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Quitting / Giving Bad News Help

WhosJDGWhosJDG Registered User new member
Hi,
This is probably one of the harder things I’ve ever had to do purely because of the person I'm dealing with. I'm horrible with giving bad news to people just because I don't say no to people. It’s the something that's hard for me. Either way so here's the story and hopefully somebody can help me out with this. Back in the beginning of summer I signed up for a marching band class in order to spend more time with the girlfriend. I pledged and said that I was going to be participating in all of the events activities practices all that but the problem is I guess things didn't really work out. I didn't realize exactly how much time and dedication it was going to take and since it broke up with my girlfriend right before the seasons just about to start and I've realized that I really hate it. I hate the class because it takes up so much time and I really don't feel like it what's right for me. I spend so much time just doing other things that whenever I get the class I hate everything I do there because it feels like a waste. So now comes the hard part, I'm in regular band class that I've been doing all through high school and I have no problem with that whatsoever. The teacher for marching band is the exact same teacher who teaches regular band and staying on his good side is probably the best you can do because of how aggressive and just in your face is. He's a nice guy but when push comes to shove he will always be in your face and he’s surely not somebody you want to get on his bad side. I've made the decision that I no longer want to participate in the fall marching band but the problem is I have to tell him since I’ve already pledged and he thinks I'm participating. How should I go about telling him that I really don't want to do marching band without making him so frustrated and without having it just completely affect my overall relationship with him? My original thought was just to be honest with him talk to him privately and just discuss how I really didn't like it and that I wasn't wanting to do it anymore. I don't want to beat around the bush for it. My other idea was to just tell him that I really don't like it and I don't have enough time to attend all the practices and put in dedication which is also true. Either way let me know, any response is appreciated. How should I go about telling him that I no longer want to be in the marching band class without affecting my relationship with him and having him completely dislike me for the remainder of the school year since I’m in one and his other classes. Any help is appreciated thank you very much.

Thanks again!

-Derek

Gethzepherin

Posts

  • PsykomaPsykoma Registered User regular
    Be firm, understand that this is what you want and he doesn't get a say in it.

    But, if you're worried about him reacting badly, my advice would be specifically: Tell him now.
    Don't delay - any delay you take gives him less time to replace you, and will make his frustration rise.


    Be firm and be quick.

    bowenWhosJDGCambiatacabsy
  • Hahnsoo1Hahnsoo1 Make Ready. We Hunt.Registered User regular
    edited July 2014
    If you're at the age of band camps and marching bands, you are also still at the age where you can bring in the parent(s). While it's not always good to seek the help of your parents at all times, it's nice to have backup, if your parents are willing to give you that support.

    I will say that the best way to deal with this is way that the above poster stated: Be firm, be quick, and be up front and honest about it.

    But I remember when I was at that age, and I had no idea exactly HOW to articulate it in this manner. This is a skill that comes more easily to some people, and not so easily to others.

    So if you have to bring in a parent to tell him "Hey, my child needs to focus on other things, and I don't think he can really commit to the time commitment that marching band is. He loves music and wants to continue pursuing it, but he cannot budget the time and effort that this extra activity requires.", then by all means, do so. Just don't make it a lifetime habit of letting your parents bail you out. :D

    Hahnsoo1 on
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  • V1mV1m Registered User regular
    Say these exact words: "Hi [Bob]. I've been giving it some serious thought and I have concluded that marching bands isn't what I want to do with my time. I thought it would be best to tell you now before you built any plans around me being there. Thanks for all the help and support you gave me to give it an honest try."

    If he starts getting in your face, just walk away. If he hates you for not spending all your time doing something you're not really interested in, then so be it. Your life's mission isn't making some guy in a marching band the boss of your spare time.

    WhosJDGalltheoliveCroakerBC
  • davidsdurionsdavidsdurions Your Trusty Meatshield Panhandle NebraskaRegistered User regular
    You've already figured out how to deal with this. Just tell him what you typed up here. It'll be far better than just not showing up anymore which is what will happen with some people he has had to deal with.

    If he reacts negatively, just walk away. Suddenly you'll be in a position of power for the regular band stuff because if he reacts so strongly then he must not want to lose you for that as well.

    PwH4Ipj.jpg
    WhosJDG
  • GizzyGizzy <- girl PhoenixRegistered User regular
    Usually competitive band programs have alternates they can bring in to fill your spot. If they haven't started assigning formation positions yet even better - I imagine formations are easy to edit on the computer nowadays. Let him know soon - no need to feel any guilt about it before the season starts.

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  • DevoutlyApatheticDevoutlyApathetic Registered User regular
    WhosJDG wrote: »
    How should I go about telling him that I really don't want to do marching band without making him so frustrated and without having it just completely affect my overall relationship with him?

    This is probably not an option. It's going to impact your relationship, doing practically anything (or nothing) impacts relationships.

    People are right, absolutely tell him, the sooner the better. Explain the reasons why and maybe the conflicted feelings about how you don't want to let him down but are really hating that time. Open and honest communication. If things go bad after that you'll have done all that you could to try and end it on the right foot.

  • spool32spool32 Contrary Library Registered User regular
    edited July 2014
    Your band teacher is hopefully adult enough and experienced enough for him to be able to handle a drop for fall semester. Write down what you want to say.

    Don't just turn around and walk away from him. You are a child, show some respect to the teacher.

    spool32 on
  • V1mV1m Registered User regular
    spool32 wrote: »
    Your band teacher is hopefully adult enough and experienced enough for him to be able to handle a drop for fall semester. Write down what you want to say.

    Don't just turn around and walk away from him. You are a child, show some respect to the teacher.

    People are advising "just walk away" in the contingency of the guy getting aggressive in person, which is to say being unprofessional.

    davidsdurions
  • zepherinzepherin Registered User regular
    V1m wrote: »
    spool32 wrote: »
    Your band teacher is hopefully adult enough and experienced enough for him to be able to handle a drop for fall semester. Write down what you want to say.

    Don't just turn around and walk away from him. You are a child, show some respect to the teacher.

    People are advising "just walk away" in the contingency of the guy getting aggressive in person, which is to say being unprofessional.
    Look if someone is being a total entitled asshole about something, fuck em. Drop the class through admissions and take something else, restructure the other classes so that he isn't in it. It is likely that he will understand, kids drop classes even in high school, all the time for all kinds of reasons. There is probably a form to fill out, and get signed by the parents. When I was in high school I dropped several classes and rearranged my schedule 7 or 8 times in a 4 year period. Most of the time it was to get out of a specific teacher, but they would give me a form, I would take it home to my pops he would fill it out and drop it off. I never had to actually talk to the specific teacher though.

  • Reverend_ChaosReverend_Chaos Suit Up! Registered User regular
    I feel really old reading this and the responses. First off, if you hate it, then just talk to the teacher and lay it out there. I was in band back in HS, and marching band was mandatory....so I feel your pain.

    On the other hand, I also hope that this is a learning opportunitly. Don't do things for a girl (or a guy) that you would not otherwise want to do. Going to a movie or other activity that you aren't particularly interested in is one thing, but making a months/years long commitment is another thing.

    “Think of me like Yoda, but instead of being little and green I wear suits and I'm awesome. I'm your bro—I'm Broda!”
    Cambiatadavidsdurionsspool32AngelinaV1mBolthorn
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