Who is on the other end of the phone?!

neville

Calling the person you think you are dating and hearing a different voice is quite... disconcerting.
Finding out that the voice is the guy's ex who is in fact "sleeping over": more disconcerting.
He also knew a lot of particulars about the dates I have had with said villain, that lead me to believe it was just not a one time occurence.

I think the only logical course is to bid him goodbye, farewell, and GTFO of my life... am i wrong?

Ziac45

Ask him about it first it may very well be innocent but it does sound a bit... off.

neville

Ziac45 wrote: »

Ask him about it first it may very well be innocent but it does sound a bit... off.

No, the "ex" called me and filled me in on some of the more lascivious details. There is no innocence there. I suppose my question is really: Do I listen to his story/excuse or simply cut him loose without giving him a chance to spin a tale?

naporeon

I don't know if I'd bother asking. In my experience, people who hang out with exes are usually not worth spending time with.

EDIT: Cut him loose. It clearly seems to be the most sensible decision.

powerss

Cut him loose, yo.

Glaeal

neville wrote: »

Ziac45 wrote: »

Ask him about it first it may very well be innocent but it does sound a bit... off.

No, the "ex" called me and filled me in on some of the more lascivious details. There is no innocence there. I suppose my question is really: Do I listen to his story/excuse or simply cut him loose without giving him a chance to spin a tale?

What was their motivation in calling you? Just to rub salt in the wounds?

Tell them to go to hell and move on.

Ziac45

Yeah in that case just drop him.

lunchbox12682

NO!
Absolutely go listen to him!
And record it...
And post it on the net....
And link it here!

Shogun

Before you make any rash decisions I've seen this before. A gentleman I work with, both friend and my boss, has this exact situation. He is dating girl A (you) however Girl B (ex) remains in his life to a certain extent, but not to the extent that they still love each other. Believe me they don't. He fucking hates her guts, but there is simply no way around it. Regardless Girl B drives Girl A fucking batshit insane trying to convince her that they're together when it couldn't be farther from the truth. Girl B makes constant phone calls to her residence and her place of work, has keyed every side of her car, she hired two black guys to come to her place of work (read: also my place of work, as well as the gentlemans) and do God knows what. The only reason we prevented it is because I knew for a fact girl A doesn't know any black people. Of course your situation isn't that extreme, yet.

Basically what I'm saying is before you cut him loose just speak with him on the matter. Don't fall for any horseshit but at the very least get his side of the story in. Then drop him should you see fit.

EggyToast

The thing that makes me think it's not just a misunderstanding was that the ex had his phone.

Sounds like the OP already wants to cut him loose and has already made steps in that direction. I see no reason not to follow through.

neville

Shogun wrote: »

A gentleman I work with, both friend and my boss, has this exact situation. He is dating girl A (you) however Girl B (ex) remains in his life to a certain extent, but not to the extent that they still love each other. Believe me they don't.

This is a valid case. But if Girl B was still "Sleeping over" multiple times a night, then I'd say Girl A needs to tell the guy to fuck off.

t Glaeal: I originally said I would talk to the guy today and then the ex could find out what was said. Apparently the guy has been lying to the ex, so he wanted to call me to make sure that if I said "I'll still keep dating you" that the guy didn't say "Oh, we're through."

I didn't originally want to write him off, but once all this came out, yeah, not really into the crazy ex brigade dealy. And sup Pharon. ;P

naporeon

You can never truly know someone else's intentions in any given situation; assuming that you can is perhaps the biggest mistake you can make in relationships. All we really have to help us are the trusty trio of our partners' actions, their context, and Ockham's razor.

And in any case, Ex + Sleepovers = Behavior you don't want in a partner.

Also, there is no such thing as "there is no way around contact with an ex," unless there's been a child. It is virtually always a choice, and generally a matter of preference. Live near each other? Move. He/she keeps calling/IMing/emailing/dropping by? Ignore him/her. Work together? Get a new job, or transfer. There is always an answer.

Ziac45

I don't see the need to break off all relations with an ex. Though sleep overs are never good like you said,

neville

Ziac45 wrote: »

I don't see the need to break off all relations with an ex. Though sleep overs are never good like you said,

Right, I agree. I still keep in touch with several of my ex's. But by in touch I mean figuratively. When its actually in "TOUCH" is when we find ourselves in a problem like I have now. =p

Resonant

Ziac45 wrote: »

I don't see the need to break off all relations with an ex. Though sleep overs are never good like you said,

It all depends on the ex, and the circumstances that the relationship ended.

For example, last month, an ex of mine from about 4 months ago was sitting on my doorstep when I got home, and knew what I did the whole night.

Fucking creepy.

Ziac45

That would creep me out. I'm not in contact with any of my exs. Only one is from just bitter hate I have for her, the others we just became very different from one and other and have no reason to talk.

drinkinstout

I know it isn't help or advice but I have a creepy ex story you might be intrigued by...

My brother's ex is a psycho. They broke up a while back and she, several times over several months, broke into the house and waited in his bed for him naked. Some times he came home and did what most guys would do. Other times he didn't come home that night and she would just leave in the morning. Fast forward a bit and he's dating a new girl for 4-5 months. Crazy ex waits outside the house, just up the street and as soon as new girl goes to work, she enters the house, lubes herself up, romps around in the bed, leaving greasy sex-oil stains and handprints and whoknowswhat all over the sheets and walls. She then proceeds to shower, use my brother's towel, crap in the toilet w/o flushing, make coffee and then leave roughly 20 minutes before new girl gets home.

But yeah... if the BF is having an ex sleep over, there is no good reason unless they were still friends and she was suddenly homeless and there existed a high enough level of trust between the two of you that nothing happened.

Obs

People rarely ever need to "sleep over".

They're fucking.

neville

drinkinstout wrote: »

Crazy ex waits outside the house, just up the street and as soon as new girl goes to work, she enters the house, lubes herself up, romps around in the bed, leaving greasy sex-oil stains and handprints and whoknowswhat all over the sheets and walls. She then proceeds to shower, use my brother's towel, crap in the toilet w/o flushing, make coffee and then leave roughly 20 minutes before new girl gets home.

So she spent close to 8 hours (or however long the new girl's shift was) getting funky in his house/room? WTF...

neville

Obs wrote: »

People rarely ever need to "sleep over".

They're fucking.

And yeah, that's why I'm not really interested in his excuses, more than just curiosity's sake. If he slept over, they screwed.

Pants Man

fuck that guy, drop him like a hot biscut


i'd probably just want to listen to his excuse out of curiosity, if only to tell him he's an asshole to his face. but yeah, get him outta your life.

A-Rod

Make sure you dont end up with some sort of 'bumps' because of this

neville

dénouement : He's texting me trying to defend his ex. "Oh, he just really missed me, doesn't have any family, etc"

Me: "How is that relevant? I wasn't dating him. I'm sure he has his reasons for why he wanted to; the issue is simply that despite us dating, you were sleeping with your ex."

Him: "So...are we off for Friday then?"

dot dot dot.

Like he's from some bad sitcom. Bleh. Case closed/thrown away/dumped, etc. =P

Seattle Thread

I would say DTMFA. But looks like you've got it covered, kudos :^:

neville

Done and done.