Work fallout and distress.

AppNewton

Hi, thanks for reading this.
I have recently found out that my 3 colleagues have all complained to our manager about me.
I have been accused of bullying, which I dispute but accept that I can get angry and frustrated easily.
It's really disappointing as it now turns out that guy A has been gossiping and stirring the other 2 up. Guy B is prone to explosive bursts of temper and has on occasion physically threatened me with violence. Not something I have taken seriously. Guy C seems to be influenced by the first guy, who has confided in me that he can't stand guy C, part of my frustration is that guy C thinks guy A is a great guy. Guy A is clearly a schemer, something I have only just fully realised, probably because I am at the brunt of it.
Anyway, now that I know where I stand I want to keep all 3 at a distance, be professional, and adjust my relationship to them.
Should I have talks with them to clear the air? I am not in the frame of mind to do so as i don't feel that I can trust any outcomes to be genuine. Is it possible to keep a distance and simply have a strict professional relationship but drop the kind of support that I have given to guy 2?

Any thoughts? I am feeling needy and think that I am suffering from a crisis of confidence and that I have been bullied. My perception anyway.

Thanks.

Drez

There's...a lot to this.

First off, how did you find out about this, and from whom? Did your manager actually speak to you yet? Insofar as your job is concerned, only what your manager says/thinks matters.

But moving past the "getting in trouble" aspect of this: What do YOU think? Do you think you are, in any way, a bully? You've stated that you are aware of your own anger and frustration. I'm not accusing you, but if you recognize some personal flaws that you can potentially overcome or move away from, then your coworkers' personalities and motivations don't really matter, do they?

But then we come to your coworkers. It's a place of work. I kind of rolled my eyes reading about Guy A, B, and C. It doesn't really matter what A thinks about C and what C thinks about A. It's not a social club. I understand you feel ganged up on here, but the intricate social web, as you personally perceive it (your perception may be 100% right, 100% wrong, or somewhere in the middle). I would personally not even think about that shit at all.

I would say the answer to this: "Should I have talks with them to clear the air?" is no unless you want to make it even more awkward.

AppNewton

Some good points. Thanks. No I don't believe that I have bullied anyone but I can be direct and recognise some folks can be a bit over sensitive. With the benefit of hindsight. Our manager is not going to do anything about it in terms of discipline though I now intend to stand back. I guess I am more concerned about the gossip and dynamics of s**t stirring and it's consequences. It is a work environment in which stirring goes on rather a lot. It'll blow over. I think you're right to say not to think about that sort of stuff at all. And I'll not hold clear the air, I am pretty sure that it would be unhelpful. I guess I am also annoyed that they've sat around winding themselves up into a fever pitch. Still that's their problem not mine.

Thanks for taking the time to help me clarify this.

Enc

Show up, do your job, don't engage the alphabet brigade beyond professional capacity, and do all of your work implacably. If they continue to make problems for you bring it up to your supervisor and document everything you do and everything that happens.

Holler

AppNewton wrote: »

I [...] recognise some folks can be a bit over sensitive. With the benefit of hindsight.

I am also annoyed that they've sat around winding themselves up into a fever pitch. Still that's their problem not mine.

Frankly, there has been three complaints about you bullying people, and you're writing it off as people being over sensitive and winding themselves up. Office politics or not, that still smacks pretty heavily of denial.

But since you said your plan to act professional at your place of work... I mean... Good? I'm not sure what the alternative would be, but definitely do act professional, and don't get dragged into weird office drama by even acknowledging it. If your boss gave you feedback, take it very seriously, and remain cordial to your co-workers. Beyond that, don't engage them beyond basic personal pleasantries, and pretend you have no idea that anyone has ever mentioned you behind your back. Eventually you'll realize how little importance their gossiping will have.

If they keep complaining about bullying, ask your boss for examples of the behavior and ask for honest advice/resources on how to improve your communication. Don't get defensive about how everyone is out to get you, just show an active interest in solving the issue.

Also, if my co-worker threatened me with violence, I would certainly talk to my boss about it. That's unprofessional as shit and I can't imagine things like that not contributing to the petty, high school atmosphere you described. Maybe your workplace is just that way, though.

Khavall

Khavall was warned for this.

Yo when multiple people have been accusing you of bullying? You're a bully. Full stop. End it there. Nobody is being over-sensitive. You personally have made other peoples lives worse.

Person B is also a bully, from what you describe. Complain through the proper channels(HR), note it, log it, keep logs, and prepare to go up the chain if nothing happens.

If you can do your job and not engage them and do it well then great. Just do that.

If you continue to receive reports about being a bully then maybe stop being a jerk?

AppNewton

Interesting points being raised. I'm happy to take ownership for my behaviour. Would be happy for my colleagues to do so as well.

. Khavall, thanks for your input, but with a lot of thought I think my colleagues tend to get stressed and worked up. On this occasion they have focused on me, in the past they have focused on others. That may be the reason why our Lino is not taking any action against me.....complaints unfounded. Just because I have pointed out something that one of them disliked, who then encouraged the other guy to throw a fit and threaten me, doesn't make me a bully. It's the easiest of manipulations to shout. Why did the third guy get involved? No idea really, other than he is trying to get into the 'gang' the whole thing is rather sad. But I can only go by my manager's actions....no case. I am big enough to not proceed with my counter complaints.

Anyway, all is going well at the moment, interestingly I have observed guys b and c arguing with each other. I am enjoying myself at work again.