So, I don't have a lot of male friends...

Drez

The general reasons for this are a whole ball of wax unto itself, but I was just reminded of one of the reasons.

My supposed friend is berating me in a rather obnoxious way because I don't want to go to Happy Hour tonight. I feel like shit and want to go home and rest. Apparently this makes me an "asshole" among other, some even worse, things.

I'm sure this is just "good natured" alpha male ribbing on his part but it irritates the fuck out of me. And I would come out and say so but he's pretty cool most of the time and I know I can be a bit intolerant and distance myself from guys when they start in on their aggressive bullshit. Plus I think it's healthy to have friends that are the same gender as you that you can hang with. I'm a dude and my female to male friend ratio is like 9:1 or some shit.

So how do I tell him to STFU without alienating him?

Skull2185

Are you reading too much into it, or does he sound angry when he calls you an asshole? He's probably just messing around with you like guy friends will do. Just tell him that you don't feel like going out tonight, and offer to hang out this weekend or something.


Edit: The guy I work with is sorta my friend, and he'll say stuff like "Breaking Bad is thr worst" even though he's never seen the show. So I tell him all the time how dumb he is, but it's just playing around type of stuff. I'm guessing that's what your friend is doing to you.

Drez

I'm sure it is him just joking around. It's less him calling me an asshole (I am kind of an asshole) and more that "I feel like someone kicked me down a stairwell" doesn't seem to matter.

But I guess that's how guys are.

kaliyama

this person is sad you aren't coming to happy hour. if you can't take people teasing you, don't hang out with people that tease you?

Drez

It's not about being teased. I'm just tired and don't want to have to defend not drinking for one damned day.

Kyougu

Tell him just that and to stop being an asshole.

Drez

Yeah I guess.

_J_

Drez wrote: »

I'm sure this is just "good natured" alpha male ribbing on his part but it irritates the fuck out of me. And I would come out and say so but he's pretty cool most of the time and I know I can be a bit intolerant and distance myself from guys when they start in on their aggressive bullshit.

I do not know the particulars of your situation, or any of their balls of wax. So, maybe there is some particular quality to your friendship that would complicate things.

But if he's pretty cool most of the time, then you can likely just tell him.

Male friendships are usually not that complicated.

NotYou

I tease my friends all the time. I'm a very typical male in that regard. It's just a habit that began as a little kid and continued into adulthood. There are times when I take it too far and a friend gets annoyed and then I feel bad about it and lay off.

Honestly though I have a really hard time dealing with people that are sensitive to the way I joke with them. When someone constantly decides to take the things I say personally, it's awful. I feel like I need to walk on egg shells around them and get really uncomfortable. That's probably because my way of communicating with them is this stupid teasing crap and I it sucks when one of my main forms of communication is rejected.

Anyways, that's not really advice, just wanted to give you another person's perspective on the problem. It doesn't mean your friend isn't annoying or immature because he very well might be. But maybe in the interest of friendship, just call him an ugly cunt before you close the door in his face.

Inx

Have you told him this sort of thing irritates you? If he's not a complete fuckstick, he'll scale it back. If he refuses to scale it back because "whatever man I'm just joking thats what guys do", then cut him loose and don't look back.

Drez

Eh yeah I think I was just irritated for the moment. Was overthinking it. Wanted to vent. It's not a big deal. I already relented and will go for one drink so I'll just call him an asshole when I get there.

Deebaser

come to brunch on sat, you jerk

V1m

Drez wrote: »

The general reasons for this are a whole ball of wax unto itself, but I was just reminded of one of the reasons.

My supposed friend is berating me in a rather obnoxious way because I don't want to go to Happy Hour tonight. I feel like shit and want to go home and rest. Apparently this makes me an "asshole" among other, some even worse, things.

I'm sure this is just "good natured" alpha male ribbing on his part but it irritates the fuck out of me. And I would come out and say so but he's pretty cool most of the time and I know I can be a bit intolerant and distance myself from guys when they start in on their aggressive bullshit. Plus I think it's healthy to have friends that are the same gender as you that you can hang with. I'm a dude and my female to male friend ratio is like 9:1 or some shit.

So how do I tell him to STFU without alienating him?

"hahah no fuck off I'm tired. I'll catch you later, see ya buddy"

Enc

V1m has the right of it. Just be positive and turn him down.

If you come off as judgmental in turning him down that could also play a bit into the aggression or hostility. Dunno if that's why he called you an asshole, but you never know. Maybe how your turned him down rubbed him the wrong way?

Drez

Deebaser wrote: »

come to brunch on sat, you jerk

What brunch? I have a shoot on Sat

Drez

Enc wrote: »

V1m has the right of it. Just be positive and turn him down.

If you come off as judgmental in turning him down that could also play a bit into the aggression or hostility. Dunno if that's why he called you an asshole, but you never know. Maybe how your turned him down rubbed him the wrong way?

I called him the son of a motherless goat but that's about it. (I didn't really call him the son of a motherless goat.)

streever

I struggled with this for a long time, and my final answer when friends are ribbing me is, "Dude, I get it, you'll miss me and you love me. Seriously, I don't want to go tonight, I'm not feeling it, and that's it! If you knock it off, I'll make plans to get a drink with you later this week."

Magus`

Maybe we're all secretly intimidated by you. That being said, people kind of suck in general and I find good people transcend gender. Then again, I have very few friends of either gender so maybe I'm not the best at advice.

Oh god I'm so alone.

MichaelLC

Drez wrote: »

Enc wrote: »

V1m has the right of it. Just be positive and turn him down.

If you come off as judgmental in turning him down that could also play a bit into the aggression or hostility. Dunno if that's why he called you an asshole, but you never know. Maybe how your turned him down rubbed him the wrong way?

I called him the son of a motherless goat but that's about it. (I didn't really call him the son of a motherless goat.)

"I'm tired from bangin' your mom. You know what that's like, right?"

As said above, some people are just stuck in that mode with friends but if they're not actual jerks, they'll try to scale it back with you if you say something.