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The Super Smashing Ganondorf Appreciation Thread

StericaSterica YesRegistered User, Moderator mod
edited October 2014 in Social Entropy++
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3DS: Out Now!
Wii U: November 21st (NA) / November 28th (EU)

This is thread is all about Ganondorf and his newest game: Super Smash Bros. You may be wondering who are the Smash Bros, but it's really just all the different Ganondorfs.

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You cannot go wrong with any member of the Ganondorf family. It is simply impossible to do.

In this iteration of Super Smash Bros. starring Ganondorf, you play the Twilight Princess Ganondorf, also known as the Lord of Stomping and Holder of the Boots of Disrespect. To make sure everyone can enjoy Ganondorf this time around, the game is available on both 3DS and Wii U! There is also a limited edition Smash Bros. 3DS, but it does not feature Ganondorf and therefore is not worth discussing further. I mean, fucking seriously.

Super Smash Bros. for Ganondorf also features over 40 characters that exist for Ganondorf to beat up and take their triforces and/or lunch money. They also ensure that Ganondorf on Ganondorf violence is kept to a minimum, because nobody wins when Ganondorf is against Ganondorf.
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Wow, so many characters that we don't care about.

This game also features new stuff like equipment that Ganondorf doesn't need since he is immaculate, and custom moves to make people think that giving Ganondorf a sword would improve him (it doesn't; swords are for wimps in dorky green tunics). The Wii U version will also include special things like a Gamecube controller adapter so you can ensure that every boot is planted precisely in the face of your opponents. There are also figurines called Amiibos that do stuff, but the Ganondorf one isn't out yet so suddenly nobody gives a fucking shit. Get the Wind Waker figure and pretend he's an Amiibob or whatever.

Oh, and both games have tons of stages for you to hurt people on. This might matter to you, but for your opponent this will be largely irrelevant since 90% of their vision will be the sole of your cold, uncaring boot. The Wii U version also has eight player battles because Sakurai realized how dominant Ganondorf was and figured that maybe 1v7 matches might finally make him more fair. The only fair thing in those matches are Ganondorf's as he cold cocks an extra four people while sailing magnificently through the air.

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No one man should have all that power.

And remember: if you get hit by Ganondorf's neutral B, then you deserve it. Accept your inferiority to his mighty warlock strength, and don't even try to vector or tech or whatever. Just close your eyes and think back to those simpler times when your biggest problem wasn't being on the receiving end of the Dark Lord's shadowy knuckles. In those fleeting two seconds before your battered body goes flying into the blast zone like a child into their mother's arms, shed a tear at the death of whatever chance you had to prove yourself worthy of taking on the big man himself. You will never take the big man's crown, and you were an asshole for thinking otherwise. The last thought in your sad, bloodied head before you lose the stock should be "I deserve this."

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How do I unlock everyone!?

Ganondorf is unlocked by default in the superior Wii U version, but you unlock him in the 3DS by clearing Classic with noted losers Link or Zelda on an intensity of 5.0 or greater.

What about everyone else?

Go fuck yourself.

What are the secrets to Ganondorf play?

Side-B into down tilt is fucking legit. If they tech the side b then just start back hopping with a dair to punish the impudent shits.

Does Ganondorf have a sword?

Ganondorf's sword is purely there to taunt the 20 or so sword using plebs who cannot fight with warlock strength. Do not be like these lesser beings.

I keep losing to Ganondorf? How do I beat him?

Switch to Ganondorf.

Is there a tier list yet?

This is very preliminary, but

Big G Dog Tier: Ganondorf

Awful Loser Tier: Everyone else
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Sterica on

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