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Distracting yourself after a death
WiseManTobes
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
My mom passed away yesterday morning, I am completely unprepared for it and completely alone for 4 more days til first family member arrives, I can't seem to do anything distracting without being overwhelmed by sadness and guilt, I don't know what to do , And I literally have nobody for 3 more days. this is now my second parent to die in my arms.
Steam! Battlenet:Wisemantobes#1508
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but they're listening to every word I say
But fuck you — no, fuck y'all, that's as blunt as it gets"
- Kendrick Lamar, "The Blacker the Berry"
First off, I am truly sorry for your loss. I know how hard losing a parent can be.
Second, you need to take care of yourself. You should check with your employer and find out what their bereavement policy is. Also, if your company has an EAP (Employee Assistance Program), I highly recommend taking advantage of it, as they will have councilors available over the phone, and may be able to arrange for you to see a professional locally for face to face support. Also, taking care of all this will help get your mind off of things for a bit.
Third, if you need to talk, just shoot me a PM, and I will be happy to respond. Nobody should have to do this alone.
I'm so sorry for your loss.
I tend to try to re-watch something light that I enjoy, that I can get lost in and will kill time. I find that helps distract me when no one is around.
I still haven't dealt with any of it.
I don't know how much help that is but I'm very, very sorry for your loss.
I've found working out helps. If you already do exercise work out a little harder. More than anything it helps to get through the night without being restless, your body just can't fight being physically tired and emotionally tired at the same time. And it doesn't take away the loss or the sadness but it does push away the guilt, which I felt myself when my grandfather died.
From personal experience, you will most likely feel yourself going through the generic "stages of grief". Denial, bargaining, anger, etc. etc. etc. are probably going to happen at one point or another. I still to this day remember my eleven-year-old self crying in the shower, bargaining with whatever powers that be in my head that I would give anything to just have my dad back.
Try to maintain a sense of self-awareness. Recognizing when you are going through these emotions and accepting them, instead of trying to deflect them or push them on others (e.g., starting fights because you're mad), can help you to process. This isn't to say that you should wallow in depression, but if you are sad, it's OK to feel sad and to understand that you have suffered a huge loss, and feeling sad is a natural and normal thing. Hopefully, with time, it will pass.
Talking with friends/family can be helpful. Sharing grief is a powerful way to help each other to process what has happened and to move on. Focusing on the things that you loved about your mom, the funny/stupid things she would do, appreciating the good times you had together, not just alone but with others, can help - this way her memory isn't just associated with the pain of her loss but also the joy of her life as well.
Unfortunately everyone experiences loss differently, so it's not like there is a twelve-step program that we can give you that will totally for sure make everything better. The reality is that this is one of those things that will cause some suffering in your life, but hopefully, with enough time, it will pass and you will be able to move forward. I doubt your mom would want you to stop living life just because she is gone.
Feel free to shoot me a PM if you ever feel like you need someone to talk to.
P.S. - Exercise totally helps. Even just running. Run until your lungs give out. If you are looking for things to do, the first thing I would recommend is exercising. As in, do that first, then play video games and surf the web.