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(girl thread) telling she likes me too

KlykaKlyka DO you have anySPARE BATTERIES?Registered User regular
edited April 2007 in Help / Advice Forum
Hey everyone!

Yeah,it's one of those beloved "omg girl problem" threads.Fasten your seatbelt and hang on tight, we're going in:

So I already have experience with women, be it flirting,dating or more "private things".

The one thing I never really get though, is the signals that women send me.
You see I'm one of those guys who is so blind he doesn't know if the woman he's currently talking too is sending him "You're awesome, I want you" or "You're awesome, I'd like you to be a friend of mine and just hang out from time to time but don't you EVER tell me that you like me more than that or else".

My current situation is like this.

There's a girl I met for the first time about a year ago. A friend introduced me and we started talking.
Note that she had a boyfriend at that time so I never took the chat further than "I'm a nice guy and I like you, but you're in a relationship and I respect that".

Now I only saw her one other time and then didn't see her for almost the entire last year until about 3 weeks ago.
She has broken up with her boyfriend about 3 months ago and we met again through the same friend (that friend is a woman too) one night and we talked and danced and had a REALLY great time. Lots of flirting too, she constantly looking into my eyes, always smiling and stuff (and I mean a REAL smile not "oh god stop talking"-smile).I got her cellphone number and her homenumber that night. I called her a few days later.
We met 3 more times, always at her place and once in a bar and always had about 2 hours to talk alone as we waited for our friends to head out.
Now since I'm kinda in the know about computers and stuff she wanted me to "hook up her internet" for her,since she moved into a new apartment. The first night we met she told me that at first she had "someone else she wanted to ask to do it" but then told him he doesn't have to and now I should do it.
We're constantly joking about the fact that I' just going to put in errors so I can come back to her all the time.



TLDR: She's constantly smiling at me, we have our eyes locked all the time and we're flirting like crazy.
I have no idea if she just wants to be friends or wants "more" though, especially with her being out of a relationship for only 3 months.

How can a blind man like me tell?
Oh, that shared friend (she's kinda her best friend) told me two times that she's not interested in me as anything more than a friend. Should one believe that or just put it into the "best friend would never say anything else" drawer?

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Klyka on
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    meekermeeker Registered User regular
    edited April 2007
    Just ask. If she rejects you, what do you have to lose? You can't go through life wondering "what if?"

    meeker on
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    KingMooKingMoo Registered User regular
    edited April 2007
    are you serious? after all those great things you said about your relationship with her you want someone here to tell you to go for it or not? Would you actually listen to anyone here if they told you that you have no chance?

    KingMoo on
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    EggyToastEggyToast Jersey CityRegistered User regular
    edited April 2007
    Klyka wrote: »
    How can a blind man like me tell?

    The same way regular blind men tell -- they get a hunch, they like the person, they ask them out.

    EggyToast on
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    Grid SystemGrid System Registered User regular
    edited April 2007
    How much physical contact have you had with her? As in, you touching her or vice versa? Also, if any touching happened, where was it?

    There are no hard and fast rules here, but my general experience has been that when people are interested in one another they touch a lot (more than their average) and in different places than they would other people. Thighs and the face are two "affectionate touching" zones. If she's ever touched you in either intentionally, or let you touch her in the same, there's a good chance she's at least receptive to further physical contact.

    Of course, different people have different levels of normal physicality. Some people are just by nature very "touchy" while others can be quite sensitive about personal space. Consider what this girl's average "touchiness" is, and if she goes past that with you, consider it a good sign, but not a done deal.

    Also, there's little harm in just asking. Better to know for sure one way or the other.

    Grid System on
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    Original RufusOriginal Rufus Registered User regular
    edited April 2007
    Goddamn. I'm often pretty clueless in this area too, but dude, I'm pretty sure she's into you.

    Original Rufus on
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    Iceman.USAFIceman.USAF Major East CoastRegistered User regular
    edited April 2007
    Man, you probably should have made a move when she was doing all this smiling at you whilist looking into your eyes.


    Go dammit, go! And carry the forum's blessing with you!

    Iceman.USAF on
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    precisionkprecisionk Registered User regular
    edited April 2007
    Man, she is extremely into you. It is so obviously. She purposely told you that she had someone else that was going to "Hookup her internetz" then told that person that they don't have to do it, cause she asked YOU. This pretty much means, "Well I want to get you over to my place to be with you(sexy time), but without outright asking you over".

    She just shot a signal flare up with the words "I WANT YOU" attached to it. Go hook up her internet for godsakes.

    precisionk on
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    GoodOmensGoodOmens Registered User regular
    edited April 2007
    A good sign is "mirroring," which basically means that, when you're attracted to someone, you tend to unconciously mirror their actions. In other words, if a girl digs you, and you cross your legs, she often will too. If you touch your ear, she will also.

    It's not absolute, it doesn't always work, but it's a useful sign. But the eye contact is probably a stronger sign.

    I'm probably trying to make things too complicated though. It sure sounds like she digs you. Make a move.

    GoodOmens on
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    BoomShakeBoomShake The Engineer Columbia, MDRegistered User regular
    edited April 2007
    from what I can tell, you've at least have a damn good shot (nothing is ever definite). It seems like, with all the communication and smiling and eye gazing, she's pretty into you.

    as a side note, what would the best way be to ask a friend out, like in this type of situation. something so it's taken as more than "we're just two friends going to have a wonderful evening out" when you ask about doing yyy at zzz time.

    BoomShake on
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    LaveLave regular
    edited April 2007
    All signs point to want. Do it.

    The British way would be for the two of you to get a bit drunk, then get the courage to flirt outrageously and give her a kiss. That way if it's not meant to be you can put it behind you as a "drunk" accident.

    American culture is so massively different that I won't recommend this though.

    You've nothing to lose. But spend too long procrastinating over it and it could cool off. So act!

    Lave on
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    MunacraMunacra Registered User regular
    edited April 2007
    Dude, all signs point to yes.

    I think you should just go for it and ask her out. And you better hurry too, because every girl always has at least five guys panting after her, and you're just one of them.

    Hurry up before she begins to think you are clueless and she moves to something else.

    Munacra on
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    MotherFireflyMotherFirefly Registered User regular
    edited April 2007
    dude, yer dumb. (teasing!)

    If she's giving all these signals she totally has to like you, if not, she's just trying to yank your chain and isn't worth your time anyways.

    just ask.

    MotherFirefly on
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    METAzraeLMETAzraeL Registered User regular
    edited April 2007
    meeker wrote: »
    Just ask. If she rejects you, what do you have to lose? You can't go through life wondering "what if?"
    Exactly. Eventually, as friends, you will drift apart. Do you want to look back and regret that you didn't try? Worst thing that happens, well, she hates you. But if that's so, then there's something wrong with her anyways. If she's uninterested, you can still be friends and save yourself the anguish. Don't doubt yourself - just give it your fuckin best.

    METAzraeL on

    dream a little dream or you could live a little dream
    sleep forever if you wish to be a dreamer
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    PirateJonPirateJon Registered User regular
    edited April 2007
    Don't ask.

    Accept it will end in heartbreak. Focus your pain and rage toward improving your body. Fight in underground cage matches. Soon you'll realise that killing men here and there with your bare hands isn't enough. No, you'll realise you have to kill EVERYONE to end your pain. Study advanced physics under a brilliant but eccentric old scientist. Gain his trust. When he shows you his secret life's work - workable cold fusion - that's when you KILL HIM. Modify his invention to be the most powerful weapon the world has ever seen. Don a mask (no capes!) and threaten the world. use their self-centered panic and their attempts to stop you as proof they all deserve to die. Slaughter every man, woman and child on the face of the earth.

    Then you should sit inside a blasted out castle looking over a barren lifeless world. Give a monologue about how you should have learned to love instead of to hate. Start the self destruct sequence in your lab while you listed to some opera or something.



    p.s. watch out for the scientists beautiful daughter and her ruggedly hansom boyfriend.

    PirateJon on
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    CojonesCojones Registered User regular
    edited April 2007
    Yup, it's pretty clear that you're good to go here.

    Ignore the mutual friend and just go in with a "faint heart ne'er won fair maiden" mindset.

    Cojones on
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    ege02ege02 __BANNED USERS regular
    edited April 2007
    PirateJon wrote: »
    Don't ask.

    Accept it will end in heartbreak. Focus your pain and rage toward improving your body. Fight in underground cage matches. Soon you'll realise that killing men here and there with your bare hands isn't enough. No, you'll realise you have to kill EVERYONE to end your pain. Study advanced physics under a brilliant but eccentric old scientist. Gain his trust. When he shows you his secret life's work - workable cold fusion - that's when you KILL HIM. Modify his invention to be the most powerful weapon the world has ever seen. Don a mask (no capes!) and threaten the world. use their self-centered panic and their attempts to stop you as proof they all deserve to die. Slaughter every man, woman and child on the face of the earth.

    Then you should sit inside a blasted out castle looking over a barren lifeless world. Give a monologue about how you should have learned to love instead of to hate. Start the self destruct sequence in your lab while you listed to some opera or something.



    p.s. watch out for the scientists beautiful daughter and her ruggedly hansom boyfriend.

    Why do you insist on posting absolute crap like this?

    OP: Ask her out dude. You have nothing to lose. If she says no, move on. If she says yes, there you go. Seriously, the more you think about it the more confused and indecisive you'll get.

    ege02 on
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    METAzraeLMETAzraeL Registered User regular
    edited April 2007
    ege02 wrote: »
    PirateJon wrote: »
    Don't ask.

    Accept it will end in heartbreak. Focus your pain and rage toward improving your body. Fight in underground cage matches. Soon you'll realise that killing men here and there with your bare hands isn't enough. No, you'll realise you have to kill EVERYONE to end your pain. Study advanced physics under a brilliant but eccentric old scientist. Gain his trust. When he shows you his secret life's work - workable cold fusion - that's when you KILL HIM. Modify his invention to be the most powerful weapon the world has ever seen. Don a mask (no capes!) and threaten the world. use their self-centered panic and their attempts to stop you as proof they all deserve to die. Slaughter every man, woman and child on the face of the earth.

    Then you should sit inside a blasted out castle looking over a barren lifeless world. Give a monologue about how you should have learned to love instead of to hate. Start the self destruct sequence in your lab while you listed to some opera or something.



    p.s. watch out for the scientists beautiful daughter and her ruggedly hansom boyfriend.

    Why do you insist on posting absolute crap like this?

    OP: Ask her out dude. You have nothing to lose. If she says no, move on. If she says yes, there you go. Seriously, the more you think about it the more confused and indecisive you'll get.
    Because this way, the OP will realize that he doesn't want to be that grizzled, lonely agent of extinction and tell her how he feels.

    METAzraeL on

    dream a little dream or you could live a little dream
    sleep forever if you wish to be a dreamer
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    Ziac45Ziac45 Registered User regular
    edited April 2007
    Always worth trying but I had a situation just like this and it ended badly for me. But maybe yours will end differently good luck.

    Ziac45 on
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    ObsObs __BANNED USERS regular
    edited April 2007
    Ziac45 wrote: »
    Always worth trying but I had a situation just like this and it ended badly for me. But maybe yours will end differently good luck.

    Agreed. The op should fully well know that there can be risks with this. And he could end up completely broken because of it.

    Obs on
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    DeVryGuyDeVryGuy Registered User regular
    edited April 2007
    Go for it!

    Unless everything you described was exaggerated, it seems very likely that you have a good shot. Definitely worth a try.

    DeVryGuy on
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    meekermeeker Registered User regular
    edited April 2007
    Lave wrote: »
    All signs point to want. Do it.

    The British way would be for the two of you to get a bit drunk, then get the courage to flirt outrageously and give her a kiss. That way if it's not meant to be you can put it behind you as a "drunk" accident.

    American culture is so massively different that I won't recommend this though.

    You've nothing to lose. But spend too long procrastinating over it and it could cool off. So act!

    This is what I would do.

    She got a new apartment. Bring her a bottle of vodka and some mixers, tell her it is a housewarming present. Maybe play a game, have a chat and see where the night takes you...

    meeker on
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    ObsObs __BANNED USERS regular
    edited April 2007
    meeker wrote: »
    Lave wrote: »
    All signs point to want. Do it.

    The British way would be for the two of you to get a bit drunk, then get the courage to flirt outrageously and give her a kiss. That way if it's not meant to be you can put it behind you as a "drunk" accident.

    American culture is so massively different that I won't recommend this though.

    You've nothing to lose. But spend too long procrastinating over it and it could cool off. So act!

    This is what I would do.

    She got a new apartment. Bring her a bottle of vodka and some mixers, tell her it is a housewarming present. Maybe play a game, have a chat and see where the night takes you...

    What if he doesn't drink? Or she doesn't?

    Obs on
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    FalloutFallout GIRL'S DAY WAS PRETTY GOOD WHILE THEY LASTEDRegistered User regular
    edited April 2007
    Obs wrote: »
    What if he doesn't drink? Or she doesn't?

    He doesn't seem that boring.

    I wouldn't bring alcohol to her house when you go to hook up her computer, that'd just be awkward and look like you were expecting something. Do go to her house though, get her all set up, and bring a condom just in case.

    Don't let her turn you into just her nice guy friend that does stuff for her, though. It's not a bad thing to expect something in return for your work like, say, a date.

    Fallout on
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    DeVryGuyDeVryGuy Registered User regular
    edited April 2007
    Fallout wrote: »
    Obs wrote: »
    What if he doesn't drink? Or she doesn't?

    He doesn't seem that boring.

    I wouldn't bring alcohol to her house when you go to hook up her computer, that'd just be awkward and look like you were expecting something. Do go to her house though, get her all set up, and bring a condom just in case.

    Don't let her turn you into just her nice guy friend that does stuff for her, though. It's not a bad thing to expect something in return for your work like, say, a date.

    It would be akward if he brought glasses and a wine key. If he just brings the wine in a gift box of some sort says it's a housewarming present and sets to work setting up the computer, there's nothing to feel akward about. If she goes and opens the bottle and offers him some, all the better.

    DeVryGuy on
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    ObsObs __BANNED USERS regular
    edited April 2007
    Fallout wrote: »
    Obs wrote: »
    What if he doesn't drink? Or she doesn't?

    He doesn't seem that boring.

    I wouldn't bring alcohol to her house when you go to hook up her computer, that'd just be awkward and look like you were expecting something. Do go to her house though, get her all set up, and bring a condom just in case.

    Don't let her turn you into just her nice guy friend that does stuff for her, though. It's not a bad thing to expect something in return for your work like, say, a date.


    What the hell? If you don't drink now your boring as fuck? What if it's against your religion? Or you just don't drink? what the FUCK are you supposed to DO? Roam around killing men in cage matches because you will never be interesting enough without alcohol?

    Obs on
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    Ziac45Ziac45 Registered User regular
    edited April 2007
    Pretty much yeah.

    Ziac45 on
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    Strain 121Strain 121 Registered User regular
    edited April 2007
    Okay so basically you said in the OP a big ol' list of stuff that usually means "she's into you".

    Go for it and find out. If you're right, then hey woo woo. If you're wrong, then it's not a big deal. Asking a friend out just makes things awkward for a little bit of time and then you're good.

    To put it in economic terms, you have the chance to gain $100, at the risk of about $10. Go for it dude. There will never be a 100% certainty that someone likes you, so just stop trying to figure it out with logic (the antithesis of affection), and ask the girl.

    edit: Oh, and yeah. Sorry but even if you have a perfectly valid reason to not drink it generally makes you more boring. Saying "what if it is against your religion" is like saying "what if hanging out with people is against your religion". It's legitimate, but still makes you more boring.

    Strain 121 on
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    FalloutFallout GIRL'S DAY WAS PRETTY GOOD WHILE THEY LASTEDRegistered User regular
    edited April 2007
    DeVryGuy wrote: »
    Fallout wrote: »
    Obs wrote: »
    What if he doesn't drink? Or she doesn't?

    He doesn't seem that boring.

    I wouldn't bring alcohol to her house when you go to hook up her computer, that'd just be awkward and look like you were expecting something. Do go to her house though, get her all set up, and bring a condom just in case.

    Don't let her turn you into just her nice guy friend that does stuff for her, though. It's not a bad thing to expect something in return for your work like, say, a date.

    It would be akward if he brought glasses and a wine key. If he just brings the wine in a gift box of some sort says it's a housewarming present and sets to work setting up the computer, there's nothing to feel akward about. If she goes and opens the bottle and offers him some, all the better.

    Ah, that's a good idea, I hadn't thought of that. In my head it was more of a "walking up to the house with a fifth of jack in one hand and flowers in the other" thing. :P
    Obs wrote: »
    What the hell? If you don't drink now your boring as fuck? What if it's against your religion? Or you just don't drink? what the FUCK are you supposed to DO? Roam around killing men in cage matches because you will never be interesting enough without alcohol?

    You seem a bit tense. Would you like a drink? It's on me.

    Fallout on
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    SarcastroSarcastro Registered User regular
    edited April 2007
    Sounds like she's into you. Very, very good odds. You should totally go for it.

    Sarcastro on
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    ege02ege02 __BANNED USERS regular
    edited April 2007
    Sarcastro wrote: »
    Sounds like she's into you. Very, very good odds. You should totally go for it.

    How do we know she is fit to live in this society if she hasn't been forced to complete basic, though?

    ege02 on
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    ViolentChemistryViolentChemistry __BANNED USERS regular
    edited April 2007
    METAzraeL wrote: »
    ege02 wrote: »
    PirateJon wrote: »
    Don't ask.

    Accept it will end in heartbreak. Focus your pain and rage toward improving your body. Fight in underground cage matches. Soon you'll realise that killing men here and there with your bare hands isn't enough. No, you'll realise you have to kill EVERYONE to end your pain. Study advanced physics under a brilliant but eccentric old scientist. Gain his trust. When he shows you his secret life's work - workable cold fusion - that's when you KILL HIM. Modify his invention to be the most powerful weapon the world has ever seen. Don a mask (no capes!) and threaten the world. use their self-centered panic and their attempts to stop you as proof they all deserve to die. Slaughter every man, woman and child on the face of the earth.

    Then you should sit inside a blasted out castle looking over a barren lifeless world. Give a monologue about how you should have learned to love instead of to hate. Start the self destruct sequence in your lab while you listed to some opera or something.



    p.s. watch out for the scientists beautiful daughter and her ruggedly hansom boyfriend.

    Why do you insist on posting absolute crap like this?

    OP: Ask her out dude. You have nothing to lose. If she says no, move on. If she says yes, there you go. Seriously, the more you think about it the more confused and indecisive you'll get.
    Because this way, the OP will realize that he doesn't want to be that grizzled, lonely agent of extinction and tell her how he feels.

    Plus it's funnier than anything ege has ever posted.

    ViolentChemistry on
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    Mr_GrinchMr_Grinch Registered User regular
    edited April 2007
    I echo the "go for it" croud. I also wish for a report on your progress after you have "gone for it"

    Mr_Grinch on
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    Vincent GraysonVincent Grayson Frederick, MDRegistered User regular
    edited April 2007
    Sounds like how things started out with my wife, except that her best friend was all "She likes you, go for it", as she was a mutual friend getting to play matchmaker.

    I say go for it.

    Vincent Grayson on
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    TechnicalityTechnicality Registered User regular
    edited April 2007
    I agree you stand a good chance. I'm not sure if its very fair to ask her out in her flat, after having just done her a big favour though.

    If she does say no she is going to feel really guilty, especially if she needs a bit of space and has to kick you out.

    Technicality on
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    SarcastroSarcastro Registered User regular
    edited April 2007
    ege02 wrote: »
    Sarcastro wrote: »
    Sounds like she's into you. Very, very good odds. You should totally go for it.

    How do we know she is fit to live in this society if she hasn't been forced to complete basic, though?

    Sadly, without previous intervention there is no good way. A year from now she could still wind up outside of his window at 3 am, disassembling his mountain bike with a wrench and sledgehammer while decrying her love in tears and expletives with a Tourette-like grace.

    Sarcastro on
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    FofamitFofamit Registered User regular
    edited April 2007
    even though many people above me probably said the same thing, the easiest thing to do is to suck it up and say something. Even though for some people that isn't easy, it is worth knowing than not knowing. Would you rather remain in "limbo" like this only to find out later along the road that she doesn't like you? Or she could like you and you could just wasting time I guess. Essentially the main thing here is... there is no way to tell for sure if a girl likes you, unless they beat you over the head with a sign that says "LOL I LUV U!". Every person is different, every person has different ways to express themselves to other people. So once again, the best thing to do is just have a nice little chat about it.

    Also, if it turns out she doesn't feel the same way. Don't let it get all weird and awkward. Just act like she's one of the buds, or just act like you always do.

    Fofamit on
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    KlykaKlyka DO you have any SPARE BATTERIES?Registered User regular
    edited April 2007
    thanks for all the tips and encouragements guys!

    I called her today and we'll meet Thursday at her place. I told her I'd hook her net up and then we can do something fun. Whatever it's going to be that we're doing. :)

    Oh and she's ALWAYS laughing when we talk. I think she just stopped laughing because she had to breathe when we talked on the phone. I take that as an awesome sign. I really dig that though, she's making me smile too and I need that at the moment (stuck at work a lot which sucks ass and customers annoy me)

    Btw, I actually don't drink. Maybe a glass but never much because a) I don't like it that much and b) I always have to drive long distances. Don't drink and drive! STAY IN SCHOOL! :P

    Oh and regarding the "British culture" trick: We're actually living in Germany, so it's not American culture.
    I have no idea how the German culture works in my situation.

    Klyka on
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    ege02ege02 __BANNED USERS regular
    edited April 2007
    Perhaps not this time, but next time you go to her place take a bottle of red wine with you. You don't have to drink a whole lot; just sitting on the couch cuddled together and sipping your wines is a huge turn-on for both parties though.

    ege02 on
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    ObsObs __BANNED USERS regular
    edited April 2007
    Strain 121 wrote: »
    edit: Oh, and yeah. Sorry but even if you have a perfectly valid reason to not drink it generally makes you more boring. Saying "what if it is against your religion" is like saying "what if hanging out with people is against your religion". It's legitimate, but still makes you more boring.

    I only drink water, so what the fuck should I do? Fake like it's really vodka or some other clear drink? Fuck that. Please, if the op can only ever seem to come up with drinking as an excuse to come over this girls apartment he's gonna sound like a creepy alcoholic. He should be upfront with what he wants.

    Obs on
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    MunacraMunacra Registered User regular
    edited April 2007
    ege02 wrote: »
    Perhaps not this time, but next time you go to her place take a bottle of red wine with you. You don't have to drink a whole lot; just sitting on the couch cuddled together and sipping your wines is a huge turn-on for both parties though.

    dood, stop being such a peer pressurer, damn.

    Munacra on
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