So, here's a weird one, but I figured a third party may help me approach this situation in a way that doesn't result in me seeming ungrateful for my bedroom / house that I live in rent free.
So, here's the deal:
I live with my parents, I'm 28 years old, and am generally an easy enough to please person. I don't complain, I don't talk back, I NEVER raise my voice to my family, and I can't help but feel this is being taken advantage of. I never had a rebellious phase, and so on.
The way my bedroom works is that it's connected to our livingroom (which you're in upon entering the house) via two french doors that don't latch. If it's windy, the doors open. If my dad is drunk, he barges in to talk to me, and worse, my sister (and her boyfriend) need to travel through my room to get to theirs, which is upstairs. After 20+ years of this, I've made peace with the fact I'll never ever have true privacy in my house unless everyone is gone.
But the problem is this: In part because I do not complain, whenever I try and do anything in *my* room, my mother balks because she 'likes to open the doors so people can see" into the room, any time I bring up my other complaints, she slaps me with a "You seem ungrateful" and makes me apologize. Example: I'm consistently told to keep my voice down when everyone else is asleep, but me, when I'm trying to sleep in my room, the room that gets the MOST noise from every other room in the house, I get a "Good luck with that" when people are in the living room chatting, instead of a "We'll try to be quiet" or "Want us to move into the kitchen,".
Example: I'm in my room watching porno. My Dad, being my Dad, barges in and immediately takes out the trash while I'm clearly in my room doing something in private, then leaves the door open. I post a quasi-passive aggressive post on Facebook to the tune of "Oh man, do I miss the joys of an actually shutting door!", and within ten minutes get an angry call from my mom demanding I take it down. Was I wrong to post it? Maybe, was I wrong about how INTENSELY FRUSTRATING this all is? I don't think so.
Flash forward to yesterday. My parents are on vacation, The last time my mom came home from vacation and the house was a mess, she whipped my Xbox 360 controller across the room, and told me she almost smashed my iPad in anger. To avoid this I clean the whole house. THE WHOLE house, do laundry, vacuum, unload the dishwasher, everything. I move my Xbox One from the living-room into my bedroom, and arrange everything in a way that is most ergonomic to my gaming / media editing / writing desires.
This results in me moving a cabinet to a different area of the room, and moving a desk I bought closer to my TV. This cabinet had a big, wooden, loon on it, that my mom 'liked to look at' through the doors of my bedroom when she opens them up when we have company. I post the new arrangement on facebook, and the FIRST thing I get was "Can you move the cabinet and loon back? I like to look at it" A Cabinet with a dozen or so books in it was NOT easy to move, and she should know that. If this were anyone BUT my mother, a woman I love and respect and am eternally grateful for, the words "Fuck you, Bitch" could possibly be on the tip of my tongue.
Despite cleaning the entire house, my mother is now cranky the second she gets home and makes passive aggressive comments like "It's like I don't even own this damn house,". and is generally sour the entire weekend. This is not menopause. She already had that. She's even upset I moved my end table from the right side of the bed to the left because I'm left handed.
She messaged me today with a variety of different ways to re-arrange my room, again, so she can see this damn loon. Whether or not these are good ideas, I do not care. I am, frankly, sick and tired my bedroom just being the place I sleep, and not being my own space.
I am also aware that I have absolutely zero leverage here. Every time I attempt to bring up the multitude of ways how fucked up my life is because I don't have an actual bedroom, I'm immediately hit with a "You sound ungrateful" guilt trip, which makes me want to punch a hole through a wall with my forehead. Because I AM grateful, but I can also be UPSET about certain aspects of my life, right? Cause the rest of my family is more than allowed to scream and throw things and get upset on a whim. My dad woke up the ENTIRE family last night because he lost his 40 of beer he was 'certain' he had. No knocking, just hemming and hawing.
So, long story short, do I stand my ground here and let my mom call me ungrateful and REFUSE to let her move anything of mine for the first time in my life? Or do I, yet again, fold, and find my room situated in a way my MOTHER likes, but I hate.
I also understand this is very much a whiny post, but I have no idea what to do, would like to avoid drama, but also have an itch to just scream at the top of my lungs for the first time...ever...about the insane bullshit I put up with every single day of my life, that no one seems to appreciate.