I come so far yet I'm still so far away.

Kyougu

What I been feeling lately is kinda odd to put into words, so please bear with me.

Lately I just been feeling really down due to nagging feeling that regardless of how hard I try in various aspect of my life and the improvements I am able to make, there's still no end of sight to how far I got to go.

For example, working out. I climb and started doing yoga, and I decided to really concentrate on improving (apart from all the side benefits that doing those would bring) so I do those three times a week. And I'm cognizant enough to notice improvements here and there, and I'm glad for them. Yet I still feel frustratingly stuck in my current levels (that I compare myself to my friends is another huge issue that I'm trying to deal with).

Or work. I don't hate my work, but I don't love it nor feel fullfilled by it. I decided to try to go for a teaching certification, and the program I pick requires that I take a competency test, which I been studying for on my free time. Yet I just look at the time table for me being a teacher, as well as the monetary investment and just get depressed.

Or my social life. I have more friends in my life than I ever thought I would have, and I know people generally care about me. Yet my dating life sucks or is non existant. I work at it, doing everything people say you should do and nothing. I'm genuely thankful for all the other relationships in my life and know I shouldn't let the lack of one particular one define me, but still....

Obviously these are different problems with different solutions, but I'm looking for advice in keeping things in perspective. What helps you all stop concentrating on the bad stuff or things that are lacking? I don't want to become a bummer around friends or get unmotivated so trying to address these feelings straight on.

JebusUD

I'm immediately reminded of what Kevin Smith posted on facebook about this.

Kevin Smith wrote:

I’M NOT HAPPY…

I’ve been around 44 years now, and I’ve been a round boy for most of those years as well. I always imagined thinner people were happier than me - but after losing 80 pounds, I can’t say that I’m any happier than I was as a fat-ass. I’m not complaining, mind you: I just imagined I’d feel differently. I imagined I’d know a different kind of happiness than I’d never known before. Instead, I wound up learning what I consider to be the Secret of Happiness.

As an American, I was raised to believe I was entitled to 100% happiness, all day every day, until I died. But in our Declaration of Independence, we’re granted only the PURSUIT of happiness -
not actual happiness. The founders of this country were smart not to promise the tired, the poor and the huddled masses yearning to breathe free too much of a good thing.

The good news is that the pursuit of happiness is way better than being happy any day. The irony is that actual happiness blasts us across our faces, necks and chests all the time – but we’re so busy chasing the elusive notion of what happiness is to us at that moment, we tend to overlook the authentic bliss we create for ourselves and others in the process of simply trying to be happy. And by the time we realize these were, in fact, moments of happiness, it’s too late: those moments are now memories.

Happiness can’t be bottled. It can’t be smoked, swallowed, shot or ejaculated. And there is no end game: you never cross the finish line and are suddenly happy. Even when all your wildest dreams come true, you still pursue happiness.

Thankfully, human beings are at their happiest when they feel they’re at their most productive. So the only real happiness is the pursuit of happiness. When we chase happy, we feel our best. Life is about the journey, not the destination – so while the idea of happiness sounds great, it’s actually the pursuit of happiness that provides the most contentment. And in that pursuit, we are ultimately at our happiest.

Forgive my stoner ramblings and sorry for stating the obvious. But sometimes, you just wanna remind people they’ve already won.

Behind.the.curtains

I'm young so i don't know how much help i am but you could try reading self help books..? and you have to be patient for a relationship.. as a female ive fallen for guys and the whole time they were just using me and then im the one crying into my cereal in the morning before school unable to figure out what i did wrong

AngelHedgie

Here's the issue - you keep looking at the horizon, and because of how far away it is, it becomes discouraging. That's a recipe for failure.

What you need to do is set some concrete goals. They need to be attainable, but at the same time should force you to stretch. For example, dating - instead of looking at "I have nobody", start with, say, going on OKCupid, and getting out five solid messages. Or going out to a social location, and practicing cold opens with women. This way, you can move forward, and you have a concrete goal in front of you that is achievable in the short term.

Also, you need to stop comparing yourself to your friends' highlight reels. This is another way we sabotage ourselves. Instead, make sure your goals are focused on you, and what you can accomplish.

Keep steadily improving, a step at a time, and you'll be surprised how quickly you'll find yourself at that distant horizon.

schuss

I'm not as successful as Mark Zuckerberg, someone younger than me.
I'm not as fit and capable as any number of athletes.
I have only a bachelors, while many people I know have master's degrees.
My child is tracking well in development, but likely isn't a masterful prodigy.
My marriage requires work.

Do I care about these things? Not really.
Self-fulfillment comes from doing the things you want and love to do, not from hitting some arbitrary goalpost of success where you suddenly feel amazing and everything's worth it. It comes from finding the successes in life, big and small, and dwelling on those rather than my setbacks or the boxes left unchecked.

As far as dating goes, it's key to make yourself happy first, as if you aren't happy with yourself, a relationship won't make you happy and you'll go into it looking for the wrong things.

What worked for me? Stop focusing on the numbers and metrics. Stop with looking ahead and look at the now. Enjoy the moments and the experiences you have in front of you and dwell on those happy things, even if they're silly. I spent nearly every walk home in my late 20's jumping off things and doing little spins and stupid crap because it made me feel happy, even though people made fun of me for it.
If you feel a depressive bout coming on, give yourself one night, max, to wallow in it and eat crappy food and laze about, then move on.

I'll paraphrase a proverb I heard once (original was love and hate):
2 wolves live inside every person, happiness and sadness. The one that survives is the one you feed.
It's really simple but really fucking hard. Focus your energy on what you have that's good and grow that, not what you don't and need to obtain.

Kyougu

Thanks all!

Reading that Kevin Smith definately hit really close to home, but it was also a bit reaffirming to realize that I'm not alone in experiencing this.

My mood recently has been in an upswing, and I'm doing what many of you pointed out. Setting smaller , more concrete goals, and more importantly cherishing my small victories.

KupotheAvenger

Kyougu wrote: »

Thanks all!

Reading that Kevin Smith definately hit really close to home, but it was also a bit reaffirming to realize that I'm not alone in experiencing this.

My mood recently has been in an upswing, and I'm doing what many of you pointed out. Setting smaller , more concrete goals, and more importantly cherishing my small victories.

Also, since you're climbing, set goals in that as well. It's nice having a literal concrete finishing point. Target for finishing that V3 or trying to wipe out all of the routes in your gym.

Kyougu

KupotheAvenger wrote: »

Kyougu wrote: »

Thanks all!

Reading that Kevin Smith definately hit really close to home, but it was also a bit reaffirming to realize that I'm not alone in experiencing this.

My mood recently has been in an upswing, and I'm doing what many of you pointed out. Setting smaller , more concrete goals, and more importantly cherishing my small victories.

Also, since you're climbing, set goals in that as well. It's nice having a literal concrete finishing point. Target for finishing that V3 or trying to wipe out all of the routes in your gym.

Well, I just signed up last week for a 12 Hour Climbing Competition for next month, so I have some goals related to that.

Mainly survive. :P

schuss

Kyougu wrote: »

KupotheAvenger wrote: »

Kyougu wrote: »

Thanks all!

Reading that Kevin Smith definately hit really close to home, but it was also a bit reaffirming to realize that I'm not alone in experiencing this.

My mood recently has been in an upswing, and I'm doing what many of you pointed out. Setting smaller , more concrete goals, and more importantly cherishing my small victories.

Also, since you're climbing, set goals in that as well. It's nice having a literal concrete finishing point. Target for finishing that V3 or trying to wipe out all of the routes in your gym.

Well, I just signed up last week for a 12 Hour Climbing Competition for next month, so I have some goals related to that.

Mainly survive. :P

My fingers hurt just thinking about that. If you're going to train for it - lots of downclimbing and up/down cycles until your arms give out.