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Awkward money situation between friends

MrTLiciousMrTLicious Registered User regular
So this is a bit of a convoluted story involving some friends, whom we'll call Amy, Betty, and Carrie.

Amy hosted a group weekend for her bachelorette party. Betty is one of the bridesmaids. Carrie was unable to go, but generously decided to donate $500 to the weekend. She did this by sending it to Betty with the express intent of using the money to cover Amy's expenses as much as possible. I did not know about any of this until after the weekend. The entire time, everything was split evenly (including Amy). Betty at some point bought champagne for the group (a bottle for 5 people). At various times, everyone was buying drinks for Amy, but not Betty more than anyone else.

Amy thanked Carrie for the champagne, at which point she discovered that there should have been $500 worth of stuff coming her way. Carrie e-mailed Betty about it, and Betty responded that the money just didn't go very far, and was sorry that Amy couldn't be covered the entire time.

I don't know Carrie, but am very close to both Amy and Betty. I have to say this is extremely out of character for Betty. I have been on the phone with Amy constantly over the past couple days because it is tearing her up, and she doesn't know how to delicately approach the situation.

So, the question is, how do you broach that situation? My hope is that there's a simple misunderstanding, and so my inclination is to simply head it off by telling Amy to call Betty and say something to the effect of "hey, I've been talking to Carrie and it seems like there's a discrepancy between how much money she gave you and what it was used for and I just want to clear it up before everything starts festering, as I'm sure there's a reasonable explanation."

Thoughts?

Posts

  • ceresceres When the last moon is cast over the last star of morning And the future has past without even a last desperate warningRegistered User, Moderator mod
    edited June 2015
    aaaaaaaaaaaaah run away

    I mean, that's my first thought.

    Basically, every last thing about this situation has "THIS IS GOING TO END UP A HORRIBLE MESS" written all over it. The fact that there's a bridesmaid involved and it was a bachelorette party, the exchange of money between friends, the fact that there are accusations now being thrown around about that exchange that Amy or Carrie would need to demand receipts for everything to prove...

    I think that in this situation, you should probably be there for support but not advise or say anything one way or another. You don't want to get between Amy and Betty if you're friends with both of them.

    ceres on
    And it seems like all is dying, and would leave the world to mourn
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  • ShogunShogun Hair long; money long; me and broke wizards we don't get along Registered User regular
    unless amy is your wife/bride-to-be this is not your problem. why would you want to make it your problem?

    CambiataLostNinjaV1mRoyceSraphimGrobianEncLovely
  • CreaganCreagan Registered User regular
    Yeah, you'll be better off if you don't get involved. If people try to make you take sides, it'd probably be best to just say you're going to stay out of it as much as possible, and while you'll listen to them, you will not be repeating anything the other party has said (or anything they say to the other party) and you will absolutely not join in or take sides.

  • Eat it You Nasty Pig.Eat it You Nasty Pig. tell homeland security 'we are the bomb'Registered User regular
    yeah, run away from this

    I mean what's even the beef here? That this person put the money toward drinks for the group rather than toward 'expenses' of some other nature? That seems like a fairly small thing to be angry about

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  • V1mV1m Registered User regular
    MrTLicious wrote: »
    So this is a bit of a convoluted story involving some friends, whom we'll call Amy, Betty, and Carrie.

    Amy hosted a group weekend for her bachelorette party. Betty is one of the bridesmaids. Carrie was unable to go, but generously decided to donate $500 to the weekend. She did this by sending it to Betty with the express intent of using the money to cover Amy's expenses as much as possible. I did not know about any of this until after the weekend. The entire time, everything was split evenly (including Amy). Betty at some point bought champagne for the group (a bottle for 5 people). At various times, everyone was buying drinks for Amy, but not Betty more than anyone else.

    Amy thanked Carrie for the champagne, at which point she discovered that there should have been $500 worth of stuff coming her way. Carrie e-mailed Betty about it, and Betty responded that the money just didn't go very far, and was sorry that Amy couldn't be covered the entire time.

    I don't know Carrie, but am very close to both Amy and Betty. I have to say this is extremely out of character for Betty. I have been on the phone with Amy constantly over the past couple days because it is tearing her up, and she doesn't know how to delicately approach the situation.

    So, the question is, how do you broach that situation? My hope is that there's a simple misunderstanding, and so my inclination is to simply head it off by telling Amy to call Betty and say something to the effect of "hey, I've been talking to Carrie and it seems like there's a discrepancy between how much money she gave you and what it was used for and I just want to clear it up before everything starts festering, as I'm sure there's a reasonable explanation."

    Thoughts?

    1) There is no outcome to your getting involved that doesn't end with you trashing your relationship with at least one of the parties involved, for the sake of $500 that Carries could obviously spare and that isn't even yours.

    2) Stay the eff out of it until the inevitable drama volcano subsides.

    3) Go to the park and buy an ice cream and eat it in the sunshine. Switch your phone off too.

    RoyceSraphimDisruptedCapitalistSiskaCambiatazagdrobLovelyDerrickRhesus PositiveShadowfire
  • RoyceSraphimRoyceSraphim Registered User regular
    #1 Bravo on name choices

    #2 NVM

    #3 I hearten everyone else's advice to keep out of it, more voices weighing down a side creates drama

    #4 Long run, topic to be avoided until long after the wedding, like.....a decade. Money and poor phrasing can hurt people.

    #5 Personal experience has taught me that its not worth it to win arguments/disagreements/conflicts in the short term for people you want to stay connected to for the long term. This does not mean Carrie should become a doormat, but that there may be no way for her to set the story straight in terms of what Betty did.

    Lovely
  • MichaelLCMichaelLC In what furnace was thy brain? ChicagoRegistered User regular
    Direct Carrie to Google Wallet and/or Chase EasyPay, then run away.

    There's nothing to be done. If no contract was drawn up, the money was spent in the spirit of the intent and now it's gone.

    Mugsley wrote:
    So now I need to get it trimmed and adjusted, and all in.

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  • GrobianGrobian What's on sale? Pliers!Registered User regular
    I'm with the others in that you should stay out of it, but in any case this seems to be between Carrie and Betty, so I would say even Amy should stay out of it. It sounds like Carrie feels that her money was misspent and needs to decide what she does about it.

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  • MrTLiciousMrTLicious Registered User regular
    Thanks guys. I will refrain from giving any kind of advice. I knew a shitstorm was likely, I just was really hoping there was a way to avoid it.

  • DevoutlyApatheticDevoutlyApathetic Registered User regular
    From what you said it seems clear that what Betty did with the money was not what Carrie intended. Either this was miscommunication or Betty was just being a not very nice person.

    I can not even imagine a scenario where I would willingly insert myself into this cluster.

    Make vaguely soothing but non-committal noises while nodding your head and backing away. If that doesn't work, run and pray.

    CambiataceresUsagi
  • ThundyrkatzThundyrkatz Registered User regular
    I agree with everyone, nothing can be gained here.

    Objectively, short of producing an itemized list accounting for the $500, its Betty's word against anyone else that she misspent the money.

    Since you are having this conversation at all, its clear that not everyone believes Betty is being fully honest, so further inquiry is pointless.

    My suggestion is to call this a life lesson that Carrie paid $500 for, but all 4 of you get to benefit from.

  • EclecticGrooveEclecticGroove Registered User regular
    Agree, this does not involve you.

    Carrie can certainly ask Amy or you about how things went, how money was split, etc... But that's the most your involvement is in this.

    If Carrie and Betty have some issue about how Betty spent the money or what she spend it on, then the two of them need to work it out themselves.

  • KyouguKyougu Registered User regular
    I would even say that it doesn't involve Amy and she should stay out of it as well.

    ceresGrobian
  • RendRend Registered User regular
    #1 Bravo on name choices

    Just want to echo that this is a perfect example of how to name characters in your help and advice thread. I could actually read it!

    But also, yeah. The most I would do is try to reassure Amy that this isn't her thing to worry about, and that as such she should try her best not to worry, and then neither of you should worry about it. Betty and Carrie hash this out however they can, with as little interference as physically possible from anyone else.

    Lovely
  • InxInx Registered User regular
    Kyougu wrote: »
    I would even say that it doesn't involve Amy and she should stay out of it as well.

    Yeah, I was going to say that this is really between Carrie and Betty.

  • darkmayodarkmayo Registered User regular
    Bottle of champagne eh.. was this perhaps at a club via "bottle service" if so then it is quite likely that the bottle of champagne ate a huge chunk of the 500.

  • moocowmoocow Registered User regular
    Make sure you never let Betty hold your money.

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