile, my living situation was turning to shit as my landlord was becoming increasingly unstable and vitriolic. I got the temporary paper ID (though it had the wrong gender marker) from the DMV but by the time the plastic one would've arrived in the mail, I had already been kicked out. I moved into a shelter downtown and things went downhill from there. I called my stepdad to ask where my bike was and he explained that he had "left his workshop door open while he was out at another building" (he works as a maintenance guy for a property management company) and that somebody had taken my bike out of there. When I asked for my $100 back, he only said "Sorry, I kinda need it." and that was the end of the conversation. My bike was gone and I was $100 poorer. I was so pissed off I couldn't even see straight, but I decided that I needed to really focus on getting my IDs, because that was priority #1. I jumped through hoops for literally months trying to get that crap taken care of, and the only reason I was able to survive during this time was because of the kindness of people on these forums.
Just as I was getting things taken care of, the shelters began closing. I'd be on the street in days if I didn't figure something out. Seemingly out of nowhere, my mom called me and asked me if I wanted to come back - told me that I'd have a place to stay with her. That she was sober now. And that things would be different. My stepdad was no longer in the picture.
I moved back. My mom's apartment fell through, and now I'm sleeping on a couch in a crackhouse in the worst neighborhood that this city has to offer. There is literally no public transit or commerce to speak of, and I don't feel safe here. I don't even feel safe taking the fucking garbage out. Public services are at a minimum and I have no idea what I'm going to do for work.
My mom is talking about getting a rent voucher and moving into a different place next month, but to be honest, I'm thinking about moving back to Portland. Even if we do get another place, there are no guarantees about work. There are tons of finance companies around here that are always hiring, but I've applied for those jobs hundreds of times in the past with no success, and I doubt that I'd be physically capable of working retail or fast food in my current condition. Besides, the minimum wage is nearly $2/hour higher in Oregon than it is here in Iowa, with no appreciable difference in cost-of-living expenses. So if I'm going to be forced to sling milkshakes, I'd much rather do it there than here. Also, now that I have my IDs, the job I was initially offered seems like it'd be all but a sure thing. I can find a shelter to stay in, though I'll probably be on a waiting list for some time. I can work and live there and dig myself out of this garbage, and it'll be rough, but it doesn't seem like it'd be nearly as bad as this place is going to be.
Does anyone have any thoughts? Things I might not have considered? Sorry about all this text - I just felt like it was important to explain how I got here.
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Many schools have financial counselors to help you find out. Having a conversation never hurts...you never know how they could help you. Also you do not have to declare major right away.. You take classes and figure out what you want to study. Not trying to talk you in to something or say it will work....but I can say it has and it is an avenue to explore.
You are in a terrible situation and my heart goes out to you sooo much. I hope it all works out, but sadly I think what is going to get you out of this place in your life is hard work and pure cussedness. If your back is against a wall find the will to fight and take any help you can get along the way.
'Maybe I'll find a job someplace and maybe I can find a shelter' is not really an appropriate plan. Try to line something up first, get the paperwork sorted out beforehand so that you're not caught in the same trap twice, then move. Being in a shack on a shitty side of town, while atrocious, is still better than going to Portland and becoming a lost vagrant. An extra $2.00/hr minimum wage floor is certainly not worth that risk, in my opinion.
I think @Hawkstone 's advice is pretty good too - certainly it's worth the inquiry.
Basically, if you can find work locally, do that while looking to see if you can find openings in Portland. If you can find openings, by all means, move - but don't risk a bad situation becoming an inescapably desperate situation on a lark.
Also, I'm hesitant to say this, but: in my opinion, you're going need to be a bit meaner. Let's not dance around any bushes - the world is incredibly antagonistic to transgender people, and most people are apathetic at best to anything that happens to transgender people. Don't give any loans out to people, because they're unlikely to repay you. Don't accept verbal promises from people, because they're unlikely to keep them. Don't trust anyone with your belongings. For the most part, just don't trust people, period. Give them zero benefit of the doubt. Get things in writing if you accept any offers (and make sure it's something with the other person's signature on it), and try to anticipate that people will treat you as a second-class, second-rate citizen at best. That's terrible to say, but I think it reflects reality right now.
By no means be menacing to anyone, but put the days of expecting people to do what's right by you behind you. Don't give anyone an inch, much less $100.00 and the spare parts to your only means of transportation.
Luckily, my wife had friends that she could move in with while she finished high school, but for the most part, she was alone. She took out loans, got into post-secondary school and earned her Legal Assistant diploma. She found a job as a legal assistant, stayed there for 8 years, then changed companies. She stayed at the new company for another 9 years, and just found a job with one of her old lawyers at an Oil and Gas company that has put our family in a VERY nice financial position. Her mom is still running from the law with her boyfriend. She has never met our 3 year old daughter, and I've only seen her once in the 10 years my wife and I have been together. Both of my wife's siblings have lived with us (for free) for extended periods of time while they sort their own lives out. My wife is the baby of the family, and is the only member who's actually contributing to society instead of living off of it.
My wife has learned to live with a chip on her shoulder. She trusts no-one, and expects very little from anyone until it's actually delivered. And when it is delivered, she's skeptical of the catch... She has worked incredibly hard to be where she is today, and deserves every ounce of good that comes her way.
I understand that your circumstances are different. I can in no way even begin to imagine how hard it is dealing with all of this as a transgendered person. But I am a very firm believer that everything happens for a reason. After reading your original post, it's very clear that you're intelligent and clever, and have the capability of complex communication. With those tools and some willpower, you can claw your way out of this situation.
Shitty things will happen. You will feel like the world is against you, and that there's no hope. But there is. When you finally fight your way out, you will be stronger than any of your peers. You will hold on to your success much tighter than any of them too because you will know all too well what it was like to live without it. You have to fight to make an example to others, so that they can fight too.
It will get better.
Xbox Gamertag: GAMB1NO325Xi
...I find this kind of sentiment incredibly offensive.
I guess my advice is take the little step if that will the next big one easier.
Well, there certainly wasn't any offense intended. It's purpose was supposed to be motivational. I'm having a hard time seeing how that could be perceived as offensive? Please explain...
Xbox Gamertag: GAMB1NO325Xi
I mean, sure, those things happen for reasons - because there is not a half decent social security net, because transgender people have been demonized, because a well developed black market has bloomed, etc - but 'happens for a reason' implies that these things will ultimately serve to benefit someone or that they must eventually lead somewhere good.
They are terrible things that ought to be expunged, in my opinion, and whatever positive outcomes might occur afterward are in spite of them, not because of them.
I am living with my mom right now. The problem is that our current living arrangement is absolutely unsustainable and that she doesn't have much of a plan to get out of it and also we don't really have any kind of a fall back plan or resources of any kind.
My mom has lived through many years of hard drug use. Her mind is all but gone, she's begun drinking again, and I'm pretty sure she's off her (anti-psychotic) meds.
But rather than get into a discussion about somebody's belief structure, let's talk more about writing, because it just so happens that I want to be a writer.
But fuck you — no, fuck y'all, that's as blunt as it gets"
- Kendrick Lamar, "The Blacker the Berry"
Xbox Gamertag: GAMB1NO325Xi
Ah, sorry. Thought you were on your own at the moment.
G+ seems more geared towards long(er) form writing, as well as the usual blog spaces. You looking for essay, op-ed?
Try to write articles for local magazines if you want to get into the freelancing business. It's demanding, but it's usually not too hard to break into. I'm not as familiar with the online writing world as the print world, but I sort-of assume the process is the same: write an article, submit it to the editor, if they like your material they will pay you per word. You can make a decent wage as long as you have the discipline to really blue-collar it and write every day.