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I am not sure of what to do...
RightfulSin
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
Hello. I am unsure of what to do right now. I feel lost. I am almost 31 years old (in June will be 31). I am have not had a gf in many many years. I have not had "relations" in my life's time. I have no employment right now. I have been having a numb feeling as of late. I cannot remember feeling anything but anger in the "emotional" parts in my life. When my mother announced to my family she was divorcing my father, I felt nothing but rage and anger, threatening many times to take her life. This was when I was 16.5 yrs old. When my grandparents passed, I shed not a tear, I cannot explain why. It was not like weren't close, going up there every Easter, Thanksgiving, and Christmas.
I have basically stopped feeling any real emotion for a while now, aside from anger/rage. I have no recollection of the last time I was ever "sad", or truly happy, the kind of blissful happy. I have been having trouble sleeping as of late, not getting to sleep as easy as I usually do, I often find myself pondering life, death, and what happens beyond it. I am not actively practicing any religion, though was confirmed Methodist. I have been having dark thoughts when it is quiet, thoughts of ending it. I have begun to relief some feeling with help of a knife I have. It is a nice knife, surgical steel, embroidered handled inlaid with a picture of a wolf in snow. I am sure the world wouldn't miss one person, after all plenty die daily, what's one more casualty, one more notch in the statistic? Well, that's basically it. I think the main thing stopping me now, is burdening my family with another life lost in this way. We lost my grandmother to illness and grandfather took his own due to that.
Regards
The Lost
I have basically stopped feeling any real emotion for a while now, aside from anger/rage. I have no recollection of the last time I was ever "sad", or truly happy, the kind of blissful happy. I have been having trouble sleeping as of late, not getting to sleep as easy as I usually do, I often find myself pondering life, death, and what happens beyond it. I am not actively practicing any religion, though was confirmed Methodist. I have been having dark thoughts when it is quiet, thoughts of ending it. I have begun to relief some feeling with help of a knife I have. It is a nice knife, surgical steel, embroidered handled inlaid with a picture of a wolf in snow. I am sure the world wouldn't miss one person, after all plenty die daily, what's one more casualty, one more notch in the statistic? Well, that's basically it. I think the main thing stopping me now, is burdening my family with another life lost in this way. We lost my grandmother to illness and grandfather took his own due to that.
Regards
The Lost
"If nothing is impossible, than would it not be impossible to find something that you could not do?" - Me
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suicidepreventionlifeline.org is a site where you can find resources, phone numbers, and hopefully be pointed in the right direction from there.