Which gift would you want?
I am attending my cousin's wedding next month. We knew each other as kids, but we haven't seen each other in 30 years. They are not accepting gifts because he and his fiancée are consolidating into a small apartment in San Francisco and they don't need any more stuff. They also don't want or need money. I want to give him something personal. As a photographer, I want to take a photograph for him of his city (San Fran) or mine (Boston), and send it as a surprise to him nicely framed to hang in his home. My question: if you were him, which would you prefer - the SF photo of his home town, or the Boston photo of mine? I need some perspective on this. Thanks in advance!
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Do you know where he/she proposed? Or is the wedding in a scenic spot?
The wedding is in an old cathedral in the city. If I can do something great with it that might work, but I don't want to give him something he'll be getting from the wedding photographer, and I'd prefer the photo stand on its own - not relying on the event. I can certainly ask him what their favorite areas are or where he proposed and see how that goes.
Then take a picture of that picture and frame that.
Next best thing: getting an appointment with a really good masseuse. Because people like this are clearly stressed out and need the respite. If you make the appointment for them, they will be obligated to go and be better for it. This is in lieu of a gift certificate.
Next thing I can think of is showing up and giving a hug bad and a hand shake because that sounds like what they really want.
You could also make a donation to a charity in their honor, especially if you know one they support.
If you absolutely must give them something, a gift to the St Anthony Foundation in their name would be most appropriate, I think: http://www.stanthonysf.org/ The wedding couple may not want or need anything but lots of other people in San Francisco do.
But I think there can be difference between 'stuff bought at Pottery Barn' and 'stuff a friend created'. But the OP knows the couple the best and hopefully knows which they mean.
Now I think taking a really nice photo of the engagement site and just sending it to them with a thank you note, not at the wedding in front of others, would be classy. I'd actually go with a nice high rez digital file to them because it isn't clutter and will probably be easier to keep so in 10, 15 or 20 years they can pull it out and show how it looked when they get engaged.
Hand it to her directly and say, "For what could have been."
If you wanted to be artsy-fartsy you could take a shot of SF Bay at night and then photoshop in the Boston skyline into the reflection in the water, would take a bit of work and some research to find a location in Boston that somewhat lines up and then would take a bit of time in PS but it would pull off a two for one.
Naked.
Maybe write them a nice note and offer your services for a vista of their choice after they've settled?
someone who is attending a no-gifts event and gives a gift anyway is a bad kind of persoon
don't be that kind of person
if you must get them something, give it to them the day before or the day after, not at the event.
Made me feel like shit.
If folks say no gifts, they mean it, often likely because some of the people attending may not reasonably be able to afford to give a gift, and they don't want them to feel bad at what is supposed to be a celebration.
I must leave the thread now, and deliver the wedding gift to the couple whose wedding I attended on Saturday and FORGOT to take the gift along...
Or like $200 on a Clipper (for MUNI/BART) card, because they'll sure as shit use it.
So please don't be that goose who doesn't respect the wishes of the couple. It's their day, let them enjoy/remember it how they'd like to.