Perhaps an odd question... can you be divorced without being served papers?

Raslin

I'll try to keep this brief. My ex-wife(uhh, maybe?) is going around telling people that her and I are divorced. Now, I certainly want this to be the case. However, I have never received anything about a divorce. No papers, no paperwork, I haven't read or signed or accepted anything. I did some cursory googling, and it seems like it's not really a thing you can do(No served papers, and she knows where I lives). We were married in California, though she's moved back to Texas. We have been living apart for about three years, but we never did any legal work/paperwork/etc on being legally separated.

I don't say this in a vengeful way, but she's a very big liar. It's what caused me to leave her(well, cheating, but the lying too). She's also trying to get married very soon, and I feel like she's just hoping she can somehow get away with it if nobody think's we're married.

So, can I be divorced without having ever being notified in any way?

knitdan

A quick google brought up something called "substituted service". that might have happened, it might not.

You really need to talk to her directly. It's not uncommon for long term separated people to say they're divorced in conversation, for simplicity's sake.

Raslin

knitdan wrote: »

A quick google brought up something called "substituted service". that might have happened, it might not.

You really need to talk to her directly. It's not uncommon for long term separated people to say they're divorced in conversation, for simplicity's sake.

Yeah, I saw substituted service, but a court would have to be dumb, deaf, and blind to believe she made an intensive effort to try to serve me. I've lived two places in the last 20 years... At my parents(which is my mailing address, and on the marriage certificate), and with her for a while. I would talk to her, but she's blocked me on facebook, I don't know her email, or her number. I do say I'm divorced, for simplicity's sake, but she purposefully messaged my mom on facebook, to inform me we're divorced, legally.

Enc

Maybe a more useful line of thought would be less about can you be served remotely and more about making sure you contact a lawyer to ensure your (likely) pending divorce is as equitable as possible.

Psykoma

For the sake of your own financial security, I would say you should initiate formal divorce procedures yourself.

Kyougu

Maybe it's just easier for her to say you two are divorced than "Separated for three years" since that just begs the questions of why you aren't divorced.

Though yeah, seriously, you should initiate divorce procedures yourself.

chromdom

Raslin wrote: »

knitdan wrote: »

A quick google brought up something called "substituted service". that might have happened, it might not.

You really need to talk to her directly. It's not uncommon for long term separated people to say they're divorced in conversation, for simplicity's sake.

Yeah, I saw substituted service, but a court would have to be dumb, deaf, and blind to believe she made an intensive effort to try to serve me. I've lived two places in the last 20 years... At my parents(which is my mailing address, and on the marriage certificate), and with her for a while. I would talk to her, but she's blocked me on facebook, I don't know her email, or her number. I do say I'm divorced, for simplicity's sake, but she purposefully messaged my mom on facebook, to inform me we're divorced, legally.

If she messaged your mom but has you blocked (and I realize this is pretty immature, I just don't see a way around it), can you have your mom ask her for a copy of the legal dissolution of marriage, what ever it's called.
If she can't/won't give it to you, initiate proceedings on your own.

Inquisitor77

Just get a lawyer. They will know what to do.

Make it official ASAP.

fasterfreak

I'm in Canada but when I got divorced my ex-husband did everything and I just received a letter in the mail saying the divorce would be final in 30 days unless I contacted the court. We'd been separated for years.

EggyToast

Most states allow some form of abandonment to count as grounds for divorce.

You still need to file. Marriage is, in the eyes of the US, a legal construct that binds two people together. Unless you tell the US "nuh uh," you're going to be seen as married. That prevents you from future marriages, and also allows each of you to open bank accounts in each others names.