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woman OCD, money. Please help

jinxnitrojinxnitro Registered User new member
Sorry for my spelling and this wall of txt. But I think the whole story is relevant

Around 1998 I started going out with a girl. We went out for about 2 years and she cheated on me and dumped me. She also started to develop OCD. This manifested in a few ways but mainly refusal to throw anything away. And tape recording everything with a Dictaphone 24 hours a day. She also became a bit suggestible. If something were advised to her she would do it with single-minded determination. If she couldn’t do what it was she would have a brake down.

A few years later I was out Christmas shopping and I bumped into her. Had five mins of small talk. Where I mentioned where I worked now. As it was 50 miles from where I lived when I knew her. I also moaned at how expensive shopping was for all my family. We said our goodbyes

The next day I got to work and found $400 threw the letterbox. Hand delivered. She does not drive. So she got 2 early morning busses to get there before I did to post it. a 100 mile round trip. I had an old number for her. So called her immediately. Saying I didn’t want the money. She started to have a break down. She explained that now she was 21 she had got her inheritance witch was over $100,000 and wanted me to have a good Christmas and that I would not have an excuse for not getting her a Christmas and birthday gift. I phoned my mum and asked what to do. Also a few friends that knew both of us. I phoned the girl back 4 times that morning trying to get her to take the money back. She would not. In the end the advice I got from my mum was. Her mind is made up she wants you to have the money and because of her condition its better to do what she wants. But put the money away and don’t spend it until some time has passes and only if I really need to use it, in the unlikely event she changes her mind. So that’s what I did

She started sending me random things in the mail. Candy and novelty items. After the holidays she started needing help with things. Her OCD had caused her to get 3-4 different apartments. One was in a town 20 miles where she was from and one was 50. To manage her OCD she had different stuff in each place. Computers and the stuff she hoards. And she would need stuff moved around. As I felt like I owed her. I would drive her about. Some times I’d just get a call it 11 at night saying she needed to go to the apartment 50 miles away. I was 50 miles away from her and the apartment was another 50 miles on. So I was doing 200 mile round trips. Some times she would come on to me. I was single and she said she was. And there was nothing in any of the apartments to make me think she was attached so I let it happen. After about 6 months of this I found out a man lived with her in an apartment I didn’t know about. He was 30 year older than her. And had been living with her for some years. So she had been living with a much older man and cheating on him with me. She told me that their relationship wasn’t physical as he was impotent and that he knew about me. (I don’t know if that was true) like a fool I just let everything carry on. Eventually my car needs some repairs and I had to spend the money

As time went by she started calling much less. When she did call it was getting later and later at night to be picked up from random places. To start with I didn’t think much of it because she would do some pretty odd stuff with her OCD and I was getting worse. She once had to get some money from the bank. It was one of those investment accounts that if you take the money out you loose a month’s interest unless you go in person to the investment bank. The bank was 600 miles away. So to not loose $20 she spent £140 and spent a day on the bus and train. That’s just how crazy and single minded it was getting. I started to notice on these late night pick ups that she wearing more make up than clothes. I worked out that she was meeting up with guys on line. Getting picked up for sex some ware and dumped in the middle of some strange town. She also told me that she had just started seeing a guy that was a heroin addict. Id last been with her before she had met this bloke. And I immediately suggested she get checked. (She said she had and was clear) I also told her I no longer wanted anything to do with her.

A few years pass. Couple of odd things in the mail, but no real contact apart from a few emails. I start seeing a girl. And after a month or two she starts getting emails from the girl with OCD saying I am cheating on her. The OCD girl got her name from a friend of a friend. Then went threw the whole directory of myspace (yes this was back then) and found her. Then started a mass of emails and blogs about what a love rat I am. It basically breaks us up. Even though the girl believes me, it gets to the point its not worth it. I do my best to get the stuff taken down. But it’s the Internet and not a lot you can do.

Some time later I meet my now wife. I tell her about the crazy girl and she avoids social media. Been married now for 4 years. One or twice a year I get an email from the girl. She knows im married and could not find my wife on anything. So the messages are just friendly 3 or 4 lines. I do not tell my wife about them. It would upset her. I have not seen the girl in 6-7 years. So I just send a few lines back. Don’t want to kick a hornet’s nest

2 days ago a novelty item arrives at work for me. So I send an email asking if it was for her. She replies with “no I will never buy anything for you again and you refuse to pay me back the $600” she claims that it was $600 but I remember it being $400 and saying that I agreed to pay it back $20 on her birthday and $20 at Christmas every year” I politely say that I didn’t agree to pay anything back the only mention was Christmas and birthdays was a joke about no excuse about not buying you anything. And that I didn’t even want the money. I didn’t touch it for ages and only spent it on car repairs. I gave her all those lifts etc. she says the lifts is what I should have done for a friend and keeps emailing me her bank details getting more and more angry.

1. I do not have $600 to “give back”
2. If I did a bank transfer my wife would see it and wonder why I am paying money to some woman
3. In my mind we are even as the car was being used for her, and the money was spent on the car
4. it was 10 years ago that the money was posted threw the door

I don’t want her to go postal and try to break up my marriage. I don’t want to see her. Or have anything to do with her

Does anyone have any advice?


  • CauldCauld Registered User regular
    Have your wife read this thread. Ignore the OCD girl. If she continues to harass you, contact the police.

    DisruptedCapitalistLovelyCelestialBadgerRainfallNightDragonPsykomaLostNinjakimeCambiataAngelinaEncGonmunShadowfireA Dabble Of TheloniusMoridin889
  • MichaelLCMichaelLC In what furnace was thy brain? ChicagoRegistered User regular
    edited January 2015
    You should not have emailed her about this recent thing. As long as you keep contacting her, she will be in your life.

    Send her an email saying you agree not paying back any money and to stop contacting your or anyone associated with you. Also tell her to stop sending things. Anything she sends will go in the trash.

    Some would say your should send her the money, but to me that's just another excuse for her to continue the dialog. The amount will never be enough.

    MichaelLC on
    Mugsley wrote:
    So now I need to get it trimmed and adjusted, and all in.

  • FiggyFiggy Registered User regular
    Stop responding to emails. Ignore everything. Done.

    XBL : Figment3 · SteamID : Figment · Website :
  • CroakerBCCroakerBC YorkRegistered User regular
    1. Bring the wife in on this.
    2. As above, contacting ex's, or responding when they contact you, will keep them in your life.

    Of course you shouldn't be sending anyone any money. Cut this off, right now. Stick the email in your spam filters. Do the social network block thing, assuming you don't want to be contacted. Chat to your spouse, explain what's going on, and why this is a problem for you (or have her look at the thread, as you've explained well here).

    If I were you, I'd then ignore any further attempts at ongoing contact. If it gets weird (and yes, if you don't tell someone your work/home address and you get post from them, that is weird), then you may want to contact the police. Or ignore it. But either way, don't get personally involved again. Stay totally incommunicado, and carry on with the life you have, and avoid someone trying to drag you into their own thing.

  • MulletudeMulletude Registered User regular
    Being 100 percent honest with your wife about this person would be a good idea.

    I 2nd cutting all contact and calling police if she wont leave you alone

    XBL-Dug Danger WiiU-DugDanger Steam-
  • CelestialBadgerCelestialBadger Registered User regular
    OCD is something different. It's all about anxious thoughts and rituals such as hand-washing or counting. This sounds like some other sort of mental illness. Tell your wife the whole story.

  • RainfallRainfall Registered User regular
    Tell your wife everything, sever all contact, and file a restraining order if she continues to harass the two of you. You owe her nothing.

  • ceresceres When the last moon is cast over the last star of morning And the future has past without even a last desperate warningRegistered User, Moderator mod
    Block her, change your email address and phone number, don't open mail she sends and tell your work to toss it if you can.

    And it seems like all is dying, and would leave the world to mourn
  • RiboflavinRiboflavin Registered User regular
    Wow, that's insane.

    Here is my opinion:

    1) Tell wife everything. Anything you don't tell her will tear away at your relationship which is what OCD lady wants.

    2) Have 0 contact with OCD lady. If she emails you don't answer, if things show up in the mail, put them in a box, tell your wife. Block her on any social media you have.

    It sounds like everything she does like claiming you owe her money to leaving you things is an effort to continue some sort of relationship with you. She gets some benefit out of the contact. Remove it. If by some bizarre chance she shows up where you work or elsewhere you happen to be make sure you have a reliable witness around and immediately get away from her.

    If you try to have 0 contact and she persists maybe someone smarter than me can tell you how to get the law involved.

  • ceresceres When the last moon is cast over the last star of morning And the future has past without even a last desperate warningRegistered User, Moderator mod
    You might consider talking to your local police department and asking what you need to do in case things escalate as well.

    And it seems like all is dying, and would leave the world to mourn
  • DecomposeyDecomposey Registered User regular
    Yeah, she sounds a bit less like someone with OCD and a bit more like a stalker.

    Before following any advice, opinions, or thoughts I may have expressed in the above post, be warned: I found Keven Costners "Waterworld" to be a very entertaining film.
  • jinxnitrojinxnitro Registered User new member
    thanks very much for takeing the time to read and advice me. ive done all the blocking etc i will do nothing to contact her again. im glad you guys helped thankyou

  • ForceVoidForceVoid Registered User regular
    Also, tell your wife

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